‘I feel like I’m in I Capture the Castle,’ Izzy replied as she climbed out of the car, looking up at it in awe. That was one of our favourite books, and my mother had loved it too. I had been so pleased when Izzy had loved it after I recommended it to her.
‘This was one of my mother’s favourite places, which is why I wanted to come here today. She wrote me a letter,’ I said to Beth and Emily as we walked towards the entrance, Izzy taking Harry’s hand in front, Emily pushing Iona in her pushchair. ‘I found it when I went to get her Glendale research. It had been in a box up in the loft for all this time.’
‘Wow, Heather, that must have been so emotional,’ Emily said, looking across at me.
‘I could barely read it through the tears,’ I agreed. ‘She somehow knew I needed her advice, that I might be feeling unsure, and honestly what she said was exactly what I needed to hear.’
‘How is it mothers always seem to know how to do that?’
‘I’m not sure mine always does,’ Beth said with a shrug. ‘Often I did the opposite of what she said. God, I hope Izzy doesn’t do the same thing.’
‘You guys are too close for that,’ I told her, hoping Harry and I would be also. We paid and walked through into the courtyard. It was quiet today thanks to the chilly weather so we strolled around peacefully. ‘One of the things my mum said in her letter was that she had regretted only having a small wedding to my dad, that her heart had always hoped to get married right here,’ I said as we walked inside the grand hall, my voice echoing in the large space.
‘I can see why, it’s beautiful,’ Emily said as we went into the grand function room. ‘She didn’t have a big white wedding then?’
‘No, they went to Gretna Green.’
‘It’s funny – I had always thought I would have had a big church wedding but I knew that wasn’t right for me and Drew. I loved getting married at home.’
‘Glendale Hall is really special,’ Emily agreed with Beth. ‘I wanted to have our wedding there, after the church, because it meant so much. It was my sanctuary when I needed it. And it feels like my second home. I think getting married somewhere that has a special meaning is the icing on the cake, so to speak.’ She turned to me. ‘I understand why your mum missed out on doing that although I’m sure she was really happy marrying your dad that day regardless.’
‘Exactly,’ I agreed as we found ourselves in the pretty chapel. I imagined her at the altar in a white dress with my father, and I was sorry she had never got to do that. ‘I have been so unsure about getting married to Rory because she can’t be with me,’ I said, my voice cracking a little as I thought about it. ‘In her letter, she said she had never planned on getting married and having a family but they had almost been even sweeter because they had been so unexpected, and I realised that that’s how I feel about Rory and Harry. It’s all happened so quickly that I’ve been trying to get my head around it all, and worrying that I might lose them somehow but I don’t know, reading her letter made me realise that all you can do is treasure the things you love while you have them, none of us know the future but we do know what we have today. Does that make sense?’
‘Yes, and you’re going to make me cry,’ Emily said. ‘It’s been exactly the same for me! I met Brodie when I was still with Greg, and I was pregnant with his baby, I never expected any of that to happen. And I’m glad I didn’t because I think I would have run in the opposite direction,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘But somehow, it all worked out. I have Brodie and Iona, Greg is doing really well, and I’m happy. Really happy.’
‘Heather, there’s no way I would have planned to get pregnant at sixteen, or lose Drew for ten years, but I feel like I needed that to happen to bring me to this point today,’ Beth said, reaching out to give my hand a squeeze. ‘Look at them,’ she said, pointing to Izzy helping Harry to climb onto a pew, Iona sleeping peacefully in her pushchair next to them. ‘No matter what, we did something pretty good with our lives, right?’
I wiped a stray tear that had fallen down my cheek. ‘When Rory proposed to me at New Year, I was terrified. I told him I needed time, but it was like my mum gave us her blessing in that letter. She said that you should marry someone you admire, who you feel is a better person than you, so you can be a better person because of them. That’s exactly how I feel about Rory!’
‘Let’s face it, Drew is a far better person than me,’ Beth said with a laugh. ‘He’s patient and kind, he saves people’s lives for a living, and he forgave me for not telling him about Izzy for ten years. I mean, I lucked out with him, I really did.’
