Charming the Firefighter

by Beth Andrews

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  THERE WAS A buzzing in Leo’s ears, loud and insistent. But it couldn’t drown out Penelope’s words. How she looked at him with compassion, but not the slightest bit of regret or remorse, despite her words.

  She was sorry?

  Shit.

  “You mean more than you’re willing to give,” he said.

  She frowned at him. “I don’t understand.”

  No, and that was a big part of the problem. “You said you were sorry I expected more from you than you could give, but really it’s what you’re willing to give. And that’s not much, is it?” he asked quietly.

  She flinched, dropped her gaze.

  Good. She’d damn well better flinch. Christ, he’d raced over here after dropping off Pops to tell her how he felt about her, to tell her he wanted to commit to her, to being in her life, and what did she do? Tossed his words right back at him without batting an eye.

  She was the first woman he’d cared enough about to declare himself to. But he hadn’t, he realized. He hadn’t told her what was in his heart. Maybe he had pushed her too hard, too fast. But he couldn’t keep his feelings hidden any longer.

  “I love you,” he told her, practically spitting the words out. Not exactly the romantic declaration most women dreamed of, he assumed. He cleared his throat. Tried again. “Penelope, I’m in love with you, and I want us to be together. Don’t push me out of your life because it might be difficult. We can get through this. Together.”

  He held his breath, and for a moment, he thought he had her, that she would leap into his arms.

  Instead, she shook her head sadly, covered her mouth with a trembling hand. “Leo, I...I can’t,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

  So was he. More than she would ever know.

  His throat tight, he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I guess you were right. I guess we are too different. You want life to add up, to be neat and tidy. Life doesn’t work that way. I would have thought you, more than anyone, would have realized that by now.”

  Then he did the hardest thing he’d ever done in his entire life. He walked away from the woman he loved. For the first time in his life, he gave up.

  * * *

  “DUDE,” LUKE SAID to Andrew the next day before the first bell. “What the hell happened to you last night?”

  Andrew jerked guiltily. “What do you mean?”

  Luke frowned. “At practice. What the hell’s going on?”

  Practice. Right. Andrew breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment, he’d thought Luke was talking about what had happened between him and Gracie. Not that he could know anything about it. That was between him and Gracie, and he doubted she’d tell anyone they’d had sex.

  He sure as hell wasn’t about to.

  Andrew shrugged and shut his locker. “I’d just...had enough of Coach’s bullshit.”

  “Are you really off the team?”

  “I guess so.”

  “That’s harsh.”

  Andrew noticed Luke didn’t offer to quit in an act of solidarity. Then again, if their positions had been reversed, Andrew wouldn’t have quit the team, either.

  “Is it true?” Kennedy asked as she and Jess joined them. “Did you really get kicked off the team?”

  “It’s true,” Luke said before Andrew could answer.

  “I’m sorry.” Kennedy gave Andrew a hug. “That sucks. I didn’t think Coach Montesano was that unfair.”

  “That’s only because he’s so hot,” Jess said, sidling up next to Andrew. “I mean, no one wants to think he’s an ass. That’s like thinking Channing Tatum severs the heads of kittens or something.”

  Kennedy rolled her eyes. “Eww. Graphic, much?”

  Jess shrugged. “What? I’m just saying...”

  “Well, don’t worry about it,” Kennedy told Andrew. “I’m sure if you apologize, Coach will let you back on the team.”

  “Maybe.” He wasn’t interested in playing for Leo, though. Not anymore. And he really didn’t want to listen to the girls go on about how hot they thought Leo was. Not when he knew what Coach had been doing with his mom.

  It was so freaking disgusting. It wasn’t right. She shouldn’t be going out with Leo or anyone. She was the one who’d wanted the divorce, and Andrew had assumed it was so she could be single, since she’d gotten married sort of young. She couldn’t change the rules on him now, couldn’t decide she wanted to be one of those moms who went out all the time, hooking up with guys like she was still in her twenties.

