by A. D. Ellis
“Wait, did you just refer to Jeremiah Jordan as JJ?” Beth had a good-natured laugh just waiting to burst forth from her sweet smiling face.
My head ducked in embarrassment and I feign a bit of defensiveness, “What!? He has ridiculous nicknames for me, so I had to come up with something. It was either the ‘Miah part of Jeremiah or the initials JJ. I thought the latter was a little less sickening. Maybe I’ll shorten it even more and just go with J sometimes.”
“It’s fine, I’m not going to judge, I just think it’s sweet and shows me you’re a little more deeply into this than I originally thought.” Beth seemed happy for me and gave me another hug before heading back to help the glue-clad little hands.
“Miss Audrey?” Beck looked up at me through his thick glasses and grabbed my hand. I didn’t even think to flinch from his touch, even though his hand was sticky with glue.
“What’s up, Mr. Beckett?” I knelt down next to him so he’d know I was listening.
“My daddy really likes you and I really like you. Daddy says that you might have done some bad things a long time ago. I told him that we needed to forgive you and move on like he teaches me. What you did in the past doesn’t matter as long as you’re sorry and you don’t make the same mistakes; Daddy always says ‘Learn from your mistakes and don’t let them define you.’ That’s what he says to me and someone needs to say it to you. I want you and Daddy to be happy.” Beck leaned in and kissed my cheek and wiped away my tear as he headed back to making his craft. The child is quite possibly a psychological prodigy; Dr. X could train him to take over his practice within the next few years, I’m sure of it. So, after a day of advice and support from my therapist, my man, my sister, and my pint-sized friend, I’m ready to head out on a date. How is it that the most prolific advice I got today came from someone more than 20 years my junior? I’m feeling much stronger in my decisions today, mainly because of Beckett.
Chapter 26
Audrey
By 7:00 pm I was showered, shaved, slathered, and starving. Starving for actual food, and also for Jeremiah. I had chosen a fitted black and white striped shirt with capped sleeves. I had paired it with a red scarf, red nails, red bangles, black skinny jeans, and black heels that had a couple red accents. I had toned down my apparel a lot, no longer dressing to attract a good lay, but I still liked to look nice. I had curled my hair so it was soft and bouncy; I pulled the sides back softly and secured them with a black clip. My clutch was black with red accents, as well. I thought I looked pretty good. Planning on later, I had chosen a red and black lacey thong and matching bra. I had also packed my bag for an overnighter, but I hadn’t decided for sure that I was staying.
A knock at the door pulled me from my drifting thoughts. I opened it to find the finest man I’d ever seen standing before me. His hair had grown enough to be styled in that perfect messy look. He had on a black button up shirt, black jacket, and dark wash jeans with sleek black leather tennis shoes; only Jeremiah could pull off a suit jacket and tennis shoes. After my eyes traveled up and down his perfect body once more, I met his eyes and he pulled me into him. His chin rested on my head. “Hiya, Sweets, you look good enough to fucking eat, but let’s head to get some real food first.” He tilted my head up and kissed me softly at first, deepening the kiss until I moaned, then he took a deep breath and let go of me. “Seriously, we need to leave now.” A smile tugged at his mouth as he ran his hand through his hair and looked to be trying to get himself under control.
I bit my bottom lip and batted my eyes, “What’s wrong, JJ?” I asked innocently even though I was as turned on as he was.
“Angel, you need to get that pretty ass out in my truck before I take you to your bed and tie you up.” He swatted at my butt as I walked away to get my stuff.
“Promises, promises,” I laughed as I locked the door and he took my bag from me. “So, where are we going? As a party planner, you know I like a good plan.”
With his arm draped around my shoulders, he leaned in and kissed my ear while whispering, “Well, I thought we’d eat dinner first, then the evening is pretty wide open. Although, if you’re up for it, I do have reservations to take you to bed a little later.” My skin had goose bumps, and I visibly shivered.
