A Brother's Secret

by A. J. Downey

  He laughed, “Tomorrow, babe. I promise we’ll get you all moved in tomorrow.”

  I nodded and turned to face out the window, my fingers suddenly itching for my tarot cards in my messenger bag in the back cargo area.

  We drove in silence for a couple of hours, and I appreciated that he let me think. At the next rest stop, he pulled off and asked, “Do you think you can drive for a couple of hours?”

  “I don’t have a driver’s license, I never got one. Just a fake ID as Lexi.”

  He pulled into one of the spaces in front of the rest stop facilities and turned his head to look at me, eyes a little bit wide, and then flipped through the folds of leather in my lap. He pulled out a thin stack of cards, all rubber-banded together, and handed them to me. On top was a Kentucky driver’s license with my photo. With trembling fingers, I moved the blue rubber band aside to reveal my name… my real name.

  Junix, Amalia Rose

  It had all the right information, hair black, eyes brown, but the address… I looked up at Kyle and asked, “Your folk’s place?”

  “Our place,” he amended.

  “Is this real?”

  He nodded, “Keep going.”

  I blinked and moved the license aside to reveal a crisp, new, social security card with my real name and real social security number. I still had mine, and my real birth certificate, tucked into an envelope in my bag… but he didn’t know that.

  Behind the social security card were two other cards, one was a debit card, the pin number taped to the back, Kyle’s birth month and day, and the other was an actual credit card, something I had never owned before with a credit limit that far exceeded any amount of money I could ever pay back in my lifetime.

  “You did all this?” I asked, and he nodded solemnly.

  “I did,” he said.

  “How?” He smiled and it was a little bit devilish and a little bit mysterious.

  “I have my ways. You can drive, right?”

  “Yeah, I mean, I learned how and I drove on occasion as Lexi, but I didn’t really need to in the city. I took transit and stuff.”

  He got out of the car and came around to my side, opening the door. I handed him his jacket and cut and he smiled at me.

  “She’s all yours, you’re going to need her when we get back home. Things are too spread out for transit to be very effective for you. I have the bike, so that'll do until we get something you like.”

  I went around to the driver’s seat and got in a little numbly, stashing the new cards, complete with insurance in the cup holder.

  “Try not to get pulled over, just keep going the way we’re going, wake me up when you start seeing signs…”

  His voice buzzed a little, blurring as I scooted the seat forward and buckled my seatbelt. I nodded, catching what he was saying, but just flummoxed that he managed to get all of this together, that he thought to, before coming to get me.

  “Mali, you okay?” he asked and I shuddered as if waking from a dream, but this dream was real.

  “Yeah, yeah! I’m fine, I guess it’s just becoming real, you know? Like really real.”

  He smiled at me and leaned his seat all the way back, covering himself with his jacket.

  “It’s as real as it gets, baby.”

  I put the 4Runner in reverse, and carefully backed out of the space he’d pulled into. It’d been a while since I’d driven, but I wasn’t at all intimidated by the prospect. I was more intimidated by the real me being all over the documents in the cup holder between us. It was just so surreal.

  A few hours later, we switched again and I ended up napping for a time. I woke to winding country highway and a limited view due to the creeping darkness.

  “Hey, we’re almost there,” he said softly, voice velvet in the dark. I shuddered and sat up, pushing his jacket and vest down into my lap and sitting the seat up.

  Around twenty minutes or so later, he got into the center lane turning left and steered us through a menacing, but open, iron gate. We traveled up a steep, newly blacktopped drive that ended up spilling into a gravel and dirt lot. He parked over in line with some other vehicles and killed the engine.

  A bonfire was going somewhere behind the low cinderblock building, the shifting orange light bouncing off of the underside of the surrounding tree’s leaves ringing the property and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.

  “It’s okay, everyone is looking forward to meeting you.”

  “I feel like I turned their lives upside down for a minute, I mean, one of you was shot, they all have families…”

  “No one’s mad. No one’s upset. Mali, we’re a big family here and we do for each other, that’s how things are.”

