Stewart looked down at Harry. ‘I never asked – did you name him after Harry Potter?’
I raised a small smile. ‘I did. We need to check the horses,’ I added, setting off again. I needed to get the chores out of the way quickly today and wasn’t about to let Stewart slow us down. I led Harry to the stables, Stewart trailing behind. Harry went to stand on the bricks Rory had put out for him so he could reach Prince. The horse leaned over the stable door and Harry reached out to stroke his nose. I pulled out two carrots from the bag hanging by the door and gave one to Prince and Duke. ‘So, why did you come?’ I asked Stewart as the horses munched on them, Harry fascinated as always by them eating. Stewart stood in the doorway, just as fascinated by what we were doing.
‘I don’t think I realised…’ he said. ‘What your life was like out here.’ I glanced at him but he seemed more surprised than derogatory this time.
I leaned against the stable door. ‘I know you think that somehow I haven’t lived up to my potential being here, but you’re wrong. I have a man who loves me, a son who I adore, and family and friends who are there for us. This place, it’s not what I pictured that’s for sure, but it makes you feel important. These animals, they need us, this land, it needs us, and it’s hard bloody work, but it’s so rewarding.’
‘Carrot,’ Harry said hopefully.
‘They can have one more,’ I told him, bringing them over. ‘That’s it though. Like chocolate for you, it’s a treat.’ I reached up to Prince and patted him as I gave him the carrot. I wasn’t sure when I had fully turned the corner but I wasn’t scared of him now. Maybe I realised that he trusted me, so I trusted him in turn. ‘I thought I had to carry on with what I had always planned on doing in my life, but I know now that I don’t have to force myself to do something just because I wanted to do it once. You can change your mind, you can find things you love without even realising it, without even thinking that you would love them. Maybe I will do more design work in the future, maybe I won’t, but I’m not worried now either way. You’ve made me see that what’s really important is being here for my family.’
‘I didn’t mean to be disparaging about your life, I really didn’t,’ he insisted. ‘I was just so surprised. When I saw you in that newspaper, I think I was jealous.’
‘Jealous?’ I repeated, unable to believe that he could be jealous of me.
‘You had this life that I knew nothing about, that I wasn’t part of, you had someone special, and a child, and so maybe I fixated on the fact that you were doing something completely different to what you had said you wanted to, I don’t know, to make me feel a little bit better for having none of what you have. Especially when you started getting all this publicity online, and then that TV show. I felt like such a failure compared to you. I haven’t loved anyone else the way I loved you but you moved on, you found someone else, someone you clearly love and who makes you happy, and so I clung to what I did have – my business. And I think I hoped I could make you feel… less somehow for not having the same thing.’ He shook his head. ‘That was wrong of me. I’m sorry.’
‘It’s weird, isn’t it? I’ve spent the past two years telling myself that I needed to do better, that I wasn’t good enough. Of a partner to Rory, of a mother to Harry, that I was failing because I hadn’t set up my own business like I said I would, so when you came and basically said all those things, I thought you were right. I’ve never been confident. I’ve always been too anxious, too much of a worrier, but I know it and I try really hard to not let it stop me from living my life.’ I sucked in a breath, feeling emotional again. ‘But I realise now I’ve been too hard on myself. I kept seeing the things I hadn’t done, and not what I have done. And now I see you doing exactly the same thing. We’re not the same people we were, we haven’t done everything we wanted to, but who has? You’ve got a really successful business, and I’ve got a family. If you’re happy then that’s all that matters, surely?’
‘It is. But I’m not happy. That’s why I came here. I took my unhappiness out on you, and tried to make you feel like a failure. But out of the two of us, it’s me who has failed. I was so focused on my business that I let you go and the only person to blame is me.’ He sighed. ‘I can blame my father, and he hasn’t made things easy at all, but I know that I should have stood up to him sooner. I should have done all of it differently. And I can’t blame him for that. I can only blame myself. I really am sorry, Heather. Do you think you could ever forgive me?’
