Smoldering

by Tiffany Aleman

  Ron stares at me and I can’t help but feel like he’s seeing inside of me. I turn back to the dish I have in my hand. “Lana sure can cook. This is the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had.”

  “You’re a very strong woman, Kelsey. I can see what my son sees in you,” he offers.

  I look at him, my head tilted in confusion as I try to form some sort of response because he’s rendered me speechless.

  “After the benefit, the way Governor Prescott embarrassed you, I understand why you left. I would have, too. I know it must have taken a lot for you to come back here.”

  I nod before turning my attention back to the plate I can’t seem to let go of. As I rinse it off and place it in the drainer to dry, I answer, “You have no idea. And I feel like I owe you an apology for what happened at the benefit.”

  “My son was lost without you,” Ron states as I pull the plug in the sink to let the water drain out. I turn to look at him as he runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Lana and I just couldn’t reach him. We tried to tell him to give you time, but there was nothing we could do for him. All we were able to do was stand by on the sidelines and watch him self-destruct. I’ve never seen him like that before.” He shakes his head before looking at me. “Thank you for giving him another chance. I may not be as talkative and as engaging as my wife, but I do care about my son’s happiness and wellbeing. And you’re it for him. Riley may not know it and you may not know it, but you are.” He smiles at me.

  “How do you know?” I ask shocked by his confessions.

  Ron walks over to where I stand, picks up a dishcloth, and begins wiping down the counter in front of him. “It’s written all over his face, the way he looks at you, the way you both found each other again even after it seemed like all hope was lost. Not many people go through something y’all went through and come out even stronger,” he answers.

  “You think so?” I whisper.

  He turns to look at me, his eyes soft and his smile genuine. “Absolutely.”

  I nod before I turn the water back on to start rinsing out the sink. Ron and I clean the kitchen in silence for a while before I ask. “Are you and Lana going to be there to see Riley off when he deploys?”

  “No.”

  His one word answer catches my attention. I turn to look at him, completely shocked at the fact that they won’t be there to see their son off.

  “Why not?” I ask my eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

  Ron sets his washcloth down on the counter, crosses his arms over his chest, and turns to me. “He’s asked us not to come.”

  “Are you serious?” I ask with wide eyes. As close as Riley is with his family, you’d think he’d want them there.

  “Lana and I have been to see him off twice and every time it gets harder and harder for us to watch our son leave, especially since we know it may be the last time we see him. Riley said it’s going to be hard enough leaving you behind and he knows you’re going to be a mess. He said he won’t be able to watch you and his mother break down over him and you will. Unless you’ve been through a deployment before or watched a loved one leave off to a war zone, you can’t understand what it’s like. Trust me.”

  My head hangs as I realize what he’s saying. Being separated from him was hard enough, but to watch him walk away and know there’s a chance he may not return is downright devastating. “He said that to you?” I whisper.

  Ron reaches over, places a finger beneath my chin, and tilts my head up so that I have to look at him. His stunning eyes, the same color as Riley’s, search mine before he answers. “My son knows what he’s doing, so Lana and I will respect his wishes. We know that you’ll be there with him, that you’ll support him. You’re strong enough for this, Kelsey. You can handle this life he’s introducing you to, the military life. My wife and I have faith in you, and so does my son,” he says softly as he releases my chin. “Have faith in yourself and you’ll see just how strong you are.”

  I’ve been crippled with fear lately knowing that I only have one week left with Riley before he deploys. Fear for his life because I know he’s going to be in a war zone. Fear of the unknown of what will happen between us when he leaves for nine months. People change. It’s inevitable. The question is will we grow apart as we change?

  It’s been two weeks since we visited Riley’s parents for thanksgiving. On the way there, we talked about our intense discussion the night of our date, about what happened while we were apart. Neither of us liked what we had to say. The truth can be one ugly bitch when she shows her true colors.

