Baking With A Rockstar (A Brooksville Novel Book 1)

by Jasmin Miller

  My hand goes limp, slipping out of Hudson’s, and my eyes close briefly. I force myself to focus on breathing in and out before my body fails me. The panic that has taken over is a living thing, trying to crush me from all possible sides, and I feel extra weak, afraid my heart won’t ever recover from this shock.

  “Charlotte.” This time, the voice is louder, closer, and I cringe.

  When I open my eyes, Hudson is right in front of me, a worried expression on his face that makes me swallow loudly. I whisper, “This can’t be happening,” under my breath before turning around, facing the inevitable.

  And there he is.

  Sebastian—in the flesh.

  My stomach churns again as I try my best to keep the threatening nausea at bay. His blond hair is slicked back, and he’s wearing a gray designer suit—his favorite piece of clothing. He’s still handsome, but it’s suddenly blatantly clear I have no idea what I ever saw in him. There’s no warmth in his eyes, just cold disapproval. The hard lines on his face dominate everything else, intent on overpowering any softness that could possibly be there.

  Hudson is tense behind me, and I’m worried he’s going to push me aside at any moment.

  I can’t let that happen.

  We both know exactly how that would end, and it would be a terrible headline for Hudson. I blindly reach for his arm behind me, and instinctively, I also move a little to the right to stand in front of Mira as much as possible.

  Giving myself the fastest inner pep talk ever, I tell myself to be strong.

  There’s no reason to be intimidated by him.

  I’m not the same person he left last year.

  Staring him straight in the eye, I lift my chin slightly. “What are you doing here, Sebastian?” I’m thrilled my voice is strong and steady, nothing like the turmoil that’s going on inside of me.

  Hudson’s arm started shaking the second Sebastian’s name left my lips, and I tighten my hold on him reflexively. Never have I ever been so grateful before for him holding Mirabelle. I’m pretty certain she’s the only reason he hasn’t jumped my ex-fiancé yet.

  “I’m attending a conference in town.” He studies me from top to bottom before his gaze flickers to my hand on Hudson’s arm and over to Mira—who, of course, keeps leaning around me to see what’s going on. His chin nods toward my baby girl, and my teeth clench in response. “Is that—?”

  “None of your business.” My voice comes out in a low bark, my temper slowly rising as all of those old emotions come back, one by one. I didn’t realize there was still so much anger left over what happened, but then, I’ve never been able to get full closure either.

  He doesn’t flinch, like other people would. Instead, he cocks his head to the side and studies me like I’m some science experiment he can’t figure out. “You’ve changed since I last saw you. Must be this whole new life you’re living now.” His voice does this deadpan thing again before his gaze flickers over to Hudson for a second, and I want to knee him in the balls—so badly.

  Ultimately, this is one of the reasons why he’s such a good lawyer. It’s just too bad he can’t turn that persona off when he’s not in court, or I guess that’s just who he is at the end of the day.

  Even after all the years I spent with him, I’m still not completely sure.

  Still hyperaware of where we are, I keep my voice low. “All I want is to live a normal life, you know that. And of course I’ve changed—I had to, after you left me alone with a baby. Not only did I become a mom overnight, but a single mom on top of that.”

  It takes him a moment to digest my accusation. His voice is still the same, completely level and in control. “I wasn’t ready to be a father, especially not like that. Not with a baby that wasn’t mine.”

  Laughing without a trace of humor in my voice, I want to shake this man to see if there’s any humanity in him at all. “And you think I was ready? Do you think I wanted my sister and grandma to die—the only family I had left—so I could be thrown into motherhood in the same breath? Do you know how hard it was for me to grieve the loss while simultaneously trying to be strong and happy for my little girl? It’s a miracle she survived that accident in the first place. She should be the last person to ever be punished for what happened.”

  “She’s not yours.” His words are so matter-of-fact, it takes me a moment before they sink in.

