Hidden Ink

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  What the hell was up with that?

  In the few years they’d been circling each other yet never moving closer, he hadn’t once seen her go on a date, hadn’t seen her flirt with another man beyond a wink or two. Those winks, he knew, were just her personality. But he wanted them all.

  He was a selfish bastard and he didn’t want her flirting with Brody. He didn’t want to see her with another man period, especially not one she’d flirted with right in front of him.

  What kind of man did that make Sloane?

  He wanted her, but he couldn’t be with her so he wouldn’t let others be with her either.

  He wasn’t sure he liked that man, but hell, he couldn’t stop himself. He could say he’d always been this way, but that would be a lie. He’d never reacted this way to another man around Hailey. But she’d never flirted back either. Sure, Griffin had joked about things with Hailey and she’d smiled in the past, but Griffin would never have crossed the line. Now he was with Autumn and no longer a concern when it came to Hailey.

  There was an unwritten rule that Hailey was his, and he needed to figure out what he was going to do about it. He knew he didn’t have the right to do anything about it, but that didn’t stop him from dreaming, from wondering.

  He looked up from his hands and into Austin Montgomery’s eyes. His boss raised a brow and looked worried. Sloane couldn’t blame the other man. He wasn’t quite sure what he was going to do. It wasn’t Brody’s fault that he’d stepped into something even Sloane didn’t understand. That didn’t mean Sloane was going to make it easy on the kid.

  Sloane and Hailey had a dance of sorts that had been going on since day one. They’d get slightly closer, but then one or the other would back away. They’d talk about everything and nothing at the same time. She always left him the best cookies and made sure he was fed and taken care of no matter what. He always made sure she was safe, never letting her walk to her car out in the back parking lot alone. At social functions where they were together in a large group, they usually sat next to or near one another. They never touched, but they made sure they were always in the vicinity of each other.

  The others knew that there was something between him and Hailey. Hell, the guys and Maya razzed him about it more often than not. It wasn’t that Sloane was never going to make a move; it was that he wanted to make sure it was the right time for that move.

  He blinked. Well, hell, that idea was new. Apparently, he would be making a move. He was barely in the right headspace most days, let alone in the right place for him to be with Hailey. He’d moved slow, wanting to ensure that he didn’t spook her, didn’t fuck himself over. Because when he did move—if that happened at all—there would be no turning back. He wanted to be her everything, much like she already was for him. She’d be his in body and truth, and he’d make sure he gave her what he could. There was no partway when it came to the ownership of his heart, his soul. But some darkness would have to remain his and his alone.

  And until he could know for sure that the darkness within him wouldn’t touch Hailey, he had to hold himself back. He’d known he was playing with fire by waiting, by watching for years and never doing more. But she’d held back, too. She’d known it wasn’t the right time yet.

  Or maybe he was wrong? Maybe he’d screwed up and now he was about to lose it all. Lose it to someone closer to her age, someone who made her laugh and her eyes sparkle.

  Sloane wanted to be the man that made her throw her head back and laugh like that. He wanted to be all of those things and more. But he couldn’t. Not yet. It wasn’t the time, and now it might not ever be the time.

  Jesus, his head hurt from going back and forth. He wanted her, he ached for her, but he wasn’t good enough for her. He’d never be pure for her. But at some point he may have to let that go. Realize that while he wasn’t light—instead, darkness—he was still hers. And that would have to be sufficient.

  Sloane might not be good enough for Hailey, but damn it, nobody was. This Brody, with his too-gelled hair, wasn’t even close to being what she needed.

  “Are we taking a break?” Brody asked as he looked over his shoulder. “Everything looking good back there?”

  Maya cleared her throat, and Sloane forced his attention away from Brody and toward the other tattoo station. His other boss and friend pressed her lips together, surprising him. He’d have thought Maya would have a sarcastic quip or something to say about what the hell had just happened. Even Callie stood by Maya’s side, wide-eyed and a little surprised. He didn’t blame the younger woman. For as long as he’d known her, she’d been trying to figure out why he wasn’t with Hailey.

