The most I could hope for was that someday, very, very soon, he would allow me to obtain some other, more satisfying loops to play in my head.
I had never wanted anyone more than I wanted Colt James. And now that I thought about it, I had never been told no, either. It was no wonder he was under my skin. But with a body like that, well…fuck. There was no hope for me.
The drive to Portland was long as hell. Ten hours of being on the bus and sitting next to him, listening to his low vibrato that hit me right in the gut with every word, the leather-scented heat that rolled off him and right into my pants. It was pure fucking torture.
And hell yeah…he knew it. He loved it, I could tell. But two could play at that game. Did he think I couldn’t wear him down? Did he underestimate me? I might not have to use it often to seduce someone, but if I needed to, I could turn it on. For fuck’s sake, I did it every night on stage.
As painful as it was to not be able to do exactly what I wanted with Colt, I was filled with a constant thread of gratitude for his presence. And Jesse’s, too.
After a while, Jesse joined us in the back, and it made me like him even more. I could breath a little easier than when I was all alone with Colt.
We laughed and joked, playing cards as we headed North on the highway. Jesse and I drank a few beers, while Colt ate everything in the refrigerator. After a while, I retired to my bunk, hoping to get a few hours of sleep.
I awoke to the sound of rain falling on the bus, and when I got out of my bunk, I saw it was already dark outside, even though it was only five o’clock. Wind swept through the trees, turning the street into a frenzy of wet leaves and rain.
“I guess we’re in Portland,” I said, sarcastically to Colt, who sat in the back talking quietly with Jesse. They looked out the windows, and laughed.
“Don’t worry, darlin’, I don’t think a little rain is gonna hurt you. You aren’t that sweet,” Colt teased, giving me a wink from his seat. He looked so fucking handsome, it was impossible to get mad at him.
“Fuck you,” I said, mustering all the sweetness into my voice that I could. It wasn’t easy. My voice was usually full of torment, pain, and jagged edges.
The boys laughed, and I joined them. We pulled up to the Moda Center, the bus entering a private gate as we drove past the ever present waiting crowd. Despite all the intense pressure, I was grateful for the fans. If I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t have this life. I wouldn’t have all these people that depended on me to feed their families and give them jobs. The fans are the ones who fed this machine. The irony of one of them wanting to kill me, or get close enough to hurt me, wasn’t lost on me.
When the bus stopped, I gathered a few things from the bus and followed the production manager inside. I had met Harvey before, at our last show in Portland, and it was nice to see a familiar face. He had been particularly helpful last time, helping me sneak out the back of the venue in a secret car so that I could go out and try to have a good time for a few hours after my show.
There was something about Portland that made me want to really let my hair down, in a way no other town did. In Portland, I just wanted to be normal, hang out at bars, meet regular people, watch some bands, go to a strip club, just party. Last time I was here, I had done just that, and the memories that I did have of that night were fondly engraved in my brain.
“It’s great to see you again, Jett!” Harvey said. Harvey was a burly guy, with an unruly blonde beard to match his long blonde hair. He was handsome, in a blue collar kind of way that appealed to me. He was solid. He looked like he’d make a good husband.
I hugged him, and introduced Colt and Jesse to him.
“This is my new security team. They’ll be with me all night,” I said, watching them all shake hands.
“Excellent,” Harvey said, taking in their patch covered vests, but politely refraining from commenting on them. “Let me know if there’s anything we can do, or get the three of you.”
“Hey, Harvey,” I turned to him as we reached the dressing rooms. “Is that club still open? The one you took me to last time I was here?”
Harvey smiled, nodding his head in our shared memory.
“Yes! The Kit Kat Club! Would you like me to arrange a driver for later?”
I felt Colt’s eyes on me, and if I’d looked at them, I would have seen his silent warning. But I didn’t. I ignored them. I wanted to have a good time, and if he wasn’t going to fuck me, then I was going to have to find another way to get that done.
“I’d appreciate that, Harvey! Thanks, man!”
