‘Is everything okay, Heth?’ Rory turned to me then, his usual jokey tone turning a little more serious. ‘I feel like the past few days you’ve been really quiet. I know it’s been busy but we haven’t really talked.’
Sometimes I loved that he called me out on things. I’d never been as honest with a man before Rory, but other times, like this, I wished he’d let me off the hook. ‘I guess it’s because Mum’s birthday coming up,’ I admitted. The fifth anniversary of her death had come and gone in May, but it was her birthday that always hit me the hardest because it came during what had been our favourite time of year, and I missed the celebrations we used to have together. I could hardly believe she had been gone so long. Her absence still felt so large in my life.
‘It’s so hard,’ he said, reaching to squeeze my hand. ‘Do you want me to come to the church with you?’ It was one thing we shared. Rory understood what it was like to lose your mother after tragically losing both his parents in the same car accident. He had only been eighteen at the time, and Drew just fourteen so Rory had not only taken on running the family farm, but responsibility for his younger brother as well. I had always admired how he had got on with running the farm, and helped Drew study medicine, afterwards. And now that I knew how hard it was to lose a parent, what he had done seemed even more impressive. I was certain I couldn’t have done it.
‘It’s probably better I go alone with Dad. But thank you.’ My father and I marked her birthday together every year. He found the day as difficult as I did. I was dreading it to be honest.
‘And that’s really it?’ Rory checked. ‘Nothing else is worrying you?’
‘I guess it’s this wedding too,’ I admitted, glancing at him. ‘Everyone talking about when we are going to get married… They make me feel guilty. And seeing Emily with her mother today, you know.’ I swallowed hard. My mother had loved weddings. She used to buy OK! or Hello magazine whenever they had a celebrity or royal wedding in them, and we’d pore over the pages, dissecting what everyone had worn, and what we would have done differently. She always cried whenever she went to a wedding, and she and I had often discussed what kind of day I might have in the future. The thought of her not being able to plan it all with me made me feel like the task would just be impossible. ‘It just all feels a bit much today, that’s all. I worry I’m just not good enough.’
‘Good enough for what?’
‘Good enough for you, and Harry. As a mother… a partner… and working at the farm.’ I shrugged, not wanting to meet his eyes in case I started to cry.
‘Heather, of course you’re good enough.’ Rory came over and touched my arm. ‘No one could love anyone more than how me and Harry love you.’
‘I can’t see what the future looks like.’ It was hard to put my worries into words especially as I knew Rory rarely worried about anything other than practical things.
‘Well, none of us know that.’
‘But you’re always so sure. Of everything. You want us to get married, have more children, expand the farm, and I want all of that too but it scares me too.’ It was so hard to explain how I felt as I wasn’t even one hundred per cent certain myself.
Rory rubbed my arm. ‘It’s okay. I already said there’s no pressure. You know I want to marry you, you’re the only woman I could ever want by my side but I only want that if you do too.’
I did want it but I just couldn’t seem to let myself have it. ‘I love you, Rory.’ He pulled me closer and then I felt a hand on my leg. I looked down to see Harry looking up at us. Rory scooped him up, and the three of us shared a group hug.
As we held each other, I silently promised the universe that I would do better for both of them.
Chapter Three
Back inside the reception after the delicious meal, Rory put Harry in his pushchair hoping he might have a nap, and I wandered to the edge of the dancefloor watching as the new bride and groom circled slowly in the centre, Emily’s head resting on Brodie’s shoulder.
‘She looks so happy,’ Beth said, appearing beside me then. ‘Remember us talking about her and Brodie, how we worried they’d never tell each other how they really felt?’ she asked me as she snapped a photo of the couple on her phone. They hadn’t had the easiest beginnings for a relationship, that was for sure.
‘They got there in the end,’ I agreed with a smile. Emily’s ex-boyfriend Greg, and Iona’s father, had battled alcohol and gambling problems, and had cheated on Emily, resulting in her moving to Glendale and falling for Brodie. It had been a long journey for all of them but Greg was doing well, he lived nearby in Inverness and saw his daughter as much as he could, and he was happy for Emily and Brodie. No one could begrudge Emily happiness, she was so selfless and kind.