  Hudson growls and curses under his breath behind me, and I know he’s absolutely ready to take over.

  If it wasn’t for the place we’re in, and him holding Mira, there would be blood. I have no doubt about that.

  I hold back the angry tears that threaten to run down my face, and point at the excuse of a man in front of me, my hand shaking. “Fuck you, Sebastian. Fuck you. How dare you say something like that. Of course she’s mine, through and through. She’s been a real blessing for me, teaching me more about life and myself than anything else ever has. She’s played a big part in me becoming who I am today, and I couldn’t be more proud of her, or myself. Mira deserves the best life and people that give her all the love she deserves. She’s already a million times more humane than you’ll ever be.”

  The tension in the room is so thick, I see people stopping around us to watch.

  I glare at my once almost-husband, the man I so foolishly believed I loved at one point. I secretly challenge him to try and counter my words, just so I can prove him wrong. All this time, I thought he still had some invisible hold over me, that he broke something inside of me that couldn’t be fixed.

  But this moment changes everything.

  There is nothing left between us, absolutely nothing, and it’s freeing to finally realize that.

  When he opens his mouth to speak again, I shake my head. “No, we’re done. There is nothing else I want to say to you, and judging by the few things that have come out of your mouth the last few minutes, I can tell you, with absolute certainty, there’s nothing I want to hear from you either.” I don’t care if my behavior is rude, or if he thinks I’m insulting. All I know is that I want to get away from this man. “Goodbye, Sebastian.”

  Not waiting for a reply, I turn around and pull Hudson and Mira with me—which isn’t easy at all. Pulling on Hudson feels like I’m tugging on dead weight, and one look at him explains why. He’s still turned into Sebastian’s direction, quite obviously not as ready to leave this situation as I am.

  He’s like a bull, ready to charge, willing to go into battle. His jaw is clenched, nostrils flaring, and his eyes are pressed into tight slits. “I want to hurt him so badly, I can’t even think straight.”

  I stop walking, so I can push him over into a corner instead. Turning his chin, I silently beg him to look at me. “Hudson, listen to me. He’s not worth it, not one tiny bit. All I want is to forget about this man, to completely wipe him from my memory. Because we—you, me, and Mira—are what’s important. I don’t want him to taint our life in any way.”

  Leaning in until our foreheads touch, we both exhale a big breath. Mira leans in too, but a little harsher than necessary so she ends up banging her little head on ours.

  This moment is so surreal, I have to chuckle. It helps like nothing else to bring me back down from my rage-infused high because this is exactly what I just said to Hudson.

  We are what’s most important.

  Us three.

  I kiss Mira first and then Hudson before grabbing his hand to hold on as tightly as possible. “Let’s go. I need a huge piece of cake and a drink.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  We manage to enjoy the reception as best as we can despite still being a little shaken up for the rest of the day. When it’s evident that Mira needs to go to sleep, we say our goodbyes and head up to our suite.

  Hudson gets out of the elevator first, and I almost run into him when he abruptly stops.

  “Oops. Sorry.” I peek around him just as one of his bodyguards walks toward us, a grim expression on his face.

  “Sorry, boss. We were hoping to get thi
s taken care of before you came back up.”

  “What’s going on, Tommy?” Hudson’s voice is low, and there’s an edge to it I can easily detect now.

  The massive man looks back and forth between Hudson and me before bending down a little. “We had a little incident with a fan.”

  Hudson’s head snaps up, and Tommy flinches, leaning back a few inches. “What happened?”

  The big mountain of a man rubs his neck, his voice deep. “One of the hotel staff caught a chick trying to break into your suite. Police were called and everything’s been taken care of.”

  As if on cue, two officers walk toward us with a woman between them in handcuffs, followed by a hotel worker and the other bodyguard. I instinctively try and hide a little behind Hudson when they pass, but not before catching the woman’s eyes. They are so full of hatred, I shudder involuntarily.