Swallowing thickly, I mustered up some courage. “Can we see how the night goes? I want that more than anything, but I really don’t want to turn this into just sex. I mean, I just want it to be more about us than the sex. Geesh, I’m screwing this up, aren’t I?” I hung my head but he lifted my chin and looked straight into my eyes.
“Angel, this hasn’t been just sex since the second we first had sex. Even then, even that time, it wasn’t ‘just sex.’ You know it and I know it. But, I assure you, when we are together again, it won’t be just sex. Not for me at least. Tonight is wide open, you can make the call. But, just so you know, if you give the go-ahead, I will be in control, not you.” He winked as he said this, and I knew he was referring to our first time when I fought so hard to control it all. Strangely enough, if there was sex tonight, I very much hoped that he would control every second of it. Another overwhelming thought for me.
We headed to my favorite little Italian restaurant. “How did you know I love this place?!”
He smiled a bit sheepishly, “I may have asked Libby for your favorite restaurant.”
I was so touched that he cared enough to ask my sister about my favorite place to eat. Honestly, in the past, I was a complete bitch about where a guy took me to eat. I wanted fancy, upscale, nothing casual. But, sitting in the Bronco with Jeremiah, I had a realization that I would happily eat at the local drive-thru if it meant spending time with him. Another new beginning for me.
Dinner was delicious as it always is there. We passed on dessert, thinking we’d get something a little later. Once back in the Bronco, he offered me a walk in the park, a movie, or skating.
“Skating? I haven’t been skating forever! Maybe next time, when I’m better dressed for it. I remember that I loved to skate when I was little, before my mom died. I don’t think I’ve skated since before she died. I used to be pretty good; I’m assuming it’s like riding a bike, once you learn you don’t forget.” I smiled at the memory of Beth and me skating through the base while my mom ran. I couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6. That was before my life became shit. I shook off the memory and opted for the park.
Jeremiah removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. We held hands as we walked. Our conversation had a little ADD and it skipped all over the place. We talked about Beckett and all that he’d faced and how well he was doing now. “He’s really blossomed since coming here. I think The Center and Libby and Nicky and you are really good for him.” He squeezed my hand.
“I’m pretty sure that Beck is just as good for me as I am for him. Nicky too; he has really enjoyed getting to be a role model for that little boy.” I thought again about talking to Beth about Nicky maybe needing a little more responsibility and/or independence. Maybe he could take on a job at The Center rather than just shelving groceries? It was a conversation for later.
Jeremiah shyly looked at me out of the corner of his eye. “My mom thinks you’re really good for me. She says she hasn’t seen me smile this much since before I joined the military. I agree with her on both accounts.” His thumb caressed mine as we walked.
I stopped momentarily to remove my heels. He took them from me, holding them in his right hand as his left hand continued to hold mine. “Your mom told me the same thing, the day we met to plan the party. I worry she’s put too much hope and faith in me. I’m a mess and I’m bound to screw up. I don’t want to disappoint her or hurt you.”
“My mom and dad are the ones who taught me about learning from our mistakes and moving on, not letting them dictate our lives. She knows a good thing when she sees one; if she says you’re good for me, then you are.” We had reached the picnic tables so we sat down, on one side, each of us straddling the bench, facing each other.
“I’m just goi
ng to put this out there, Sweets, but if you ever want to talk to me about your past, I’m all ears. I’ll listen and not judge, I promise. If it’s something you never want to talk about, that’s fine. But, I want to be the type of boyfriend who listens when his girl needs him to.” He took both my hands in his as he said this. I had an overwhelming urge to tell him everything, but Devil Audrey made a rare-as-of-late appearance and reminded me that my past was so dirty he’d bolt in a split second, so I kept my mouth closed.
“Hold on, did you just say ‘boyfriend’?” I smiled at him and waited for his answer.