‘And I married a vicar!’ Emily said, still surprised by this. ‘He was so understanding about Greg, and he treats Iona like his own. I am really blessed too.’
‘Why are you all crying?’ Izzy asked then, looking up at us with a frown.
‘Because we’re happy,’ her mother replied. ‘It really would be beautiful to get married here,’ Beth said, looking around. ‘It’s such a shame your mum didn’t get to have her dream wedding.’
‘Oh my God,’ Emily cried, startling us all. ‘Oops, sorry, about the God word here,’ she added, glancing at the altar. ‘But you know you’ve been holding back from saying yes to Rory because you’ll miss your mother?’ she said, turning to me. ‘What better way to have her with you on the day than if you got married right here? Like she wanted to do!’
‘That would be amazing,’ Beth cried. ‘She would look down on you and feel so proud, I’m sure of it. If she can’t be with you then marrying in the place she wished she had, is the next best thing. Rory is your One, isn’t he?’
I thought about Stewart and how the person I was back when I loved him was a completely different person to who I was now. Rory had helped me become more confident in myself, he supported me, looked after me, loved me, had given me Harry, a home that challenged me but one that I loved and wanted to protect so fiercely, and he made me laugh, and just wanted me to be myself. He wanted me to be happy, I knew. And the fire I had felt when I had first kissed him still burned brightly. He was my One, I knew it. And it both thrilled and terrified me to know that. ‘Forever,’ I told her. I looked up to the altar. ‘You’re right, getting married here would be the perfect way to have my mother be part of the day,’ I said.
‘Are we going to have another wedding?’ Izzy asked. ‘I might start charging for my bridesmaid services, I’ve been asked so many times now.’
We laughed. ‘We do seem to love weddings as a group,’ Beth said. ‘I’ll be sad not to arrange this one though if you have it here. Maybe I need to start up that wedding business at the Hall…’ she mused.
‘Unless Rory has changed his mind,’ I said, suddenly nervous. I had kept him waiting for almost a year, after all.
‘Absolutely not,’ Emily said firmly. ‘He adores you.’
‘I’m never getting married,’ Izzy said then. ‘Boys are gross and besides, I just want to write books.’
‘You can still be a writer and be in love,’ Beth said with a smile. ‘If you find the right man then they will never hold you back, they will want you to be successful, and will support you all the way.’ Emily nodded in agreement, and I smiled, thinking of how Rory had been there for me these past years. I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him.
‘We’ll remind you of this when you come to us head over heels in a few years’ time,’ Beth warned Izzy as we left the chapel and went in search of the café.
‘Not going to happen,’ Izzy protested. ‘I have all the romance I need in books. Real life could never compare.’
I had thought exactly like her when I was her age. But now I knew when you found the right person then it could compare.
And it was time that I went after my own happy ending.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
In the castle café, we found a corner table, and sat down with drinks and sandwiches, peeling off our coats, soon getting warm and cosy. Izzy pulled out her book to which her mum rolled her eyes. I handed Harry pi
eces of a ham sandwich, and Beth put Iona into the highchair we had found while Emily bought her food.
‘Em, what are you doing with tea?’ Beth asked in mock horror as Emily sat down with her tray. Like me and Beth, Emily was usually a coffee drinker.
‘I just didn’t fancy coffee. I don’t know the past couple of mornings, I haven’t enjoyed it…’ She trailed off, her cheeks turning bright pink.
‘Oh my God,’ Beth said slowly, catching on to something.
‘What?’ I asked, none the wiser to what was passing between them. Even Izzy looked up from her book, interested.
‘When Emily was expecting Iona, she went right off coffee, remember?’ Beth asked me. ‘Are you feeling well?’
‘Yes,’ Emily said quickly, then paused to consider. ‘I have been pretty tired but I put that down to all the wedding preparations and then it’s been so busy at the bakery in the run up to Christmas, you know?’
‘Could you be?’ I asked her, taking a bite of my tuna melt.
‘Could you be what?’ Izzy asked, frowning, still confused.
‘Pregnant,’ Beth said. She didn’t really keep much from Izzy.
