by Bree Verity
“No.” Desiree allowed herself a small smile. “He cheated on his wife, though, and didn’t think it was important enough to tell me about.”
Penny let out a hiss through her teeth. “He knew how important that kind of thing is to you?”
“Yeah. I told him about my Dad early on.”
“Maybe that’s why he didn’t tell you.” Penny’s eyebrows raised as she thought. “Maybe he was afraid of how you’d react.”
“So not only is he a liar and a cheat, he’s a gutless wonder as well?” Desiree’s top lip curled in derision.
“Don’t judge him too harshly just yet, Des,” counseled Penny, picking up her own coffee and taking a sip. “It’s early days. You’re still in shock, still processing what all this means.”
“Damn right I’m in shock. Why can’t people just be open and honest with each other? It’s really not that hard to do. I had to do it.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and picked up her coffee cup. Finding it empty, she put the cup under the spout of her coffee machine and pressed the start button. Somehow the warm tendrils of coffee-scented air were soothing.
“It can be pretty hard to do. Especially if you know the other person isn’t going to like what you tell them.” For a fleeting moment, Desiree thought she saw a tragic expression cross Penny’s face, but it was gone again in an instant.
“Perhaps. But if it’s something as important as this, surely he could have just hardened the fuck up and come straight out with it?”
“Maybe,” mused Penny.
“Definitely,” insisted Desiree.
Penny took another deliberate swallow of her coffee. “Okay, so where does all this leave you?”
A sigh escaped Desiree, worn and tired. “I don’t know.”
“Do you want to get back together with him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is he getting back with his wife?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do the kids think about it all?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you love him?”
“I don’t…” Did she love him? Really, that went right to the crux of the matter. If she loved him, she might be able to forgive. If she loved him, she might fight to keep him.
Did she love him?
Desiree dug deep, deeper than she ever remembered. She recalled little things about Jack – his chivalry, his caring, his restraint. She remembered enjoying his company and being able to just be with him. That was nothing she’d ever had before. Then she remembered their last night together, the mind blowing sex. No, it wasn’t the sex itself. It was the intimacy, the feeling of becoming one, one heart, one body.
She remembered how she had changed for the better from knowing Jack. How she crawled out from inside her shell and opened herself up to Jack in ways she didn’t even know she could. How she had started thinking about being a mother to his kids. And, by extension, a wife to him.
She knew without a doubt that he would support her through whatever she wanted to do with her life, that he would cherish her and protect her as much as he could, but that he would also share his experiences and his passions and his life with her.
She loved him.
Desiree knew her friend could see from her face the moment that it dawned on her. A wide smile broke out over Penny’s countenance. “You do love him.”
“Yes.” It was a strange, new feeling, tempered by the knowledge that they were currently not together. “Yes, I do.”
“So what are you going to do?”
She frowned. “It’s not all about love, Pen. I have to be able to trust him as well. And he’s going to have to pull out something pretty special for that to happen.” She stared gloomily into her coffee. “Just my luck to fall in love with someone like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like my Dad. Like a cheater and a liar.” She glanced up at Penny. “I would never have expected it of him. Not in a million years.”
“Perhaps he has changed since then.”
“So, not a cheat, but still a liar?”
“Well, only a liar by omission,” retorted Penny. “He didn’t lie so much as just not tell you something.”
“It’s the same thing, Pen.”
“No it’s not.” Penny put her mug down. “You did it to him too - you wouldn’t have told him about Steve at all if he hadn’t stumbled over the knowledge. It’s not lying. It’s just… saving the other person from hurt.”
Desiree considered this.
“I don’t know. It’s pretty easy for him to say that. How can he prove it?”
“Relationships have to be built on trust.” Penny nodded, agreeing with Desiree, and inadvertently adding fuel to Desiree’s argument.
“Yes, and I’m not sure I can trust him anymore.” Desiree scrubbed at her tired face and smiled at Penny. “I’m too exhausted to even think about this. My mind just keeps going round and round in circles.”
