by Diana Fraser
Susie’s heart sank. The Mackenzies? Here? It was bad enough being with James, but the rest of them? There were nothing but bad memories associated with their family and Glencoe.
“Are the kids coming?”
“Just Gemma and Callum’s baby. Dallas’s two are being doted on in Wellington by a cluster of great aunts. You’ll be staying here for a few days, won’t you?”
James exchanged looks with Susie. “Unfortunately, not. We have to get back.” He chucked Lucia’s chin. “Don’t pout, it’s childish.”
Guy clapped his hand on James’s shoulder and smiled across to Susie. “Anyhow, let’s get on to business, shall we? Sooner we start, the sooner we can move on to sampling some of it.”
“I’ll bring some coffees.”
Susie and James followed Guy through to a book-laden library, minus a desk and chairs, but complete with stone-colored soft suede sofas and a round table.
“So, Susie. I’ve heard of your winery, of course. And watched your progress in a few short years. You guys have done well to avoid the effects of last year’s heat wave.”
Susie could relax once more. She was on familiar territory.
After a couple of hours they walked out onto the terrace, having looked around Onihau Lodge and worked out what new equipment Whisper Creek should invest in.
“Would you like to try some?” Guy asked as he showed Susie the bottle of wine they’d been talking about.
“Sure.” As they tasted and chatted, she didn’t hear a car approach the front of the property. Suddenly there were shouts and laughter and James looked up with a grin as his brothers and their wives emerged from the house. Susie shrank away. It had been a long time since she’d seen them and she wasn’t looking forward to it, aware of the bad memories that would come flooding back.
“Susie! Good to see you. It’s been years.” Callum’s grin was warm and welcoming.
Susie stepped forward. “Yes, it’s ten years since I was last at Glencoe.”
“You should come down, we’ve made a few changes but things are pretty much the same. I remember you always had an interest in the land.”
“Like my father did.” She couldn’t resist a reminder to the Mackenzies that her father had died on their land, in their employ. Only she knew his death was because he’d been distraught he had to leave the land he’d grown up in and loved, because of her. She doubted she’d ever get over the guilt.
“That was a tragic accident,” Callum said. “We made sure it could never happen again by fencing off the gully.” He looked up as a pretty, petite redhead walked towards them, carrying a sleeping baby. “Meet Gemma.” Callum pulled the smiling woman into his arms, with a gentle brush of the soft downy head of the baby.
“Lovely to meet you, Susie,” Gemma said. “I hear you knew this lot, back in the day.”
“Kind of. From afar really. Except for James.” James and her eyes met and connected. She looked back at Gemma. “He was nearer my age than Callum and Dallas. I would have been nothing but an annoying kid to them.”
“You were to me, too, Susie.” James laughed. “I didn’t mean it.” He backtracked as he received one of her best glares. “You remember Dallas?”
“Of course.” Susie instantly felt shy. Dallas had always seemed so grown up when she was small; he’d carried the weight of the family’s fortunes on his shoulders for years. Strangely, he appeared younger now than when she’d known him. She extended her hand, which Dallas ignored, giving her a brief hug. He drew back and smiled at her.
“You’re all grown up, Susie Shaw.”
“I should hope so.” She felt embarrassed by his close scrutiny. “I must have been around ten when you left Glencoe.”
“Cassandra,” called Dallas to a tall, slim woman emerging from the house. “Come and meet James’s friend, Susie.”
Susie’s quick glance noted Cassandra’s raised eyebrows and smile at Dallas. She accepted Susie’s extended hand. “Pleased to meet you, Susie.” Lucia joined them as the others drifted away around James as they caught up with each other’s news.
“I hope you’ll be able to stay for a few days? Lucia said you might be leaving in the morning.”
“Well, James has to return to the States and I’ve work on Waiheke. So…” She looked across to where James and his brothers were talking and laughing. Her gaze lingered on James. He looked so natural there, in the company of men for a change, just like the man she used to know. Then he turned and his eyes met hers. He smiled and she found herself smiling back. He walked over to her.
Cassandra followed Susie’s gaze and watched James approach. Cassandra’s lips twitched as she looked from one to the other. “James.” He kissed her on the cheek. “I was just asking Susie how long you’re staying for.”
His eyes hadn’t left Susie’s. “We both have commitments tomorrow, I’m afraid. It’s just a flying visit.”
“Shame. Next time, you must stay for longer,” said Lucia. “Come on, Susie, I’ll show you to your room in case you’d like to rest or freshen up before dinner.”