‘I suppose I could be, I mean we haven’t been trying or anything but I never went back on the pill after having Iona,’ Emily said, looking at her little girl. She smiled. ‘Brodie will be thrilled.’ Then her face dropped. ‘But how am I going to cope?’ She looked at us, suddenly panicked.
I knew that feeling well. ‘Of course you will cope,’ I said immediately. ‘Didn’t we just say that the most unexpected things have been our favourite ones?’ I reminded her, passing Harry a crisp as he held out his hand to me. ‘You’re always terrified when things are about to change, that’s only natural, but this change will be a good thing, won’t it?’
‘Why are you so good at advising other people but not yourself?’ Beth asked me suddenly. I felt all their eyes on me and I had no idea how to respond. It was true that my advice to Emily came easily but if I was the one who thought she might be pregnant again, I would have reacted just the same way as she had.
‘Because you see things more clearly when they’re not happening to you,’ I replied.
‘Well, that’s true,’ Beth said. ‘Listen, you’re both going to be fine. Heather, you’re going to get married, and Em, you’re going to be a mother again, and I’ll be right here on hand to help you guys, we all will so there’s nothing to worry about.’
‘What about you?’ Emily asked, clearly wishing Beth was going through some change of her own to make us feel better still.
Beth thought for a moment. ‘I’m going to start a wedding business and I’m going to hire Brodie’s sister as our new housekeeper.’ She shrugged. ‘I think that’s more than enough for all of us to be starting the New Year with, don’t you think?’ She held up her coffee cup. ‘We’ve said it before but I think it needs saying again, we can get through anything together, right?’ Emily and I exchanged a look before we clinked our mugs against hers, Izzy joining in, and Harry holding up his plastic beaker trying to reach across the table. I clinked my cup against his, his little smile more than enough reassurance that Beth was right – we were a tight group, and we were all that we needed as we moved to not only another year, but more change on the horizon.
‘Actually, I already know how you can all help,’ I said as I gulped down the rest of my coffee. ‘I’ve had an idea…’
* * *
Rory and I were mucking out the stables the day before Hogmanay. The snow had almost all cleared away now, instead a light drizzle floated down from the dark sky. Rory sprayed his hose at my wellies. ‘Missed a bit,’ he said with a grin when I yelped in protest.
I lifted my pitchfork with hay stuck to it and brandished it at him. ‘You want this over your head? It’s dirty hay, by the way,’ I threatened.
He held up his hands in peace. ‘That rhymed,’ he said with a laugh. I couldn’t help but smile. ‘So, you were telling me about this retreat idea?’
‘I was,’ I said, dumping the hay off the pitchfork. ‘I keep thinking how stressful it can be, just modern life, and that being outside really does help. The animals, they take you out of your own head, don’t they? Look at how I couldn’t even go near a horse and now I ride Prince. I used to sometimes have panic attacks too but I realised today, I haven’t had one since Harry was born. I mean, I still worry all the time but I know now that I am capable, I’m learning to believe in myself more. And maybe other people can do that here too.’
‘It’s a good idea,’ Rory agreed, filling up the water trough. ‘Whenever I’ve had something on my mind, it’s helped being out here with the animals and the open air, for sure. Like when I thought you thought us sleeping together was a huge mistake, I rode Duke all over the farm, and I realised that if I didn’t ask you then I’d never know, and that was better than torturing myself with possible outcomes.’ He shrugged when I turned to look at him, surprised. It was rare that he admitted to worrying, and I didn’t know he had felt that way about us at the start of our relationship. ‘But I just don’t think we could get a loan to not only buy Hilltop but also set up another business.’
‘What if you had help?’
We both jumped as Angus seem to float in from the shadows. For someone as big as him, he managed to go unnoticed a lot of the time. ‘Help?’ I repeated.
‘To buy Hilltop.’ He leaned against a pole and regarded us both. ‘I was thinking… I want to keep it as farmland as much as you do. We keep talking about bringing back sheep and they can graze over there plus Heather you could set up these retreats you mentioned. And I can help across both farms, wherever I’m needed. I could give you money towards a deposit, I have a fair bit and it’s just sitting in the bank.’ He shrugged.
