METHOD

by Kate Stewart

  I glare at him openly as he shakes the man’s hand. Every good feeling I had minutes earlier washed away by the fact that I’m seeing red.

  “I’m Mila,” I interject before Lucas has a chance to do it.

  “Nice to meet you, Mila. Is this—”

  Lucas rudely interrupts. “This your party, Dobs? Food is shit, wouldn’t you agree?”

  The man smirks.

  Lucas claps him roughly on the back. “You should call me, but if you’re this cheap, I’m not sure you can pay my bill. Though I’ve seen your wife, not bad, maybe you can have her work some overtime.”

  “Lucas,” I hiss. Trust him. Trust him.

  “Maybe you’ll hear from me,” Dobs says with an amused grin. “Try not to strangle the waitstaff, Walker.”

  “I’ll do my best,” he says snidely. “But I think we both know you picked them off Skid Row and called it charity for the cheap labor.”

  He’s a man possessed as he cuts the conversation short and abruptly walks away with me in tow. When he’s gripped by the shoulder by one of his Cairo co-stars, I seize the opportunity, nodding my hello before breaking away. Face on fire, I stalk to the closest exit, one of several small terraces. Fuming, I pace on the veranda while a man puts out a cigarette after reading my expression and leaves me to smolder alone. It’s barely a minute later when Lucas joins me. I can see his grin before I fully face him. I’m burning hot, my face flaming as I down my champagne and try not to throw the glass at him.

  “Well done, you just alienated half of Hollywood,” I snap. “I’ll be leaving you here to you know…” I jut my chin toward the balcony, “you can go on and take a flying leap because you just committed career suicide. Hope it was worth it.”

  He smirks down at his champagne. “Pretty sure it was.”

  “What the hell is wrong with you? You know what? I don’t want to know. The land of grapes? I’m pretty sure I hate you. Take me home this instant!”

  “I may have a lot to learn about squishing grapes, but you sure do have a lot to learn about performance.”

  “Oh, that, ‘I’ll be right back?’ I got it about halfway through. I’m not impressed. What in the hell was the point of that?!”

  “There’s a part coming up that I want to read for and Dobs didn’t think I was a good fit.”

  “All that was to show you could play an obnoxious asshole? Are you serious?”

  “Desperate times,” he winks.

  “And you think those people will forgive you?”

  “They already have. Every person I spoke to knows.”

  “Knows what?”

  “How seriously I take this.”

  “Apparently I’m the last to know,” I say, pacing in front of him. I’m sputtering, angrier than I’ve ever been and he’s watching me without apology.

  His low admission cuts through my racing thoughts. “This is how it will be if we go further, Mila.”

  “I’m humiliated and irrational right now, this isn’t a good time to discuss this.”

  He observes me carefully. “It’s the perfect time.”

  A couple joins us on the terrace, and Lucas stops them, asking them to give us a moment before shutting one of the doors. They eye me over his shoulder and smile before disappearing back into the party.

  “I won’t be typecast, Mila. I was trying to make a point. It was just a gag.”

  “On me.”

  “I warned you.”

  “What if I don’t like it?”

  “This is what I do, and if we go further, it’s going to affect you too.”

  I jerk my thumb over my shoulder. “And that’s the way you decide to introduce me?”

  “It’s the only way,” he says, with something like an apology in his eyes. “I want this, us, to work. It’s a large part of who I am. It won’t always be that intense, but sometimes it will be, and for extended periods of time, months, and I need you to be okay with that.”

  “You just hurt me back there!” I whisper-yell, “embarrassed me. Used private things about me and twisted them for your fucking amusement.”

  “It shouldn’t hurt you if you know what I’m doing.”

  “How can you say that? How do I know that wasn’t what you’re really thinking?”

  “Maybe I’m jealous of the way you grew up.”

  That gives me pause. “Are you?”

  He takes a drink of champagne and slides a hand in his slacks. “Maybe, a little.”

