by A. D. Ellis
**********
The next morning I woke to the glorious scent of hot tea and pancakes delivered by an even more glorious man in tight black briefs and an impressive outline under said briefs.
Eyeing my breakfast momentarily, I turned my hungry gaze to him and smiled seductively. “Mmmm, I’m hungry, and I think I know what I’ve got a taste for.” I watched Kyle take a deep breath as he sat the tray down and then adjusted himself.
“I’ll be waiting right here, but you don’t want your tea and pancakes to get cold.” He leaned down to kiss me quickly, but I grabbed him and pulled him on top of me.
“Tea and pancakes can be warmed back up. I’m already hot and ready to go, don’t make me wait, Ky.” I kissed him hungrily as I freed him from the confines of his briefs. Within seconds he was right where I wanted him. It was a very successful morning and we learned that Kyle’s famous blueberry pancakes are delicious even warmed up.
**********
Over the next several weeks the weather warmed slightly, and I found myself smiling more than I’d smiled in my whole life. Kyle brought sunshine to my world, and I enjoyed every second I spent with him. He left me little messages in various bottles all over the house. My favorites were an A-1 steak sauce bottle, a shampoo bottle, a ranch dressing bottle, and an empty bottle of hair color from one of his many dye jobs. Every note started the same, My light, my hope, my future, every note spoke of his love for me and his plans for our future, and every note was signed the same, Your promise, Kyle. No question about it, I had found my happily ever after; I was head-over-heels, madly in love with the man.
After about two months of planning and setting things up, I started my first group at The Center. The group would meet one night a week. Titled “Let’s Chat,” it was advertised as a group to listen to anything you wanted to talk about. We had rules, or guidelines, to keep us within time limits, not be offensive to others, keep things within legal limits, and we’d set up procedures if the person speaking needed more help than what we could offer. The group had met three times so far and it was going wonderfully. Members were meeting new friends, finding things they had in common with others, seeing that some of their problems weren’t as bad as they once thought, and just getting things off of their chest. I appreciated when Nate or Libby would come with me to help enforce our guidelines; overall, I’d call “Let’s Chat” a thriving and rewarding venture. I felt like we were truly helping others and it felt good to do that; we’d had one person so far who needed more help than just talking could help and Dr. Xander had graciously stepped in to offer some free sessions to that person.
**********
Kyle had been chomping at the bit to get my tattoo started; the outline had been inked and healed, the color was next.
“You ready, Jo? We’ll work for about an hour then take a break. We can split it up or get it all done today. Your call.” He leaned in and kissed me and I was reminded why I wanted to get it all done at once. Laying on my back was going to be off limits for a while; I wanted to keep my healing time as short as possible. I had many things I liked to do with Kyle while I was on my back.
“I want it all done today please.” I smiled as he narrowed his eyes knowingly at me.
“You dirty little girl, you’re thinking about how you can’t lay on your back for a while, aren’t you?” What can I say? He knew me well.
“Maybe, maybe not. Let’s just get it done. We can figure out alternatives while it heals.” I pulled my shirt over my head and made eye contact with him before walking to the table and laying down. “Mmmmm, I wish I could sleep while this is going on, I’m so tired. You do a good job of keeping the needle light on the skin, but it’s still not enough to allow me a nap.” I winked at him as he prepared his ink and gun.
“Have you been staying up too late painting? Are our late night rendezvous getting to be too much for you?” He spoke mostly in jest, but I could tell that he was truly concerned for me.
“Nah, I’m good. I just need a nap here or there to get all caught up on some sleep. Ok, Ink Master, work your magic.” I took a deep breath and willed myself to ignore the pain and just focus on the continual buzz of the machine.
Three hours and two breaks later, I was done. We had changed our original design somewhat, alternating from three different colored horses to three horses of the same shade. It was a silhouette of the three horses, and they were almost bronze in color. They ran across the middle of my upper back and the words ‘Reckless Abandon’ graced the bottom of the design. It was truly a work of art, and I was so very proud of it. It represented so much for me; since my arrival in Torey Hope, I’d grown into the person I’d always wanted to be, into the person I’d always felt was inside trying to escape.