  Like one of those reality-show housewives.

  A buzzer went off, three quick times, warning the students they had five minutes to get to their classes before first bell. “I have to go,” Jess said. She and Luke both had homerooms on the third floor. “See you later?”

  He nodded. He shut his locker and Kennedy, holding her books against her chest, smiled at him.

  “Walk me to homeroom?” she asked, tipping her head and giving him a view of the long line of her neck.

  “Sure.”

  “Freak alert,” Kennedy said under her breath, glancing at something behind Andrew.

  He turned. And met Gracie’s eyes. She smiled. “Hi, Andrew.” Still smiling, she turned to Kennedy. “Hi.”

  Kennedy’s grin was this side of mean. “Hey, Gracie. Great skirt.” She said it with such falseness, Andrew was sure Gracie wasn’t fooled for a minute.

  “Thank you,” Gracie said, obviously not bothered in the least that Kennedy was being all Mean Girls on her. “Do you want to meet for lunch?” she asked Andrew.

  From the corner of his eye, he saw Kennedy’s shocked expression and the way she curled her lip at Gracie. “Uh...” He shifted. Cleared his throat. “I’m eating with Luke and Kennedy. Sorry.”

  Gracie looked confused, but her smile didn’t dim. “Oh, okay, well, I could sit with you guys—”

  “I don’t think you’d have much fun at our table,” Kennedy said, all fake sympathy. “We’re not really into the same things. Plus, there’s no room. Sorry.”

  Gracie kept her eyes on him as if waiting for him to stick up for her, or tell her that they’d make room or even offer to sit somewhere else so they could eat together. His throat felt tight, and his palms were sweating. “Yeah, uh...sorry.”

  “What about after school?” Gracie asked, her gaze steady, though her smile was long gone. “We could walk home together.”

  “Why would you want to do that?” Kennedy asked, linking her arm with his and pressing close to his side. “I hadn’t realized you two even knew each other.” She wrinkled her nose. “I mean, enough to actually speak to each other. And nobody walks when they can drive. But then, I guess walking is better than taking the bus.”

  Gracie raised her chin. “I take the bus.”

  “Oops.” Kennedy smirked. “My bad.”

  “Actually, I have...things...to do after school,” Andrew said. He looked at Kennedy. “Uh...Gracie and I live next to each other so I’ve been doing a lot of work around her house,” he lied. “For her family and stuff. Yard work and some painting. Things like that.” He held Gracie’s gaze. “Is that what you want to talk to me about? Doing more work?”

  Please, he begged her silently. Please go along with this.

  She looked at him as if he was a piece of dog shit on her shoe. “Yes,” she said, her cheeks red but her gaze steady and condemning. “Actually, I just wanted to let you know there’s no reason for you to come over anymore.”

  “Guess there’s no more work for you,” Kennedy said. “Now that you’re off the football team, that means we can spend more time together.”

  With one last disappointed look at him, Gracie turned and walked away.

  “She is such a freak,” Kennedy said in a loud whisper guaranteed to make Gracie hear her.

  She didn’t stumble, didn’t look back, just kept going.

  * * *

  PENELOPE COULDN’T DENY IT. She missed Leo.

  It had been five days since he w
alked out of her house—and out of her life. Five days since she’d sent him away.

  I’m in love with you.

  She couldn’t get his words out of her head. He hadn’t meant it. He couldn’t have. They hadn’t known each other long enough, didn’t know each other well enough, to be in love. It was ridiculous and irresponsible to believe in that sort of connection. There was no such thing as love at first sight or even love after a few weeks. No, love—true, lasting love—took time to grow.

  She moved the laundry from the washer to the dryer. She was behind, had taken it upon herself to bring Andrew’s dirty clothes down to the laundry room since he hadn’t cleaned his room in over a week.

  It was a mindless task, one guaranteed to give her too much time to think. To mull. To brood.

