The College Life

by Mercy Amare

  I’m not sure how I’m supposed to act around Ty right now. I mean, I guess we are supposed to act normal, but I don’t see how that’s possible. Everything has changed. He’s been inside me.

  Oh, my gosh. I had sex with Ty. Multiple times. What was I thinking? He’s my ex-boyfriend. And we broke up for a reason.

  Well, we’re not back together, so what does it matter? It’s just sex.

  “You’re really quiet today,” Toby says, once we are sitting at the table.

  “Am I usually loud?” I ask.

  “Not loud. You just... talk,” he says. “What’s up with you?”

  “Nothing,” I say, a little too quickly.

  “You’re also smiling a lot,” he continues. “Did you get laid or something?”

  Carter sighs. “At least somebody is having sex. I can’t remember the last time Julie and I did. Long distance relationships suck. When we’re apart, I spend all my time missing her, and when we’re together, we spend all our time fighting because neither of us wants to sacrifice to be together.”

  “You got laid?” Toby asks, ignoring Carter.

  I don’t answer, though my face warms up at his question. I’m pretty sure my red face is the only answer he needs.

  “You took my advice,” he says, grinning. He sits back against the booth. “About time my baby sis hooks up with somebody else.”

  I roll my eyes in response.

  “So, how was it?”

  Andrea chokes on her drink. “You’re really asking your sister how having sex was?”

  Toby nods. “Definitely.”

  “Why? That’s disgusting.”

  “Did I mention she’s my stepsister? Because ‘step’ is really important here,” he says.

  Andrea decides to ignore Toby and turns to me. “Who did you have sex with?”

  “Me,” Ty answers for me.

  Oh, great. This isn’t at all awkward.

  “Really? Your ex?”

  “The sex was amazing,” I say, answering Toby’s question. “Now, please, can we talk about something else? Because I’m so over talking about my sex life.”

  “This is so disturbing,” Andrea says.

  “It’s obviously been a while since you had sex,” Toby says, then grins at her. “I could help you out.”

  She glares at him.

  “No,” I say. “Toby, you can’t have sex with any of my friends. I still can’t get Victoria to talk to me.”

  “Who is Victoria?” Carter asks.

  “She was one of my best friends. She went on a cruise with us last Christmas. She and Toby were hooking up and then she saw his texts to another girl,” I explain. “It didn’t end well and she stopped talking to me after that.”

  “You have really bad luck with friends,” Toby says. “You can blame me for Victoria, but not Ariana.”

  “Ariana was kidnapped by my ex-boyfriend,” I say.

  “Don’t forget Olivia,” he says.

  I sigh.

  “What happened to Olivia?” Andrea asks.

  “Olivia was the sister of the kidnapper,” I answer. “After he went to jail it was too hard for her to be friends with me. So, we stopped talking.”

  “Wow,” Carter says. “You have quite an exciting life.”

  “I would use different words to describe my life before Berkeley,” I say. “Scary and stressful both come to mind.”

  “Thank God that’s over,” Toby says.

  “Should I be scared to be your friend?” Andrea asks. “I’d rather not get kidnapped.”

  “The guys behind it are either dead or in jail, so we’re safe,” I say. Even now, four months after the threats stopped, I still feel so much relief. For a while, I truly didn’t think I was going to survive. To be alive at eighteen and in college feels like a miracle to me.

  “Good,” she says.

  Definitely good.

  “Kihanna, I need to know more about the sex,” Toby says. “I mean, you and Ty had about a year’s worth of sexual frustration built up.”

  “Seriously, Toby?” I ask. “Can you not think about anything other than sex?”

  Toby puts his finger to his chin and taps it as if he’s thinking. “Definitely not,” he finally says. “So, spill.”

  I roll my eyes. “Toby, there are other people sitting at the table. Nobody wants to hear about it.”

  “I don’t mind,” Carter says. “I can live vicariously through you, Kihanna.”

  “I can tell I’m going to lose this one,” Andrea says. “You might as well.”