That night I’d had every intention of showing Kyle my alternative positions since I couldn’t lay on my back, but fell fast asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and didn’t wake until the sun rose the next morning. Smiling as I rolled over to find Kyle, my hand instead touched something round and smooth. Cracking an eye I recognized a syrup bottle and I had to laugh. Sitting up, I removed the rolled up note from the bottle. The sweet smell of syrup assaulted my nose, and I immediately bolted from the bed, making it to the toilet just seconds before it was too late.
Kyle jerked the shower curtain open to find me hunched over the toilet, panting as if I’d just run a race. “Jo, baby, what’s wrong?” He immediately ended his shower and jumped out to help me.
“Oh, God, I don’t know. I was fine, but then I smelled that syrup, and I barely made it to the bathroom. Do you think the chicken we had last night was bad?” I knew I’d eaten more of the chicken than he had, maybe that’s why I was sick but he wasn’t.
“I don’t know, babe. Climb back in bed and rest a bit. Want some Sprite to settle your stomach?” The thought of the Sprite appealed to me, and I was able to keep it down. By mid-morning, I was still tired, but I felt better so we chalked it up to something I had eaten and went on about our business.
When Libby, Audrey, and Carly came over later to eat lunch, I told them of the bad chicken. I didn’t notice the quick glances made back and forth between them as I told my story of woe.
Kyle
“Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass…It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.” ~Vivian Greene
Two things were worrying me. The first was the damn black car that showed up in town 2-4 times a week. I knew it was Wayne or, more likely, one of his cronies. Josie knew it as well. The police knew it, but the car and person inside had done nothing wrong, so there was nothing they could do but make note of it. The Captain and I had spoken about this issue at length; he and some of his military buddies were doing what they could to keep an eye on Wayne. Captain Decker couldn’t be sure, but he had a feeling that some of those same buddies had roughed Wayne up a bit the last time he’d been seen in Torey Hope. It wasn’t much and it wasn’t close to what I wanted to have happen to Wayne, but it was all we could do until he made another move.
The second thing that was worrying me was Josie. She had lost weight, she was always tired, and she couldn’t seem to kick this stomach thing. She’d been feeling bad for over a week; just when it would seem she was better, she’d get hit with it again.
We had to bail on a family get together about ten days into her illness; she wasn’t up for it, and we decided she shouldn’t be alone with Wayne prowling town, and we also didn’t want me to inadvertently give her germs to the kids. So, I ran over to John and Cindy Morgan’s house to get a couple plates of food for Josie and me since we couldn’t make the gathering.
Libby, Audrey, and Carly met me outside before I could even ring the bell. They asked after Josie; their questions seemed weird to me. When Cindy and Judy came outside, the girls reiterated Josie’s illness to the older women and many furtive glances were exchanged. I began to worry that the women thought something more serious was going on with Josie. If she wasn’t better in a few days, I was going t
o have to convince her to see a doctor.
I entered the house, unsure of which Josie I’d find. Would she be sleepy and weepy and sick or happy and upbeat and hungry? The strange thing about her illness was that she was always hungry, but then she’d be sick as a dog the next day.
“Mmmmm, what did you bring?” She literally attacked me before I even had the food down on the counter. “Oh, thank you so much for going to pick this up. I don’t want to get anyone sick, but I’m sooo hungry. I don’t think I could have stayed awake long enough to fix food tonight though.” I watched as she devoured the meal I’d brought her; I was happy to see her eat, but still so worried about her.
Later that night, when she woke from a late evening nap, I took her in my arms and made love to her; she cried. I was scared I had pushed things too far since she wasn’t feeling well, but she told me it was “the most beautiful thing she’d ever experienced” and they were happy tears.
The next day, knowing that the girls were all coming over to put finishing touches on Carly’s baby shower, I headed to the shop while Josie was still sleeping. Usually, out of fear of her being alone, I’d wait until she was up and could come with me to the shop or I’d work at home until she went to one of the girls’ houses or The Center.