  I shake my head. “I’m sorry for that. I really am, but in there, the way you demeaned my dreams, that hurt.”

  “I draw from life. It’s a regular practice. Comedians do it too.”

  “You’re not a comedian,” I huffed.

  “I could be tomorrow,” he whispers, cornering me where I stand on the balcony. “You’ll get better at ignoring it.”

  Shaking my head, I think about Laura’s reaction.

  “You were cruel to her.”

  “To Laura?” He shrugs. “She’s a dear friend, we love each other. She understands.”

  “Not a great thing to hear since you’ve fucked her.”

  “We did for a while, until we got bored. There’s nothing left there.”

  “So, this is Hollywood? I can see why my mother kept me away.”

  “As much as it rips me to say it, there are plenty of guys out there that can give you something more along the lines of normal.”

  I gawk at him. “You just told me you loved me, now you’re giving me an out?”

  “Yes,” he whispers softly. “Because you need to know what you’re dealing with. Because if you decide you’re in,” he crowds me further, his breath hitting my lips, “I’m keeping you in. I can’t picture a future without you, Mila. I don’t want to. But it’s going to take a shitload of work to keep us solid. We have to be in this together. And I mean in it. We can make some rules, but this is my life.”

  “This is insane.”

  “This is show biz. The schedule is hell, I haven’t stopped working since I was twenty, if I’m honest, eight. I rarely think about much more than my next project. I get utterly absorbed, I lose myself completely at times, and when I do, half the time I can’t tell you what day it is and not much else matters but the role I’m playing. But the good is there for you to see and I hope you do because I do love you. You’re the perfect distraction from this madness, you’re what I look forward to, and I want this, you, so much.”

  This is so not how I saw this party going. “I don’t know what to think.”

  He lets out a long breath. “Loving me back will take a huge amount of patience.”

  “I already love you back,” I snap with a wobbling chin, “and you dropped a bomb on it.”

  True remorse shines in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Dame. You’re the only woman I’ve ever known or wanted that can hold me down.”

  “And this is what you love?”

  “Yes.” He sighs. “There’s this pride, satisfaction I get at certain times knowing I helped create something, knowing when I did it, I gave it everything I had. This profession brought me to life, Mila, and it saved me too. It’s just as much now who I am as what I do.”

  “Because of Maddie?”

  He nods. He’s told me bits and pieces, but when he does, I sense he leaves a lot out.

  “So, this is the part you tell me the rest of the perks, right?”

  His expression turns grave. “If by perks you mean insanely lavish vacations on fifty-foot yachts, open doors everywhere we go, and big toys with big tags? Sure, that can be a part of it, but it’s not really what I’m into. I rarely enjoy my downtime. When I’m home, I’m picking through scripts in an attempt to create more tunnel vision. I’m ambitious, cheap, and moody at times, especially when the role is tough. I get lost in my head and often. But I will love you, Mila and I’ll show you just how much.”

  “Sounds toxic. I’m not a babysitter.”

  “For you, I’ll grow up.”

  Lips still trembling, I sink into h
is gaze and I know I’m already screwed. For the moment, I love him just as much as I loathe him.

  “I need to think about this.” It’s all I’ve got. I’m too afraid to hold the ink at the moment and sign on the dotted line. My life will change with Lucas, and drastically. Inside I already have, I’ve made the room, I’ve dreamed of a possible future. I want him, but he himself is warning me away.

  He reads my indecision, and I see the hurt it draws. “If you really want to go, I’ll take you home.”

  “No, stay,” I manage. “I’ll stay too.”

  He looks surprised and equally defeated pressing his brows together. “Mila—”

  I didn’t realize a tear had slipped out. He leans in and takes it away with his lips before closing his eyes with a sigh. “That fucking hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. I’m sorry.”

  “But you can’t promise you won’t do it again?”

  He slowly shakes his head.

  “So, what you’re telling me is I’m in love with both Jekyll and Hyde?”

  He gradually nods.

