by Haley Jenner
“I’m not running,” I lie, my tone barely believable to my own ears.
“That why I haven’t seen you in two fucking weeks? You start to feel something for me again and you’re gone,” he snaps, coming to a stop directly in front of me.
“Start?” My tone is incredulous. “Start to feel, Archer? I never fucking stopped. That’s the problem. I’m protecting myself the only way I know how.” I take a deep breath and calm my nerves and the erratic beating of my heart.
Main Street in Carnation, fucking brilliant. I take in our surroundings and can see that the town will once again be witness to my humiliation. Eyes watch us expectantly, excited whispers shared as if they’ve been waiting for this moment since I arrived home.
Intense green eyes stare down at me when I focus back on the bristling man in front of me. "You don't have to protect yourself from me, Belle," he defends and the fight in his words make me want to believe him.
"Archer, it's great that you're saying all the right things…. but," he doesn't let me finish; recoiling as though he’s been punched in the stomach.
When he speaks, he does so slowly, sardonically. "Words. Words…. That’s all you're hearing…." His eyes slice to the side before landing on me again. "Belle, if words are all you're hearing, then you haven't been listening," he points to my heart.
"Archer," I combat on a sigh.
"No, Belle. Open your eyes, your ears, and your fucking heart. Look at me. Really look at me. Tell me you see me. Tell me when you look at me you don't see the suffocating darkness anymore, tell me you can see I'm healing," he implores. "I've done nothin' but show you I need you, I want you, and I love you. How can you not see that? How can you only be hearin' empty words?" He continues when I remain silent.
"Please don't do this here," I beg, but he's shaking his head before I finish my sentence.
"What, give you time to run again? I let you leave now, you're gone. I'm not an idiot, Belle. Why can't you admit that you fucking belong here? With me," he snarls, hands brushing through his hair in frustration.
“Archer, I'm sorry but I don’t think I can do this again. Last time,” my voice breaks and I swallow deeply, but the lump in my throat doesn't dislodge. “Last time, god I was in so much fucking pain," I cry. He watches me, completely oblivious to our audience, or maybe unperturbed. Not caring that our heartbreak is once again open to the world.
"Scary thing is, I've thought about it over again and again. It’s like a constant loop in my mind and I can't actually decide what hurt more. Being here, seeing you every day and trying to fight through the distance you had put between us. Or being away from you and hoping, praying, that I’d survive without you. I'm so fucking pathetic," I whisper. "You make me feel crazy, Archer.”
“For me it was being without you,” he confesses without pause. “Waking up every day without you here - not knowing where you were, how you were, what you were doing, fuck, who you were with. I’ve never felt pain like that and it was my entire fucking fault," he says brushing a calloused thumb along my jaw.
I dart my eyes away and try to stop myself from blinking, working to keep my tears at bay. It doesn’t help – they leak easily from my eyes. I taste them on my lips, feel them fall down my face and my neck as I take a breath to speak. But Archer cuts me off before I can get any words out. “No. Just please listen to what I have to say,” both his eyes and his tone pleading, so different to the confident, demanding man I know and love. “You told me I humiliated you all those years ago, that I made you look weak in front of everyone we knew. Baby, that couldn't be further from the truth. Can't you see that I humiliated myself? Everyone in this town pitied me, looked at me as being weak. Belle, you fought for me when I was too weak to want to fight for myself. They looked at me in pity because they saw me throwing away the greatest fucking thing I had going for me. They saw me throwing away my life when I made you leave. I humiliated myself with my own weakness. They saw nothin' but strength from you, baby," he assures me, moving again to cup my chin.
My tears are flowing freely now, at his words, spoken so honestly, so heartfelt. "You laid your heart on the table and I fucked up when I let you leave, shit, when I pushed you away. Now, I'm laying it all out and I'm beggin', please Belle, baby, don't fuck up like I did.”
I take in his words and he watches me expectantly as I process them. His green eyes are worried as he breathes heavily through his nose. The expression is insecure, like he’s waiting for me to run, to walk away, and the thought, the threat of it terrifies him.