  How was he supposed to tell them he wasn’t worthy of the blonde bombshell with secrets of her own? That if he was with her, he’d taint the beauty of her soul, the exquisiteness of her smile. That’s what he did. He brought in the shadows, carved deep inside, and rotted the core of someone because of what he’d done, what he’d seen.

  But he was a selfish bastard. He knew that. Sloane knew it might be time for him to stand up and actually do something about what he’d been hiding from for years. To do that, however, he needed to make sure this kid knew his place.

  “Shit,” Brody mumbled under his breath. “I stepped in it, didn’t I?” The younger man turned slightly in his chair and grimaced. “I didn’t know she was yours, bro. I just saw a pretty girl with no ring on her finger and thought she was fair game. I’m sorry. I didn’t know she was taken.”

  Sloane let out a breath, his rage over this kid backing down slightly, though the swirl of self-pity was well on the rise. Lovely.

  “She’s not…”

  Brody shook his head. “Yeah, she is. I saw the way you looked at her, and I know you’re about this close to knocking my head right off my shoulders. So you might not be dating her officially, but I stepped in it. I’ll go in there and then back off. I’d just leave, but that wouldn’t be right, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. You know?” He shrugged. “If you don’t want to finish my ink, I get it.”

  Sloane was aware that the others were staring at him, waiting for him to confirm or deny his so-called relationship with Hailey. They were waiting for him to say something. Anything.

  “I’m not going to fuck up your ink, kid.”

  Brody raised a brow. “I know I’m taking my life in my hands, but I’m not that much younger than you. No need to call me kid.”

  Maya muttered something under her breath about insolent fools while Austin groaned.

  “You’re asking for me to punch you in the face, aren’t you?” Sloane growled out, his voice low and deep. Though in reality, his voice was always low and deep.

  “Not really. I just figured if you’re calling me kid and Hailey looked to be about the same age as me, then maybe you’re calling her kid, as well.”

  “Jesus Christ,” Austin growled. The man also coughed out what suspiciously sounded like a chuckle.

  “How about you shut up and let me finish your ink?” Sloane asked casually, though he felt anything but casual. “Then you can head on out of here and we’ll call it a day.”

  Brody sighed then turned so Sloane could work on the last shading of the tattoo. “Whatever, Sloane. But I’ve got to say, if Hailey smiled at me like that, maybe you need to step up your game and actually do something about her. Because if you’re saying that you’re not with her but act like no one else can be with her either, that might cause problems. Just saying.”

  “Brody, for the love of God, stop talking,” Maya snapped. “He has a tattoo gun like two inches from your skin. Do you really want to piss him off?”

  “He’s not going to mess up my ink,” Brody said back slowly. “He already said that.”

  “I might change my mind,” Sloane said. He wouldn’t. None of the crew at Montgomery Ink would. Even pissed off, they wouldn’t fuck up ink. That was their income, their passion, their life. Fucking up ink was not an option.

  “You wouldn’t,” Brody said calmly. �
��You like me, even if you want to punch me in the face right now.”

  Sloane chuckled slowly and he saw Austin’s shoulders relax at the sound. “Hell, kid, you have an ego on you.”

  “Helps with the ladies. Though not your lady. I won’t poach.”

  If Sloane hadn’t wanted to kick this kid’s ass for daring to come near Hailey, he might have become friends with the idiot. As it was, he was withholding judgment on that until he could figure out what the hell he was going to do about Hailey at all. He couldn’t keep doing this, couldn’t keep freaking out if another man came near her. Of course, he hadn’t actually freaked out physically before. This was a first.

  She’d smiled at Brody.

  She’d given him one of Sloane’s smiles.

  Hell. He needed to get his head out of his ass.

  He finished up Brody’s work in silence then stretched his back as the other guy stood up and ran a hand through his hair.

  “Okay, I’m going to go tell Hailey I won’t be by later. That way I don’t make her feel like shit or something, you know?”

