Surrogacy

by James Phillip

  Chapter 25

  Chasing Paperwork: Passports and Bureaucracy

  Being back in Bangkok gave us the chance to catch up on some administrative chores to get us home to the UK as quickly as possible. The babies were nearing four weeks old already, and although it now seemed as if they had always been with us, it also seemed as quick as a heartbeat that they were a month old. We had to take them to the hospital where they were born for their Hepatitis B booster; it would be a chance for us to thank the nurses properly in the nursery and also the staff and doctors on the floor where Grace had stayed. Driving back to the hospital we were greeted by so many familiar faces, all very excited to see the twins. I had thought that as it was a hospital they would see new parents coming and going all the time, but we seemed to get a very warm welcome from everyone. We entered via the same nursery door from the car park and the babies’ nurse was on duty and recognised us all straight away. It seemed that Leo and Olivia had grown so much in the three weeks since we had been there that all the other nurses too came to see us. Chatting away to them and discussing how much milk each of them was taking and how they were sleeping was so warming, and I could tell that the nurses loved their job and cared for all the babies even after they’d left the hospital. After all that, it was off to get them weighed and seen by the doctor for their injections. Both babies had put on a healthy weight which gave me a huge sense of relief – I was scared now about them having their inoculations. I could still hear the screams in my head from taking Lily, and her tense grip had stayed with me for years.

  Luckily, it was over in seconds and seemed relatively pain-free. I was hoping it would continue to be so over the next twenty-four hours and wouldn’t unsettle the babies or give them any fever. We were given medicine for them in case they developed a temperature, and both babies received medicine for colic, which we could use if needed. Glad the injections were over, we dropped into Grace’s old ward on the twelfth floor to introduce the babies, and all the nurses were just as kind and interested as those in the nursery. It seemed we had made quite an impression while being there. I was happy too that my mum got to meet all the nurses who had taken care of Grace and the babies and to see where they had been born. My mum also got the chance to spend time with Grace a few days later and thank her personally for giving her these two new wonderful grandchildren. It was lovely to watch them chatting and spending time together with the babies.

  Part of our passport application required us to have a DNA test. We had to provide the passport office with evidence of my parentage so the Citizenship by Descent order could get the babies their British passports and allow us to travel home. This was to take place with an appointed doctor, not too far from our apartment, where an embassy official would be present and our DNA would be taken, via mouth swab, and sent back to the UK for analysis. It was all a very formal affair and I wondered in the back of my mind if, by any distant chance, there had been a mistake at the clinic and one of the embryos had been someone else’s. I suppose that was natural, and although on so many occasions I saw both my nieces in Olivia and myself in Leo, I knew by default this necessary test would dismiss any of those thoughts. I did also wonder what might happen if there had been a mistake at conception, but I settled my thoughts, thinking that this was completely natural, and I concentrated on the matter in hand, which was to get the twins to provide their mouth swab samples. At the doctor’s office were Krzysztof and our nanny, our lawyer, Claire, and the embassy official to oversee the test with the doctor and nurses there. There were mountains of forms to fill out that had to be done there and then, lots of writing on photos and stamping of the samples too. There were all sorts of rules about who could be in the room while the samples were being taken, and I went into the room first for my sample. I signed my forms and left so that Leo could have his sample taken, and then in line was Olivia. Once all the paperwork had been signed, the embassy official took the sealed samples and envelope for return to the UK via diplomatic bag. It all seemed secure and organised, and all that was left to do now was to wait for the results.

  I was told that we would be informed by email and, a couple of weeks later, the results were sent to us in an encrypted PDF. The results did indeed show that both babies were biologically mine, and reading the paper did put away any fears I may have had in the back of my mind. In fact, if I am truly honest, I think it made a big difference to me and helped my bond with the babies grow even stronger now all of those doubts and fears were gone. I knew the chances were slim, but my fears came from the fact that I hadn’t been directly involved in the fertilisation of the eggs in the lab, and although I trusted the clinic completely, I assumed there was always the chance of an error somewhere. I had thought about what I would do if the results had been different. Although Lily is not my biological child, my bond with her is complete and secure so I knew that I probably would feel no different. Thinking about that also made me think about how Krzysztof was bonding with the babies too, and as he was growing as a dad I knew it made no difference to him at all. His love for the babies was strong and protective, and his calmness with them and the love he gives them constantly warms my heart. However, the primary reason for the DNA test was to help with our passport application, so I knew when we received the certificate that we were another step closer to going home.