"We hurt each other so much last time we tried…. If it doesn't work, why put ourselves through that again, Archer?" I worry, my hand moving upward, clasping onto the one he has softly held against my cheek.
My question morphs his mood instantly, his expression changing in a single beat, and my Archer; my confident, imposing and commanding man is standing in front of me. I should’ve known what questioning him with a why would do. Maybe deep-down I did, maybe that’s why I did it. Maybe what he gives me next is what I wanted, what I needed - that extra push to move me where I needed to go.
"Because 7 years ago I saw you and I couldn't control the way my heart quickened in its pace. A pace that when I'm with you, never slows down.
Because, you're strong and independent and drive me fucking nuts with your attitude, but I live for you throwing your sass around.
Because when you laugh, like really laugh - holy shit, my heart actually stops beating. Baby, there isn't a single thing in this world that makes me happier than seeing you completely uninhibited like that.
Because when I'm inside you, there isn't a single place that I would prefer to be. You feel like fucking heaven and there is no better feeling. I will never get enough of you." He pauses only briefly to give me a cheeky smile and my cheeks flush at his words.
He reaches out to brush his thumb along the color shading my cheekbone and the way he looks at me, makes my heart pound. Love, pure uninhibited love shines clear his glassy, bright green eyes as he continues. "Because when you tell me you love me, I know that I'm right where I need to be, with you. I've never felt more complete in life then when I hear you say those words.
And because, I love you, Belle. I fucking love you, more than one person could possibly love another. You asked me why I never gave your heart back, and truth is, because I own it. It’s fucking mine, baby and I'm never givin' it back."
Archer smiles a small smile at me, stepping closer, invading my space. My face is wet with tears and I hiccup as he tips my face up so I can meet his eyes. "And just in case you were wonderin', I don't want mine back either. I gave it to you 7 years ago, and it's exactly where it needs to be. With you."
He leans down to touch his lips to mine, in a whisper of a kiss; once, twice before he glides his tongue across the seam of my lips. I don’t hesitate, my own lips open against his and I touch his tongue with my own. He grabs my ass in his hands and lifts me effortlessly, pulling me in close. Wrapping my legs around his waist I bind my arms around his neck, my hands gripping the hair at his nape, holding him to me.
Cheering and clapping echoes in my ears and I pull back from Archer’s embrace to glance at our audience. Seems most of Carnation is standing on Main Street at this very moment, cheering on our reunion. Laughing softly, I place my face into Archer's neck, my cheeks shading with embarrassment. The good kind.
Pulling up to meet his eyes, I smile widely. "That was more than three," I state and his laugh is relaxed.
"Had to pull out the big guns, Belle." Leaning in to touch his lips against my own lightly once again, he whispers into my mouth, “welcome home, baby," and I know in my heart he's right. Because in this moment, held in Archer's arms, my heart steadies its beat. Its rhythm in time with Archer's as our lips meet. I feel at home; I feel strong in our bubble and I will myself to believe that our love will survive this time. That this time we're strong enough to weather any storm that threatens to derail what we have. I know in myself that happiness
is a journey and a life without Archer isn't a reality for me. Not one that I care to experience anyway. Archer is my journey, my happiness and I owe it to him, to us, to fight for our happily ever after.
Pulling back from our kiss I look into his eyes and breathe a sigh of relief that I've found him again. "Take me home, Arch," I urge, leaning in to touch my lips to his.
Epilogue
Jake
"Why the fuck did Annabelle have to make us wear penguin suits?" Toby bristles, tugging at the tie at his neck.
"Belle didn't make you wear anything, hippy boy. I choose the tux, it’s classic. Like Belle," Archer replies, fixing his cufflinks, rechecking his appearance in the mirror.
"Hey! What the fuck? Why's he got somethin' else on?" Toby accuses, pointing to the suspenders over my dress shirt.
"Duuude, chill. I'm wearing the same outfit as you. You won't even see these under my jacket," I reply, rolling my eyes.
Toby moves towards the door. "Grabbing a beer,” he huffs, pulling at the collar at this neck once again.
I watch as he leaves the room, amused at his tantrum. Archer and I are left in quiet after Toby closes the door and I watch silently as he completes his outfit, pulling on his jacket.
