I huff and barely refrain from rolling my eyes.
His eyes lock with mine, the look in them intense. “Somehow, she knew about you, Charlie. She knew we live together, and about Mira too. I couldn’t not listen to her after she dropped that piece of information on me. All I wanted was to figure out what she was up to. The last thing I want is her dragging you guys into some fabricated mess.”
Saying I’m stunned by Hudson’s explanation might be a bit understated. It’s so far from all the scenarios I’ve been coming up with ever since I saw the first photo online that I need a minute to digest it. All the while, he looks at me with big puppy eyes, making it extremely hard not to dissolve into a puddle from that look alone.
“So, dining with her for the whole world to see was just for my sake?” The words feel wrong, and my stomach clenches with unease.
“Sadly, yes. I had to figure out what she wanted. The only way to get any info out of her is by schmoozing her. I know it doesn’t sound right—and trust me, I really didn’t enjoy my time with her—but things with her are never easy. The saying ‘you catch more flies with honey than vinegar’ was created for people like her.”
“You could have explained things to me. One simple message or phone call would have been enough, Hudson. Instead, I had to watch this show happen online, like the rest of the world.” My voice sounds like it’s about to break, and I hate it. I don’t want my emotions to get the better of me, because I don’t want to come across as weak.
After things ended with Sebastian, I promised myself I’d never let anyone walk all over me ever again. I owe it not only to myself but also to Mira. My life has changed dramatically with her in it, and I have to make all my decisions depending on what’s best for both of us.
He rubs a hand over his face. “I know, I should’ve known better. I panicked and didn’t think about how it might look in the media. I just wanted to do the right thing.”
“Is she gonna leave you alone now, at least? Did you figure things out with her?”
He shakes his head and actually looks defeated. “I wish I could say yes, but for some reason, I have a bad feeling about her. She wasn’t happy when she left, and she isn’t one to easily give up.”
Swallowing hard, I put my fork down too. I doubt I could get another bite down right now anyway. My brain’s a mess, going over everything I just learned, getting stuck on one thought specifically that makes the unease in my stomach multiplying. “She wouldn’t come here, would she? I mean, she wouldn’t do anything stupid, right?”
Sadly, there are some crazy people out there, and you can never be too careful.
“I don’t think so. She’s never been here, always said she wouldn’t get caught in a small town so far away from the spotlight, so I doubt she’d do it now.” He stops talking and stares past me into nothingness. “I still wonder how I could’ve been so blind about her. It’s all so blatantly obvious to me now, whenever I see her. I mean, even my own family only met her once. At that point, we were already engaged, and that took weeks of persuasion on my part.”
“That’s sad.” I actually mean it. I can’t imagine being engaged to someone when I haven’t met his family or vice versa. She just doesn’t sound like a nice person, and Hudson still seems to have a hard time dealing with the past.
“It is, but it’s my own fault. I fell for her whole charade. She’s like a siren. She lures you in and sounds pretty much perfect until she strikes completely unexpectedly.” Shoving his hand roughly through his hair, the frustration is written all over his face.
He closes his eyes for a moment before looking straight at me. “That’s exactly how Addy is. She’s a fantastic manipulator, and she has absolutely no problem using that skill to her advantage whenever she deems necessary, which is pretty much all the time. When I first saw her, she was so beautiful and funny, and I never thought she’d be capable of doing all the appalling things she did.”
He’s lost in his memory again, and I hate seeing him like this. No matter what happens with us now, he’s still become my friend, and no one should be treated like that. I still don’t know the whole story, but I trust him enough to believe what he just told me.
Hudson clears his throat, shrugging like it doesn’t matter.
He can’t fool me though. The ugly mark she’s left is still clinging to him like a nasty rash.
“Anyway. I’ve learned that beauty can be very misleading, especially when it’s paired with lies and pretensions.” He says it so nonchalantly now, like I’m not sitting here, burning with curiosity about what exactly happened.
I’m so into the story that my mind is demanding more information. But before I actually get a chance to ask him, I suddenly have to cough really hard.
Leave it up to me to choke on my spit. Fabulous. And so classy too.
“You okay?” Hudson jumps up from his seat to pat me on the back. “One second, let me get you some water.”
The contact shouldn’t have sent a shockwave through my body—especially since it wasn’t intimate in any way—but I can still feel the lingering warmth of his handprint on my back. A moment later, he hands me a glass of water, and I take it eagerly, still coughing between sips. I’m sure my face is beet red as I try to get my cough under control. How embarrassing.
He remains right next to me, and the urge to turn my head and look up at him is almost impossible to resist. Taking the decision out of my hands, he puts his fingers under my chin to gently turn it his way. I’m surprised when he’s suddenly at eye level since I didn’t expect him to bend down for me. I momentarily get lost in his brown eyes, so drawn in by the depth of emotion shimmering right beneath the surface, my resolve chipping further and further away with each additional second I spend with him.
