“I was leaving most of the responsibility” Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, December 3, 2012.
Relatively rare Karen Z. Kramer, Erin L. Kelly, and Jan B. McCulloch, “Stay-at-Home Fathers: Definition and Characteristics Based on 34 Years of CPS Data,” Journal of Family Issues, September 12, 2013, jfi.sagepub.com/content/early/2013/09/09/0192513X13502479.abstract?papetoc.
“If we didn’t start to learn” Lia Macko and Kerry Rubin, Midlife Crisis at 30: How the Stakes Have Changed for a New Generation—And What to Do About It (Emmaus, PA: Rodale, 2004), p. 10.
20 percent of law firm partners “Women in Law in Canada and the U.S.,” Catalyst, March 11, 2013, catalyst.org/knowledge/women-law-us.
24 percent of full-time tenured professors Martha S. West and John W. Curtis, “AAUP Faculty Gender Equity Indicators 2006,” American Association of University Professors, 2006, aaup.org/NR/rdonlyres/63396944-44BE-4ABA-9815-5792D93856F1/0/AAUPGenderEquityIndicators2006.pdf.
21 percent of surgeons “The Surgical Workforce in the United States: Profile and Recent Trends,” American College of Surgeons Health Policy Research Institute, April 2010, acshpri.org/documents/ACSHPRI_Surgical_Workforce_in_US_apr2010.pdf.
8 percent of the most senior bankers Elena Moya, “Glass Ceiling Is Thicker in Investment Banking than in Other Areas of Finance,” Financial News, March 28, 2011, efinancialnews.com/story/2011-03-28/glass-ceiling-is-thicker-in-investment-banking-than-in-other-areas-of-finance?ea9c8a2de0ee111045601ab04d673622.
3 percent of hedge and private equity fund managers Linda Basch and Jacki Zehner, “Women in Fund Management,” National Council for Research on Women, June 2009, regender.org/sites/ncrw.org/files/wifm_report.pdf.
6 percent of mechanical engineers Liana Christin Landivar, “Disparities in STEM Employment by Sex, Race and Hispanic Origin,” American Community Survey Reports, September 2013, census.gov/prod/2013pubs/acs-24.pdf.
8.5 percent of the world’s billionaires Erin Carlyle, “The World’s Richest Women,” Forbes, March 7, 2012, forbes.com/sites/erincarlyle/2012/03/07/the-worlds-richest-women.
It’s the reason that optimists do better Martin E. Seligman, Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life (New York: Vintage, 2011), eBook, pp. 144–72.
“tear down the external barriers” Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead (New York: Knopf, 2013), p. 8.
Afterward, he’d point out Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance—What Women Should Know (New York: HarperCollins, 2014), p. xviii.
“I resigned yesterday” Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, June 13, 2013.
“Denial of requests” Pamela Stone, Opting Out? Why Women Really Quit Careers and Head Home (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2007), p. 115.
Carey Goldberg…describes her effort Carey Goldberg, “Sheryl Sandberg’s Biggest Blind Spot,” WBUR, April 2, 2013, cognoscenti.wbur.org/2013/04/02/lean-in-carey-goldberg.
“I aspire to a C-level position” Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, June 22, 2012.
“living one single incident” Maria Shriver and the Center for American Progress, “A Woman’s Nation Pushes Back from the Brink: Executive Summary,” The Shriver Report, January 12, 2014, shriverreport.org/a-womans-nation-pushes-back-from-the-brink-executive-summary-maria-shriver.
The divorce rate “Marriage and Divorce: Patterns by Gender, Race, and Educational Attainment,” Monthly Labor Review, October 2013, bls.gov/opub/mlr/2013/article/marriage-and-divorce-patterns-by-gender-race-and-educational-attainment.htm.
the many divorced mothers Kenneth A. Couch, Christopher R. Tamborini, Gayle Reznik, and John W. R. Phillips, “Divorce, Women’s Earnings, and Retirement over the Life Course,” chapter 8 in K. Couch, M. C. Daly, and J. Zissimopoulos, eds., Lifecycle Events and Their Consequences: Job Loss, Family Change, and Declines in Health (Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press, 2013), pp. 133–57.
almost three-fourths of boomer women Robyn Ely, Pamela Stone, and Colleen Ammerman, “Rethinking What You ‘Know’ About High-Achieving Women,” Harvard Business Review, December 2014, hbr.org/2014/12/rethink-what-you-know-about-high-achieving-women.
women still end up carrying Kim Parker and Wendy Wang, “Modern Parenthood,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, March 14, 2013, pewsocialtrends.org/2013/03/14/modern-parenthood-roles-of-moms-and-dads-converge-as-they-balance-work-and-family.
these highly successful women Carol Hymowitz, “Behind Every Great Woman,” Bloomberg Businessweek, January 4, 2012, businessweek.com/magazine/behind-every-great-woman-01042012.html.
