Then Comes Baby

by Helen Brenna

  Yeah, he was. Natalie looked out through the woods and barely made out Jamis heading into his house. They should’ve never made love without protection. It had been totally irresponsible. Even so, she couldn’t help wanting Jamis’s baby with all of her heart.

  IT WAS A GORGEOUS, LATE summer afternoon. Preoccupied as he was about Natalie and her pregnancy, Jamis had all but given up writing this damned book until September when he figured he’d be able to concentrate. He pulled on his wet suit, hiked down the hill and dragged his kayak to the water’s edge.

  “Hey.” The voice came from behind him, down the shoreline.

  He spun around and found Galen sitting on a large flat boulder nestled on the hill.

  “Going kayaking?”

  Wet suit. Paddle. Kayak. A smart-ass comment came to mind, but Jamis didn’t have the heart today. Especially not after having spent three days working side by side with the kid making that tree house. The boy had proven to be not only a hard worker, but also smart and good with tools. “Yeah, I’m going kayaking.”

  The kid threw a rock into the water. “Can I go with you?”

  Spend some guy time with a kid and all of a sudden we’re best friends. “Dude, do you see another kayak around anywhere?”

  Galen threw a couple more rocks into the water. “I could rent one in town. If you wouldn’t mind waiting for me.”

  Jamis looked away. “Something happen between you and Natalie?”

  “No, we’re cool.” He shrugged. “Chief Taylor got those townie jerks to confess, so I’m in the clear. Thanks to you telling him we didn’t have a DVD player.”

  “That’s good. So what’s wrong then?”

  The kid shrugged again. “Nothing.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Guess I just don’t want the summer to be over.”

  “Don’t want to go home?”

  The kid didn’t say anything.

  Jamis took a deep breath and against his better judgment caved. “All right, Galen. Get up and get moving. I’ll meet you in town at Setterberg’s Rental. If you’re not in a wet suit and on the beach waiting by the time I get there, I’m leaving without you.” It was an empty threat, but the kid didn’t need to know that.

  Before Jamis could climb into his kayak, Galen had already set off running through the woods. In truth, Jamis didn’t mind spending time with the boy. It made him wonder what Caitlin and Justin would’ve been like had they lived to become stubborn, know-it-all teenagers. It made him wonder what it would be like to be a father again.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  A CRACK OF THUNDER, deafening in intensity, jolted Jamis from a sound sleep. Lightning flashed, illuminating the rain pouring into his open bedroom window. He jumped out of bed, cranked the window closed, and noticed the electricity had gone out. He was wiping up the wet sill and dabbing at the carpet when a loud pounding sounded on his front door.

  Snickers barked and ran downstairs.

  He trailed after the dog and swung the door wide to find Natalie standing on his porch. He hadn’t seen her since he’d finished the tree house more than a week earlier and he had to admit pregnancy was looking damned good on her. Dressed in only pajama pants and a very wet, clingy T-shirt, the fact that she wasn’t wearing a bra became immediately apparent, and it was all Jamis could do not to stare.

  “Can you please come to the house?” she asked, shivering, her wet hair flattened to her cheeks.

  He almost went with her, no questions asked, until his sanity returned. “What for?”

  “It’s Toni. The storm.” As if just now becoming aware of the wet state of her dress, she crossed her arms over her chest. “She woke up screaming and keeps calling your name.”

  “My name? You’re joking.”

  “Please, Jamis. I know you and I have issues, but all the kids are scared. Toni’s upsetting them even more.”

  “Why me?”

  “I don’t know.” Natalie shook her wet head. “You must make her feel safe.”

  Him? The king of horror? He made a child feel safe? What a crock. “I’m not…I don’t—”

  “She wants you, Jamis. Not me.”

  He looked away and swallowed the sudden lump in his throat.

  She shivered and her shoulders sagged. “Well. If you change your mind, you know where to find us.”

  “Fine,” he said. “I’ll come.” He grabbed his slicker off the rack and handed it to her along with a flashlight.