  “Is that all? Any kids running around I don’t know about?”

  “I think this is enough, don’t you?”

  A voice sounds up from behind us.

  “He tried to get me pregnant once, then again, he could have been aiming for the toilet.” Lucas turns with a grin and Blake comes into view. His short curly blond hair is swept up in a faux-hawk, and his solid black tux looks poured on him. He grins at me, his eyes trailing from mine down the length of my gown.

  “Ah, Lucas, you weren’t lying, she’s a knockout.”

  My cheeks heat slightly as Blake jabs him with his elbow. “Nice job in there, asshole, I think you just got yourself banned from the union.”

  “Risk and reward,” Lucas says confidently.

  Blake rolls his eyes still smiling at me. “This guy won’t do anything interesting on a school night, but give him a Hollywood party, and he goes all Evel Knievel.” He winks and extends his arm toward me. “Would the lady care to dance?”

  “Absolutely—”

  “Absolutely not,” Lucas snaps with a jealous edge that I feel to my toes.

  “Does this mean we aren’t friends anymore?” Blake says in an exaggerated southern drawl. “If I thought you weren’t my friend anymore, Lucas, I just don’t think I could bear it.”

  I’m giggling like a school girl, and Lucas exhales, tossing his head back. “Fine. Mind yourself, Iceman.”

  “Understood,” Blake retorts with the same drawl, tilting his head and extending his arm further as he leans in. “Let’s go make him crazy jealous.”

  “Let’s,” I take his arm and hear Lucas mumble, “fucker,” as we pass.

  “I’ll have her back before the clock strikes midnight, pumpkin. Be sure to tip your waitress.”

  Lucas sounds up behind us. “You’ve got five minutes.”

  “Oh, me, oh, my, the boy is hopeless, good job, Cinderella.” He lets go of my hand briefly before taking two glasses of champagne off one of the passed trays.

  “Bottoms up, darlin’. I could sure use a drink after what I just heard.”

  Smiling, I tip my glass. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous.”

  “Nope. I met my lady love, married her. Poor woman,” he says with a grin. “But I am quite shocked at the conversation I walked into.”

  “You mean eavesdropped on,” I say as he takes our glasses away and discards them before leading me to the dance floor.

  Once we’re dancing, he wastes no time.

  “So, things are getting serious. I wonder what pet name the press is coming up with for you two right now. Something catchy, though I’m not sure what they can do with Lucas and Mila.” He cocks his head as if puzzled while guiding me through Sting’s “My One and Only Love”.

  I stay mute.

  “What? No comment, you can trust me. I know a little about a lot.”

  He winks, and I can’t help myself, I sigh inside a little. Blake West is gorgeous, and I’ve been a fan of his for years.

  “Things were getting too serious out there, thanks for the dance.”

  “Not over yet,” he says, guiding us forward and back on perfectly timed feet.

  “I’m glad we finally got to meet. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  He tilts his head playfully. “Have you?”

  “I have,” I say, matching his infectious grin.

  “Well, it’s all true, all of it. I deny nothing.”

  “That’s not smart,” I laugh.

  He looks down at me, his eyes softening. “So, you’re the one my brother’s decided on.”

  “I think so.”

  “And have you decided on him?”

  I shrug in his arms. “I’m screwed. The man got me to fall in love with him before telling me he was the villain.”

  He chuckles and spins me effortlessly out of his arms before pulling me back to him. “Don’t worry, beautiful, that role’s taken.”

  “By you, I presume?”

  He smirks. “My brother represented me well. You know,” he says, maneuvering us expertly across the floor, “he’s always taken this job too seriously.”

  “You don’t take it seriously?”

  “Not as much as I used to, not anymore.”

  “Why is that?”

  He pauses our dance as if lost in thought and then resumes it. “You ever heard the story of the ant and the grasshopper? You know, the ant works hard every day warning the grasshopper not to sing and play, because if he sings and plays all summer, by winter, he’ll surely starve.”