‘I just wish you could have talked to me instead of trying to disrupt my life here like you have done. I’m scared of losing all of this, you don’t even know how scared I am. And you tried to take it from me.’ Harry came to me then and I wrapped my arms around him as he leaned against my legs. I was still terrified of not being there for him in the future but I needed to make sure that it didn’t stop me from being here for him now.
‘I don’t think anyone could ever take this from you,’ Stewart said. ‘I’ve never seen anyone try so hard to protect something like you have. I wish I cared about something as much.’
‘You will,’ I promised him. ‘If you’re open to it coming into your life. What will you do now?’
‘I’m going back to Edinburgh with my parents for Hogmanay. I’ll talk to my father. Tell him that none of this is what I want. And I’m ready now to go out on my own. I need to. I’ve let him have too much control over me for too long. I can see that now.’
I smiled. ‘I think that sounds like a good plan. Especially today. A fresh start for a new year.’
‘What about you? What will this new year bring for you?’
I looked down at Harry. ‘I have a few ideas,’ I said, not about to tell Stewart what was on the cards tonight. ‘But as long as we’re healthy and happy then I will call it a successful year.’ I met his gaze again. ‘Good luck, Stewart. I hope you find happiness.’
He hesitated for a moment before nodding, recognising my words for the goodbye they were. ‘Take care, Heather,’ he said, turning and walking out of the stables, his head low. I watched him go, amazed that the life I thought he had was so very different in reality. But then it was the same for me too. The difference was that mine had brought me happiness. And I did hope that he found that one day too.
‘I’m hungry,’ Harry said then, breaking through my thoughts.
‘Come on then,’ I said, holding out my hand. ‘I think we have some muffins from Emily left.’ As we walked back to the farmhouse, I saw Stewart’s car driving away and it felt as if our past together had been finally laid to rest.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
It was our tradition now to celebrate Hogmanay at Glendale Hall. Beth and her family held an annual party to coincide with the Christmas trail being switched off, ending in a spectacular firework display at the stroke of midnight.
The first time they had held the party was when Beth had returned after ten years living in London, and that had been the night I had slept with Rory for the first time.
And then after last year’s party, Rory had proposed to me when we got home. So, the night was definitely always memorable. I hoped that tonight would be no exception.
‘Where is everybody?’ Rory called upstairs as I put on red lipstick in front of the mirror in our bedroom. It was dark outside, the sky still clear and twinkling with stars, a perfect night for fireworks. ‘We passed the ten-minute warning ages ago!’ he added.
I glanced at the clock on our bedside table – we were indeed running late as was, let’s face it, also our tradition. ‘Five minutes!’ I called back. ‘Right, let’s get our shoes and coats on,’ I said to Harry who was cross-legged on my bed playing with a teddy. I knew it was crazy to be nervous for tonight but I couldn’t help it, I just hoped everything went to plan okay. I helped Harry into his shoes and coat then slipped on my boots, no heels unfortunately as we’d be standing on the grass later, and pulled on my coat. ‘How does Mummy look?’ I asked as I helped him off the bed. I was wearing dark skinny jeans wit
h a long jumper, my boots, coat and a red scarf to match my lipstick. It was the best I could do trying to keep warm as we’d be outside all night.
‘Pretty,’ he said. ‘Bring lamb?’
‘Of course you can.’ We went downstairs where Rory was waiting by the door with my dad. ‘Is Angus coming?’
‘He said he’d better stay here,’ Rory replied, opening up the door. ‘He really hates parties.’ He shrugged with an ‘I tried’ expression. ‘All ready to see the New Year in then?’
‘I think it’s going to be a good one,’ my dad said, throwing me a wink behind Rory’s back. I grinned as we filed out of the house into the car. I glanced back at the farm before we set off. I had fought a lot against it these past two years but it was home. And soon it would be home for my father too. Everyone I cared about under one roof. I really hoped my mum was looking down on us proudly.