“Well, yeah, I figure that’s what I am by now, right? We are on a date, we agreed to give this thing a chance and see where it goes, we are possibly planning a night of hot, not-just-sex for later, so yeah, I think I’d call myself your boyfriend. How about it, Sweets, will you be my girlfriend?” He said this in sort of a joking way but my stomach and heart were doing flip-flops. I stood abruptly and started to pace. I felt his strong arms come around me from behind.
“Rewind a bit there, Angel, what just happened?” His voice was soft in my ear.
“I’ve just never been a girlfriend. I’ve been the quick lay, the good fuck, the call-for-a-good-time girl. I’m not sure I’m girlfriend material and it’s a little nerve-wracking.” I tried to explain the feelings I was having.
“Relax, Audrey, I’m an ex-military guy with an ex-wife who cheated on me our entire relationship, left me with our special needs baby, divorced me, and is now threatening me. I don’t think I make great boyfriend material either, but you are what I want and I know I’m what you want too.” He leaned in to kiss me. I guess that was settled; sometimes having him make decisions for me was nice, it took some pressure off of me.
“Ok, boyfriend, but if you ever aren’t feeling it with the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, just say the word.” I spoke lightly, hoping to give him a future out in case he needed it.
“Sweets, if I have my way, the only time I’m ever going to be not feeling the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing is going to be when I’m feeling more like the whole husband/wife thing. Now, now, don’t go getting all nervous on me. I promise we will take this slow; neither of us is ready for that yet. But, I want to just put it out there, that’s the direction I see this heading sometime and that’s the direction I want us to head sometime. Let’s head back to the truck and get you home before you tear up your feet.” He gently kissed me then knelt down so I could climb on his back. I hadn’t had a piggyback ride since I was about 8. It was a summer day and my dad was giving Beth and I piggyback rides on a rare day when he wasn’t working. I remember laughing hysterically as he tried to carry us both and fell over in the grass, tumbling with us and tickling. Then my mom died and all laughter stopped.
“Thanks for the ride, JJ. Now, giddyup!” He laughed as I smacked his very fine ass and started jogging back to the Bronco. I felt like I was on a bucking bull and I was laughing so hard I thought I’d pee myself by the time we reached the truck.
As he opened the door for me, he grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. Nothing hot, nothing sexual, just an all-encompassing hug that spoke volumes of what he was feeling for me. Never. Never had someone, outside of my family, hugged me just to show me how they felt. It had always been with an ulterior motive. But this man, my boyfriend, my JJ, was hugging me with all the feeling he had in him. As if he noticed things had gotten a little too serious, he pulled back, “So, Sweets, when is your birthday?” His question surprised me. I didn’t really like to celebrate my birthday; I helped others celebrate but I always felt like my day wasn’t all that important.
“Oh, it’s not for a while, so no worries.” I flippantly told him and climbed into the truck. His head cocked to the side, in a questioning way, but he looked as if he decided to just let it go for now.
We headed back to his house. I’ve been anxiously awaiting this night basically since our first night together. But, now that the time was here, I was worried I was going to screw it up. I’ve never had sex that was more than just sex. With the exception of the sleaze-bags who molested and raped me, I’ve never had sex that wasn’t my way of gaining control. I feel something for this man and I know he feels something for me as well. Can I let go of my past baggage long enough for what we feel to translate into more than just sex? Sometimes, like tonight, I almost wish I could go back in time to the way I used to be. I hurt people and I was constantly hurting, but at least I didn’t have the anxiety and the emotions that threatened to overtake me now.
Chapter 27
Jeremiah
He took one look at her sitting pensively in the truck and knew that she was having second thoughts about tonight. No, it wasn’t that she was having second thoughts; she was simply over thinking all of it. He could almost see the wheels in her head spinning and, if they were in a race car right now, she’d be about to take the checkered flag.