‘I’m going to post this to the Glendale account,’ Beth said, smiling at the photo.
‘How’s that going?’ I asked her. She had decided Glendale needed social media accounts to promote our community and businesses – she was always thinking of ways to keep the village thriving.
‘Really well, we have quite a few followers now. You haven’t sent me any photos of the farm shop or farm yet. It could help.’
‘I will,’ I promised. I just hadn’t had the time yet. I knew I needed to though. Business was okay in the farm shop but could be better, especially during winter when we only had locals to rely on. I watched Brodie spin Emily in a circle, making her laugh. I remembered the time she had asked me how I juggled working with Harry as she contemplated moving to Glendale to open her bakery while she was pregnant with Iona. I had realised that she needed encouragement and while I never lied to her, I also didn’t tell her how some days I didn’t know how to do everything that needed doing, how to keep all those juggling balls up in the air, how to keep everyone thriving. I told her that no one can have it all but that we can have everything we want. And sometimes it did feel like I had that. To the outside world, I’m sure it did. But there was something missing, as I had tried to explain to Rory. And what that was, I wasn’t quite sure how to pinpoint.
Perhaps it was belief that I could live this life I had been thrust into, and live it well.
‘Ugh, my feet are killing me in these shoes,’ Beth said then with a grimace. ‘I don’t know how you can enjoy wearing them.’
‘Well, for one, I’m much shorter than you so I like the extra height, and they’ve always given me an extra dose of confidence, which unlike you I need.’
Beth shook her head. ‘Everyone needs extra confidence now and then.’ She looked over at Sally who was watching Harry and Iona, both fallen asleep in their pushchairs. ‘They’re so close in age, they will grow up like siblings, won’t they?’
‘I hope so. We always said we missed out on siblings, didn’t we?’ I thought back to that first day at secondary school, seated next to Beth. We were asked to do a family tree and we immediately bonded over both being only children. Beth said she’d always wanted a sister to help gang up on her grandmother and mother, and I’d always wanted one as I was obsessed with the Famous Five books. Life just seemed more fun in books with siblings.
‘I don’t think we did though really,’ she replied, nudging my hip with hers. ‘After I met you, it felt like I had a sister.’
‘It did,’ I agreed. Beth was my best friend after that day even if we always had been different and liked different things. We had so much fun together and had always been able to rely on one another.
‘I still regret missing out on ten years of your life,’ she said, wistfully.
‘Oh, don’t, I’m emotional enough today!’ I protested. ‘You really didn’t miss much, anyway.’ Beth had run away to London aged sixteen, after falling pregnant, because her grandmother had tried to make her not have the baby. She had returned ten years later when her grandmother became gravely ill and had reunited not only with her family but also with Drew, Izzy’s father, who hadn’t known about the baby. Beth hadn’t wanted to stop him from fulfilling his dreams of becoming a doctor. It had been a diff
icult time but I was so pleased she had come home, and everything had worked out for her and Drew and their daughter in the end.
‘I missed you at uni, I could have stayed in your tiny room, and I could have met your university boyfriend, and got drunk at the student union with you. But I was raising Izzy.’ She sighed. She had missed out on going to university and although she would never regret Izzy, I knew she sometimes felt she had missed out not having that experience.
‘We got drunk together more than enough before you left, even though we were only sixteen.’ We giggled, remembering our nights out at the local pub, the Glendale Arms, together.
‘We never would have imagined we’d both end up with one of the Fraser brothers,’ Beth said then with a smile.
‘Well, I hope you both are glad you did!’ I turned to see Rory approaching, grinning at us. ‘What with our devilishly handsome good looks, our wit and charm, our—’
‘Humble nature?’ Beth interrupted, arching her eyebrow, making us laugh.
‘Speaking of humble. How about I show you my moves on the dancefloor?’ Rory said, turning to me.