I wrote her a little note, rolling it up and placing it in an empty mouthwash bottle; I’d already found out earlier that using bottles that had food smells turned her stomach, so I was sticking with safer bottles.
My light, my hope, my future,
Good morning, Jo-Jo. I didn’t want to wake you because I know you’re still not feeling well. Enjoy your day with the girls. I’m giving you until the end of the week to get better and then we are going to the doctor. I can’t keep worrying about my girl.
Your promise,
Kyle
Heading to work, I tried my best to shake the niggling fear of how I would handle it if something was seriously wrong with her. I didn’t think I’d survive losing someone I loved again. As I leaned my bike into the curves, I fought off the worry that tried to take over.
Josie
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
I was so very sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’d never dealt with an illness that lasted this long, and I was totally over it. Most of the time the mornings and evenings were the worst, so I was glad the girls were coming over around 11:00 am. I knew I’d be feeling better by that point. I really hoped they brought something yummy for lunch, I knew I’d be starving by that point too.
I spent an hour or so painting; I had some orders I needed to get sent out, and I was also working on a painting of my tattoo. I wanted to hang a replica of Kyle’s design in my studio. After finishing up some work, I headed to the closet to grab a new towel for a shower. When I pulled a towel out, I shrieked as a package fell out at me. Laughing and rolling my eyes at my jumpiness, I picked the package up and started to return it to the shelf. Before I got it put away, I realized it was the colorful baby blanket that Izzy had convinced me to buy months ago. With no actual thought, I removed the blanket from the packaging and held it to my face. Tears began to fall and in moments I had completely lost it. I slid to the ground, crying into the blanket. I was so happy with Kyle, so why was I crying like a fool over a baby blanket? We had a happy life, we had both resigned ourselves to loving our nieces and nephews instead of children of our own. None of these thoughts comforted me at that point; I continued crying.
I cried for so long that I was embarrassed to still be in that exact position when the girls arrived. I hadn’t heard them ringing the bell or knocking incessantly so they had used their key to get in. After much fussing and coddling, they finally convinced me to take a quick shower while they set up lunch. My stomach growled loudly at that suggestion, and we all giggled. I didn’t notice the “I told you so” looks that passed between the three of them.
By the time I emerged from the shower, Cindy and Judy had arrived with Janie, my uncle’s girlfriend. I was surprised to see the older women, but it made me smile tearfully to see them all gathered together. “To what do I owe the pleasure of getting to see all six of you today?” I joked with them and then got distracted when I saw the deli sandwiches and desserts they had brought. I knew that the butterscotch pie was one of Janie’s specialties, and I predicted I could have eaten that entire pie in one sitting.
“Let’s grab some food and sit down.” Carly suggested, and I practically knocked people over to get my plate. I guess since I was still feeling ill in the mornings and evenings, my body knew it had to get food when it could.
“Slow down there, Cujo.” Audrey laughed as I stepped in front of her to take a slice of pie along with my lunch. “Dang, girl, we brought plenty, no need to growl.”
I should have laughed at her joke, I knew I was being an animal about getting food into my mouth, but instead I burst into tears. “I….I…I’m so…so…sor…sorry,” I wailed. All of the women put their plates down and gathered around me which made me feel loved and that led to more tears.
“Oh, dear, I see what you mean, girls. Come on, Josie, let’s get you some food and drink and settle down to talk.” Cindy gave me a tissue and guided me to the couch while Judy brought my food. I humbly ate my lunch, purposely not scarfing it down, and felt myself settle down a bit.
“I’m so sorry, ladies, I have been so sick and so tired, and I just can’t stop crying over the silliest things. And hungry; if I’m not puking, I’m eating. Kyle’s worried sick about me; I have to say I’m starting to worry a bit too. I’ve never been sick this long, but I just can’t seem to kick this bug.” I took a deep breath and forced myself to pause before starting in on the butterscotch pie.