  “I’m already wet,” she said. “You—”

  “I’ll be all right. Come on, Snick.”

  After grabbing a couple more flashlights, he followed Natalie as she raced down the path between their two houses. Every window was dark in her house. Candlelight illuminated the shapes of kids looking through the windows. The moment they entered the house, he heard the screaming.

  “Is that her?”

  Natalie nodded. Either her face was wet from the rain, or she was crying, probably both. She grabbed a bath towel off the top of the dryer and handed it to him. “Go, please. I’ll take care of Snickers.”

  After rubbing the towel through his wet hair, he stepped into the kitchen and found all of the kids loitering around, a couple of them holding their hands to their ears. The only light came from several candles on the table and counters. The littlest boy, Ryan, was crying, but Jamis guessed Natalie could handle him.

  “Where is she?” he asked.

  “Follow the screaming.” Galen pointed upward.

  Sam glared at Galen. “I’ll show you.”

  Jamis followed her up the stairs.

  “In here.” She stopped outside an open door. “Toni? Jamis is here.”

  The screaming continued unabated.

  Jamis entered the bedroom and glanced around. It was a pretty girly-girl room with a fluffy multicolored shag rug, pale pink walls and white furniture, including two sets of bunk beds. A lantern-style flashlight on the bedside table provided the only light in the room.

  Another jolt of lightning and a crack of thunder and he saw Toni huddled in the corner on one of the lower bunks. “Toni?” He sat on the bed and reached for her. “Hey, it’s okay. Nothing’s going to hurt you.” He reached out to touch her arm and she jumped.

  He waited, rubbing her back in a soothing motion, but when her cries didn’t subside he gently picked her up and pulled her onto his lap. Still hysterical, she flailed in his arms, kicked, scratched and swung her head.

  “Shh, shh, shh. It’s okay.” And like that, it all returned to him, what he was supposed to do and say to calm a little child. “Sweetheart, you’re okay. Toni, shh, shh, shh.”

  He rocked her, kissed the top of her head, patted her back and smoothed her curls away from her tear-streaked face. He did everything he could think of, every trick he’d used years ago on his own two children, to calm her. Within a few minutes, her high-pitched screams fell to a loud wail, then her body, tired and stressed, shuddered in relief.

  She turned her face into his chest and her little hand gripped his arm, and it was all Jamis could do to keep his own tears at bay. What had happened to this child to frighten her so badly?

  “Is…Snickers…here?” Her words came out in a choppy cadence.

  “He is. Do you want me to get him?”

  “No! Don’t leave!”

  “I’m not going to leave.” Standing, he carried her to the door. “Snickers, come!”

  The dog bounded up the stairs and flew into Toni’s room.

  With Toni on his lap, Jamis sat on the bed, and together they petted the dog’s head.

  “Can he sleep with me?” she asked.

  “Absolutely. Come on, Snick, up.”

  The dog jumped onto the mattress and licked Toni’s tear-salted cheek. She hugged him and kissed him back.

  “If you lie down, I’ll bet Snickers will cuddle right up with you.”

  Clearly exhausted, she fell onto her pillow. “I don’t want you to go.”

  “Then I won’t.” He sat on the floor and he
ld her hand. “I’ll be here until morning.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  Jamis leaned back against the mattress, kicked his legs out in front of him, and listened to the sound of her breathing. If Caitlin had lived, she’d have been around Toni’s age. He turned his head and glanced at the little girl, her eyes closed, her mouth slack, her small form moving slowly with each breath. He had the strangest feeling Natalie was carrying a girl. A girl. What would she name her daughter? The thought of her giving birth and raising a little one without him twisted his stomach in knots. He was going to miss out on so much.

  All at once, the joy and pride Jamis had experienced in the very short time he’d been a father came back to him in a rush. He’d probably spoiled both his kids, but considering how awful his own parents had been at the job, Jamis had done all right. Until the end. He’d be paying for that one wish the rest of his life.