  Sloane just raised an eyebrow. “You told her you were going to stop by after you were done with your ink. It’s after your ink, so you stopping by to go in there to tell her you won’t be stopping by seems kind of idiotic.”

  Brody just shrugged. “You not doing anything about a woman you clearly have feelings for seems idiotic.”

  “Oh, dear God,” Maya mumbled, and Austin let out a rough chuckle.

  “Shut it, Montgomerys,” Sloane bit out. Freaking Montgomery clan, always getting in his business.

  “The kid’s not wrong,” Austin said quietly. “You’ve been circling around that girl for years. If you’re not going to do something about it, maybe it’s time to back off.”

  Sloane let out a low growl and narrowed his eyes at his one-time friend. Austin stared back, unrepentant. Sloane flipped him off then brought his attention back to Brody.

  “Why don’t you just go and I’ll deal with Hailey?”

  Brody’s brows rose. “And if I choose to go in there so she doesn’t think I’m an asshole?”

  Sloane snarled, and Brody raised his hands in surrender. “Hell, Sloane. Fine, but you better go in there and make sure she doesn’t feel like I didn’t come in because of her. You get me? Because that’s a shitty thing to do.”

  “I’ll make sure she understands.” Not that he understood. What the hell was he doing anyway? Now he was pushing men out of Hailey’s way and acting like a complete idiot. He’d have to go over there and talk to her about feelings and shit. Sure, they talked about everything under the sun that had nothing to do with what was important usually, but he had a feeling this would be important.

  Why the hell was he changing things?

  Why the hell had she said yes to Brody?

  Brody tilted his head. “You know what, screw it. I’m going over there to tell her I won’t be by for sugar. I’m not going to be the asshole here. You are.”

  Sloane wanted to reach out and grab the kid by the neck, but he restrained himself. The other man walked through the door connecting Montgomery Ink and Taboo, leaving Sloane feeling like an idiot of epic proportions.

  “I can’t believe you just did that,” Callie said softly. “I know you and Hailey have this…thing or whatever, but you seriously just stepped in it.”

  “Don’t start with me, Callie.”

  “Don’t get mad at the pregnant chick,” Maya snapped.

  This time, it was Sloane who held up his hands in surrender. “Jesus. What the hell is wrong with everyone today?”

  Maya stalked toward him, her eyebrow ring glittering under the lights. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s because we’re watching you act like a douche and yet you don’t seem to see it.”

  He ran his tongue over his teeth. Oh, he knew he was being a douche, but he didn’t know how to stop it. He hadn’t been able to stop many things recently, and yet he just kept making mistakes. Kept getting closer and closer to Hailey, knowing he’d be the one to hurt her eventually. He’d stayed away from her for a reason at first, then made sure to keep his feelings in check when he hadn’t been able to be away anymore.

  Now he’d put himself in the center of something that was rightly none of his business. A small part of him didn’t care, and that part wanted her to be his until the end of days. But the rational part of his mind knew he needed to stay away. It would be better for everyone if he just kept to himself and kept Hailey on her side of the wall.

  But he’d fucked that up.

  Truly.

  “You’re not going to say anything?” Maya asked. She searched his face, and this time, he didn’t see anger, he saw disappointment. Nothing cut him quicker than seeing that in the eyes of his friends. “I want you happy, Sloane. Why can’t you see that?”

  “I could say the same about you,” he said without thinking.

  Her eyes widened for a moment, her face paling. “You know what? The hell with it. I’m done. Hurt yourself, block off any emotion you think you could have, but if you hurt Hailey any more than you already have, I’ll kick you in the balls.”

  With that, she stormed off, and he closed his eyes, cursing himself. Maya had her own issues and he shouldn’t have brought it up, even in the vaguest of senses. Friends didn’t do that, didn’t dig the knife deeper when they knew the other was hurting.

  Yet Sloane kept messing things up.

  “Why don’t you go for a walk or go sketch?” Austin asked quietly. “Take a breather.”