  There have been moments when we’ve yelled at each other over what has happened, but we also sit down and talk about it. That night at the restaurant was a turning point in our relationship. I’ve been working on not turning to Lyle for everything, making Riley my number one, not my second best. I spoke with Lyle about everything and he agreed with Riley. To say I was shocked that they actually agreed on something is a huge understatement. But Lyle, always the logical one, agreed that, if he was in a relationship, he’d want to be the person his girlfriend ran to for everything instead of her running to someone else, especially another man.

  “Did you and Brad decide where we’re going?” I ask as I pull my hair up into a ponytail.

  “We figured Vinnie Van GoGo’s was a good choice since we all like it,” Riley answers as he lies back on my bed, his arms folded behind his head, ankles crossed, the epitome of relaxed.

  I walk over, climb on the bed, and straddle his lap. His hands come out from behind his head only to smooth up and down my thighs. Leaning forward, I cage him in with both hands. We’re nose to nose and a slow impish grin pulls at the corners of his lips.

  My heart surges with the infinite amount of love I feel for this man. Riley makes my blood soar through my veins and heat rage within my body. I always had this preconception of what love was supposed to be like. But real love is more like the ocean. It knows no depths. It just keeps growing and growing. Sometimes it can be relentless and unforgiving like the waves crashing into each other, but eventually, it will even out and become calm again. It will give and take just like the tide coming in and going out. Love is a roller coaster of emotions that I never want to get off of so long as Riley’s riding it with me.

  “I love you,” I whisper.

  Riley’s face changes from one of naughty thoughts to one of concern. “You okay, babe?”

  “Yeah,” I nod. “I just feel like I don’t tell you enough, that’s all.”

  “I love you, too,” he whispers as I lean down and capture his lips with mine.

  My lips cover first his top lip, then his bottom as I savor the way he tastes. I don’t delve into this kiss to try to take things further. I keep it slow and long, filled with assurance, love, confidence, and hope. This is one of those kisses where I memorize every single moment. I memorize the taste of his lips on mine, the way his hands capture the back of my neck and hold me hostage, making my mouth his for the taking.

  I pull back, slowly breaking the kiss to ask if he’s ready to go. In a haze, he nods and I can’t help but smile. As I climb off him and we get off the bed, he turns to me, grabs my hips, and pulls me into him.

  “What was that for?” he asks with a smirk on his face. “Not that I’m complaining,” he adds quickly with a shake of his head.

  I place my hands on the planes of his chest and shrug. “We missed a lot of time together and we’re about to miss even more with the deployment coming up.” I gaze into his beautiful eyes and whisper, “I don’t want to miss anything when it comes to you. When we’re apart, I want to remember every single detail about you, us, no matter how minuscule or immense.”

  I swallow back the emotion building in my throat as tears well up in my eyes. Riley looks down at me in understanding. With a barely there nod, he swallows twice before he says anything. “We still have time, babe. Just as much as you don’t want me to leave, I don’t want to either. For the first time in my life, I resent my choice of career because
it’s taking me away from the most important thing in my life. You,” he whispers never once breaking our gaze. The conviction behind his words tears at my heart.

  The tears I’ve been holding back break free and cascade down my cheeks. My forehead drops to his chest. Riley squeezes me to him, rubbing his hands up and down my back in slow, soothing strokes, and kisses my hair as he tries to comfort me. So badly, I want to beg him not to go, but the rational side of me knows he doesn’t have a choice in the matter. When the Army calls you up, you must go.

  Riley cups my cheeks with both of his hands and tilts my head back so that I have to look at him. “No more crying, okay? I can’t stand it when you cry,” he says softly before leaning down and placing a soft kiss against my forehead. “Tonight, we’re going to have fun with our friends and make new memories for us to hold on to,” okay?” he says as he pulls back to look back at me. And by the way his sad eyes hold mine, I can tell he’s trying to convince himself more than me.