  He doesn’t give me time to answer before he dips me low bringing his lips a centimeter from the divot at my throat. His eyes dart past my profile, and a victory smile lights up his face. I follow his line of sight to see Lucas’s glare from feet away and can’t help the draw of my conspiratorial smile when I turn back to face Blake.

  “Oh, you are terrible,” I say, openly laughing.

  “Everybody has to pay the devil his due.”

  He slowly pulls us back to stand and resumes our dance and conversation as if his head isn’t being lasered off by violent green eyes.

  “Where were we? Right, the ant and the grasshopper.” He guides us into another song with no care for Lucas’s ticking clock. “Well, the way I see it, we are taught to work like ants, not to think like grasshoppers.”

  I nod.

  He looks down at me with prodding brown eyes. “But eventually that ant has to wipe his brow and wonder if that singing grasshopper had the fuller life.” He twirls me again and brings me back to him.

  “And you think Lucas is an ant?”

  “Yes,” he answers easily, “and so are you. But it’s the best way to be, I promise you.”

  “So, who’s going to save you come winter, grasshopper?”

  “That’s easy,” he says, turning us both to face a gorgeous redhead I recognize as his wife, who is now dancing with Lucas. Blake leans in so we’re cheek to cheek. “I married an ant.”

  The ride back to my house is mostly silent. The heaviness of what he revealed to me thick between us as we both come down from the party. I sense Lucas’s gaze on me as I stare out the onyx window.

  “Fuck this.” In seconds, I’m in his lap. “I didn’t do it to scare you away.”

  “Well, you did a shit job of that. Couldn’t you have just said it? Warned me a little more with a, ‘Hey, I’m a bit of a sociopath’ for a living, and I’m about to demonstrate.”

  “That’s what you think of me?” His voice has an icy edge, and I take the cue and slide off his lap.

  “You used me, made fun of me to try to benefit your career. It’s not something I’m willing to forget because you look incredible in a tux.”

  He slowly exhales. “Mila, it wasn’t personal. It’s what came to me.”

  He lifts his cell. “I just got an email. Dobs wants a meeting.”

  “Well then, I guess congrats are in order.”

  “Fuck,�
�� he mutters just as we pull up to my house. “This is exactly what I want to avoid in the future. I don’t want us at odds when it’s time to work.”

  “Does it matter to you that this could hurt me?”

  “Of course, it does.”

  “Then don’t hurt me.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “So, what, if you’re a comedian tomorrow and I hate your jokes or your character, I have to live with them for as long as you film?”

  “Basically, yes. I don’t leave my work at the office.”

  “You didn’t act that way on the set of Cairo.”

  “Different part. Different circumstances. It changes constantly.”

  “You expect a lot of me.”

  “Yes, I do, and you’ll get the best of me too.” The authority of his next statement cuts me in half. “This is it, Mila. This is the life of an actor, and this is the reason I rarely date, and when I do, I date other actors. It’s also the reason I can’t promise you much beyond loving you the best way I know how.”

  “Sounds like an ultimatum.”

  “It’s the truth. I figured you’d appreciate that.”

  “So, all this time we’ve been together… was I the one auditioning?”

  “No,” he pinches the bridge of his nose, “Mila, no, I’ve been trying to ease you into the idea. You already know the schedule is hell, this is the rest of it.”

  “I feel manipulated.”

  “That was not my intention. Not at all. I’m sorry.”

  Silence lingers as gravity hurdles me back to Earth and the car comes to a stop.

  “Good night, Lucas.”

  “Goddammit!” He slams his fist into the roof and brings furious eyes to mine. “You really going to do this? Really?”

  “I don’t know what you want from me.”

  “You know exactly what the hell I want from you,” his tone grows unbearably cold, “I’ve made it crystal clear.”

  When I don’t respond, he clasps his hands in front of his mouth and exhales closing his eyes. “Okay. You’re gonna have to be the one that walks away from this, because it won’t be me.”