Rory looked at me and I stared back, stunned. He cleared his throat. ‘Angus, mate, that’s very generous—’
‘I don’t have a family to leave it to. My sister doesn’t need my money, and I’d rather see it put to use before I go anyhow,’ he said.
Rory was stumped into silence again. ‘I mean, that’s not true,’ I said, touched. ‘You are family to us, Angus.’ Oh, God, he looked like he might cry after I said that.
‘Speaking of family,’ my dad said, walking into the stables with Harry. They’d popped into Glendale with supplies for the shop now that it was open again after the heavy snowfall. We all turned to him this time. ‘Did you think I would just sell our house and not give you any of the money?’ he asked me. ‘Half of it is yours anyway, from your mother, and you can have it as soon as we sell it. I can have the other half, not that I need all of that living here… And I can help out at Hilltop too, with Angus. We should keep these farms for the future. For this little one, and whoever comes after him,’ he said, pointing to Harry who had rushed over to see the horses. I loved seeing how his face lit up in their presence, it confirmed once again that growing up here made him happy.
‘Are you sure, Dad?’ I asked, marvelling at these two men offering us so much.
‘Of course!’
‘Wow…’ I turned to Rory. ‘You know what else? I’ve had a few companies reach out to me on Instagram about doing some sort of collaboration, we could probably get one of them to sponsor the retreat or give us equipment… I mean, it’s a definite possibility.’ I was starting to feel excited by this idea. It was hard not to.
‘Are you sure we can take this on though?’ Rory asked me. ‘You said yourself that we have so much going on already – another farm would be a lot of work even if we hired more staff, I don’t want you to be stressed.’
It was strange but I felt more eager than nervous about it. Maybe because I felt like these retreats could really help people, especially women like me, and that the past few weeks had shown me how much I loved this farm even if it was hard work, and even if I was still learning how everything should work. And most of all, I wanted to protect it for Harry and our future as a family. Rory had been amazing taking it all on as a teenager, he couldn’t
lose it now. ‘I can do it if I have you all with me,’ I said. ‘I thought I needed to have all the answers but I don’t, I just need people that I can ask questions of, if I need to. But do you think that William would sell us Hilltop?’
‘If he knows what’s good for him,’ Angus said. ‘His uncle would turn in his grave if he doesn’t.’
‘If we match Stewart’s offer then why wouldn’t he? Plus, we’re happy to buy it even if it is listed.’ Rory said. ‘We want to keep it as a farm, and conserve the house as it is, whereas they want to tear it down. I know he lives in London but even he has a heart, surely?’
I smiled at his view of city dwellers. ‘I suppose all we can do is ask,’ I replied.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Hogmanay dawned clear and crisp, the sky turning a bright blue once the sun finally rose up in the sky – perfect for the night’s celebrations to see in the New Year. I felt jittery but in a good way for what I had planned for the night.
I was walking around the farmhouse with Harry, carrying a bucket of water to refresh the chickens’ supplies, when I looked up to see a car coming down the drive. Harry walked beside me, both of us in wellies and thick coats. I squinted and let out a sigh when I recognised Stewart’s car coming down the track. I wasn’t sure I could take any more arguments. ‘Come on, Harry, he can come and find us in the chicken shed,’ I said, carrying on. The water sloshed out of the bucket as I went down the two steps and walked into the shed.
‘Chickens, come here!’ Harry said, cheerfully, when we entered. They did not helpfully ‘come here’ but scattered instead as we walked in.
‘Naughty chickens,’ I said. ‘Let’s fill up their water, will you hold this steady for me?’ We went to the water trough and he held it as I smashed some of the ice on top and re-filled it with fresh water. ‘Good job,’ I told him. ‘Now they won’t be thirsty, will they? Shall we check on the horses?’ We left the chicken shed, and I paused as Stewart rounded the corner and stopped abruptly. He wore a dark overcoat, a scarf wrapped tightly around his neck, his shiny shoes already getting muddy. ‘What are you doing here?’ I asked, putting the empty bucket down. Harry reached for my free hand, looking a little warily at him, no doubt remembering the last time he had been here. I didn’t blame him, I felt the same way.
Hopeful Hearts at Glendale Hall Page 24