“Bottom line is” Andrea Shalal-Esa, “Hewson’s Long Lockheed Journey Ends at the Top,” Reuters, November 9, 2012, reuters.com/article/2012/11/10/us-lockheed-hewson-idUSBRE8A904T20121110.
Among the jobs she held Marjorie Censer, “After Nearly 30 Years with Lockheed, Hewson Is Named Chief Executive,” Washington Post, November 13, 2012, washingtonpost.com/business/capitalbusiness/after-nearly-30-years-with-lockheed-hewson-is-named-chief-executive/2012/11/13/173cc04a-2cdc-11e2-a99d-5c4203af7b7a_story.html.
“elected to focus” Doug Cameron and Joann S. Lublin, “Vaulted to Top at Lockheed, and Ready to Navigate Cliff,” Wall Street Journal, November 11, 2012, online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424127887324439804578113250113672078.
Her husband has stayed home Rebecca Hughes Parker, “The Unsteady Rise of the Power Mom and the Diapering Dad,” April 12, 2013, rebeccahughesparker.com/2013/04/12/the-unsteady-rise-of-the-power-mom-and-the-diapering-dad (originally posted at Professionelle.me as part of the Professionelle Talks series in May 2013).
She said she broke down crying “Makers: Women Who Make America, Abby Pogrebin,” PBS, February 26, 2013, video.pbs.org/video/2331420920.
“If you turn down a promotion” Jill R. Aitoro, “Marillyn Hewson: Inside Out,” Washington Business Journal, February 1, 2013, bizjournals.com/washington/print-edition/2013/02/01/marillyn-hewson-inside-out.html?page=2.
“built on the unstated assumption” Timothy L. O’Brien, “Why Do So Few Women Reach the Top of Big Law Firms?,” New York Times, March 19, 2006, nytimes.com/2006/03/19/business/yourmoney/19law.html.
Statistically, IVF “Committee Opinion: Female Age-Related Fertility Decline,” American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, March 2014, acog.org/Resources-And-Publications/Committee-Opinions/Committee-on-Gynecologic-Practice/Female-Age-Related-Fertility-Decline.
In her book Creating a Life Sylvia Ann Hewlett, Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children (New York: Talk Miramax, 2002), p. 33.
Chapter 2: Half-Truths About Men
“I’d wanted so badly” Lily Ledbetter, with Lanier Scott Isom, Grace and Grit: My Fight for Equal Pay and Fairness at Goodyear and Beyond (New York: Crown, 2012), pp. 6–7.
That was 1999 “Highlights of Women’s Earnings in 2013,” U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Report 1051, December 2014, bls.gov/opub/reports/cps/highlights-of-womens-earnings-in-2013.pdf.
“they are somehow not ‘macho’ enough” Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, July 20, 2012.
“Comments were made” Jennifer L. Berdahl, Vicki J. Magley, and C. R. Waldo, “The Sexual Harassment of Men? Exploring the Concept with Theory and Data,” Psychology of Women Quarterly, 20 (1996): 527–47.
Seventeen years later Joan C. William, “The Daddy Dilemma: Why Men Face a ‘Flexibility Stigma’ at Work,” Washington Post, February 11, 2013, washingtonpost.com/national/on-leadership/the-daddy-dilemma-why-men-face-a-flexibility-stigma-at-work/2013/02/11/58350f4e-7462-11e2-aa12-e6cf1d31106b_story.html.
men who requested a twelve-week leave Ibid.
caregiving fathers ha
d Jennifer L. Berdahl and Sue H. Moon, “Worker Mistreatment of Middle Class Workers Based on Sex, Parenthood, and Caregiving,” Journal of Social Issues 69 (2013): 341–66.
men and women valued workplace flexibility equally Joan C. Williams, Mary Blair-Loy, and Jennifer L. Berdahl, “Cultural Schemas, Social Class, and the Flexibility Stigma,” Journal of Social Issues 69 (2013): 209–34.
Overall, the share of companies Claire Cain Miller, “Paternity Leave: The Rewards and the Remaining Stigma,” New York Times, November 7, 2014, nytimes.com/2014/11/09/upshot/paternity-leave-the-rewards-and-the-remaining-stigma.html.
In one case, a management trainee Bates v. 84 Lumber Co., No. 05-5554 (6th Cir. 2006).
“You are probably not aware” Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, July 13, 2012.