  They all enter the elevator, but the woman’s eyes stay trained on me. Her lips curl into a snarl as she tries to get away from the officers. “You’re never gonna make him happy, bitch. He’s mine.”

  One of the policemen says something to her in a harsh tone, and then the elevator doors close.

  I’m so shocked, I stare at the closed elevator doors for what feels like hours while Tommy and Hudson talk in hushed voices.

  Hudson’s hand comes around my waist as he gently guides me down the hallway to our suite. The other bodyguard, Mason, stands outside the door again, and nods at us when we get there.

  Once we’re inside, Hudson comes to stand in front of me. “Are you all right?”

  I blink at him. “That was a bit freaky, but yeah, I think so.”

  He nods, his face an unreadable mask. “I need to go and take care of a few things with the police. Tommy will come with me, but Mason will stay in front of the door. Are you going to be all right by yourself? I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  “Okay.”

  After a quick kiss on the forehead for me and one for Mira—who fell asleep at some point during this crazy trip to our room—Hudson is out the door, leaving me with a weird feeling in my belly.

  Thankfully, Mira is conked out so hard, she doesn’t even wake up when I put her in her PJ’s and sleep sack before laying her down in the crib. With the baby monitor in tow, I take a long, hot shower, trying to relax as much as I can before climbing into the big bed by myself to read until Hudson gets back.

  I must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing I know, I’m waking up the next morning. The shower is on in the bathroom, and my foggy brain is trying to deal with the emotions that are coming back from last night’s events, plus the confusion about Hudson not waking me up when he got back.

  At least I think he got back to sleep here.

  Trying to shake off the uneasiness, I grab my things from the suitcase—after making sure Mira’s still asleep—and make my way to the bathroom just as Hudson opens it from the other side.

  He looks tired, utterly exhausted to the ninth. “Hey.”

  Something about him is off.

  He looks reserved and withdrawn.

  “Hey. You okay?”

  All I get is a curt nod. “Yeah. Just didn’t sleep well.” We stare at each other for a moment before he takes a step around me. “Are you okay to leave in a couple hours?”

  My stomach churns at his odd behavior. The loss of affection is so distinct, I suddenly feel slightly nauseous. “Sure. Just let me get ready quickly, and by the time I’m done, I’m sure Mira’s going to be awake too.”

  “Okay.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket and walks toward the couch. “I’ll get us a car and let the flight crew know we’ll be ready to leave soon.”

  After watching his retreating back for a few moments, I slip into the bathroom and close the door behind me—my eyes burning hot with unshed tears, and my chest feeling heavy and tight.

  The next few hours are a total blur as I try my hardest to stay as present as I can be, for Mira’s benefit. Even though Hudson sits next to me in the car to the airport and the entire plane ride, he isn’t really there.

  We’re back at the house before I know it, and I try to keep it together as I unpack our suitcase while keeping Mira entertained too. Thankfully, she’s happy as a clam playing in the suitcase for now, as I put everything away.

  “There are my girls.” Hannah’s voice makes me both happy and sad—happy because not seeing her for the whole weekend felt like forever and sad because it’s not Hudson.

  I guess I was really hoping he’d come around and tell me what on earth is going on with him.

  Hannah comes over to where I sit on the floor next to the suitcase and crouches down too. “Did you guys have fun? I just talked to Hudson in his studio for a moment, but he wasn’t very talkative.”

  “The wedding was absolutely beautiful.” There, that’s the truth. For some reason, I just can’t bring myself to tell her about the other things that happened, even though I’m sure she knows something is up. The fake smile on my face probably wouldn’t fool anyone.

  Mira is climbing out of the suitcase, squealing as she makes her way over to Hannah. The two reunite like they haven’t seen each other in years, and it’s adorable to watch.

  Hannah really has become not only a stand-in grandmother but also a stand-in great-grandmother—the very best at both.