Penny returned the smile, and patted her arm. “Maybe you should get some sleep. Maybe this whole thing will look much better when you’ve had some rest.”
“You know what Pen? I really don’t think it will.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT.
“Four. Days.”
Jack emphasized each word with a heaving sigh and a grimace, not lost on his sister who threw him a sympathetic smile.
“Four days since I’ve seen Desiree.”
“And four days since the return of the bitchface.”
Jack scowled at Maureen. “You can’t say that out loud around here, Maureen. What if the kids hear you?”
“So what if they do? She is a bitchface.” Maureen’s airy reply, and equally as unconcerned expression brought a smile to Jack’s face, even as he tried to be stern with her.
“Maybe. But she’s still their mother, and they still owe her respect.”
Maureen snorted inelegantly. “Respect. Well, Jackie, sometimes you gotta earn respect.”
“Not from your kids. Kids respect adults. That’s the rules around here.”
Maureen murmured something under her breath that Jack didn’t quite catch, but from the mutinous expression on her face, he was glad that he hadn’t. He returned the conversation to what he actually wanted to talk about.
“Four days since I’ve seen Desiree.”
“You already said that.”
“Yes, but you didn’t respond.”
“What did you want me to say?”
“I wanted you to tell me to call her. Or go round to her place. Or do somethin’ rather than just parkin’ ass here.”
Jack actually did want Maureen to tell him what to do. He desperately wanted to speak to Desiree, to hear her voice even if she was angry, but with the way she left the other morning, he just wasn’t sure what the best course of action was to take.
She shrugged. “Not much point, is there? You won’t listen anyways. And if you ask me, you’re better off leavin’ Desiree alone until you’ve sorted out this thing with Susan. She can’t just come bargin’ in here whenever she wants, Jack. The kids’ routine is all out of whack. The twins are overtired, and Faith is getting all fidgety about not having time to study.”
“I know.” Jack rubbed his hand along the back of his neck. “But what do I do? They haven’t seen her for months. I can’t stop them seein’ her now.”
“You need to make some rules, Jack. Set some boundaries. Tell Susan she only comes in when she’s invited. And if she comes when she ain’t, send her off again.”
Jack sighed deeply, a sour expression on his face. “It’s gonna be messy.”
“Yup. But you gotta deal with it, Jackie. Otherwise that woman’s gonna be walkin’ all over you ‘til the twins turn twenty-one.”
“You get to be an adult at eighteen here, Maureen.”
“Whatever. She’ll be walkin’ over you ‘til then.”
Jack nodded. “You’re right. I’ll have a word with her later.”
It was the evening, and alrea
dy past the boy’s bedtime, but Susan had come over every afternoon when school and daycare were finished and stayed until the boys couldn’t keep their eyes open any longer.
Jack had seen his sons become more fractious and irritable over the past days, and he saw the worry around Faith’s eyes, although she always welcomed her mother with open arms and hung off her every word.
When the twins were put to bed, strenuously complaining at the injustice of it all, Jack asked Susan if he could have a private word with her.
Susan seemed surprised. “Sure, Jack. Just let me finish up here with Faith first.”
“Actually, I reckon Faith has some homework she needs to git done.”
“Nonsense, surely you can let the homework slide while I’m here.”
“I reckon not.”
Jack noticed Faith looking between them as each of them spoke, and his heart broke a little. She was far too clever not to be able to read the subtle undertones of the conversation. And Jack knew her mind would be torn – on the one hand, she wanted to spend as much time with her mother as she could, and on the other, her own overachieving psyche was starting to stress out because she wasn’t completing the homework she had.
He smiled at Faith and kissed her hair. She smiled a tentative smile back and said, “I do have a bit of homework to do. Mum, do you mind? Just for tonight?”
Susan seemed taken aback. “No, that’s fine. I only came all the way over to Perth to visit you guys, but it’s okay. You do what you need to do.”