He tries to mesh Andrew Cohen, “ ‘Having It All’? How About: ‘Doing the Best I Can’?,” Atlantic, June 27, 2012, theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/06/having-it-all-how-about-doing-the-best-i-can/258898.
Perusing a biography of Colgate Darden Guy Friddell, Colgate Darden: Conversations with Guy Friddell (Charlottesville, VA: University Press of Virginia, 1978), p. 100.
Along with Liberia and Papua New Guinea Tara Siegel Bernard, “In Paid Family Leave, U.S. Trails Most of the Globe,” New York Times, February 22, 2013, nytimes.com/2013/02/23/your-money/us-trails-much-of-the-world-in-providing-paid-family-leave.html.
The unpaid leave we do offer “Fact Sheet #28: The Family and Medical Leave Act,” U.S. Department of Labor, Wage and Hours Division, revised 2012, dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/whdfs28.pdf.
have been at those companies Ibid.
children raised by gay parents Stephanie Pappas, “Why Gay Parents May Be the Best Parents,” LiveScience, January 15, 2012, livescience.com/17913-advantages-gay-parents.html.
Frank Ligtvoet, a gay dad Frank Ligtvoet, “The Misnomer of ‘Motherless’ Parenting,” June 22, 2013, nytimes.com/2013/06/23/opinion/sunday/the-misnomer-of-motherless-parenting.html.
A study from Ohio State “Family Stability May Be More Crucial than Two Parents for Child Success,” Research News, Ohio State University, August 31, 2009, researchnews.osu.edu/archive/familystability.htm.
Conversely, a 2013 report “The First Eight Years: Giving Kids a Foundation for Lifetime Success,” Annie E. Casey Foundation, December 2, 2013, aecf.org/~/media/Pubs/Initiatives/KIDS%20COUNT/F/FirstEightYears/AECFTheFirstEightYears2013.pdf.
Saint Paul writes I Timothy 5:8, Bible, King James Version (New York: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1971).
“Men are the protectors” Verse 4:34, “The Women,” English translation, Quranic Arabic Corpus, corpus.quran.com/translation.jsp?chapter=4&verse=34.
a mere 2 million men Gretchen Livingston, “Growing Number of Dads Home with the Kids; Chapter 2: Why Are Dads Staying Home?,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, June 5, 2014, pewsocialtrends.org/2014/06/05/chapter-2-why-are-dads-staying-home.
Only 8 percent of Americans Wendy Wang, Kim Parker, and Paul Taylor, “Breadwinner Moms,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, May 29, 2013, pewsocialtrends.org/2013/05/29/breadwinner-moms/2.
When asked the same question with a gender flip Paul Taylor, ed., “The Decline of Marriage and Rise of New Families,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, November 18, 2010, pewsocialtrends.org/files/2010/11/pew-social-trends-2010-families.pdf.
The resulting shift in economic power Liza Mundy, The Richer Sex: How the New Majority of Female Breadwinners Is Transforming Sex, Love and Family (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2012); Hanna Rosin, The End of Men: And the Rise of Women (New York: Riverhead, 2012).
The even bigger story “United States: The Rich and the Rest,” Economist, October 13, 2012, economist.com/node/21564418.
Senator Elizabeth Warren Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Warren Tyagi, The Two-Income Trap: Why Middle-Class Parents Are Going Broke (New York: Basic Books, 2004).
average mortgage expenses had risen Bradford Plumer, “The Two-Income Trap,” Mother Jones, November 8, 2004, motherjones.com/politics/2004/11/two-income-trap.
In the intervening years Dylan Matthews, “Wages Aren’t Stagnating, They’re Plummeting,” Washington Post, July 31, 2012, washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2012/07/31/wages-arent-stagnating-theyre-plummeting.
Nearly 50 percent of millennial men Eileen Patten and Kim Parker, “A Gender Reversal on Career Aspirations,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, April 19, 2012, pewsocialtrends.org/2012/04/19/a-gender-reversal-on-career-aspirations.
“I have told Susie” “Read an Excerpt of Liza Mundy’s ‘The Richer Sex,’ ” ABC News, January 9, 2014, abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2014/01/read-an-excerpt-of-liza-mundys-the-richer-sex.
According to Mundy Liza Mundy, “Daddy Track: The Case for Paternity Leave,” Atlantic, January/February 2014, theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/01/the-daddy-track/355746/2.