  Riley and Brad are in their own world discussing football. We’ve just eaten one of the best pizzas I’ve ever had. On thin Neapolitan crust that’s made fresh daily, we had pepperoni, sun dried tomatoes, spinach, spicy Italian sausage, and feta cheese. I was in carb heaven and there’s not one gram of that I’d give back either.

  “How are you holding up? You know with the deployment coming up and everything?” Candace asks from beside me as she takes a drink from her Corona.

  I pick at the corners of the label of my Miller Lite, shrug, but avoid looking at her. A melancholy has come over me. I’m trying really hard not to think of all the possibilities of something happening when Riley deploys or the pending deployment, for that matter. “I’ve never done this before, Candace.” I sigh with a shake of my head. “How do you do it?” I ask, desperately wanting to know if there’s some magic way of knowing whether or not Riley is going to be okay, if we’re going to be okay.

  “One day at a time,” she answers with a sad smile.

  I take a drink of my beer before asking in a whisper, “Aren’t you scared?”

  She nods with a sad smile. “Absolutely. But I can’t show Brad that. He has to see how strong I can be. Because even though he’s there fighting the fight, I’m the one here on the sidelines, in the shadows, holding up the home front for him. Being a spouse or significant other to someone in the military is not an easy job. Every day, we worry. Every day, we miss them. Every day, we pray.” Candace reaches over and places her hand on my knee, gaining my attention. My gaze catches hers and she says softly, “If you love him, truly love him, you can do this. I’ve seen how strong you can be.”

  “You’ve also seen me at my lowest,” I add with a deprecating chuckle.

  “I have,” she nods, “but I’ve also watched you come back. I know I was away at my parents helping my mom with my sick dad, but Jen kept me up to date with you. This is different. Yes, you may argue and get into fights, but the both of you will ultimately remember the bigger picture, and that is him,” she nods towards Riley, who’s oblivious of our conversation, “getting back to you safely.”

  “Man, being married makes you wise, huh?” I ask, trying to make a joke.

  She shakes her head and playfully slaps my leg. “Shut up.” She laughs. “I’m sitting here trying to have a serious conversation and you want to make a joke.”

  “I’m sorry,” I take a deep breath and release it before taking a healthy swallow of my beer. “It’s my go-to sometimes when I just don’t want to deal with all the heavy shit.”

  “Well, if laughing makes things easier for you, then you’ll need to remember that when the time comes and we’re in that hangar and you’re about to say goodbye for the next months. Because that shit is brutal,” she states with a far away look in her eyes as she stares at her husband.

  “How many have you gone through with Brad?” I ask, bringing her focus back to our conversation.

  “One. This will be my second and I have feeling it’s going even harder seeing him off than it was the last time. At least then I had my family with me.”

  I bump shoulders with her and offer her a sympathetic smile when she looks at me. “I know that I’m not family, but you’ll have me, too.”

  Candace shakes her head. “You’re family. It may not be by blood, but you’re family. Everyone can sit there and say they know what we’re going through when Riley and Brad leave, but they don’t know shit until they’re walking in our shoes.”

  “Thank you.” I smile.

  “What are you two talking about over here?” Brad asks, interrupting us.

  Candace turns her megawatt smile on her husband and in a jovial teasing tone, she asks, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” A look passes between them that only they are privy to and Brad nods in understanding.

  Riley leans over, resting his arm on the back of my chair and whispers in my ear, “You okay?”

  I turn and look at him with a smile. “I will be.”

  Riley nods before he leans in and chastely kisses my lips.

  “What smells so good,” I ask as I let myself into Riley’s house.

  He looks at me over his shoulder, smiling as he stands in front of the stove. “I’m making you dinner,” he calls out.

  “Oh man, are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean I don’t want to spend our last night together, getting food poisoning,” I joke as I walk up behind him. I stand on my tiptoes to rest my chin on his shoulder and wrap my arms around his waist to see what he’s making.