  I swallowed hard, nodding, popping the door open, the dome light startling me. I couldn’t ever remember being in a car nice enough to have a working one. Kyle got out and went around to the back to grab my messenger bag and the two reusable grocery totes of expanded summer wardrobe from Florida that the Kraken girls insist I take with me.

  He shouldered everything and refused to let me carry anything, nudging me in the direction of the clubhouse’s front door. I steeled myself and walked across the lot, Kyle close on my heels, and dragged open the club’s front door.

  “There she is!” Trigger crowed and a rowdy cheer went up. I winced at the ear-splitting whistles and put up a hand, curling my fingers in a weak wave. An even weaker “Hi” escaped my lips and people rushed forward to greet me. It was more than a little overwhelming.

  “Awright! Awright! Let the woman breathe!” Dragon boomed, and Kyle said close to my ear, “Be right back, going to put this stuff in my room.”

  I turned to tell him he wasn’t leaving me, not for one minute with all of these people but it was too late, I was being swept into hugs, handshakes, and introductions before I knew it. I swallowed hard and smiled nervously for half of them before I realized that this was like anything else and needed to be taken head on. I pulled myself up by the bootstraps, just in time for Kyle to rejoin me.

  “Mali, this is my Sunshine girl, Ashton.” Trigger was all loving smiles, the way Kyle looked at me, and my respect went up for him a notch.

  “Nice to meet you,” the diminutive woman said, reaching out to me. I didn’t know what else to do so I bent to her level and she kissed me on each cheek, which was weird, but okay. I could deal with weird.

  “Nice to meet you,” I said.

  It was a lot to take in. I guess after the no-nonsense way the boys handled things at the building Kyle had dubbed Point Nowhere, I hadn’t expected them to be so boisterous in their… I didn’t even know what to call it. Off time?

  It wasn’t long before the women were dragging me over to a table, chatting and exclaiming over my tattoos. I looked back over my shoulder to find Kyle at the bar looking my way smiling, talking to the person behind it, the tall, skinny brother covered in ink from neck to fingertips… Dizzy, I think his name was.

  A platinum blonde woman sitting at the table I’d been brought to asked, “What’ll you have?” I eyed the offerings of booze behind the bar and sighed, it was a good question. They had a lot of variety.

  “Jameson, neat.”

  “A girl after me own heart,” I turned to the woman with the thick Irish brogue and raised an eyebrow. She raised her whiskey glass in salute and sipped.

  “You must be Everett,” I said and stuck out my hand.

  “Aye, excuse the accent, comes on when I’ve been drinking.”

  “We’ve all got our quirks,” I said with a shrug and the platinum blonde rocking the adorable pixie cut yelled my drink order at the bar across the room. She dropped into her seat and grinned at me.

  “So glad I finally get to join the fun now that we’ve quit with the fuckin’ baby-makin’ for half a damn minute.” She grinned, her blue eyes sparkling and it hit me. I sat up a bit straighter, suddenly thrust into that zone of awkward when you feel like ‘oh, shit’ because you’ve just met your current’s ex.<
br />
  “What’re you lookin’ at me that way for?” she demanded and I shook my head.

  “Nothing, it’s nothing… you, uh, you must be Shelly… right?”

  “Oh, goddammit, Reaver!” she yelled and he looked over from where he was playing pool, frowned and demanded, “Whhhhhaat?”

  “You, not keepin’ your fuckin’ mouth shut, that’s what!”

  I laughed as he shooed her away like a fly and went back to talking with whoever he was talking with. Shelly scowled, steamed a little, and muttered, “Asshole…”

  “It’s honestly, nothin’,” I said, “We all have our pasts.”

  “Aye, but it’s still different when that past be starin’ ye right in th’ eye.” Everett sipped her whiskey and a glass appeared over my shoulder.

  I looked up into Kyle’s guarded expression and took the glass. “Everything all right?” he asked.

  “Just peachy,” I told him and tried to give him a reassuring smile.

  “Need to check on a few things in the fishbowl.”

  “Cool,” I said, tight-lipped. I had no fucking idea what the fishbowl was and didn’t want to look stupid for asking.