“Of course! Of course! Let me know if you need anything else.” He nodded and turned away, leaving me alone in the room with the boys. I turned to them, smiling mischievously at them.
“I hope you boys like naked, tattooed chicks! Going to a strip club in Portland is as common as getting coffee, and the girls here are insanely gorgeous,” I said.
A smile spread across Jesse’s face, but when I turned to Colt, he was scowling.
“Do you really think going out in public is a good idea right now?”
“I don’t really care. What do you expect me to do? Lock myself away in a cage in between shows so Crazy Jack can’t get to me? I have news for you, Colt, there’s always going to be another Crazy Jack in another city.”
“Yes, well this one appears to be following you from city to city, so maybe we could just cool it with putting you in situations that put you more at risk?”
I walked over to him, determined to break through that rough exterior.
“Colt,” I said, running my hands along the edge of his cut. I knew it got to him - I could tell by the way his eyes dilated every time I got close to him. And the way he swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing on his throat. He was stoic, but I had learned how to read him. I would have bet someone twenty dollars that if I had reached down and cupped his cock, it would have been rock hard. “That’s what I have you for. To protect me, right? Nobody’s gonna fuck with me with the two of you around. So, we’re going, and while we’re there, you might as well relax and have a good time. You like titties, don’t you?” I asked, winking at him.
He growled and pulled my hand from his chest. Silently, he let go and turned away, walking to the corner and sinking into a chair.
“I like titties!” Jesse said, leaning against the wall by the door. “I like all kinds of titties. Big ones, little ones, perky ones. I like ‘em all!”
Colt and I couldn’t resist laughing, and once again, I was happy that Jesse was there to lighten the mood.
“See, Colt? Now, how can you deny a titty connoisseur his right to enjoy titties?” I asked.
Colt laughed, leaned back, and shook his head.
“Well, I guess when you put it that way. I could probably use a good look myself,” he replied.
“Aha! See! That’s the spirit! Me, too, boys, I love a good pair myself. Sometimes, it’s hard to leave my bunk, because I can’t stop touching my own.”
Their raucous laughter echoed through the small dressing room, and I felt the stress of the last few days melt away. As long as I had these two, and Colt’s friendship, I could handle life on the road. I felt a little less lonely, and it made all the difference in the world.
****
Sweat poured down my back as I bowed to the audience, my bandmates on either side of me. When I came off the stage, I was high. Filled with gratitude that I hadn’t felt in a long time, I felt blessed to lead this life, to not be stuck in a cubicle all day, to be able to travel the world, play the music I wanted to play, do the thing that I loved and be able to make money at it, to move people.
All the anxiety I had felt about my security was lessened, now that I had Colt and Jesse to watch over me. It eased my mind every time I looked over at them during the show, and it made me perform better. I wasn’t distracted. At least not by fear. Colt was a whole different distraction, but it was my body that was having a hard time with that. I couldn’t be within three feet of him wit
hout my nipples hardening, and my panties dampening. I was determined to have him in my bed, and soon.
“Are you boys ready to hit the town?” I asked, as we walked back to the dressing rooms. “It’s titty time!”
“I’m always ready for titties,” Jesse said. I looked over at Colt and he seemed uncomfortable, disturbed even. When I nudged him and asked him what was wrong, he just grunted and shook his head.
“You’re not still pissed about going out, are you?” I asked.
“No, there’s nothing wrong,” he replied. “Go ahead and shower and get dressed, we’ll wait out here.”
“Okay, sure, cool…” I said, shrugging and closing the door of the dressing room behind me. I was happy to see the fully stocked bar waiting for me, and I poured myself a drink. I looked through my huge crate of costumes, wishing once again that I had my leather jacket. I had others, sure. I had lots of them that I wore onstage, but I rarely wore those on the street. I picked out the least flashy of them all, and a pair of jeans and motorcycle boots. I wanted to dress down tonight, and create as little attention to myself as possible. By the time I had showered and dressed, I had a good buzz going, and I was ready to party.