They walked past where the men were grouped, now joined by James who immediately making some comment which had them all laughing. How did he do that? Within minutes have men and women charmed and entertained? She sighed and followed Lucia through the double doors, almost walking into her when she stopped suddenly at the first door along the wide hallway.
“Here’s your and James’s room.”
As luck wouldn’t have it, everyone stopped talking right at that moment. The doors to the living room, where everyone was gathered, were wide open and Susie knew they’d heard Lucia.
Susie shook her head, not wanting to speak. She could feel a heavy blush rising up her body. “Me and James?” She glanced through the open doors; everyone was looking at her expectantly, including James, a smile playing on his lips as he watched, entertained, as to how she was going to respond. She dipped her head to Lucia, trying to make her words private. “We’re not a couple, Lucia. We’re old friends and business colleagues now, but we’re not, you know…” She shook her head in embarrassment.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” Lucia looked appalled. “Come on, I’ll show you another room.” She continued down the corridor. “It’s just that James, he’s so, well, you know…”
“Yes, I know. He has a reputation for…”
“Exactly…”
“But…we’re not…”
“Sure.” Lucia said too quickly. She looked back at Susie. “Sorry.”
“No problem,” Susie mumbled. But, as she followed Lucia down the hall to a spare bedroom, Susie knew she’d lied. There was a problem. A big problem.
James watched Susie and Lucia disappear inside and tried to swallow the grin that threatened to spread over his face. He turned to his brothers and his friend and his grin faded. Everyone was staring at him.
“What?” He asked accusingly.
“You’re not with Susie?” Callum asked.
“Of course I’m with her, I’m just not…”
Three men shook their heads, sharing a puzzled look on their faces and stared right back at James. “What?” asked Guy. “Not… what?”
James shrugged. “I’m not sleeping with Susie.”
Three pairs of eyebrows shot up into foreheads in identical amazement.
“What is wrong with you people? Haven’t you heard of platonic relationships before? Haven’t you heard of a woman and a man being together and yet not having carnal knowledge of each other?”
“Heard of it,” said Callum with characteristic abruptness, “but not in relation to you.”
James didn’t contradict Callum. What was the point when he spoke the truth? “Well, there’s always a first time.”
“You are kidding, right?” Dallas managed to say.
“No, I’m not kidding.”
“Who are you and what have you done with my kid brother?”
James groaned. “Give me a break.”
“No way. This is far too
entertaining.”
“Hey, if not for me, don’t give Susie a hard time.”
“Jesus, you do like her, don’t you?”
“Of course I like her. I’m investing money with her, we’re, well, old friends.”
“You’ve got history, haven’t you?” Dallas asked suspiciously.
“‘History?’” asked James, stalling. “Why don’t you say ‘previous’ and be done with it? You make it sound like some old conviction.”
“I’m beginning to wonder.”
“Well don’t.”
“Hey, guys, stop bickering, will you?” Cassandra joined them and intervened. “It’s lovely to meet a friend of yours, James. Susie’s wonderful.”
James couldn’t help softening. “Yes, she is.” He immediately regretted it when he heard Callum’s exclamation. He turned to Callum. “For once and for all, Susie and I are not a couple. I’m investing in her business, she just happens to be an old friend, but we’re not sleeping together.”
“Christ, it must be serious then.” Callum swigged back his beer and placed the bottle, which looked too small in his large hands, on to the table.
As usual, Callum had hit the nail on the head without any preliminaries or frills. It was damned serious. His brothers knew it, his sisters-in-law knew it, his friends knew it, and he bloody well knew it. Why didn’t Susie know it?
James sighed, accepted another glass of wine, and watched his family shift focus and talk about their children. Even though they were here as something of a break, they couldn’t stop talking about them. He caught Lucia’s uneasy gaze and they exchanged embarrassed smiles. His family sometimes forgot that Lucia was having difficulty conceiving and was increasingly finding it hard to cope with talk about children.
He indicated with his head that Lucia and he should move away.
“How are you, Lucia?” He slipped an arm around her and drew her to him and kissed her on the cheek. He didn’t let it drop until he felt her relax in his arms.
“I’m fine,” she said too quickly. “But I’m more interested in Susie. She’s lovely. Too nice for you,” Lucia teased. It was exactly his thoughts and he couldn’t find his usual banter to counter her words. Lucia looked at him with a surprised smile on her face. “What? No riposte? No come back?”