Jack silently fumed. How dare Susan play the blame game on Faith? Their daughter looked confused and vulnerable, not sure how she should respond. Jack jumped in to help her. He gave her a smile and kissed her hair. “Go on now. That homework won’t wait forever.”
“Okay. Goodnight Dad. Goodnight Mum!” She left the room in a hurry. Jack hoped that she would actually settle down and do some study, and not worry about whether she had just damaged her relationship with her mother. Susan was the master at manipulating people’s feelings, but Jack never expected her to try it on her own daughter.
Keeping his anger in check, Jack led the way into the kitchen, and indicated that Susan should sit at the table. He took a chair across from her, and jumped straight into the conversation he should have had four days ago.
“You can’t just keep droppin’ in like this, Susan.”
She was instantly on the defensive. “Why not? They’re my kids too you know.”
“A fact you conveniently forgot when you picked up and ran off to Sydney.”
“But I’m not in Sydney now, I’m in Perth.”
“And how long are you here for really, Susan?” Jack leaned forward over the table. “I mean really. How long are you stayin’?”
“I don’t know.” Susan was breezy and affected unconcern.
“Well, for however long you plan to stay, we need to make some rules so the twins’ routine isn’t disrupted like it has been, and so that Faith gets time to do the things she needs to do.”
Susan sniffed. “Faith doesn’t need to study. You know that.”
“Yeah, I do, but Faith thinks Faith needs to study.”
“And you’re saying that my presence disrupts everyone so much that I need to have, what, visiting hours?”
“Pretty much, yeah.” Jack leaned back and crossed his arms across his chest. Now negotiations would begin in earnest.
“No. I’m quite happy doing what I’m doing, and I don’t see that it’s disrupting the kids that much.”
Jack’s mouth fell open, but he managed to close it just as quickly before responding coldly, “The boys go to bed at seven. Before that, they eat and have a bath. From now on, they will be doing those things at that time.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Well how about this, Jack. I sue for custody of all of them, and then I get to see them whenever I want.”
Jack paled. “We’ve just got everythin’ back in workin’ order after you left, Susan. Why would you come back now and fuck it all up again?”
“There is another way.”
Jack hoped he was wrong, but he had a strong suspicion that this solution would be even worse than the first one. “Go on.”
“We could get back together.”
Jack exploded with a bitter short laugh. “Hold your horses. There is no hope in hell that’s going to happen, Susan, so get it out of your mind.”
“Why not? The kids need a mother. You could get rid of the nanny. It could be in name only. You wouldn’t have to sleep with me, and I could see my kids whenever I wanted.”
“No.” Jack nearly roared the word, making Susan jump. He swallowed, then took a couple of deep breaths to bring his temper back under control. “You will never be livin’ in the same house with me ever again Susan. Do you understand?”
“Perfectly. Expect to hear from my attorney.” She stood up.
“Wait. We haven’t figured out your visitin’ hours yet.”
Susan’s anger finally seeped through. “I will visit my children whenever and wherever I want, Jack Duncan, and you can’t stop me.”
“Oh, yes I can. This is my house, my home. You only get to come here when I say you can come here.” A frosty glare was his only response, so he continued. “From now on, you’re welcome here between four and five-thirty on weekdays and on Saturday afternoon from lunchtime to six.”
“Make me.” She spat the words at him as she gathered herself to leave.
“Oh, I will,” he called at her departing back. He heard the door slam, and the poor house shuddered under the impact.
“That was pleasant,” remarked Maureen, strolling into the kitchen, coffee mug in hand.
“No, no it wasn’t.” Jack ruffled up his hair, blowing out a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding. “What it was was clear. She’s going to sue for custody, Reen.”
“Well, that’s a hurdle we’ll overcome when we run into it, Jack. In the meantime, at least she knows you’re serious about the visitin’ thing. I think that’s important, not only for the kids, but also for you.”
Jack frowned. “Me?”