Tonight was going to be a blast. And if things went as planned, I would have Colt in my bed before the night was over.
****
The Kit Kat Club was situated on a busy alleyway in the Old Town district of Portland. Rain was streaming out of the dark sky, soaking everything in sight, and making the cars and streets at once shiny and darker. Even still, it was Friday night, and the crowd trailing around us didn’t seem to be fazed by it.
This was what I remembered loving about this town. People were casual, easy-going and friendly. In spite of the torrential rainfall, they went about their business, only half of them even bothering to pull up the hood on their hooded sweatshirts that seemed to be a city-wide uniform.
The strip club was right next to a trendy donut shop that stayed open all night long, with several other clubs and restaurants sprinkled along the alley.
The driver Harvey had hired for us whisked us into the club and past the heavy black curtains that blocked the entrance. Darkness fell over us, the dim lights creating an instant lounge-like ambiance.
It was exactly as I remembered it. The club itself was classy, it reminded me of a French boudoir, actually. But the women were the best part. Slinking around like a bunch of house cats, the women working there were exquisitely unique. Covered in tattoos to varying degrees, the women were not only breathtakingly beautiful, but they were incredible athletes. The strength and endurance required of the amazing moves they performed on the pole made the fact that they were naked a bonus to the show, but not the most impressive thing. I loved watching their bodies move, watching their tattooed muscles dance and ripple in the flashing lights. A cross of cabaret and burlesque, these ladies were the epitome of classy. And strong. And raw. And yet, still playfully raunchy.
And they were everywhere. Two different stages with racks circling them had women on them, and to the left of the door was a long catwalk, with lights flashing behind three more very flexible, naked dancers.
I heard a low groan come from Colt, who was standing beside me, the three of us taking in the scene before sinking into a plush, red velvet booth below the catwalk. With just a slight tilt of our heads, we had full view of the three gorgeous women dancing above us.
“You didn’t mention this was a nude club,” Colt said. I looked at him, and saw that he was still in work mode. His eyes scanned the crowd suspiciously, instead of meeting mine.
“Do you have a problem with vagina?” I asked, laughing a my own joke, as Jesse joined in.
Colt shook his head, ignoring me. Suddenly, he turned to me, grabbed my arm and pulled me over to him as he leaned down to whisper in my ear.
“You just make sure you stay next to me. I don’t trust anyone in here. People are already starting to look your way.”
“I don’t care,” I said, pulling my arm away from him. “I came here to have a good time.”
“Yeah, and I’m here to make sure you’re safe,” he growled.
“Oh, yeah? Well, then fucking do it and stop talking about it. Like I said, I intend to enjoy myself tonight, and you can join in, or you can watch. Excuse me, Jesse, I need out.” Colt was pissed but I didn’t give a shit. I was tired. I needed to forget who I was, just for a little while. I slid out of the booth after Jesse moved, and I went to the ladies room.
It was empty, and I was thankful for a moment alone. I washed my hands, reapplied my lipstick, and looked in the mirror.
“I’m Jett, dammit.” I said to my reflection.
I should be able to go out and party without worrying about some freak. I knew Colt was trying to protect me, hell that is what I hired him to do, and I felt bad for him, but he was just going to have to get used to it.
First things first. I needed a drink. Or two. Or three. Then I wouldn’t feel guilty for requiring some time for myself.
When I walked out of the bathroom, I wasn’t surprised to see Colt standing there, his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes darting around like a fucking secret service agent in a patched vest. An incredibly sexy, barrel-chested, deliciously tantalizing secret service agent.
“Don’t you think you’re over doing it a little, Colt? For fuck’s sake, relax a little. Maybe try to blend in?”
“I have to be prepared for anything at any time,” he replied, his lips set in a stern grimace. I sighed and turned away.
“I need a drink,” I said, walking back to our booth. He followed along, as close as he could get without stepping on me. His breath was hot on the back of my neck. I smiled when I saw a waitress standing by our table when I returned.
She looked at me curiously.