Glendale Hall was lit up in full splendour when we arrived, the driveway crammed with cars. They welcomed anyone in the village who wanted to join us, and it was a popular night out. We walked around into the grounds where the trail was glittering and people were milling around with drinks, some holding sparklers, kids running around the lawn, others sipping drinks in front of the bonfire John had lit in the centre of the garden.
‘You made it,’ Beth said, coming over with Drew. ‘It’s our busiest Hogmanay so far, I think. Most of the village seems to be here. My mum is stressing we don’t have enough mulled wine or popcorn, and our lit-up reindeer fell over and broke, but other than that we’re okay.’
I smiled. ‘Something always has to go wrong but as long as it’s not the fireworks not working, we’ll be fine.’
‘Or any ambulance trips,’ she added with a sigh. At the first display, her grandmother had been taken ill and we always had some nerves about anything going wrong like that again. ‘Right, Harry, do you want to come and see the bonfire with me?’ She held out her hand for him.
‘Don, I could do with a hand carrying a barrel of beer out, would you mind?’ Drew asked my dad. I hid a smile at how they were trying to be subtle but really failing.
Rory raised an eyebrow at me when we were suddenly alone. ‘Something I should know about?’
I feigned innocence. ‘No idea. Let’s get a drink, shall we?’ I needed some Dutch courage to be honest. We went over to the drinks table and Rory got a beer, and I picked up a mulled wine. ‘Why don’t we walk the trail one last time?’ I suggested. We walked in silence, the lights as dazzling as ever, the trail quiet as everyone gathered around the bonfire waiting for the fireworks. ‘So, I didn’t tell you about my mum’s letter. I read it on Christmas morning. And it was as emotional as I thought it would be but it was so wonderful to hear her voice again even though it was only through words.’
‘I can imagine.’ He took my gloved hand in his.
‘She talked about how she knew my dad was the man for her, and a lot of what she said rang true for me. That she admired him as a person, and that’s how I feel about you.’ I kept my eyes ahead, knowing that if he looked at me I would cry and not be able to tell him what I wanted to. ‘She said that once I found my place in the world that I would do everything not to lose it, and she was right. I’ve found my place with you and Harry, and I have been terrified that I’ll lose you and that’s made me push you away sometimes when I should have been doing the opposite. I should have pulled you even closer.’ I stopped then and finally faced him. ‘It was like somehow she knew I would end up falling in love unexpectedly, that I’d find myself somewhere I wasn’t expecting to, and that I would be worried about it. What she said made so much sense. That things you don’t plan are even more special because of exactly that. And you should treasure them.’ I dropped to my knees. Rory’s mouth fell open in shock. ‘I didn’t plan on falling in love with you or having Harry so quickly but you two mean the world to me. I’m sorry that I ever made you unsure about how I feel about you. I should have said yes when you asked me last year but I wasn’t ready. I am now though. So, a year later, it’s my turn to ask you instead.’ I looked up at him, and my voice broke to see the tears glistening in his eyes. I reached for his hand. ‘Rory Fraser, will you marry me?’
Chapter Forty
He grasped my hand in his. ‘You are the only woman I have ever loved, and you are the only woman I will ever love,’ he said, choking a little on the words.
‘Is that a yes?’ I asked, smiling as a tear rolled down my cheek.
Rory got down on his knees too then. ‘Of course it’s a yes.’ He kissed me and I threw my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. The kiss was deep and lingering and I felt it travelling through my body sending warmth right down to the tips of my toes. ‘I don’t want to ruin this romantic moment but I’m losing all feeling in my knees,’ he said when we broke apart.
‘Me too,’ I agreed. He helped me up, our jeans wet, our skin cold, and our knees aching but the smiles wide on our faces.
We walked on hand-in-hand, passing all the fairy lights but not really noticing them. ‘She said something else in her letter,’ I began when I was able to speak again.
‘Your mum can tell me anything at this point, and I would do it,’ he replied.
