Now and Always

by Lori Copeland

  The women clapped when the kiss went on longer than necessary. Katie wondered how long it would go on, but Tottie interrupted the embrace when she bumped them apart on her way through to the kitchen.

  Flushed, Katie stepped back but not before Warren captured her hand and held on tightly.

  When the doorbell rang around nine, Warren had still refused to release her hand. Together they opened the door and found the sheriff standing in a near blizzard.

  Katie’s smile widened. “Ben! Merry Christmas!” Her eyes scanned his familiar form. For some crazy, completely irrational reason, she was happy to see him.

  Ben eyes appraised the festive atmosphere, women’s soft laughter, carols playing in the background. Katie knew it didn’t take a wise man to know a party was in progress.

  The sheriff removed his hat. “Sorry to bother you.” He shuffled an envelope between his fingers. “I wanted to deliver this on my way to Susan’s.”

  Katie focused on the envelope, smiling when he handed it to her. “Your sister is having a family dinner tonight?”

  “Yes, she is.”

  “I didn’t know sheriffs were so domesticated.” Warren smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Working late?”

  Katie noticed Ben didn’t rise to the bait. “No. I was asked to deliver this tonight.”

  Warren drew Katie closer to his side. “You should take more time to enjoy life, Sheriff. It’ll be over before you know it.”

  Katie tore open the envelope, her eyes skimming the brief note.

  Katie,

  A few of us in town decided that in lieu of exchanginggifts this year, we’d like to fix the shelter roof.

  God bless you and the work you’re doing.

  Ben

  At least fifty signatures accompanied the sheriff’s.

  Speechless, Katie stared at the gift.

  Ben cleared his throat. “There should be over thirty-five hundred dollars there — unless I miscounted.”

  Warren’s smile faded. “Katie has put a new roof on the shelter. The money isn’t needed.”

  Katie located her voice. “Yes, it is! I mean, I can pay off the loan with no interest.” She stared at the windfall, and then burst into tears. “Thank you, God!” Katie lunged and threw herself into Ben’s arms. “Thank you!” she whispered against the warmth of his cleanly shaven neck. “You can’t possibly know what this means to me.”

  She’d barely been able to sleep nights for thinking of Grandpops and how he’d be so disappointed in her if he knew she’d mortgaged the house. There’d been no other way, but now Ben had worked a miracle. She knew that he was responsible for this, knew without a doubt, and she could never, ever repay his vote of confidence.

  His arms closed briefly around her and for a second, he held her. She settled into his arms, aware of the stiff collar on his crisp shirt, the smell of cold air and Dial soap.

  Warren reached out and drew Katie back into his arm. “Thank you, Ben. Inform the town that Katie appreciates the gift.”

  Giving Ben a parting smile, Katie settled beside Warren. “Please. Come inside and have a cup of eggnog. Tottie and Ruth have baked goodies — ”

  “Another time, thanks.” Ben settled his hat on his head. “I was due at my sister’s half hour ago, and the weather is getting pretty nasty.”

  As he turned and walked away, Katie left Warren’s side. “Merry Christmas!”

  Ben lifted a hand of acknowledgment and continued on to his car. Snow fell in wet sheets from a brooding sky.

  Katie lifted a hand and caught a flake, her earlier festive mood diminished. Loneliness swept her. She missed Grandpops and Grandmoms. She missed childhood innocence. She missed Ben’s friendly banter. And worse, she was starting to doubt herself, exactly the way her guests had been taken in by the men they loved. Had she become an enabler because of one old gypsy that evening so many years ago? She told herself that God and only God guided her life, but was she practicing her belief?

  Hugging her waist, she closed the door. Why so melancholy?Wasn’t this a magical night? Wasn’t everything coming toa satisfying culmination? A new roof accepted the snow. Warrenwas coming around quickly now. Why this sudden feeling ofincompleteness, the sense that new beginnings were a sham andthe worst was yet to come?

  Wrapping his arm around her waist, Warren drew Katie deeper into the shelter’s warmth. “Why the glum face?”