“Charlie, I really am sorry about everything. I know I didn’t handle the situation very well, and hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I can easily see now that there would have been a million better ways to handle it. I underestimated the media, but I should’ve known better.”
Even when his fingers drop back to his sides, our gazes stay locked, this connection—or whatever it is between us—buzzing around us like its own entity. “Just know I really believe that there’s something special between the two of us, and I want to explore that. I need to explore that.”
“Hudson, I—”
He holds up his hand. “Please, let me finish first.”
I nod.
“I know I made a mistake, and I know I’m far from perfect. If you want confirmation on that, just ask my family. I’m sure they’d be more than willing to provide you with lots of stories.” He chuckles once and my lips curve up a little at the corners at the thought of hearing all kinds of stories about Hudson.
Even with everything going on, this family has grown on me already, making the dark hole in my heart a little smaller.
His fingers reach out for mine, softly grazing the tips. “Even though we’ve only known each other for a few weeks, you’ve already become a very important part of my life. And I hope I didn’t screw that up.”
“I feel the same way.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
The hope in his eyes shines brightly. “Does that mean you forgive me?”
Chewing on the inside of my lip, I feel the weight of his question trying to crush me.
What on earth am I supposed to do?
Chapter Fourteen
My spinning thoughts are only interrupted by my pounding heart. The blood is rushing through my ears as I take a deep breath and try to focus. “I forgive you.”
The words come out of my mouth easily, even though I was terrified of saying them.
“Thank you.” Hudson studies me intently for a few seconds before he lets out a loud sigh. “Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming, though?”
I give him a sad smile, still a little torn about everything. “Probably because there is. I’m sorry, but we can’t be more
than friends right now. After everything you just told me about Addy, I can’t risk it. You said yourself that you have a bad feeling about the whole situation, and that you don’t know what she’s up to. I have to think about Mira too. I can’t deliberately put a target on us, knowing what I now know about your ex. I hope you can understand.”
He rubs both of his hands roughly over his face. “I don’t like it, but I understand it. You guys mean a lot to me, and I’d never do anything to intentionally hurt either one of you.”
He’s quiet for a moment before he gives me a look so full of emotions, I can feel it in my own heart. “This isn’t the end though, right?”
“Hudson.” His name falls from my lips in a plea, because I don’t know what to say. He wants to hear the same thing my heart wants too, but I can’t let anything other than my brain decide in this situation. Since I can’t give him a definite answer, I don’t say anything. I can only hope we can get through this in one piece and come out on the other side together.
A frustrated growl rips from his throat and he gets up, the metal stool scraping against the floor as he pushes it back. “I don’t even know what she wants. It’s beyond frustrating to wait for the other shoe to drop. I just want her to go away already, so I can have my life back. I wish she’d never found me in L.A.”
Me too, Hudson, but it’s too late for that now.
I try to keep the pain and sadness over losing what we had at bay, at least until tonight. I’m sure it will all come crashing down on me later, when I’m in bed by myself. Instead, I try to focus on the one thing that allows me to channel all my anger. “So, she didn’t actually tell you much when you saw her?”
“Nope. When she left, she said she’d see me soon, which is what makes me so nervous. Addy is pure evil and loves to play games with people. Thankfully, I discovered all of that before marrying her. That would’ve, without a doubt, been the biggest mistake of my life.”
Disbelief is probably written all over my face after everything he just told me about her. “I still can’t believe you actually wanted to marry her.”
“Things were different, she was different. It was actually pure coincidence I didn’t tie the knot with her, or I guess maybe more so, luck.”
“Why? What happened?” I wonder for a moment why I asked that question. I’m undeniably curious to hear what she did, but I’m also just happy Hudson’s still talking to me, so I want to keep him talking. Quite possibly I’ve also developed a liking for self-torture.
Hudson seems to be wondering the same. “Do you really want to know?”
I don’t trust my words right now, so I nod.
“All right.” He lets out a deep breath and pulls the stool back to him. “We met on the set of one of her movies about two years ago. I was going to write a song for the movie, and the director invited me to watch them film the scene he wanted the song for. He introduced me to the cast, and Addy and I seemed to click instantly. We were pretty much inseparable from the very beginning. Because of our busy schedules, we didn’t see each other very often, but I was hoping that would change eventually, sometime down the road. On our first anniversary, I proposed to her, feeling like the luckiest man alive when she said yes.”
Even though Hudson’s looking at me, I don’t think he really sees me. The pain in his eyes is raw and real, and I’m dreading to know the rest of the story.
After swallowing loudly, he tears his eyes away from mine and focuses on his hands instead. “Despite being so young, we talked a lot about our shared dream of having a big family. It was one of the first things we bonded over. A few weeks before I proposed, we decided to try and start our family. Several months later, I came back home early after a canceled meeting and heard Addy talking in the study. She was on the phone, telling the other person that she’d wrapped me around her little finger, promising me kids, even though she hated them and never wanted any. She said she’d never allow a little pest to ruin her perfect body like that.”