  “Okay,” he leaned down and kissed me and I kissed him back, drawing it out a little longer than necessary, you know, marking my territory in case any bitches around here wanted to get any ideas. Truthfully, though, I got why he picked Shelly. She maybe didn’t look a fucking thing like me, but she was hot and she kind of reminded me of me, personality-wise.

  I let my gaze linger on his back as he marched over to a glass room in the corner with curtains on the inside. He went in and swept them open, revealing a massive setup of computers, monitors, and even a rack of servers. I felt my eyebrows go up in surprise, but I really shouldn’t have been. I mean, it was Kyle, and I knew he came by his road name honestly. Data… I would probably never call him that. It felt… weird.

  “This moment of awkward brought to you by the letter ‘R’…” Shelly muttered, glaring daggers at her cousin.

  “Want me to kick his ass, later?” I asked. “I mean, if it will make you feel better.”

  That got a laugh from around the table which dwindled and a short woman with shoulder length dark hair cocked her head to the side, studying me with jade green eyes. Her vest read ‘Doll’ on the front and the nickname tickled the back of my brain. I raised an eyebrow and sipped my whiskey as she took a breath to say something, frowned, and then frowned harder.

  Whatever she was going to say disappeared and was replaced with, “You’re serious aren’t you? You’d scrap with him.”

  “Have before, didn’t come out any worse for wear. Not gonna lose again, though.”

  Nervous glances were exchanged around the table and Ashton laughed with the emotion painted all over her face like a Rembrandt, “That’s, um, inadvisable…” she said and I shrugged.

  “He ain’t bad,” I said and more looks were exchanged.

  A redhead exchanged a significant look with Everett and said, “You’re either very brave…”

  Everett finished her thought, “Or certifiable.”

  “Certifiable,” a teen-aged girl said, laughing over the rim of her wine glass.

  “You even old enough to be here?” I asked.

  She laughed, “I’m nineteen, and Nox’s ol’ lady. My name is Maren,” she held out a hand and I shook it.

  “Nice to meet you, Maren,” I shrugged, didn’t give a fuck, I was drinkin’ before her age. Hard to throw stones living in a glass house.

  Another woman with hair as black as my own and blue eyes looked me over. “She’s both,” she said judiciously and I laughed. I liked her.

  “And you are?”

  “Dani, Red-Thirteen’s ol’ lady.”

  “Nice to meet you, Dani.”

  A woman came out of the dark back area pregnant belly just starting to show round beneath her blouse, her hands pressed to her back, and dropped into a seat heavily, “Thank goodness, he finally went down.”

  “Aw, Hayley, you have to consider the source,” Shelly said grinning.

  “He is certainly his father’s son,” she said rolling her eyes. The women around the table laughed.

  “Just a bit of teething,” Red said and there was a tinge of concern at the edge of the look she shot Hayley.

  “Thanks for the help,” a blonde woman that’d introduced herself as Melody said. “I don’t know why Chandler took to you like he did, but I am not complaining. Besides,” she said with a wink. “It’s good practice.”

  “No problem,” the dark haired woman smiled putting both her hands on her stomach. “I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough and you’re right, it’s good practice.” She turned to me saying, I’m Hayley,” and held out a hand.

  “Amalia, Kyle calls me Mali, though…”

  “Which do you prefer?” she asked.

  “Mali, to be honest, but if you can’t get me to answer to that, try Lexi. I’ve been Lexi for the last twelve years, so Mali sometimes doesn’t feel like it quite fits anymore.” I downed the whiskey and glanced in Kyle’s direction, he was sitting in his desk chair, back to the computers and monitors he was supposed to be checking. Dray was leaning against the open doorway looking this direction, arms crossed over his chest, talking, but not looking at Kyle. His eyes were fixed on me.

  I raised an eyebrow and he grinned savagely, made a remark to Kyle, who laughed and said something back, all of it lost to the general din in the room caused by conversation and loud music.