  IT TOOK FOREVER TO GET the kids settled. Eventually, they all fell back into peaceful slumber, the boys and Sam in their respective rooms and Arianna and Ella in Natalie’s room downstairs. After changing out of her wet clothes, Natalie silently crept upstairs, poked her head into Toni’s room and was relieved to find the girl sound asleep with Snickers snuggled in front of her. What gripped her heart was the sight of Jamis asleep sitting on the floor, one arm resting on the bed and Toni’s doll-like hand swallowed up by his big mitt. For all his blubbering to the contrary, Jamis had a heart of gold, coming over here in the pouring rain and helping a child for whom he wasn’t the slightest bit responsible.

  His eyes cracked open and he spotted her at the door.

  “You don’t need to stay,” she whispered. The worst of the storm had moved southeast of the island, and the rain had slowed to a steady pitter-patter.

  He carefully disentangled his hand from Toni’s and came out into the hall, pulling the door nearly closed behind him. “I promised her I’d stay until morning,” he whispered. “If it’s okay with you, I’ll sleep on the other bunk, so if she wakes she’ll see me there.”

  “Are you sure?”

  He nodded and looked away, uncertain.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Why?” he asked. “Why was Toni so frightened?”

  “Kids get scared in storms—”

  “No, she wasn’t just scared. She was hysterical.”

  Natalie wasn’t supposed to share private information, but Jamis deserved an explanation. “Let’s go downstairs, so we don’t wake the kids.” Using a flashlight, she went into the kitchen. Thunder rumbling in the distance and steady rain beating against the window over the sink made the room seem cozy.

  “Toni’s parents were killed about a year ago. She was in the backseat of the car when the vehicle got stuck on a railroad track. There was a bad storm that night. Like tonight, it was raining, lightning and thundering when the train hit the car, killing her parents.”

  Jamis looked down. “And Toni?”

  “She was in the hospital for several weeks with a concussion and a broken leg.” Natalie rested her hand on his arm. “She has no relatives that could take her. She’s been bouncing from one foster care home to another since she got out of the hospital.”

  “I suppose every kid here has a similar story.”

  “Some have it a little tougher than others, but, yeah, not one of them has had an easy life.”

  “I was wrong, Natalie. What you’re doing here is important.”

  She couldn’t have been more shocked by his humble admission. “Thank you.” The moment turned awkward, as if neither knew where to go from there. “Your shirt is still wet from the rain,” she said. “I think I’ve got something that might fit you.” She went into the laundry room and found a T-shirt she’d bought for Galen that had come a size too big. “Here. This might fit.”

  “Thanks.”

  Natalie hadn’t intended on watching as he shrugged out of his wet shirt, but from the moment she caught sight of his bare chest and the mat of dark, curly hair, she couldn’t peel her eyes away from him. He drew the dry shirt over his head, caught her gaze, and quickly looked away. “Now where’s your fuse box? I’ll see if I can get the electricity going again.”

  “In the basement.” She cleared her head, grabbed a flashlight and opened a door next to the pantry. “I’ve never done this before, so can you show me?”

  “Sure.”

  She went down the basement stairs. The old-fashioned fuse box was located toward the far end of the room, so with Jamis following, she walked across the cool and dank room on the uneven cement floor. Aside from the beams from their flashlights and the faint light coming from the top of the stairs, the basement was pitch-black. “Here it is.”

  She stood beside him while he showed her how to tell which fuses had blown and how to replace them. She’d never noticed before how comforting his voice could sound when he wasn’t being sarcastic. No wonder Toni had asked for him. After a few moments, she shivered with the chill in the air. Heat emanated from him, and she found herself inching closer to his tall frame.

  “There. That should do it.” He turned, bringing them mere inches from each other. He smelled fresh, like the rain that had dried on his skin. “We should go.”

  “Do we have to?” she whispered.

  He was silent for a moment. “Yes. Now.” In the darkness with shadows all around, she couldn’t see his eyes, but somehow she sensed his arousal.

  Her knees turned weak at the thought, and he reached out to grab her. “I’m having a hard time forgetting our night together,” she whispered. “You should know that kind of thing has never happened to me before. You know…sex…just like that.”