  “See,” Toby says, obviously satisfied with their responses.

  I look over at Ty, who is grinning big.

  “It was sex, Toby. Like mind blowing, incredible, best sex ever. What else do you want me to say?” I ask.

  I hear somebody’s swift intake of breath and I look over to see Gabe standing in front of the table. He doesn’t look angry, though I wish he did. Instead, he looks hurt. Like he’s about to start crying.

  “So, you and Ty had sex?” Gabe asks calmly. Too calmly.

  I feel bad for hurting Gabe, but I’m not over what he said to me on Friday. He hurt me, too. That’s not okay, no matter what the circumstances.

  “I did,” I answer. “And just how many girls have you had sex with since we broke up?”

  “I lost count after ten,” he says, shrugging his shoulders.

  The hurt in his face is now gone. It’s replaced by a blank look. He’s trying not to show that I hurt him.

  Ty grabs my hand under the table and gives it a squeeze. The touch is comforting and exactly what I need, at the moment. I give him a smile.

  “So are you two together now?” Gabe asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

  After a few seconds of silence, Carter answers for us. “They’re friends with benefits.”

  Gabe looks at Ty. “She’s not with me, and yet, she still doesn’t want to be with you. That’s got to suck.”

  Ty’s face doesn’t move or even flinch at Gabe’s comment. He just turns to me. “Are you okay?”

  I nod, but I’m really not okay.

  How can Gabe just throw away a year’s worth of friendship? I know that I broke up with him, but he moved on several times before I did anything with Ty.

  Maybe it was too soon to move on.

  No, I can’t think that. It was time for me to move on. I felt good about my decision and I still do. Gabe is the one who isn’t ready for me to move on, but it’s too late. He should’ve thought about that before he called me after hooking up with that sorority girl.

  I won’t sit here and let Gabe belittle me. He’s talking about me like I’m some whore that he and Ty pass back and forth, and I’m not okay with that. But before I can defend my honor, Ty does.

  “You need to leave,” Ty says, standing up.

  Ty towers over Gabe by a few inches. That would intimidate most people, but not Gabe.

  Gabe and Ty have always had rivalries, especially when it comes to girls. I never thought Gabe would talk about me like I am a challenge. But here we are. Maybe it’s just because he’s hurt. I know I hurt him. I hate that I did. But that’s not an excuse for him to act like he is.

  “I’ll leave when I want to leave,” Gabe says, not kindly.

  “Come on, Gabe,” Toby says. “Just go. You’re making yourself look bad.”

  “Why do I look bad?” Gabe asks. “Ty is the one who had sex with my ex-girlfriend.”

  “She was my ex-girlfriend first,” Ty says. “We’ve never lived by bro-code. Why start now?”

  “This isn’t how it’s supposed to go,” Gabe says, then looks at me. “You were my forever. I don’t understand what I did to make you not love me anymore.”

  I scoot out of the booth. “I’ll be right back,” I tell everybody, and grab Gabe’s arm.

  I guess now is just as good of a time as any to have the talk.

  2 p.m.

  We are never, ever, ever getting back together.

  Gabe and I go sit o
n the concrete steps at the back of the diner.

  We sit there for a minute before either of us talks.

  Today is a bright and sunny day. Usually the sky is overcast, so it’s warmer than usual. I take off my hoodie, and look up at the bright blue sky. I try to think of what I can say to Gabe. I don’t want to hurt him, but I also want to be truthful. I want him to be able to move on after this conversation.

  “We stopped having sex,” I blurt out.

  “What?” Gabe asks, turning towards me.

  “Before we broke up, we stopped having sex,” I say again. “Like about two weeks before we left Bora Bora, we stopped being intimate.”

  Gabe sighs. “Kihanna—”

  I cut him off. “And I stopped having friends. Besides you, Ty, and Toby, I talked to nobody. And the one time I talked to somebody, you made a big deal out of it. You wanted me to only be friends with people you wanted me to be friends with.”