  Sloane let out a breath and gave a tight nod. Montgomery Ink was his family, and he had to remember that. He’d been dancing around what Hailey meant to him, what he wanted her to mean to him, for far too long, and now he had to deal with the consequences. The others had always known there might be something brewing between the two of them, but now he’d done something blatant about that…connection.

  And as soon as Hailey found out about what he’d done, he’d be in for it.

  He closed the office door behind him and let out a sigh, running a hand over his face. Then he sat down at the main desk and traced his finger over the edge of his sketchbook. He’d been an artist for as long as he could remember, though he’d never thought of himself as such. He’d been good with a pencil since he’d been a kid and yet had always held it close to the vest. He hadn’t wanted the others to know what he could do. Not when a weakness such as art could mean a fist.

  He’d learned long ago that his fingers were better for triggers than graphite and ink.

  Or so his father had told him.

  His skin tightened and he clenched his jaw, forcing his breath to come in even pants rather than the shallow ones his lungs seemed to want to do. His chest constricted and he rubbed his fist over his heart.

  He stuck his ear buds in his ears and turned on some alt-rock that didn’t have too much bass and had the lead singer’s soothing croons instead of lyrical whining about lost hearts and lack of empathy. Sloane needed to calm down before he had another anxiety attack. He’d never had one in the middle of the shop, but he’d been damn close before. It’d been a decade since he’d been in the service, and yet he could still hear the yells, the shots that never seemed to go away. If he took deep breaths and focused on drawing, he could calm himself enough that he wouldn’t break out in a cold sweat. If he beat back the pain, he wouldn’t vomit on the floor, wouldn’t smash his hand into the drywall because he didn’t know another form of release.

  Sloane nodded to the beat as he forced his eyes open. His hands once again traced the sketchbook before he opened it, pencil in hand. He had a few drawings to finish so they were ready for clients, as well as things on his mind he could just draw for relaxation, but his mind wouldn’t focus.

  Couldn’t focus.

  A hand touched his shoulder and he whirled around, standing in one breath, his hand raised, the pencil poised as a weapon. The beat of the music increased, as did the sound of his heart.

  Hailey stood in
front of him, her eyes wide, one hand on her chest, the other out in front of her.

  Protecting herself.

  From him.

  This was why he wasn’t for her.

  This was why he’d stayed away.

  He’d only hurt her. Only lose her to the demons that plagued him.

  “What?” he bit out, pulling the ear buds from his ears.

  She took a step back at the sound of his voice.

  Sloane let out a breath. “Shit. I didn’t mean to scare you. You just startled me.”

  Her throat worked as she swallowed hard. “I can see that.” She licked her lips and put her hands down, fisting them at her sides. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  He froze, not knowing what to say. Had she seen the panic in his gaze? Seen the fact that he wasn’t whole? That he was damaged goods…far too broken for a woman like her?

  “Why did Brody tell me to ‘take it up with Sloane’ when he said he wasn’t interested in me?” she continued.

  He swallowed hard, the short burst of relief that she hadn’t seen the truth of him quickly replaced with the damning feeling he’d messed up.

  “He wasn’t good enough for you,” he said simply.

  Her eyes narrowed, her cheeks pinking with color. He loved the way her face carried emotion. Most of the time she kept her smile on, as if she had to be happy and bubbly for her clients, adding “sugars” to her drawl when she felt like it. But sometimes he saw beneath that, saw the woman he wanted in his life but knew he couldn’t have.

  “Fuck you, Sloane.”

  His brows rose. Hailey didn’t normally curse at him.

  “Don’t look at me like that, you asshole. In fact, don’t look at me at all. Who do you think you are? Who the hell do you think you are, Sloane? I thought you were my friend, but maybe I was wrong. What kind of man steps in and tells another to back off? It wasn’t your place, that’s for sure. I smiled at one man. That’s it. I said I’d be over at my shop when he was through with his ink. That’s it. And yet, that somehow triggered your alpha complex and you had to scare him away. How dare you say he’s not good enough for me? You don’t know him. And, apparently, you sure as hell don’t know me.”