Blind Devotion (Steel Jackals MC Book 1)

by Nancy Haviland

  She came for what she knew had to be the last time this night. Her body ached as it spasmed, her hips rising high. Josh rose with them, and after one particularly hard suck, he left the apex of her thighs to travel up and claim her mouth. She tasted the tangy flavor of herself on his tongue and let loose a low sound of appreciation when he replaced his fingers with his cock. He fucked her through the aftershocks of her orgasm and had his own as she was drifting back into her body.

  A short while later, she was returning on shaking legs from a trip to the bathroom. “You did that just to get the smell of sex back on me, didn’t you?” She collapsed onto the side of the bed.

  “Did I mention I usually get what I want in the end?” His arm was over his eyes; the blanket pulled up to his hips. His rolling muscles and tattoos were on full display.

  She smirked at the size of his ego and ate up the sight of him just because she could.

  “It’s rude to stare like that at the man who’ll soon father your children.”

  Her heart skipped a beat as fear and trepidation swirled through her again at the thought of getting pregnant. She wasn’t sure why the negative feelings continued to linger. It wasn’t as if she’d be alone in the intimidating venture of parenthood like her mom had been. Or rather, as Tish had been. Rachel had had her drugs and strung out bliss for company. Tish had had loneliness.

  But that wasn’t the case anymore. Now, aside from Nina, her Uncle Nick, and the extended family that was the MC, she had Josh. And he eventually wanted to give her another littler version of himself. A little Josh…

  Her heart melted and opened wide with an eager acceptance once she made it personal rather than ambiguous. “A boy,” she said quietly. “When I’m ready, I’d like a boy who’s just like his daddy.”

  Josh lifted his arm and looked at her, that pain from earlier rolling back into his eyes like storm clouds. “I’d like a girl first. And I’d like to call her Elli. I want her to have your blonde hair and my eyes. That’s what my little sister looked like.”

  As Tish looked at him in surprise, something he’d said the other night echoed through her mind.

  I wanted to lock you away so bad. I was terrified something was gonna happen to you, too.

  And earlier, he’d said his family had been taken away. Taken away how? By the authorities? Were they dead?

  Coming in, she stretched out next to him and had to force a patience she wasn’t feeling. She’d just told him she’d be here when he was ready to talk, so she couldn’t very well demand answers now. If he only felt able to open up to her little by little, she’d have to live with that.

  “Okay. How about this? When the time comes, I’ll tell my baby-maker what your preference is, and we’ll see what we can do to please our master. And we’ll go to the trouble because we love you. Now, we know you don’t trust that love yet, but your young old lady will work on that for you since you are very generously—if unnecessarily—working on some things for her.” She pressed her lips to his pec and then laid her head down over the kiss. “Soon you won’t remember what it was like to live without my love in your life, Josh. And even if you never love me back in the same way, I’m still yours. Don’t ever forget that.”

  “You done?”

  “Yes. I think so.”

  “Good. Because all this hearts and flowers you’re about is starting to piss me off.”

  Grinning, because his tone was mild enough to show he was teasing, Tish cradled her ex-con close and lovingly petted his powerful body.

  He drew her in tighter, and it was a few minutes before he spoke again. “Should have gone easier on you tonight,” he murmured as he stroked her side. So touchy-feely, she thought as she soaked it in. “Uh,” he cleared his throat, and because it was so unlike him, her ears perked up at the discomfort in the sound. “Before you fall asleep, I have to apologize for the shit I said on Friday. When you offered yourself to me, and I was a fuckin’ idiot thinking I wasn’t the first guy to hear those incredible words, well, we both know I didn’t like that.”

  He grunted and unnecessarily adjusted his pillow before stilling again. She nodded but kept her head down because it was clear he was uncomfortable. To have her looking at him would make it worse.

  “I’m sorry, Tish. I was way out of line. What I should have said before walking out was…I’m so proud of you. I’m proud and sometimes a little awed by your strength. Your character is stellar, and you have an ingrained sense loyalty—which explains why Rachel is still around—and that’s something I respect the fuck out of. You commit, and you’re there, solid as a rock.” He dropped his lips to her hair. “You’re the most valuable thing I own. And I mean that with a reverence you’ll never fully appreciate. I’ll stand before you and protect you with all that I am, and I’ll kneel at your goddamn feet because I’m man enough to know my young queen is my greatest strength.”

  Staggered, and more honored than she’d ever been, Tish turned her head and buried her face in his neck to hide while she cried. It was the first time in her life that anyone had ever said she made them proud. What didn’t surprise her, as he held her in his strong arms, soothing her with another quiet apology, was that it was Josh who’d given her this by recognizing what she’d worked so hard to become: A good person. His words touched her very soul, and she knew she’d treasure them forever. A forever she’d spend with him, her king.

  “Sorry,” she sniffled when she came out of his soaked neck and accepted the corner of the bedsheet he handed her.

  “I’ll never fuckin’ open my mouth like that again. I told you I’m not good with that shit.”

  She stopped mopping up her tears and dropped her hands to stare at him. “That was the most incredible thing anyone’s ever said to me,” she informed him. “And by saying it, you reminded me why my love for you is what it is. You give me what I need, and you’re not even aware of it.”

  He cupped her face when he sat up, and used his thumbs to catch the tears hovering on her lashes. “I don’t want to make you cry.”

  She gripped his wrists. “It was a good cry. I promise you, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

  “You better be, Tish.” He brought her down into the security of his arms. “You better be.”

  She laid her head over his heart, and they finally allowed the stillness of the night to close in around them. Savoring each moment that ticked by, Tish closed her eyes. Just before she fell asleep, she humbly thanked God for answering the desperate prayers of a lonely ten-year-old girl.

  Blind Devotion Playlist

  James Bay - Need the Sun to Break

  Clove - Don’t Forget About Me

  Amber Run - I Found

  Linkin Park - Leave Out All the Rest

  Evanescence - Lost In Paradise

  Acknowledgements

  To JM Walker, thank you for the fabulous cover. Your patience and willingness to accommodate during the process is so appreciated. I’m so grateful I found you and Just Write. Creations.

  To my Mob Dolls who hang out with me every day in WMM&M, interacting with you girls is something I truly look forward to. Thank you for being my sounding board, for your patience when awaiting the next book, and for your support, enthusiasm, and acceptance when it arrives. I love each and every one of you.

  To the readers who have also shown so much patience and support, I’m humbled. I wouldn’t be on this incredible journey if it weren’t for you, so please know my appreciation for you is immense.

  And to my family—who I hope pass on this series because Josh and the boys enjoy using the C-word a little too much—I love you for your continued support, and even more for hiding how your eyes glaze over when I go all manic and describe every detail of every scene, character, and world floating around in my close-to-bursting head. Love you Mom, Ali, and Jader. You, too, Cath and Ruth. Just know I get it.

  About the Author

  Nancy Haviland is an award-winning, bestselling romance author who writes about her possessive alpha males
and their obsessively loved women from her home in Southwestern Ontario. Her greatest loves are her family and that ever-present cooling cup of coffee at her elbow.

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