"Nervous?" I ask as he turns to face me.
"About getting married?" he queries and I nod. Archer shakes his head once in the negative, lips turned into a dismissive frown. "Nah. Just want it done. I want Belle to be my wife." He pauses for only a moment before pinning me with his stare. "You don't think she's nervous?" he questions, concern plaguing his green eyes.
"Not at all," I ease his fears immediately, confident in my words.
I'm happy for them, finally pushing through the obstacles in their life to get to today. Gives the rest of us hope, assurance that we'll get there too.
"When you headed to Belle?" Archer pulls my attention, his focus on readjusting the tie around his neck.
"In a minute, just wanted to see you were set."
"All good, kid. She know you're comin'?" he asks meeting my eyes.
I swallow, looking at Archer's ear and not his face. "No. I'm nervous about surprising her with it. You think she'll be down with it?" I ask hesitantly, shifting on my feet.
"Kid. Look at me," Archer commands, waiting patiently for my gaze to focus on him. "What you're about to do will mean more to Belle than you'll ever know. Much as I hate to admit it, you've been the greatest constant in her life. No one deserves this honor more than you do. I'm proud of you, kid, of the man you are. Couldn't be happier that you're Belle's best friend."
I swallow again, deeply, my Adams apple bobbing around the thickness in my throat. "Just stop fuckin' kissin' her and we won't have any problems," he tests and I have to laugh. His eyes show that he's not 100% joking but he'll get over it.
Walking towards me he pulls me into a tight embrace, patting my back before pulling back my shoulders. "Go bring me my woman," he demands, roughing my hair before exiting the room.
"Fuck, Archer. Not my hair," I whine, moving to the mirror, assessing the damage, all the while ignoring his deep laugh as it filters down the stairs.
"Babe you look beautiful," I hear Aubrey's voice through the door like a sharp knife to the chest. I knew she'd be here, obviously, but the reality of walking through that door and seeing her, is daunting as all hell.
How will she act? Like nothing happened? Or will her porcelain skin shade at my presence, with the memory of our night fresh in her mind?
Breathing deeply, I knock softly on the door before entering the room hesitantly. I smile wide when I see her. There's no denying that Annabelle’s a beautiful woman, but right now, standing before me, ready to marry my brother, she's something else. "Annabelle, babe, you're breath-taking."
Her thick dark hair is out and wavy, a veil that stretches to the ground pinned into the crown of her head. Make-up, a little heavier than she'd normally wear, brings focus to her large brown eyes. The ivory gown decorating her body is strapless, fitted to below her hips before flaring out into a tail. The material is covered in lace, pearl studs decorating her ears and completing her look. She looks beautiful.
I turn my attention to Aubrey and Darci; working hard not to settle on Aubrey. "Ladies," I smile wide, offering them my dimple. Darci gives me a small wave but Aubrey only stares.
My eyes focus on her; dressed in a black off-the-shoulder cocktail dress, like our tuxedos, simple, but classic. I let my eyes drag the length of her body; recalling every curve, every angle, every freckle. Reaching her eyes, I watch as they close slowly, relishing in my attention. As though she can feel my eyes touch her body as my hands have done.
Shaking my head to bring me back in the moment I flick my eyes between the two of them. "Give us a second, yeah?" I motion towards Annabelle and they both nod, moving to leave the room.
If Darci noticed our exchange, she doesn't let on, only smiling softly at me before disappearing after Aubrey. I wait until the door closes quietly behind the girls before turning my attention back to Annabelle.
"Shouldn't you be with your brother?" she questions, her delicately arched brows furrowing.
Nodding at her, I move to stand close, pulling the worn friendship bracelet from my suit pants. "Something old, something borrowed and something blue," I state, laying the band in my open palm.
Tears fill her eyes as she looks down at my hand, at the bracelet she made for me years prior. "You took it off," she accuses around a sniffle.
"For today. Only for today. Is it too tacky for you to wear? You look so classy." I suddenly feel unsure of my gesture, of myself, feeling stupid, but Annabelle shakes her head vigorously.