  I turned back to what Ashton was saying and said, “I’m sorry, what?” and rejoined the flow of conversation. The women were nice, welcoming, but I still felt like the odd woman out. I especially kind of tuned out when they started talking about their babies. I didn’t want to become a parent. Not with knowing just how fucked up shit could be. Plus, I didn’t think I would be any good at it. I hadn’t changed my mind in the last, shit, twenty or more years on the subject, but honestly, just because I didn’t want any kids of my own, didn’t mean I wasn’t open to the idea of parenting… just not in the traditional sense of the word.

  I didn’t want a baby… I figured if I was going to do it, I’d rather get into it with a pre-teen or a teen that needed help. Every-fucking-body wanted a baby and there were some kids out there that would never have a shot because of it. That was me, rooting for the underdog every damn time. Hard not to, when you’ve been one your entire life.

  Eventually, women had to peel off and go check on toddlers or babies, some were dragged off to get hardcore fucked by their men, which I could appreciate, being attracted to both ends of the gender equation, and sometimes in-between. Shelly asked if I wanted to go check out what was going on out at the bonfire and I looked around and realized the bar had emptied out a fair bit.

  “Cool,” I nodded and ducked into the room Kyle had dubbed the fishbowl to tell him what was up.

  “Really?” I asked and he paused his game of Diablo, old-school Diablo.

  “Hey, you looked like you were having a good time, I didn’t want to interrupt.”

  “Right, well, Shelly and I are going out back.”

  “Bonfire?” he asked.

  “Yup.”

  “Beer?” he asked.

  “Fuck, yeah. Even better.”

  “Meet you out there,” he said jerking his head that I should go. I grinned and leaned down.

  “You’re the best, baby,” I murmured, giving him a kiss.

  “You and Shelly cool, you know, with…” I smiled.

  “Good choice, she gives me a lady boner.”

  He laughed and gave me a swat on my ass saying, “God, I missed you!”

  “I missed you, too,” and something about my tone, that it was oh-so-serious, that it was hushed, I don’t know… but it brought his head up with a sharp look. He drew me down into his lap and I went willingly.

  “You sure we’re cool?” he asked.

  “If you’re asking if it’s a little weird I’m hanging with a chick
you used to bone on the regular, yeah… it’s a little weird, but she’s cool people and I don’t fault you for it. Shit, not like I spent the last seventeen years pining for you nonstop, locked into a life of celibacy.”

  “Celibacy? No, the pining for me part, though? The thought was nice.”

  I smiled and I knew it was sad, “Okay, so maybe I was lying about that part. I used to dream about you just about every night. You know?”

  He shook his head gently, the same sort of sadness descending on his features, “No, I don’t know, but it’s a conversation for another time, baby…”

  “Yeah, you’re right,” I agreed, nodding.

  “Kiss me before you go,” he said and it wasn’t an order, but it wasn’t a request either. I smiled and brought my mouth to his.

  “You’re the only guy I let boss me around like that, you know?”

  “Makes us even, baby,” he whispered against my lips and the kiss was pretty much just as fantastic and exquisite as our first.

  He broke it first and reluctantly at that, “Go on out, I’ll grab us a couple cold ones.”

  “You got it,” I said and just before I went out the door to his little command center he called out, “Try and stay out of trouble? I know that swagger.”

  “You call it trouble, I call it fun!” I called back over my shoulder and he laughed, shaking his head. I shot him a grin and followed the sounds of voices through the dark hallways, ignoring the sounds of sex and the angry wail of a kid that either wanted to be fed, or was having none of the experience of their first teeth coming through, as I passed by doors.

  Outside, the air had cooled off, signifying that it was pretty much so late it was early. I was starting to feel the fatigue of our long drive, too. The nap I’d had in the car long since worn off. Fuck my second wind, I was hoping for a third or a fourth at this point.

  I went up the grassy berm to the fire pit and impressive array of pergolas with swinging seating attached. There was a fucking television on out here, replaying the UFC fights on it. I blinked and shook my head in amazement. Reaver wandered over and said, “Put ‘em up!” and brought up his fists playfully.

  I grinned savagely and said, “All right, let’s go,” taking the stance that Hope had taught me.