‘She said one thing she regretted about marrying my dad was that they had such a small wedding. They couldn’t afford anything else. They got married at Gretna Green but she wished she’d had a big, white wedding at Broomwood Castle. I was thinking as she can’t be with us on our wedding day that we could have the wedding she always wanted. Like in memory of her?’
Rory lifted our joined hands and kissed the back of mine. ‘That sounds perfect.’
‘It might be expensive but Broomwood said they’d happily work something out with us if we publicise it on my Instagram. Who would have thought Stewart’s dad trying to sabotage us would make me social media famous!’ I shook my head. It was all very surreal.
‘We should do it this summer,’ Rory said. ‘We’ll make it work. We’ll always make things work.’
I smiled, trusting his words for the first time. ‘Always.’
‘Oh, wait,’ he said then, stopping. I turned to watch as he fumbled in his jacket pocket. ‘We need this,’ he said, pulling out a small velvet box.
‘You have a ring?’ I asked, surprised.
‘I’ve had this ring for a year. I’ve been waiting for you to be ready. I’ll be honest, these past couple of weeks what with Stewart turning up, and everything that’s been going on, I wondered if I was starting to lose you. But Brodie told me to not lose hope, that I should believe in us, and that man is always right.’ He grinned as he opened up the box. I gasped at the ring in there because I recognised it immediately. He smiled at my reaction. ‘I got it from your dad last Christmas, and I’ve been holding on to it since. Your mum’s engagement ring. I couldn’t think of anything more suitable to put on your finger, can you?’
I shook my head, finding it hard to speak again as my eyes filled with tears. ‘No,’ I said, staring at the antique gold and sapphire ring. It was understated but beautiful, and I had always admired it on my mum. I had wondered if one day my dad would pass it on to me but I’d never have guessed Rory had gone to him for it, that he even remembered me mentioning it to him. I was so touched. Rory picked it up and I held out my hand for him to slide it onto my ring finger. ‘A perfect fit.’
‘Just like us,’ Rory whispered. ‘It’s almost midnight, we should find Harry,’ he said, giving me another kiss.
Reader, we were going to get married, and I felt like finally everything was going to be okay.
We walked slowly back down the trail and I looked up at the stars above us, and I was sure that one twinkled up there just for us.
* * *
Rory paused as we approached the bonfire to see our friends and family waiting in a circle watching us walk back towards them from the trail with big smiles on their faces. ‘They all knew?’ he asked me as I pulled him to keep walking with me.
‘They were all in o
n it. Didn’t you wonder why the trail was empty?’ I laughed as he shrugged, evidently having been none the wiser. Honestly, men. ‘We’re engaged,’ I said when we reached the group, their expectant faces lit up by the flickering flames behind them. I waved the ring on my hand for them all to see. ‘Thank you, Dad,’ I said, going to him, Harry in his hands. I folded them into a hug with me. ‘Having her ring is so special.’
‘She told me to give it to the right man for you,’ he said, looking as if he might join me in crying too. ‘When Rory asked for my blessing, I knew it was him.’ I kissed him on the cheek.
‘I’m so happy for you!’ Beth threw her arms around my neck, squeezing me so tightly I had to tell her to stop. ‘We are now basically sisters, you know,’ she added, picking up my hand to show Emily the ring as she came over to look too.
‘Congratulations, big brother,’ Drew said to Rory behind us, thumping him on the back. ‘Finally going to make an honest man out of you.’
‘Took her long enough,’ Rory said, wrapping his arms around my waist with a grin.
I rolled my eyes. ‘The best things are worth waiting for,’ I said. And I saw Beth and Drew, and Emily and Brodie, exchange looks. They all knew what I meant.
‘It’s time,’ Caroline said then, quietly to us and then louder to the rest of the people around the bonfire. Rory took my hand and we all turned to the end of the lawn where John was ready with the fireworks. Beth and Drew hastily handed around paper cups of champagne.
Hopeful Hearts at Glendale Hall Page 25