"No, absolutely not. Put it on me," she invites, offering me her wrist.
I breathe a deep sigh of relief as I tie the plaited band on her delicate wrist. "This way I stand with you as your best man as well," I explain.
"Thank you," she whispers, toying with the bracelet. Moving to scan her eyes over me, she smiles. "You look so handsome, very dapper.” Playfully she flicks the suspenders currently visible under my open jacket. When I smile down at her she presses her finger into the dimple at my cheek, scrunching her nose in a laugh.
"Ready?" I ask, quirking my eyebrows up excitedly and she laughs easily, nodding her head quickly. Offering her my elbow, her laughter ceases in her throat as her beautifully made up face twists in confusion. Exaggerating an eye roll, I grasp her hands, squeezing tightly. "You didn't think I'd let you walk down the aisle by yourself, did you?" I say quietly.
Her calm exterior dissipates as her emotions overtake, causing tears to spill from her eyes. "Jakey," she whispers.
My own eyes water immediately, the depth of emotion in the moment, overwhelming. "I love you, Annabelle. Let me have the honor of giving you away."
Annabelle reaches up to hug me fiercely and we hold on to one another for a few minutes, reining in our dramatics.
Smiling wide as she pulls back from our embrace she grabs hold of both my hands. "I couldn't think of anything that I would want more in this very moment."
Aubrey and Darci are waiting outside when Annabelle and I exit together, both their eyes shining with unshed tears. Aubrey winks at me, causing my feet to falter, memories invading my brain. Deep breathing I pull myself together and lead Annabelle to Archer's Jeep, helping her up.
God only knows why she choose this piece of junk as her mode of transport to her wedding, only offering a small grin, shared with Archer, when Ma questioned her. That grin told me everything I didn't need to hear. I came to the logical decision that I required no further details on the matter.
I drive slowly to the Chapel, unable to remove my focus from the rear-view mirror and Aubrey's warm blue stare. I read so much in her eyes as we drive. The longing, the memories, the sadness. Each and every story, no doubt reflected in my own eyes.
Annabelle twists in her seat, grabbing my attention. My gaze shifts towards her as her eyes flick between myself and Aubrey. Stealing another qu
ick glance at Aubrey, Annabelle's attention hasn’t gone unnoticed by her either as she moves stiffly to focus on the grass lining the road as we drive. I force a smile at Annabelle and she returns it, unsure and curious, eyes flicking back to Aubrey.
Lifting my chin over her head, I direct her attention outside, to the small crowd gathered at the Maple. The distraction works, her breathing coming deeper as she turns back to me, smiling so wide, unfiltered happiness brightening her large eyes. Pulling into the lot, I jump down, refusing to let myself look at Aubrey again. I lift Annabelle from the car and we share a sneaky smile at how much it would piss Archer off to see.
Darci and Aubrey make their way through the crowd before Annabelle and I follow their path. I feel proud to share this moment with Annabelle and I'm grateful that today, officially, she becomes my family. That we'll share a last name and remain connected in that way forever.
Archer's eyes fix to Annabelle the moment we come into view and I can see in his face that no one else exists to him. His eyes drag up her body and his mouth quirks up in approval. Stepping forward, Archer hugs me hard before I turn to offer a quick kiss to Annabelle's cheek. It's only fair to the guy that I don't touch her lips - it is his wedding day after all.
Moving to stand beside Archer, I take my place as best man and I'm overcome with pride and love for two people that mean the absolute world to me. I seek out Ma's eyes to let her know she's standing here with me and she winks at me, cheeks already tracked with loose tears.
The celebrant begins and my eyes find Aubrey's once again. Standing next to Annabelle, her own stare is fixed on me and my breathing comes hard in my chest. In one shared evening, I’ve learned how open her eyes seem to be, linked completely to her thoughts and feelings. Right now, she’s consumed by us. By memories that shouldn’t be. I'm all she sees, like me, the images of our intimacy are invading her mind. But it’s wrong, whatever was shared, was against every moral fiber I have, so with every last drop of will power I can muster, I break our connection. I turn away from her and focus on only Archer and Annabelle.