  And to wonder if she’d made a huge mistake in letting Leo go.

  But she couldn’t trust that his feelings were real. Couldn’t trust that her own feelings were real. How could they be? There were steps that needed to be taken in a relationship. You couldn’t...skip over them because you were in a hurry. Jumping into things, into any situation, without careful forethought was a recipe for disaster.

  But her own marriage had failed, even though she’d taken those steps, had done everything right, her inner voice reminded her.

  She was so confused. It had taken all her willpower not to call Leo to ask him for another chance. He wanted too much from her, though. More than she could give. So she would move on with her life. Get back to living it the way she had been, focusing on Andrew and her career.

  Spending her nights alone while her son stayed closed up in his room, spending weekends doing housework and wondering if she was always going to be alone.

  She sighed and picked up a pair of Andrew’s dirty jeans, automatically checked his pockets and pulled out a small foil wrapper.

  An empty condom wrapper.

  She frowned at it, her mind refusing to compute what was right in front of her. Her son had an empty condom wrapper in his pocket. Empty. Not put there in the hopes of being used some magical day, but already used and discarded.

  She went cold all over. The room spun. Her son was having sex. Had had sex. Or, at least, it appeared so.

  Breathing deeply to fight off a wave of dizziness, she leaned against the washing machine. It was okay. She could handle this. She’d talk to him, stay calm and cool, and keep the lines of communication between them open. She could do this, would handle it. On her own.

  She wished Leo were here. Not because she needed him to take over or handle this for her, but because he would have her back. Because she wouldn’t be alone.

  Resolute, she marched up the stairs, and entered the kitchen to find Andrew drinking milk straight from the carton. She didn’t say a word. She had bigger issues to discuss with him. “Andrew, please sit down. I need to talk to you.”

  He lowered the container, glared at her. Yes, that was her life this past week, him stomping around the house, sullen and miserable because he’d been kicked off the football team, because she had dared to go out with a man. “About what?”

  “I guess you’ll find out when you sit down.”

  “Can’t it wait? I have homework.”

  Irritation spiked at this brooding man-child. She was seriously sick and tired of his attitude. “Sit. Down.”

  He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, put the milk in the fridge, then slumped onto a seat.

  “I found this—” she held up the used condom wrapper “—in your pocket.”

  His face went white, but then he gave an irritable shrug. “So?”

  She raised her eyebrows. “So, I hadn’t realized you were dating someone, and yet you’re having sex.” She sat across from him, kept her tone nonthreatening and nonjudgmental. “I just...I want to make sure you’re being careful.”

  “I don’t need another safe-sex talk,” he said, standing. “Especially from you.”

  “You’re not going to get one,” she said, fighting to remain calm. It wasn’t easy when she was so very tired of his attitude. “Do you have feelings for this girl?”

  “For who?”

  Her irritation grew. “The girl you’re having sex with.”

  “I’m not having sex with anyone. It was one time, okay? And you had no right snooping around in my room!”

  “I wasn’t snooping. I picked up your dirty clothes. It’s not like I went through your dresser drawers. Listen, let’s not argue. I simply want you to know how important it is to always use protection and treat women with respect. If you don’t care for this girl, you shouldn’t be sleeping with her.”

  He sneered, set his hands on his hips. “Why not? You slept with Coach. You telling me you care about him?”

  “Yes,” she said slowly, realizing it was truer than she’d wanted to admit. “I do care about Leo. Very much.”

  And she’d pushed him away.

  “Great. So now what? You’re going to marry him and I’ll be stuck with you two until I graduate.”

  It felt as if time slowed. Penelope stared at her son, and in that moment, with him glaring at her, his bad attitude and complete and total lack of respect out in the open for all to see, she suddenly had it with him. It didn’t matter if he liked her or wanted to be with her. It didn’t even matter if she lost him, because the way he was now, she didn’t want to be with him.