  He said nothing. Only the sound of his breathing turning quick and raspy gave any indication he’d heard and been at all affected by what she’d said.

  She closed her eyes and leaned toward him and his mouth slowly descended toward hers. The first touch of his lips was soft and slow, exploring and testing. Tentative. Not at all like the other night when they’d made love, but then she reached for him, felt the muscles of his chest and shoulders, and a whimper of pure, unadulterated appreciation escaped her throat.

  Then everything happened almost at once. His kiss went from gentle to insistent with one thrust of his tongue. “You’re killing me,” he whispered, pressing her against the wall. And then his hands, his touch, seemed everywhere at once, from her neck to her breasts, her stomach to her butt, thrusting under her shirt, dipping just below the waistband of her shorts.

  She was no better, gripping, groping and scratching him. She couldn’t be sure, but she may have even bit his lip. “What is it with us?” she murmured against his lips.

  “Put a man who’s only had sex once in five years in close proximity to a beautiful woman and he’s going to…”

  “Is that all this is?”

  “No.” He buried his nose in her hair. “I’ve never…You’re the only woman I’ve ever…Hell, I don’t know.”

  “I know I want you.” She leaned into him, pulsed her hips against him.

  He groaned as if in pain. Then he stepped back and threw his hands in the air. “No. This is wrong. Haven’t we done enough damage already?”

  “A baby is not damage. At least not as far as I’m concerned.”

  “Natalie, we’re moths to the flame, you and I. You don’t want me. Not really. I may have fathered your child, but that’s not going to change anything. As far as you’re concerned, I’m just another man that you want to fix. And as soon as things get too messy, you’ll find some fatal flaw in me and then move on to your next project.”

  “You think, huh?” she murmured.

  “I know. I’m doing us both a favor.”

  She held his arm as coherent thought returned. “There was some truth to everything you said about me being afraid of abandonment, but I swear, Jamis, you’re different. I’m not sure how, but you are.”

  “I’m unavailable. That’s the difference.” He pulled away and
stepped back.

  “I leave to go back to Minneapolis in a little more than a week. How can you turn your back on this? On your child? You were a good father. I know you were.”

  “This is your baby, Natalie. I’ll provide whatever financial support you want, but it’ll be your child. Not mine. I can’t—won’t—be involved in any way other than to pay bills. I lost my family. I don’t deserve another one.” He grabbed his flashlight and went upstairs to Toni’s bedroom.

  LYING ON HIS BACK, Jamis slowly opened his eyes. If the wedge of sunlight streaming from the edges of the window blind was any indication, it was already midmorning. He glanced up to find cutouts of magazine pictures plastered overhead. Ella or Arianna must’ve taped them onto the bottom of the top bunk. Rather than a collage of fanciful pictures, it was more like a photo layout. Most of the cutouts were of models, but whoever had done the cutting had obviously decided she could do better than the original designers.

  In paper doll fashion, a scarf and a pair of shoes had been glued over one model. Pants and a jacket onto another. A dress, made from a mishmash of clippings, had been taped or glued onto a third. A coat and hat onto a fourth. A necklace, earrings and purse onto the last.

  “You’re sleeping in my bed.” The little girl’s voice coming from the other bunk was soft and sleepy.

  So Toni was the wannabe fashion designer. He glanced over at her. Other than her eyes being slightly puffy from crying, she looked no worse for wear. “It’s very comfortable. Why aren’t you in it?”

  “It’s by the window.”

  The lightning last night during the storm. “Oh.” Not wanting to embarrass her, he wasn’t sure what else to say.

  “Thanks.” She stared at him, and without uttering another word, he understood how grateful she was.

  “Why me?” he asked, needing to know. “Why did you ask for me last night?”

  “’Cause I was right the first time. You do remind me of my daddy.”

  “You mean I look like him?”

  “No. You…feel like him.”

  He comforted her? How was that possible? This was a crazy damned world, and he’d never understand it.