Chapter 3: Half-Truths in the Workplace
Numerous books on the subject Some of these books accept the idea of balance; others reject balance but promise happiness anyway; still others suggest the helpful idea of fit. See Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober, Getting to 50/50: How Working Parents Can Have It All (Berkeley: Cleis Press, 2013); A. Roger Merrill and Rebecca R. Merrill, Life Matters: Creating a Dynamic Balance of Work, Family, Time, & Money (New York: McGraw-Hill, 2003); Teresa A. Taylor, The Balance Myth: Rethinking Work-Life Success (Austin: Greenleaf Book Group Press, 2013); Matthew Kelly, Off Balance: Getting Beyond the Work-Life Balance Myth to Personal and Professional Satisfaction (New York: Hudson Street Press, 2011); Cali Williams Yost, Work + Life: Finding the Fit That’s Right for You (New York: Riverhead, 2004); and Joan Blades and Nanette Fondas, The Custom-Fit Workplace: Choose When, Where, and How to Work and Boost Your Bottom Line (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2010).
American workers Kiera Butler, Dave Gilson, Josh Harkinson, Andy Kroll, and Laura McClure, “Harrowing, Heartbreaking Tales of Overworked Americans,” Mother Jones, July/August 2011, motherjones.com/politics/2011/06/stories-overworked-americans.
Public health experts “Stress in America: Paying with Our Health,” American Psychological Association, February 4, 2015, apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2014/stress-report.pdf.
Indeed, the United States “Adult Labor and Working Conditions: Rankings,” World Policy Forum, 2015, worldpolicyforum.org/topics/adult-labor-and-working-conditions/rankings.
The firm’s brass Irene Padavic, Robin Ely, and Erin Reid, “The Work-Family Narrative as a Social Defense: Explaining the Persistence of Gender Inequality in Organizations,” Harvard Business School Working Paper, March 2015.
“What do I want people to worry about” Ibid.
in 2013 women earned 82 cents “Highlights of Women’s Earnings in 2013,” U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Report 1051, December 2014, bls.gov/opub/reports/cps/highlights-of-womens-earnings-in-2013.pdf.
But hidden within that average Michelle J. Budig, Joya Misra, and Irene Boeckmann, “The Motherhood Penalty in Cross-National Perspective: The Importance of Work-Family Policies and Cultural Attitudes,” Social Politics: International Studies in Gender, State & Society 19, no. 2 (2012): 163–93.
Single women without children Mark Perry and Andrew G. Biggs, “The ‘77 Cents on the Dollar’ Myth About Women’s Pay,” Wall Street Journal, April 7, 2014, wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052702303532704579483752909957472.
They make 76 cents Claire Cain Miller, “The Upshot: The Motherhood Penalty vs. the Fatherhood Bonus,” New York Times, September 6, 2014, nytimes.com/2014/09/07/upshot/a-child-helps-your-career-if-youre-a-man.html.
motherhood is now a greater predictor Stephanie Coontz, “Progress at Work, but Mothers Still Pay a Price,” New York Times, June 9, 2013, nytimes.com/201
3/06/09/opinion/sunday/coontz-richer-childless-women-are-making-the-gains.html; Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner, “The Real Feminist Nightmare,” Politico, November 25, 2013, politico.com/magazine/story/2013/11/the-real-feminist-nightmare-not-michelle-obama-100339.html#.VWX-Y0ZBEnM.
women between the ages of twenty-five and thirty-four “On Pay Gap, Millennial Women Near Parity—for Now,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, December 11, 2013, pewsocialtrends.org/2013/12/11/on-pay-gap-millennial-women-near-parity-for-now.
But those gains dissipate Ibid.
To the majority of men and women Wendy Wang, Kim Parker, and Paul Taylor, “Breadwinner Moms,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, May 29, 2013, pewsocialtrends.org/2013/05/29/breadwinner-moms.
Women are indeed the considerable majority Kim Parker and Wendy Wang, “Modern Parenthood,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, March 2013, pewsocialtrends.org/2013/03/14/modern-parenthood-roles-of-moms-and-dads-converge-as-they-balance-work-and-family.
the typical caregiver of an elderly relative “Family Caregiving: The Facts,” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, September 2011, cdc.gov/aging/caregiving/facts.htm.
Her decision to leave them Amanda Marcotte, “Wendy Davis’ Daughters: Our Mom Did a Great Job,” Slate, January 21, 2014, slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/01/28/was_wendy_davis_a_bad_mother_because_her_husband_contributed_a_lot_of_childcare.html.
Rahm Emanuel left his young children Manny Fernandez and Laurie Goodstein, “Life Story of Wendy Davis Swings from Strength to Flash Point in Texas Campaign,” New York Times, January 29, 2014, nytimes.com/2014/01/30/us/texas-democrat-defends-back-story-under-criticism.html.
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