  “Oh, I guess in a way I feel sorry — and guilty about the way I’ve treated Ben. He’s been so … I wish …”

  He finished her incomplete thought. “You wish that Warren would take you for a ride and show you the Christmas lights.”

  It wasn’t exactly all she wished, but the suggestion partially restored her festive mood. “I do. I’ll tell Tottie where we’re going and get my coat.”

  He steered her to the hall closet. “You’re a big girl, and we won’t be gone long. Tottie will figure out that we wanted some privacy.”

  Privacy. Was God opening a whole new world for her, a world of Warren, maybe a new family life? In time she could help him adjust to the shelter and her purpose.

  He took her coat from the closet and helped her into it. She reached for her cell phone and stuck it in her coat pocket as they went out the door.

  Light spilled from the shelter windows. Inside music and laughter and new life thrived. For the briefest of moments, Ben flashed through Katie’s mind. He was on his way to his sister’s tonight. Family responsibility. Did he long for his own family? He could have one if he chose. She shouldn’t feel responsible for his singleness. Many women in town would walk on hot coals to date Ben. Marry Ben. Have Ben’s redheaded, freckle-faced, adorable babies.

  Sighing, Katie rested her head on Warren’s shoulder as they drove out of the barn lot.

  “Warm enough?”

  She nodded. Everything was good except for the nagging sense that something was terribly wrong.

  Thirty-Five

  The wipers whacked to keep up with the falling snow as the pickup rolled down the empty highway. Few motorists chose to brave the slippery roads. Why was it so important to view the lights tonight? When the headlights caught the shadow of Devils Tower silhouetted against the snowy landscape, Katie recalled N. Scott Momday’s words, which she had studied in high school: “A dark mist lay over the Black Hills, and the land was like iron … There are things in nature that engender an awful quiet in the heart of man; Devils Tower is one of them.”

  “The sight of the Tower never ceases to impress me,” she said.

  “It is awesome. Can you imagine what ran through people’s minds when they came across the rock?”

  Katie had spent her junior year volunteering for the park system, and she knew the Kiowa legend by heart.

  Eight children played near the rock one day, seven sisters andtheir brother. Suddenly the boy was struck dumb; he trembledand began to run upon his hands and feet. His fingers becameclaws, and his body was covered with fur. Terrified, the sistersran, and the bear ran after them. They came to the stump of agreat tree, and the tree spoke to them. It beckoned them to climbupon it, and as they did so it began to rise into the air. The bearappeared and lunged to kill them, but they were just beyond itsreach. It reared against the tree and scored the bark all aroundwith its sharp claws. The seven sisters were borne into the sky, andthey became the stars of the Big Dipper.

  Each time she’d retold the story, she’d been met by wide tourist eyes, eyes that pivoted to reassess the national monument that rose 867 feet from its base. Tonight the Tower looked sinister in the falling snow.

  The tourist site was closed. Darkness lay over the Black Hills in hushed reverence.

  “We’re going to see the lights from the Tower?” Katie laughed. “How do you plan to climb it? Unfortunately I left my rock climbing gear at home.”

  Warren grinned down at her. “I’m a hometown boy, remember? I know a place where we can see the lights, and it has nothing to do with the Tower being open.”

  The truck woun
d along snowy asphalt. When Katie started to doubt there was a way to view local lights other than the Tower road, Warren turned onto a dirt road. Ah, yes. She had forgotten it was here. The road climbed gradually, following the curve of a hill. The ascent was slow and treacherous and proved a challenge even for a four-wheel drive. Halfway up, Warren eased to the side and cut the engine. The vantage point was good. Katie relaxed. She would have never attempted the climb, but men are predators, hunters seeking a challenge.

  Settling closer into Warren’s arms, her eyes drank in the breathtaking beauty.

  “Heaven must be like this.”

  “You think?” He gently turned her and kissed her lips.

  She settled more deeply into his affection, his security.

  Warren’s voice was so soft she had to strain to hear him. “You’ve always known that you weren’t going to close the shelter, haven’t you?”

  She closed her eyes, relieved that he knew her so well. “I want us, Warren, but the shelter’s been my work for so long that I can’t close it.”