  “That’s not true—”

  “Yes, it is, Gabe,” I say, feeling annoyed. “And here I am, being honest with you, and you won’t hear me.”

  “I can change.”

  “It’s too late. I’ve moved on,” I tell him. “I want to be single. I like being single. I spent last year jumping from relationship to relationship and I never had time by myself. I never got to process everything that happened. And, if I’m being honest, I depended on you, way too much. It’s not right.”

  “But you’re sleeping with Ty...” his voice trails off.

  “Ty is my friend. That is it,” I say. “We are having sex, but we aren’t committed to each other. If I want to date other people, I can.”

  Sort of.

  I mean, it’s complicated.

  Gabe doesn’t need to know that.

  “Are you happy without me?” Gabe asks.

  “Yes,” I answer honestly. “I am very happy right now. My life is finally going in the right direction.”

  “Do you think we will ever get back together?”

  “I don’t know. Just right now, I want to enjoy being young and single.”

  “Just do me a favor,” Gabe says. “Don’t marry Ty.”

  “I’m eighteen years old. I’m not marrying anybody for at least seven years,” I tell him.

  Twenty-five seems like a good age to get married. I will have graduated from college and will be working somewhere. Hopefully, my life will be together at that point. But who knows.

  Gabe smiles. “That means I have seven years to change your mind.”

  “Gabe, please. Just move on,” I tell him. “I don’t want you to waste your freshman year pining over me. I made my decision. You and I are over, okay? And not to sound like a Taylor Swift song, but we are never, ever, ever getting back together.”

  “I can’t accept that,” he says.

  I let out a frustrated growl and stand up. “Well, I’m serious. And until you can accept that, we can’t be friends. I’ll see you around campus.”

  Without another word, I walk off and leave him there.

  It’s then that I realize; Gabe and Ty really have switched places.

  So weird.

  Monday¸ September 10

  4 p.m.

  You ruined my life.

  After my last class on Monday, I head back to my dorm to study and get some homework done. I’ve decided I hate procrastinating. If I finish all my work early, then I can hang out with my friends tonight. It’s basically my reward for doing what I’m supposed to do.

  When I get to my door, I stick the key in and as I am opening the door, I notice that somebody wrote a note on the whiteboard on my door.

  You ruined my life. Now I’m going to ruin yours.

  I read the note a few times.

  Certainly, it’s a mistake. Maybe it was meant for somebody else in my dorm. I wipe my finger across it to erase the letters, but it was written in permanent ink. I yank the board off my door and start to throw it in the trash, but then I think... what if it isn’t a mistake? What if it’s all starting to happen again?

  But how could it? Mike Newman is in jail. All of his money and assets are tied up in a trust fund for Ty. Even if he could somehow talk to somebody on the outside, there is no way he could pay for it. That’s stupid. I’m just being paranoid.

  Still, I put the ruined whiteboard under my bed, just in case.

  Thursday, September 13

  5 p.m.

  It’s a surprise.

  At five on Thursday evening, Ty shows up at my dorm room. He tells me that he is packing a bag for me and that I can’t know what’s going in. He also tells me to get my passport, because we’re leaving the country.

  The fact that Ty only spent fifteen minutes packing my bag scares me a little bit.

  When we get out to my Range Rover, I’m surprised to see that Andrea, Carter and Toby are all in the car waiting. Andrea and Carter both have huge smiles on their faces. Toby looks annoyed.

  “Took you long enough,” Toby complains as we get in.

  “Does everybody know where we’re going?” I ask.

  Andrea and Carter both nod enthusiastically.

  “Is anybody going to tell me?”

  “No,” Ty answers. “It’s a surprise.”

  “I hate surprises,” I say, crossing my arms and falling back against the seat.

  “No, you don’t,” Toby says. “You just hate that everybody besides you knows what we’re doing.”

  “True.”

  “Don’t worry, it’s fun,” Ty says, starting my car. “And it’s something you’ve never done before. So, it’s a new adventure.”

  “An adventure,” I repeat. “Okay.”