My heart is hurting for him. I can’t imagine the kind of pain and betrayal he must have felt during that time. Having the person you love do something so cruel and heartless to you must not only be hard to accept, but also incredibly hard to overcome.
Maybe that’s one of the reasons we get along so well.
Maybe our pasts are why we connected so quickly.
“I guess she had some sort of medical explanation lined up for me that would explain why she couldn’t get pregnant, and I’d have never been the wiser. I stood in front of the door, listening to her as she laid out her whole plan to the person on the phone, laughing the whole time. This was a side of her I’d never seen before.
“At that moment, I realized the strong possibility of not even knowing the real her. The reality of that hit me so hard, I thought someone punched me in the gut. I also must have made a noise because she suddenly looked straight up at me. The terror in her eyes was real, I know that much. She ended the call immediately and tried to apologize, giving me one lame excuse after the other, but we both knew her game was over. She moved out the next day, and I hadn’t seen her since.”
My head is spinning so wildly, all I’m capable of is staring at him for what feels like an eternity before I get up and give him a hug.
Because he deserves one.
I pull him close. “I don’t know what to say. I’m incredibly sorry that happened to you. I still can’t believe someone would actually do something like that.”
He hugs me back so fiercely a little corner of my heart breaks for him. At this moment, I feel like I’m his lifeline, the pain and sorrow almost palpable between us.
We stay like this for a while, neither one of us saying a word.
When we pull apart, he looks me straight in the eye with a cautious expression. “Thank you. I... You’re actually the first person I’ve ever told the real reason we broke up.”
That immediately gets my attention and to say I’m stunned is an understatement. Did I hear that right? He’s never told this to anyone? Not even his family? That can’t be right. “No one?”
Shaking his head, he bites his lower lip. “I was hurt, and I guess also embarrassed about falling for Addy’s whole spiel. I told you, my family never liked her much, and my bandmates merely endured her when she was around, so that made me the only idiot to fall for it. Man, I was so incredibly blind, I still want to kick my own ass for it. Badly. I’d only ever known her as this sweet, caring person and nothing else.”
I give his arm a reassuring squeeze before sitting back down. “I totally get it. I think sometimes things like that just happen, and we’re almost unable to see behind the façade.” I shrug, understanding him so much better than he knows, but not wanting to go down memory lane myself. “How did she take it?”
“Not well, as you can probably imagine. The gossip magazines were running their mouths like crazy about our breakup, posting rumor after rumor. I think the worst ones were about me cheating, a pregnancy I wasn’t happy about, and alcohol and drug problems. The list was endless. Of course, it was all from anonymous sources, but I think everyone who knew the real Addy knew she was behind it. That’s probably why my siblings react so extreme whenever her name pops up. I quickly learned Addy doesn’t shy away from dragging others through dirt, if it benefits her in any way. All that matters is her career and how she looks in the public eye.”
Sometimes it’s hard to wrap my head around the fact people like that actually exist. Now, everything he told me about her is starting to make a lot more sense. He really was telling the truth when he said he wanted to protect us. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this, especially by yourself. I wish you’d have told someone the real reason. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
He only shrugs, giving me a sad look. I feel like a jerk for doing this to him, to us, but I don’t know how else to handle the situation.
When Hudson goes to the bathroom, he gives me a few minutes to process the new information. By the time he gets back, the puzzle
pieces are slowly coming together. “Is that when you started having problems with your music?”
It’s hard to explain, but it’s oddly rewarding to see this vulnerable side of him since it’s so different from the funny and carefree Hudson I’ve seen so far. Even though I’m sad he had to experience all of this, I’m glad it allows me to see him in another light.
“Not so much at first, but it pulled me down further and further with each passing month, as the media kept talking and speculating. I guess, at some point, it got to be too much and really kicked my inspiration in the ass, which made me hate Addy even more. I fell into a deep hole for a while, not knowing what to do with myself or my career. What she’d done, mixed with what I’d lost, was too much for me to handle. And to make matters worse, I couldn’t even write music to deal with any of it. It was, without a doubt, one of my lowest points in life.”
His gaze meets mine, his faint laugh lines framing those beautiful brown chocolate eyes as a shy smile slowly takes over his face. “Can you understand now why I was so ecstatic when I met you? It felt like I just got ten years’ worth of birthday and Christmas presents combined. It was like seeing you unlocked that box in my brain, and you’ve inspired some of the best music I’ve written. Ever. To top it off, you turn out to be this amazing person with the most adorable baby girl in the world. These last few weeks have felt like a miracle to me, like I’ve won life’s jackpot.”
Well, dang it.
Emotions threaten to close up my throat, and I swallow several times to stop them. Memories from my own awful last year flood my mind, the thoughts of getting back up after hitting the lowest point of my life so overwhelming, I get dizzy for a moment.
Hudson steadies me, his hand firmly holding onto my elbow.
I want to tell him I feel the same, that my life has gotten so much better since I met him because it’s true. But I don’t want to make this any harder than it already is.
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