  And honestly. She didn’t want to spoil the evening by rehashing the subject. Couldn’t he just leave it alone?

  “You’ve got a loving nature, Katie. Maybe that’s what draws me to you.”

  He kissed her again and something fluttered. Love, the everafter kind? Or was it a preconceived notion? Once she’d been so sure. Now she wasn’t.

  When their lips parted, he said. “Let’s get out.”

  “Out?” Katie recoiled. It was cold up here, blizzard conditions. Not fit for man or beast, Grandpops would say. She’d stay in the cab, thanks.

  “I think I’ll stay put.”

  “Stay put? A little snow won’t hurt you. Let’s take a walk; it’s so pretty up here.”

  A chill raced through her. Warren’s tone had changed — ever so slightly, but she noticed it. The request was more an order than an invitation. Suddenly she was aware of the isolation, the seclusion. “No, it’s too cold. You get out and I’ll wait here.”

  He opened the door and got out, snow enveloping him.

  “Nut,” she muttered. “It’s freezing out there.”

  He moved around the hood of the pickup and maneuvered to her side of the truck, losing his footing a couple of times. The door suddenly opened. “Get out.”

  She shrank back, icy air stealing her breath. “What’s wrong?”

  “You’re the problem. Get out.”

  Warren’s hand snaked into the cab, grasped her arm, and hauled her partway out. She grabbed the doorframe, holding tight until he pried her fingers loose.

  “I said get out.”

  Katie fell on her hands and knees in the snow.

  Warren grabbed her shoulder, yanking her upright. “Come on. Move!”

  Fear, all consuming, filled her. He caught her arm, dragging her toward the steep incline. She tried to hold back and fought to break free, but his grip was too strong. Her breath came in ragged gasps, her hands and face stinging from the howling wind. She slipped. He jerked her upright and forced her closer to the precipice. They were exposed to the elements here, no sheltering trees, nothing to break the wintry explosion.

  Katie wrenched free, whirling to escape, but Warren was on her in an instant.

  “No, you don’t. You brought this on yourself. Don’t fight me, Katie. I’m bigger and stronger than you.”

  For the first time in her life, Katie felt small, insignificant to his height.

  Warren hauled her against him, and the hatred in his voice rendered her speechless. “You’re like all women. Sure you’ll help abused women, help them to abandon their men who support and take care of them. Kick the guy in the teeth, right? Watch him suffer?”

  “No, it’s not like that. I’m not like that.” Help me, God.He’s clearly lost his mind!

  The wind tore at her, threatening to hurl her off the exposed trail. Still Warren forced her on, dragging her even higher up the incline. Suddenly he released her and she stumbled. Regaining her balance, she confronted him, instinctively knowing it would be suicide to show fear.

  “Why are you doing this? What have I done to you?”

  “You know what you’ve done.” His lips drew back in a snarl. “You’re a fool, Katie. I gave you every chance to avoid this.”

  “I don’t understand. What are you talking about?” She stalled for time. She could break through to him, turn him away from this cold rage focused on her. Why hadn’t she acknowledged his erratic behavior earlier? He’d shown signs, signs she’d chosen to ignore. She was no wiser than the shelter victims.

  “Don’t play the innocent. I told you. I know women. You’re all alike, greedy, grasping, not interested in anyone or anything except yourselves.”

  Katie struggled to stand erect against the wind-driven snow. “Stop this nonsense. Let’s go back to the truck, talk about this.” Why was she trying to reason with a madman? The steel glint in his tone terrified her.

  “There’s nothing to talk about. You and your God. Always prattling about his plan for your life. Let me clue you in, Katie. He doesn’t have a plan for your life. He doesn’t care about you. If there is a God, he doesn’t care about your niggling problems. You’re on your own, just like the rest of us, so don’t give me any junk about how God wants you to keep that shelter open. You’re keeping it open because you want to, and how I feel or what I want doesn’t mean a thing to you.”

  How could she have been so foolish? This was the man she had wanted to marry? The one she believed God had sent? He was right about one thing, it was her fault she was standing on this snowy hilltop pleading for … what? Her life?