  “Look at me.” His low tone commands I do what he says. I tilt my head up and look into his eyes. “This is not the last night we’ll spend together, do you understand? I am coming back to you if I have to move Heaven or Hell to do it and we both know I’m a very determined man.”

  I chuckle at the validity behind his statement. “You’re right,” I whisper. I take a deep breath and try to push the feelings of sadness away at what tomorrow brings. “Okay. So, what are you making me?” I ask, plastering on a smile as I step away and slap his toned ass.

  Riley snaps his head in my direction as I go to wash my hands. “Don’t start something you can’t finish,” he quips.

  I smirk at him while shrugging. “Baby, you know I always finish what I start. I’m not a quitter.”

  He raises an eyebrow at me and grins. “We’ll see about that tonight, then, won’t we?”

  I roll my eyes at him as I dry my hands off and sidle up next to him. “Okay,” I breathe out as I look around at everything he has going on. “What do you want me to help you with?”

  Riley nods to a cutting board next to him. “You can cut up the bell peppers and onions.”

  He splashes some teriyaki sauce in the skillet and it sizzles.

  “Stir-fry?”

  “Yep,” he nods. “It’s my favorite type of food. I love Asian food. Sushi, stir-fry, squid, you name it, I love it.

  “Good to know,” I smile at him as I begin slicing the vegetables. “Anything else you’d like to add to my lesson?” I ask.

  “Hmm… let me see.” He looks up at the ceiling in concentration before adding, “I’m not a fan of public pools. I’d rather be at the beach. I don’t eat a lot of sweets, but when I do, my favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip and I have an unhealthy addiction to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”

  “If you had to choose one thing in this world you couldn’t live without, what would it be?” I ask, loving that Riley is letting me see this rare glimpse of him.

  “You.” It’s a one-word answer that he didn’t hesitate to voice. The power behind his word shows me that he believes deep down in his soul that no matter what, we’re going to be all right.

  My breath catches as I turn to look at him. He’s barefoot in fitted, boot cut jeans that hug his tight muscular ass and thighs. His plain, white T-shirt clings to his broad chest and back. The cotton material tightens around his muscles with his movements as he stirs the food in the wok. My heart melts knowing that I have the privilege of being th
e woman he’s given his heart, his trust, his loyalty to. I’m the one who gets to know all of his secrets, his insecurities, his fears, and dreams. Riley is a picture of perfection inside and out and there is no one in this world I could ever love more than I do him.

  Setting the knife down, I reach over in front of him and turn off the stove. He looks at me quizzically as I move the food to the back burner.

  “What are you doing?” he asks.

  I hold his gaze as I step back from him. Slowly, I reach up and confidently begin to undo each button on my grey, black, and white plaid shirt as I tell him exactly how I feel and what he means to me. “You came into my life like a sandstorm, here one minute and gone the next. Your sand surrounded me, blanketing me in love. Your sand consumed me as I drowned in everything that makes you, you. Your sand suffocated me, leaving me to breathe only the breath you gave me.”

  Seductively, I peel my shirt open. The soft cotton material falls off my shoulders and slides down my arms before falling into a puddle at my feet. I toe off my Chucks and reach for the button of my jeans, undoing it. I slide the zipper down before shimmying out of the skin molding material.

  “I love your witty banter and your caring heart. I love the loyalty you have for me, your career, your family and friends. I adore the way you love to have our legs tangled together when we’re sleeping.”

  I reach behind me and unhook the clasp on my bra, pulling the black satin material away from my body before dropping it to the floor. My fingers hook into the sides of the matching thong and I push the smooth fabric down over my hips and thighs before kicking them off to the side. Riley’s eyes darken with lust, his nostrils flare, and I can tell he’s trying to control his breathing.

  “This is me,” I sweep one hand down my body, “stripped, bare, raw, and yours for the taking. You have my heart, my body, my thoughts, my emotions… all of me.”