‘Can you promise not to step on my toes this time?’
‘Oh my God, that happened one time…’ I laughed as I took his hand.
‘Where’s my husband got to? He owes me a dance,’ Beth said, looking around.
‘Old Mrs Smith has cornered him to ask about her arthritis,’ Rory told her with a grimace. ‘The best part of my job is that no one needs my advice at weddings.’ Drew was a doctor, and although he worked at Inverness Hospital, people were always trying to get medical advice from him at functions.
‘I’d better go and save him,’ Beth said with a laugh.
We made our way on to the dancefloor that was filling up with other couples beside the newlyweds.
‘I can’t believe Emily is now a minister’s wife,’ Rory joked, following my gaze. ‘For someone who never used to go to church…’
I smiled. ‘I think people would say the same about me. The girl who was happiest reading in her bedroom growing up, now living on a farm…’ I had certainly never fantasised about being with a farmer. I was so not an outdoorsy person. And Rory was completely different to the only other man I’d had a serious relationship with.
But love wasn’t something you planned, I supposed. I thought back to the first time we had kissed after coming home from the Hall. It had been such a crazy night…
* * *
‘Are you okay?’ Rory stood in the doorway to the spare bedroom of the farm. ‘I brought you up a cuppa.’ I sat up in bed and smiled as he came over and perched on the edge, handing me the mug.
‘What a night,’ I said, taking it gratefully. We had been celebrating Hogmanay at Glendale Hall but after the fireworks display at midnight Beth’s grandmother had collapsed and been rushed off in an ambulance. She had terminal cancer and was the reason that Beth had returned to Glendale after ten years away. Beth had asked us to look after Izzy so Rory had brought the three of us back to the farm. ‘I just checked on Izzy and she fell asleep reading. She was so worried, poor love.’
‘Drew just texted to say he’s on his way back. The family just want to be alone. She’s still unconscious, I think. It doesn’t look good.’ Rory sighed and took a sip of his tea. ‘Not the start to the New Year I was expecting.’
‘Nor me.’ I put the tea on the bedside table. ‘Thanks for putting me up, I didn’t want to drag my dad out at this time to pick me up.’
‘It’s no problem. Thanks for helping with Izzy. I’m still getting used to being an uncle.’ None of us had known that Izzy was Drew’s daughter, and everyone was still coming to terms with the news. ‘I guess I should let you sleep.’ He made to get up.
‘I don’t really want to be alone just yet,’ I admitted. I still felt shocked by what had happened. ‘Sit with me for a bit, please?’
Rory climbed onto the bed beside me, on top of the covers. We sat in silence for a minute. ‘I didn’t think you’d ever spend the night here,’ he said then in a low voice. ‘You know that you once told me you could never fancy a farmer.’
I turned to him. ‘No, I didn’t!’ I protested.
He smiled. ‘You did. You, Drew and Beth had been at the farm all day, and I found you guys out in the field. I told you all off for being lazy on your summer holidays when I’d been working hard all day. Beth said I needed to learn to relax more and that maybe if I had a girlfriend, I might chill out more. Then you said you could never fancy a farmer because they had rough hands and smelled of animals. I remember Beth couldn’t stop laughing and Drew said he was relieved that girls fancied doctors to which Beth told him off as he shouldn’t care about any other girls.’
I shook my head. ‘I don’t remember that but it does sound like me. To be fair, you were always teasing me back then. Your kid brother’s friend wasn’t someone you would fancy either.’ I turned, leaning against the headboard as he met my gaze, our faces only inches apart. It was funny how our age gap had seemed so huge that summer when I was sixteen. Now, it was nothing.
‘You did have very frizzy hair,’ he said softly. Then he reached out to touch it. ‘It’s different now.’
‘Better hair products,’ I said lightly. ‘What about your hands? Are they still rough?’ I held out mine and he opened up his palm. I traced a fingertip over it and heard his breath hitch. I was relieved that I wasn’t the only one affected by our closeness. His skin was warm and it was calloused but it didn’t bother me anymore. ‘You could use some hand cream.’