  “You. It’s been you terrorizing me.” Comprehension flooded her. How had she been so blind? How could he have run such a fright campaign and not been discovered?

  He laughed. “And you called me to rescue you. How dumb could you be, Katie? You deserved what you got. Wise up, sweetheart. Women are like leeches, sucking the blood out of men. Well, this man isn’t going to be taken for another ride.”

  The blizzard formed a blinding curtain. Katie was trapped in the storm’s fury with a deranged mind, and there was a good chance she wasn’t going to walk away alive. No one knew where she was. Warren hadn’t given her a chance to tell Tottie or the other women. Katie realized he had intended this moment from the time he walked in the door that night.

  The snow’s reflection sharpened his features, carved of ice. She met his eyes and what she saw horrified her. She backed away slowly, sliding one foot behind the other in a vain attempt to escape the drop-off.

  He reached out and snagged her arm. “You’re not going anywhere.”

  She whirled but he lunged, shoving her closer to the edge of the ridge. Scuffling, Katie managed to regain her balance. For one split second, she stared into the face of a killer. “Don’t do this. By all that is holy, don’t do this.”

  He danced playfully, reaching out to nudge her closer and closer. “Scared, Katie? I’ve been scared. It’s not fun, huh?” He shoved her, and then caught her arm seconds before she fell.

  “Stop this!”

  “Oh, poor little Katie. Where’s your womenfolk? Shouldn’t they be here to save you from a big bad ole man?” He reached out with a foot, easing her closer to the precipice.

  Katie sidestepped his boot, but suddenly the ground gave way. For an instant, their eyes met before she toppled over the edge.

  Warren hit the snow on his stomach, extending a hand. By now she was hanging by a thread on a loose bough.

  “I can’t … reach you,” she pleaded. Her fingers flayed air.

  He scooted closer, bending more, reaching to grab her. Fingers brushed, and then suddenly the bough snapped.

  Katie tumbled down, down, down.

  Lying perfectly still, Warren listened to the snow and darkness envelope her screams.

  “Poor baby.” Finally, he leaned forward. “Merry Christmas. Broad.”

  Thirty-Six

  Hours passed. No, she had fallen over t
he cliff only minutes ago, or was it hours? Disoriented, Katie tried to focus. She was on a ledge. Elation filled her. She was alive! She’d found footing. Elation turned to stark dismay. So what? She was perched on a razor-thin ledge with an indeterminable drop beneath her.

  No way out.

  “No way out, no way out, no way out!” shrieked the howlingwind.

  Even if she managed to cling to the ledge, she’d quickly die of exposure. Temperatures had to be in the low thirties and dropping. Her coat was heavy, but not heavy enough.

  Sometimes what a person wants is under her nose all along. Tottie’s words rang in her ears.

  Ben, not Warren. Did it take a hundred-foot drop to oblivion to jar her thick senses?

  Ben had been in her life for so long, she’d ceased to notice him. Others knew his worth, but you, Katie, you set your eyes onthe superficial, the adventurous; not without God, but not withhim either.

  In that tent on the carnival ground, you took your eye offGod.

  And now you are paying for your mistakes.

  Not for a moment did she think God had a vendetta against her. He’d given her choices, and she’d been so certain her choices had been his leading. Why else would he have allowed her to dream? What she wouldn’t admit, but now knew with certainty, flooded her. Even with her belief in God, she had put stock in a carnival gypsy’s ramblings. Shame flooded her. Oh God. I’m so very sorry. If only I had listened tomy heart instead of meaningless predictions. If only I hadn’t takenmy eye off of you — just that one moment, and I slipped.

  Sinking to the shelf, Katie huddled, tears rolling down her cheeks. Shelter, she had to find shelter, but there was none. She scooted, pressing her back to the thin wall. The wind had shifted, blowing north. A crevasse, narrow but wide enough to provide a break from the driving snow, offered protection, but not enough. She’d die here on this ledge, and no one would ever find her.

  Katie heard the faint snap of dead branches. Someone was coming down the incline. Warren? To finish what he’d started?