  “I’m tired of you blaming me for everything,” she said slowly, softly. “The divorce. Having expectations of you about your grades, your behavior. I’m tired of being the scapegoat for your problems.”

  He snorted. “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about you and your horrible behavior and attitude. I’m not putting up with it anymore. I’ve spent so long trying to make it up to you that your father and I got divorced. Well, guess what? That wasn’t all my fault. Your father wasn’t happy, either. Maybe we handled it badly, not letting you know we were having problems, but we were trying to protect you, and honestly, I had thought we could work things out. Until the day your father told me he wanted a divorce. I couldn’t stay married to him when we were both miserable. So maybe that was selfish of me, but I deserve to be happy.”

  “You could have stayed together,” Andrew accused. “I went from being sick to moving. I didn’t have a say in any of it.”

  “No, you didn’t. That’s what parents do. They make decisions for their children. All your life, I’ve lived for you. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to love someone that much? So much that you’re willing to put their needs ahead of anything and everything else? Have you ever thought about how scared your father and I were when you were sick? It was all we could do to get through each day, hating that you were suffering, wishing it was us instead, and being unable to stop your pain.” The memory of Todd abandoning her hit with unexpected force. Some of the anger she’d suppressed then came out.

  “Your dad turned to work, hours and hours of work to keep his mind occupied. Me? I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about was getting you well. All I could do was read about treatments and pray and pray and pray some more that you’d pull through. That helplessness is the worst feeling in the world, especially when it comes to your child. But it was out of my hands.”

  The truth of her words registered and she shut her eyes. “It was out of my hands,” she repeated on a whisper.

  For so long, she’d thought it was all up to her to save him, to keep him safe and healthy. But some things were beyond a person’s control.

  It was a frightening, and liberating, realization.

  “Yes, I want you to be safe and healthy.” She blinked away tears. “And I want you to be happy. But if you can’t manage that last part on your own, if you don’t choose happiness, there’s nothing I can do or say to change that. So I’m going to stop.”

  He looked shaken. “Stop what?”

  “Stop trying so damned hard all the time. I can’t worry about you being happy. I’m going to focus o
n my own happiness instead of always worrying about yours. Because, you see,” she continued, sniffing, “I can’t make you happy. Only you can do that. It’s taken me this long to realize that and to realize that maybe bringing you here was a mistake.”

  “We’re moving again?”

  She shook her head. Wiped the wetness from her face. “I’m staying. But if you can’t or won’t obey my rules, if you don’t help out around the house and keep your grades up without me nagging you, if you refuse to treat me with respect—the respect I deserve—then you will no longer be welcome here.”

  His eyes widened. “You’re kicking me out?”

  “I’m giving you a choice. You can see about living with your dad or your grandparents, but you will no longer live here if you’re going to continue to be the selfish, rude, disrespectful person you’ve been. You won’t live here, because to be honest, I’m not crazy about this person you’ve become.” Feeling empowered and well-deserving of everything she expected of him, of everything she wanted, she evenly met his shocked gaze. “You have until Sunday at dinner to let me know your decision. But know this, once you do decide, you’ll follow through whatever that decision is.”

  She walked away, proud of herself for finally being the parent Andrew needed.

  Wishing she could call Leo and tell him about it.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  ANDREW’S HANDS WERE SHAKING.

  He set his head in his hands. His mother was going to kick him out. How could she? Where would he go? It was obvious his dad didn’t want him, and he didn’t want to live with his grandparents. He’d just gotten used to living here. He finally had friends.

  Shit.

  His throat clogged. What had he done? He wanted to blame his mom. He really did. And he tried to convince himself this was all her fault for being too strict, too overbearing and controlling, but he couldn’t lie to himself anymore.

  But he really, really wanted to.

  She’d cried. He wiped his palms down the front of his jeans. She’d handled the condom thing pretty well, but then she’d broken down and cried. He’d never seen her cry before. Never wanted to see it again. Even when he was sick, she’d been a rock, steady and always there for him to lean on.