“Well, I think you’ll start feeling better soon. In my experience with this type of bug, it shouldn’t last much longer.” Libby spoke quietly and patted my leg.
“Speak for yourself, sister dear! When I had that particular ‘bug’ it lasted a whole nine months!” Audrey joked, but I only heard nine months.
“Nine months?? I can’t do this for nine months. It’s only been just over a week and I’m about ready to go insane. Libby, why did you get over it so much quicker? Is there medicine? If so, I’ll let Kyle take me to the doctor first thing in the morning.” I seriously thought I’d start crying again when I thought about feeling this way for nine months.
“Josie, you don’t have a bug honey. The girls are dropping hints, but I don’t think your mind is tracking well right now, so I’m just going to spell it out for you. Josie, honey, we think you may be pregnant.” Cindy spoke slowly and softly, gauging my reaction to her words.
I sat stock still, mouth opening and closing, like a dying fish. My brain attempted to comprehend what she had just said but her words were beyond comprehension.
“I can’t get pregnant.” I spoke resolutely, fighting off the increasing feeling of anger. How dare these women come into my home and bring up the one thing that broke my heart more than anything in this world.
“Fact: You’re sick in the morning and the evening. Fact: You’re exhausted all the time. Fact: You can’t stand certain smells. Fact: You cry at the drop of a hat. Fact: If you’re not puking, you’re attacking any food that’s placed in front of you.” Audrey ticked these points off on her fingers.
“Josie, hon, we know you and Kyle have been intimate. Have you been using protection?” Judy asked quietly, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes at her.
“We’ve had no reason to use protection. There’s no need to protect me from something that I can’t do. And we’ve both been tested so protection wasn’t an issue.” I gritted out, in hopes of not being rude.
“When was your last period?” Carly softly prompted me.
“It was…um, wait…it was….oh, God, I don’t remember. They’ve never been consistent so I’ve never paid a whole lot of attention to it.” I shook my head, still trying to recall my last period.
“Well, in my not-professi
onal-but-almost-always-right opinion, you and Kyle have probably been bumping uglies like rabbits so add that to the fact that there’s been no protection and all of your symptoms….yeah, 99.9% sure you’re pregnant. Listen, Josie, we debated on speaking to you about this for days. We didn’t want to bring up something that could potentially hurt your feelings, but almost every single one of us has been pregnant at least once and we recognize the signs.” Audrey stopped to let her words sink in.
“I’d have to agree with Audrey. I know this is extremely hard for you to wrap your head around, and we will be devastated if our prediction isn’t correct, but I really do think you’re pregnant, Josie.” Libby smiled slightly at me.
“Josie, why do you believe you can’t get pregnant?” Janie inquired.
“Um, well, when I tried to get pregnant with Wayne and couldn’t, he took me to the doctor and they sent me a letter later stating that I only had a 1% chance of conceiving.” I recalled the day I got that letter in the mail and the way my heart had shattered.
“Just a letter? No follow up from the doctor for further testing or other options?” Audrey questioned.
“Um, no, just the letter. I was so devastated that I just put the letter in the trash and tried to forget about it. Wayne asked about it later; it was strange that he brought it up since I knew he didn’t want kids. ‘So, hear anything from the doctor?’ When I told him what the letter said he laughed and said, ‘Just one more thing you can’t do right, huh?’ I knew he wouldn’t approve of pursuing it further, so I just let it go.” Tears had started to stream down my cheeks again.
“Well, this may be a bit presumptuous, but I brought a couple pregnancy tests. You can tell me to shove them up my ass if you want. Or, you could take one to the bathroom and pee on the freakin’ stick!” Audrey was barely able to restrain herself. “I brought a couple so if the one right now isn’t positive yet, you can take a few more over the next couple days. But, based on your symptoms, I’d say you could probably just breathe on the darn thing and a positive would pop up. I’m placing money, Josie, you are so totally knocked up.” I started to giggle anxiously at Audrey’s words as the realization of what could be happening began to sink in.