Jeremiah reached over and grabbed Audrey’s hand. “Listen, Angel, I can see you over thinking this whole night. I think maybe we’ve both built this whole ‘next time’ thing up way too much in our heads. ‘Will it be as great?’, ‘What does it mean for us?’, ‘Where do we go from tonight?’” He glanced at her and saw that she nodded slightly, looking relieved that he had brought it up and seemed to be nailing her insecurities right on the head. “Baby, every time with you will be hot and fierce and emotional. It will never be just sex for me. Making love to you, fucking you, just having you wrapped in my arms, all of those things can be hot, fierce, and emotional. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone; I’ve been thinking of all the different things I want to do to you. But, if you need some more time, time to figure ‘us’ out, then we can take a rain check on the sex tonight. But, I’m not promising I can control the other things I’m wanting to do.” His mouth drew into a sexy smirk as he winked at her. Audrey’s stomach flip-flopped; this man made her feel things she’d never felt before. No man had ever flirted with her, no man had ever told her that he’d be happy just holding her, no man had ever indicated that he wanted to do anything more than screw her. She scooted closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder. She had never had a man be her shoulder to lean on either literally or figuratively.
“Thanks, J. I know I’m over thinking tonight. I don’t want to ruin what we have by telling you all the dirt from my past, but let’s just suffice it to say that sex has never been more than a good lay, a quick fuck, a guaranteed screw. I hate the way that makes me sound but I hate what it’s doing to my mind even more. I want tonight, but I’m not sure my mind will let it be anything more than just sex, even though my heart wants it to be so much more.” She let her head tilt up to look at him and noticed his jaw tense and his eyes steely.
“Angel, I won’t force you to tell me about your past, but like I’ve said before, I’d be more than willing to listen and not pass judgment. I’m just so damn pissed right now that there are jackasses out there who would have treated you like a quick fuck. Then I get even more pissed at myself when I realize that’s exactly what I’ve been doing with women for years. But this is you we’re talking about, my sweet angel, my girl, the woman I want more with. The next time you’re someone’s quick fuck it’s going to be me fucking you and only then because it’s what we both want. Tonight though? Tonight I want more than just a good lay, I want all of you.” He leaned down and kissed her head and squeezed her hand as they pulled into his driveway.
When they entered his kitchen, Jeremiah was happy to see that his parents and Beckett were still there. He figured a little socializing may help ease the tension that Audrey was feeling.
“Miss Audrey!” Beckett was thrilled to see her and it warmed his heart to see two of his favorite people locked in a bear hug on his kitchen tile. It still amazed him to hear people around town talk about Audrey as a snob or a bitch; he hadn’t seen that side of her at all. He’d never let her know, but some of the gossips in town had cornered him one day and told him that he better protect Beckett from h
er because she was downright mean to people with disabilities. He’d seen Audrey with Nicky and he’d seen her light up because of Beckett on many occasions so he just politely told the busy-bodies that people could change and everyone deserves a second chance. He wanted to snap a picture in this exact moment, Audrey on her knees hugging Beckett, and show those old hussies next time he saw them.
“Daddy! I’m going to Grandma and Papaw’s house to have a sleep over. We’re going to watch a movie and eat popcorn and drink pop! But not too much because I’ll wet the bed.” Beckett let himself be hefted up in Jeremiah’s arms and wrapped himself around his father’s trunk. “Give me a high-up ride!” Beckett giggled as his dad heaved him even higher, settling him on his shoulders. He used his dad’s ears as a steering wheel, laughing hysterically whenever his pulls on a certain ear would take him the opposite way he wanted to go. “Daddy, you’re going the wrong way!” Jeremiah laughed and let Beckett steer him toward the boy’s room so that they could pack his overnight bag.
After hugs and kisses, Beckett and his grandparents headed out the back door toward their sleepover. Not before Jack patted his son on the back with a knowing wink and Judy hugged him and whispered, “She’s something special; you’ve got to get her to believe that.” Jeremiah shook his head, chuckling silently to himself. Nothing like a little extra pressure for the night from his parents.
The night was still young and he didn’t feel like just jumping right into bed. Correction. He did feel like jumping right into bed, he just didn’t think it would be the best lead in into the night, seeing as how Audrey was already tense.