  Although we had way more help and space in Bangkok than we could afford at home, I was beginning to pine for London and longed to introduce Lily to her brother and sister. The days passed quickly and the weeks even quicker, and I was beginning to get impatient now waiting for the passports to be issued. As we passed six weeks after the babies’ birth, Grace had an appointment at our lawyer’s office to sign paperwork giving all parental rights to me, a form that was required for the UK parental order. As this milestone was passed, I desperately wanted to return home and get into our routine there. I asked our lawyer how long it would take for the passports to be issued, and each time we had to wait seventy-two hours for a response from the passport office in London, only to be told that the passports were being processed. No timescales – so we couldn’t plan at all. With all the paperwork, the waiting and testing, I sometimes felt that these two small babies were forgotten, and it was all paperwork and promises without any substance. We were told to wait one week for this, and two weeks for that, but I was aware that Krzysztof had to be back at work by the beginning of April. That only left us a couple of weeks, and there was no way I would attempt to go home alone with the twins if he had to return any earlier.

  We decided that, rather than waiting indefinitely for the passports to be issued, we would apply for an emergency passport, commonly referred to as an ETD. In view of all the paperwork we did have, and the fact that we had already had full applications in for passports weeks ago, this should have been a relatively quick application. In fact, it turned out to be even lengthier than the passport application itself. We needed to have medical reports and written passages about us and the twins. I have since learned that from any other country an ETD can be issued within forty-eight hours, but from Thailand, with babies born via surrogacy, it could be up to two weeks – if they would even be issued at all. So we compiled everything we needed to submit the applications (written statements, photographs and medical reports), and our lawyer submitted the application in person. There we were waiting again, now getting ever more eager to return home. I decided to take us off on one of our most adventurous trips yet, a trip to the island of Koh Chang.

  Once again, we packed everything we needed into the hotel van and headed off south towards the ferry and, of course, the beach. We had asked Leah to bring her sister-in-law, Zuzia, to help us during the night, and Krzysztof and I had big plans for our first full night’s sleep in weeks. Arriving on the island via ferry felt very adventurous, and I was excited to be travelling too with our friend, Danni, who was visiting us from Australia. We had visited the island before; it was the same island I was on when I messaged and
called Grace when we discovered she was pregnant. We had friends there, and I was excited to introduce them to the twins. I knew we would be well looked after.

  The beauty of the resort was breathtaking after such a long journey, and I was again happy and relaxed to be outside in the open and away from constant air-conditioning. I could see the babies were too, or at least they were excited to be out of the van. After settling in and a romantic candlelit dinner on the beach, Krzysztof and I said goodnight to the nannies and the babies and settled down for a full night of rest. I wondered if I would sleep the whole night through, but we both did, and in the morning I threw open the doors to our room straight onto the beach.

  As the babies woke up at daybreak, we went for a walk along the beautiful white sandy beach with them. They were breathing in the fresh air and cuddling into their dads, happy to be out in the open. We had made plans to take them out to the pier at Bang Bao and come back to the hotel so they could rest in the afternoon while we had ice cream and sat by the pool. I felt completely relaxed, and getting a bit of a suntan out on kayaks with Krzysztof, we could look back to shore and see the nannies sitting with the babies as they slept. Behind the hotel were mountains covered in forest and it felt so exotic and warm; I was so happy to be there with my family and friends. We planned lots of dinners and breakfasts, and the babies enjoyed sitting in the shade with us, listening to the birds chirping and animals moving in the forest. They were becoming so much more alert and interested in the sights and sounds around them. It was an idyllic time to spend with them as they were looking at everything and listened intently to all the new noises.

  Much of our time at this point was spent waiting, chasing the lawyers for updates, filling out forms and arranging for forms to be filled out. We all had a comfortable routine, and if we were home we all knew we could relax together with the help of the nannies keeping everything ticking over in the background. On Sundays we would look forward to going to lunch or exploring, and be a little fearful of the night and having to feed both of them together every three hours, trying to keep them in sync so that at least Krzysztof and I would be awake together and sleeping together. I was so thankful for those days, as mostly they were calm and full of fun as long as we timed everything right and had enough equipment with us if we were out. I wondered endlessly how it would be at home with outside influences like work putting pressure on us, but nevertheless I was still keen to get back to England and was spending time Googling flights for our trip home. So, on Monday morning, when our nannies returned, we both had a long lie-in and let Leah take over for a while.

  While we were waiting for the passports, I thought it would be a good time to drop by the offices of the IVF clinic to see all the nurses there and, of course, the doctor. I was so proud to take the babies into the clinic and felt happy as the nurses caught sight of us and came running over. I had spent a lot of time at the clinic over the past year and had been to the scans in the early days. When Grace was rushed to hospital in December, the nurses there were always on hand to do their best to guide us through what needed to be done. It was the first time Krzysztof had been to the clinic, though, and with the addition of Leah, as always we were quite a group. We spent time chatting with the doctor about the babies and their arrival, and then discussed our embryos that were still with the clinic and our plans for the future. We planned to keep them there for the time being and discuss at some point in the future what our plans for them would be. It was heart-warming to see everyone there and, after such a turbulent and thrilling year, it was a special moment for them also to see the results of all their hard work in the now nearly smiling faces of Leo and Olivia.