‘Noted. What would your teenage self say about us being in the same bed, I wonder?’ He took my hand and laced our fingers together.
My heart began to pound. ‘She would be shocked. But then again, she was very innocent.’ My university boyfriend, Stewart, had been the first man I had slept with – I had done no more than kiss boys at school. Rory had been a man to me then, I would have been terrified to have been in bed with him. Now, I felt a surprising thrill of attraction.
He cocked an eyebrow. ‘But you’re not innocent now?’
If I hadn’t had so much wine, maybe I would have just laughed that comment off. But I had. ‘Why don’t you kiss me and find out?’ I challenged instead.
He didn’t need asking twice. His lips met mine, and when we kissed, desire rose up in me faster and hotter than I could have imagined.
* * *
‘I’m glad I managed to entice you onto my farm,’ Rory said in a low voice, pulling me back to the present. I looked up into his eyes as he pulled me close, twirling me on the dancefloor. Those hands I had once ridiculed were strong around my waist now. ‘I just hope you don’t wish you were still in the library reading books instead.’
‘On a winter’s morning, it’s hard not to,’ I replied. I saw his face fall a little. ‘But maybe if you brought me more cups of coffee to bed…’
‘Maybe I will, if there’s a reward waiting for me there…’ He leaned down and brushed my lips with his. I pulled him closer and deepened the kiss until we heard someone wolf whistle. We drew back with a self-conscious laugh. I was still surprised by the intensity of my attraction to Rory. After that first night together, I had been sure he would laugh it off, tell me it had been a mistake, but instead he had told me that he had fallen for me, and I’d realised that I was head over heels in love with him in return.
‘I think your dad is still shocked to see you mucking in on the farm,’ Rory said then. ‘He likes coming to stay with us though, doesn’t he?’
‘I love having him with us,’ I admitted. I didn’t like him living alone in my childhood home in Glendale village, and selfishly, I found day-to-day life easier with him there to help with Harry, even if he did chuckle at me carrying out farm chores, remembering how adverse I was to anything like that when I was younger.
‘Maybe we should think about making it permanent. If it’s something you want.’
I looked up at him. ‘Really?’
‘Of course.’ He shrugged.
‘If it’s what you want.’
I felt a rush of love for him. He’d obviously sensed that I was less stressed with my dad around. ‘I’ll talk to him about it,’ I said.
‘Good. You just stepped on my toe, by the way.’
‘No, I didn’t!’ I cried indignantly.
Rory grinned. ‘I could argue with you forever.’
‘How romantic,’ I said drily, but I knew what he meant. I smiled, glad we had been able to be together today away from our farm duties – it was a rare occurrence nowadays, and made me remember how and why we fell in love, which wasn’t something at the top of my thoughts when carrying out farm chores at dawn in the bitter cold; I was more likely to be cursing him under my breath then.
A tapping of a wine glass drew our attention to the side of the dancefloor where Beth was trying to get the attention of the room. ‘It’s time to cut the cake. And Emily’s old boss Molly made it, so we will all want a taste,’ she called out. I looked across at the amazing five-tiered red velvet cake, and my mouth watered despite the five-course meal we’d eaten earlier.
‘You don’t need to say cake to me twice,’ Brodie called back.
‘Hey, are you saying you prefer cake to dancing with your bride?’ Emily asked him.
‘Don’t pretend you wouldn’t choose cake over me,’ he replied, slipping an arm around her as they walked towards the cake. We all laughed because cake to us lot was like honey to bees.
‘We’d better head off after the cake,’ Rory said to me as we went over to the cake table. ‘I’m knackered. And we’ve already walked the trail after all.’
I sighed, but agreed. In the summer it was easier to stay out late but when you had to be up in the dark and freezing cold morning for farm work, you didn’t particularly fancy partying all night long. I did miss the days when I would have happily danced here until the early hours though.
Hopeful Hearts at Glendale Hall Page 3