“Yes, dumbass. Do you really think it’s good for you to have Susan skulkin’ around your house all hours of the day and night? Let me answer that. No, it’s not.”
Jack nodded in agreement, then smiled. “I’m glad you’re here, Reen. I just couldn’t imagine goin’ through this without you. How did you know?”
“Know what?”
“That I’d need you right now? That hoppin’ a plane to Perth was exactly what I needed you to do?”
“Oh, that.” Maureen tapped the side of her nose. “I have the gift, little brother.”
“The gift?”
“Of second sight of course.” By now, Maureen was chuckling, which Jack, a measure of relief washing over him, echoed.
“Right.”
“Okay, so the next order of business is to get that young woman of yours back into your life.”
“Yeah, I’m not so sure that’s going to be as easy as all that.”
“Why, because you were dumber than a box of hammers?”
“Well… well, yes, but you need not be so blunt.”
“It’s my charmin’ Texan way, brother. You just need to call her. Explain. Apologize. And I mean grovel at her feet. Charm her into takin’ you back.”
Jack shook his head, his lips compressed. “I don’t think that’ll work. She’s gonna want to be sure she can trust me.”
“Well, good luck with that, Jackie. Trust, once lost, is a difficult thing to win back.”
“Don’t I know it.” Jack put his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands. “And the hardest part? I really don’t know how I’m going to do it.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE.
Desiree knew that Maureen was going to try to talk her into taking Jack back. And Desiree knew, with the same certainty, that she would not do so until she could be persuaded to trust him again.
How
ever, Desiree, desperately wanted news of Jack, and of the kids, and whether Susan was back in Jack’s life, so when Maureen invited her out for a coffee, Desiree was quick to say yes, and to organise a time after school was done for the day.
She had returned to work. It had been a struggle at the start, seeing the faces of the kids who were traumatized just by having been in the same class as Nathan. They needed support and encouragement to move along, to accept that death is an intrinsic part of life, and that suicide was never ever going to be the best way to deal with their problems.
A memorial was held for Nathan, which seemed to settle many of the students, and life had just about returned to normal at the school.
As usual, Desiree had classes with Faith, and today’s would be the first one since she walked out of Jack’s house. As she collected her papers, books, pens and markers for the class, Desiree wondered how Faith would react to her. She had thought hard, and with a guilty conscience, about the effect of her actions on the kids. Their own mother had done exactly what Desiree did, and walked out while they weren’t there. She hoped that they hadn’t made the connection, and that they didn’t hate her as a result.
So it was a good surprise to get a sunny smile from Faith as the class settled down for the lesson.
Afterward, Faith approached Desiree, still smiling. “Hi Miss Jackson.”
“Hi Faith. How’s things?” She hoped Faith wouldn’t hear the desperation in her voice for information. The past days had been totally frustrating, not knowing what was going on over at Jack’s. But she didn’t want to press Faith for information either.
“Yeah, good.”
“Has your mum settled in?” Desiree didn’t look at Faith as she asked the question, instead collecting up her pens and placing them in her pencil case. But she looked up as Faith hesitated.
“It’s… it’s been a bit complicated, actually. Dad won’t let her stay at the house, so she’s stayin’ at grandma’s place.” Faith frowned, and Desiree figured she was trying to work out how much she should say. “She’s been over every night, but yesterday Dad told her that she couldn’t just barge into the house whenever she felt like it. I was in my room, but I could hear them fightin’. You know, I totally forgot about the arguments they used to have.” Faith’s attention strayed for a moment, and Desiree wondered if she was accessing memories that she had previously suppressed, trying hard to hold on to a picture of her mother in the best possible light. Faith’s gaze came back to Desiree, and she colored just a little. “So today, Mama is only allowed to be there from four ‘til five-thirty. It makes sense. The boys are getting all tired and fractious because their routines are out, and I haven’t been able to do any study at all.” She nodded decisively. “This is better.” But Desiree noticed the words were a little less than firm, and her nod slowed as her brows drew together.