  “We’re also skipping school Monday,” Andrea says. “We haven’t even been at school a whole month and I’m already skipping a day. But it’s so worth it. I’m lucky I have a passport. I went with a friend and her family to Canada a couple of years ago, so I had to have it.”

  “Eric doesn’t have a passport, so he doesn’t get to come,” Carter says. “He was so mad about missing the trip.”

  “This is the trip of a lifetime,” Andrea says, then looks at me. “Well, except for you. I’m sure this kind of stuff is normal for you.”

  “Did you tell Andrea about our summer in Tahiti?”

  “You were in Tahiti?” she asks, not bothering to keep the jealousy out of her voice.

  “We went to Bora Bora. It was a birthday present from my dad,” I tell her. “And this is all new to me, so it’s still pretty extraordinary. I don’t think I will ever get used to it, and I shouldn’t. I am very blessed.”

  “I would feel guilty being that rich,” Andrea says.

  “I used to. But I realized I shouldn’t feel guilty for being blessed,” I say.

  “My parents are pretty well off, too,” Carter says. “Well, nothing like your dad, Kihanna. But I did my fair share of world traveling as a kid. Where we are going is a new place for me.”

  “And where is that?” I ask, hoping he accidentally says.

  “Hey!” Ty says, scolding me. “Stop trying to trick people.”

  “Fine,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. “So, Carter... where all have you been?”

  “Don’t answer her,” Ty tells him. “She’s trying to narrow down the options.”

  “It’s okay. I will just figure it out when we get to the airport.”

  “We’re taking a private jet, so actually you won’t,” Ty says. “Your father kindly let us borrow his jet.”

  “I can’t believe my dad is okay with me skipping a day of school,” I say.

  “He was all for it,” Toby says. “Actually, he suggested the trip. You must be doing well in school.”

  “I am,” I tell him. “I’ve already taken quite a few exams and I made all A’s so far, but I haven’t even told him my grades.”

  “I’m sure he knows somebody on the inside,” Toby says.

  “That would suck,” Andrea says. “I’m glad my parents are middle class. They have no ties to the schoo
l and they only know what I want them to.”

  “I don’t mind,” I say. “When I first moved in with my dad, he was really distant. At least he’s starting to act like a real father. It makes me feel good that he checks in on me. And this trip is his way of telling me that he loves me.”

  “You’re lucky that your dad trusts you,” Andrea says. “I have to lie to my mom all the time. I tell her I’m going to bed when really I’m going to a party. She would freak out if she knew I was really at a sorority party. I mean, she thinks I’m still a virgin.”

  Toby gasps. “You’re not a virgin? Scandal!”

  Andrea ignores him. “Kihanna, what is your mom like?”

  My heart aches at the mention of my mom. Nothing will ever fill the void of her loss, but I’m thankful that the pain isn’t crippling, anymore. All I can do is tell everybody how awesome she was. I will let her memory live on through me.

  “My mom died last November,” I tell her.

  “I’m sorry,” she says.

  “But she was awesome,” I say. “My mom talked to me about boys and sex. I never tried to hide anything from her and I even told her when I lost my virginity. She was my best friend.”

  “She sounds cool,” Carter says.

  “Very,” Andrea agrees.

  “I wish I could’ve met her,” Ty says.

  “My mom wanted to kill you after you cheated on me,” I tell Ty. “I wonder what she would say if she knew about us now.”

  “Wait,” Carter says. “He cheated on you?”

  “Yeah,” I answer.

  “And you forgave him?”

  “Yes, I did. But you have to realize that things have changed since then. A lot of things have happened, and Ty is not the same guy that he was a year ago,” I tell him, defending Ty. “I trust Ty completely now.”

  “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” Andrea says.

  “What could have possibly happened to make Ty change?” Carter says, sounding a little mad. I try not to be offended, though, I know he’s only looking out for me.

  “Well, my father is in jail,” Ty says. “Senator Mike Newman, maybe you’ve heard of him.”