  Pulling Mira into her arms, she looks over at me. “Want me to take her for a walk, or does she need to go down soon?”

  Checking the time on my phone, I shake my head. “She slept on the plane, so she still has a few more hours. I’m sure she’d love to get out for a bit.”

  “Perfect.” She gets up with Mira and waves at me. “Say, ‘Bye-bye, Mommy, we’ll see you in a little bit.’” Mira swings her little hand around like it’s made of gummy and gives me a big, toothy grin with drool running down her chin.

  Smiling at the sight, I wave back. “Bye, girls. Have fun.”

  Before they leave the room, Hannah turns one more time. “Did I mention Hudson is in his studio?” She gives me one more pointed look, and then they’re gone around the corner.

  Hannah, subtle as always.

  My shoulders sag, and I let out a loud sigh.

  Looks like I have a rockstar to find.

  When I make it down to the studio, though, it’s empty. Disappointment courses through me, but I try to not let it get to me too much. I’m already anxious and exhausted enough from the last twenty-four hours.

  There’s nothing wrong. Everything’s going to be okay.

  I repeat the words over and over in my head as I walk across the room to sit down on one of the black leather couches. A piece of paper falls to the floor, and I pick it up absentmindedly. I’m about to set it back down on the cushion next to me when my eyes land on the two words at the top of the page.

  Charlie’s Song.

  My hand flies to my mouth as I debate for less than two seconds if I should read it or not, because who am I kidding? There’s no way I can put down a piece of paper with my name on it without taking a peek.

  Especially after everything that’s happened.

  After taking a deep breath, I start all the way at the top, my eyes going over my name again.

  Charlie’s Song

  Life hasn’t been the same since I met you

  Because you are my heart, my reason for smiling

  I won’t live without you, don’t want to, just can’t do

  You own me—my love, my soul, my everything

  My new goal in life is putting that sparkle in your eyes

  Because seeing you sad causes me pain I’ve never known before

  I would do anything to protect you from any lies

  Just give me a chance and I’ll prove it to you

  Having you in my life has changed me in such a short while

  Your touch, your love, you make my heart smile

  I feel like I’m nothing without you

  Just like a broken shell—I hope you need me too

  Lovi
ng you has become my drug, my new favorite thing

  All I want is to have you by my side

  To feel you, to breathe you in

  Sweetheart, please stay with me before I fall apart inside

  A fat teardrop falls onto the paper, missing some of the words by mere millimeters. Using the corner of my sleeve, I wipe away the tears and sniffle some more.

  The combination of the raw pain and love in those lines claws at my chest, and a lone sob breaks through before a pair of strong arms surrounds me like a cage, pulling me into the warm and safe embrace I’ve come to love so much.

  “I’m so sorry, please don’t cry.” Hudson’s words are a quiet whisper in my hair, and for the first time in a while, I let my emotions get the better of me until I’m all cried out.

  The tears are for so many things—happy tears for the love I feel for Hudson while I’m also beyond terrified to lose him, happy tears for Mira’s birthday coming up and the sheer miracle of her being alive while still mourning the family I lost, and frustrated tears for myself and all the mistakes I made in the past but trying to forgive myself for.

  “Shh.” Hudson rubs my back in rhythmic circles. “I’m so sorry I was such an ass. Everything happening the last twenty-four hours threw me in a bout of self-doubt, and I was so scared of losing you that I just shut down. I shouldn’t have done that, I should’ve talked to you instead.”

  His admission snaps me out of my moment, and after wiping my eyes—and my nose too, with a very unladylike swipe—I look up at him through wet eyelashes. “What are you talking about?” My voice sounds strange when I push the words out.

  “You told Sebastian yesterday that you just wanted a normal life. I thought you might change your mind after all, that being with me is just too much for you to handle. The whole weekend was already a lot to take in, and then that crazy fan showed up on top of it. It couldn’t have been more opposite of a normal life. I’m so sorry I can’t offer you the life you want.”