“Aren’t you…” she trailed off, cocking her head to the side questioningly.
“Yes, darlin’, I am,” I said, winking at her. “What’s your name?”
“Oh! Awesome, I love your music! I’m Nikki, it’s nice to meet you!”
“You too, sweetheart. Nikki, love, I’m parched. Could I get a whiskey on the rocks, a double? Please? And keep ‘em coming, sweetheart. Get these fine gentleman whatever they want. Oh,” I said, reaching into my purse and pulling out a few hundred dollar bills. “Can I get some change? For the girls,” I said, nodding to the stage.
I felt Colt tense beside me again. Did he think I was going to stay locked away in the corner with him and Jesse all night?
“Of course!” Nikki listened while Jesse ordered a drink. When she looked at Colt, he just grunted, and then asked for water.
I felt a little sorry for him, I really did. But not because he wasn’t drinking. I felt sorry for him that he had to put up with me while being sober. He was stronger than me. To be able to get through life without a little help? I couldn’t do it. There was just too much pressure, too many expectations. Facing all that without something to numb it a little required a level of fortitude that I didn’t possess.
I looked over at Jesse who was hungrily looking at all the girls circling around the club. Some were dancing, some were sitting at tables and booths talking to patrons, some were leading men by the hand into the private rooms in the back. I smiled, knowing that would be me later.
First, I had to choose which woman it would be.
I loved women, I always had. Having sex with women had always been as easy to me as having sex with a man. Neither was greater than the other, they were equal in the same way they were different. Like apples and oranges, I could never pick just one. I’d always have chosen both over choosing at all.
That was why I loved this club, and Portland in general. A woman in a club was no different than a man. It was all accepted easily and openly. It wasn’t like that in other cities.
That’s why I was dying to get to the rack. It was fun, exciting, and sensual.
Nikki returned with our drinks, and my change, and after tipping her heavily, I slid out of th
e booth without a word and made my way to one of the only two seats left around the circular stage. When I saw Colt had decided to follow me, I smiled. I sat down, but when he stood behind me with his arms crossed again, I just couldn’t handle it anymore.
“For fuck’s sake, Colt, sit the fuck down. Here,” I said, pushing away the chair next to me so he could sit down.
“No, I’m fine,” he grunted.
“No, you aren’t. You’re fucking embarrassing me, sit the fuck down, please.”
He growled, but he sat down.
“That’s better. Here!” I said, handing him a fistful of dollar bills. He took them, and smiled at me, shaking his head.
“Goddamn, Jett, you aren’t making my job easy,” he said.
“Well, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make it hard. Let’s just have fun for a little while, and then we’ll leave.”
I turned away from him, his handsomeness threatening to make me give in and leave just to make him happy. But I couldn’t. How could I when I had a gorgeous woman making her way over to me, my lap full of money to give to her, and a full glass of whiskey to drink?
I threw a bunch of money on the stage in front of us, and she slithered over to us, wearing nothing at all but a bounty of colorful tattoos, blue hair and the prettiest smile I had seen in a long time. She moved my drink as I smiled up at her. Sinking to her knees she put one hand on my shoulder, one hand on Colt’s shoulder, and arching her back, she pressed her small, perky breasts into first my face and then Colt’s. I laughed and moaned in pleasure, deeply inhaling her flowery scent, her cheek brushing against mine seductively.
Slowly, and with her sweet smile still on her face, she moved away and danced over to another customer. I turned to look at Colt, and my heart stopped when I saw the way he was looking at me.
What was it? Passion? Anger? It was hard to tell, and if I hadn’t been drinking, it might have scared me. Instead, it intrigued me. I wanted to delve into it and see what I could find there. I knew Colt had a dark side, I knew he didn’t want me to see it, he didn’t think I could handle it. If only he’d give me a chance to show him exactly how well I could handle him, then maybe I could unleash that darkness a little. It was obvious he needed me just as much as I needed him.
RAW: THE ULTIMATE MC COLLECTION Page 101