  Back home at our apartment in Bangkok, I was beginning to get more and more frustrated at the length of time it was taking to get our British passports or the ETD. It seemed as if every day we had another form to fill out or document to prepare, and then just wait and wait until we would finally be given permission to travel with our babies. We had heard so many stories of failed travel attempts with babies, due to having incorrect paperwork or being under investigation by the immigration department, that I was becoming increasingly fretful about the transit home. I couldn’t believe the need for all this paperwork, although rationally I understood the necessity for documents and checks for child trafficking when taking two babies from one country to another. Every time we asked for an update we would be told that there were many layers of checks that needed to be completed, but when I questioned what exactly these checks were so we might help speed them along, we were just told to wait. On the one hand, I could feel we were close to getting home, but on the other it felt like it was a lifetime away – something so wonderful to imagine but too difficult to achieve. Sometimes it felt as if we would be stuck in Thailand forever.

  Our lawyer would arrive and we would sign more documents; we’d then call at the British Embassy who said that the passports from the UK were out of their control and that the ETD would not then be issued if the full passports were, indeed, on their way. It was a cat-and-mouse game and we were stuck in the middle. As another weekend approached, we headed down the coast to Jomtein beach to visit our friends, Cora and Matthew. For a change, as it was the weekend and there was no one to call to check the progress of the passports and no one to email us with updates, there was nothing left to do but relax as a family again in a luxurious hotel by the beach. It felt like a holiday as it was a holiday, and Krzysztof and I were much more confident in travelling with the babies and feeding them together in the night-time. We even managed this trip, all four of us, in our little car without our nannies – completely different from our first trip to Hua Hin when we practically packed up the whole apartment.

  Sitting at breakfast with the babies in the restaurant, the breeze gently blowing in from outside and the sunshine beating down, I felt that we would be able to depart soon. Although life was marvellous as a family in Thailand, our extended family and normal lives were back home in the UK and staying here any longer was beginning to get more and more ridiculous. I wanted to go home immediately, and I was getting louder and louder when talking to our lawyer, telling him to get us information and get it fast! Then the news came. Our lawyer emailed us. The British passports had been approved. I could finally let the thoughts of us all going home to our family run through my head. My next questions though were: When? Really? So no ETDs then? How long will it take for them to arrive? Can we leave immediately? We needed to pack.

  The information was confusing, though. We asked when we would receive the passports, and in the email reply our lawyer was erroneously addressed as the parent, not me and Krzysztof. She was informed that her daughter’s passport would be sent by international courier to Thailand and she could collect it from the visa centre in Bangkok. Had there been a mistake? Why did they think it was only one child, or did they mean one passport for two girls? Had they confused Leo’s passport again and issued his as female? Had they thought that the babies belonged to our lawyer? These simple questions were difficult to get answered, and I was exhausted.

  We managed to get two courier numbers from the UK, but when we entered them into the tracking website they came back as ‘not found’. I was upset, and our lawyer confirmed that the same lack of clarity had faced her. These numbers had come from the British Embassy in Bangkok, but there was obviously a mistake. How could this happen? Were the passports really approved and on their way? Were the documents that were coming even correct? I could not get an answer. Just that we had to wait seventy-two hours again. I wanted the passport numbers and I wanted to see tracking on a website. Even if they arrived, we still had so much to do before leaving. We couldn’t just jump on the next plane. We wanted to meet with Grace to say goodbye, we wanted to thank everyone, and it would take time to pack up the apartment, ship what we could and carry the rest with us. The embassy confirmed that the passports were on their way and that they would not be issuing the ETD now that the actual passports
had been issued. So we had to wait, and I still couldn’t book a flight home as I was worried that something would go wrong and we wouldn’t be able to take the flight if all the paperwork wasn’t in hand, even though we had the passports in our possession.

  After lots of encouragement, our lawyer finally managed to get us tracking numbers that could be confirmed on the courier’s website. Was this it? Were they winging their way to us? I hesitated as I typed the codes into our iPad. Yes! The packages had left the passport department and were bound for Bangkok. I felt a flurry of hope and excitement. I shrieked to Krzysztof that the passports were on a plane and we could track them. He was refreshing the website as much as I was and we began looking at flights home. I had been Googling these for the last nine months and had a pretty good understanding by now of every feasible transit home. I was worried about passing through a country that would not recognise the surrogacy, even though we were only in transit, and I wanted to use all the points we had accumulated to fly us on this very special trip home.

  We found flights that were a few days away, but I wanted to wait until we had got the passports in our hands. I knew that even then we would have to attend the embassy to have the passports notarised alongside travel documentation, so even if we wanted to we couldn’t just leave straight away. I was refreshing the website all through the night and finally, in the morning, the statuses were updated: the two packages had arrived in Bangkok processing centre. They were here. I looked at Krzysztof, and I looked at the babies – we might actually be leaving soon. I marvelled at the thought that in a few days we could be in our apartment, enjoying our time together and meeting our family and friends. I wanted to tell Emma and Lily, but I was too afraid of something going wrong. We kept it a secret, and I gave Krzysztof, Leo and Olivia the biggest hugs!