“No. You’re absolutely right. She is nice. Too nice for me.”
“Self doubts, James? That doesn’t sound like you.”
He couldn’t find any energy, any way in which he could dredge up the old James. “Maybe not, but it is me. I’m good at hiding them.”
She raised her eyebrows in surprise as she patted the seat beside her for him to join her. “I had no idea. When did this start?”
“Always. I have two big and powerful brothers, a domineering mother who adored me, and a father who I’m far more like than Dallas, except no one can see it. Except Susie.”
Lucia nodded. “She’s your Achilles Heel. She knows you like no one else.”
“She knows me and she hates me.”
“I doubt that. I’ve seen the way she looks at you.”
James turned to look at Lucia. “Really? Which way?”
“Like she’s concerned for you, worried about you, looking at you like you’re definitely more than a business partner. James, she cares for you.”
He shook his head. “You’ve got it wrong. She’s putting up with me because she has to. Her partner wanted out of the business, which is her whole life, and I’m the only one who wants in. She needs my money.”
“I think there’s more to it than that.”
He shrugged. “If there is, then she’s hiding it well.”
“She mentioned her son to me earlier, I guess she doesn’t want to rush into anything because of him.” She paused. “Have you met him?”
“Yes. He’s a great kid.” He looked at Lucia, suddenly realizing what lay behind the quiet question. He slipped his arm around her shoulders. “Guy said you’re still waiting on the results of the latest IVF. It’ll happen.”
He felt her sigh and shake her head against his shoulder. “I don’t know if I can take much more. Each time, I’m so hopeful, so full of expectation that… it’s just so much harder when it comes to nothing.”
“Don’t give up.”
“That’s all right for you to say, James. You’ll marry when you find the right girl and have a tonne of children.”
“No. That won’t happen. Anyway, this is you we’re talking about. You and Guy and it will happen, I know it.”
Lucia laughed and pulled away. “Even though I know you’re talking me up, I feel better. You can always do that, James. It’s your gift to the world.”
“Sure.” He turned back to the window to watch Susie walk away from the group, into the house.
“Why don’t you go and find Susie. I think she’s a bit embarrassed by my faux pas. I’m really sorry.”
“Doesn’t worry me. But then your mistake is completely understandable.”
Lucia looked up into his face and kept her hand on his arm, detaining him. “Is Callum right? Is this for real?”
James felt the tension of emotion ball up inside him, making him unable to speak for a few moments. He cleared his throat and still found he couldn’t speak. He pressed his lips together in a rueful expression and nodded and looked away.
She smiled. “Tread carefully, then. Susie doesn’t look the sort of woman to forgive things lightly.”
“You’re right there. But, then, she’s had it rough.”
“Go find her.”
He walked past the room that they were both to have shared and hesitated by the spare room. He knocked on the door. Susie answered it straight away, as if she’d been waiting on the other side. She still hadn’t changed for dinner, but had obviously been standing by the open windows that looked out to the rolling hills planted with grapevines. Her low-heeled pumps had been kicked off and her bag sat, still packed, on the bed.
She looked lost and, unusually for her, anxious. James fisted his fingers in restraint. He desperately wanted to take her in his arms and hold her, to make everything all right. More than that, he wanted to take those damned corporate clothes off her. Best of all he’d have preferred to see her naked. Second best, at least in clothes that she felt comfortable in—shorts, t-shirt, casual clothes that suited her outdoors, practical nature.
“You okay?”
She nodded, too quickly. “Sure.”
“Lucia’s mortified she had the wrong idea.”
Susie shrugged. “It’s not her fault.”
“You mean it’s mine.”
She sighed. “Look, James, I’m sure you didn’t tell her we were a couple but I’m equally sure she’s not used to providing separate rooms for you and your… friends.”
“True. Come on, get changed. Dinner will be soon.” He took hold of her hands and looked deep into her eyes. “What is it?”
“It’s just weird, being with all your family again. I mean, my family were their employees and I still feel like one.”
“You don’t feel like one to me. You never did.”
“That’s because you’re, you.”
“So I’m not so bad, then.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“What did you say?”
“You’ve always been able to see me for who I am.”
He nodded. “I know.”
“How?”
“Because it was the same for me. And you knowing that, Susie, is what made what happened all the more difficult for me to understand.”
“What?”
“You believing that I slept with you on a dare.”
“Because you did.”
“No, I didn’t. I was young, I’d drunk too much and the guys were having me on. All it did was to make me look at you in a different way. All it did was make me go up to you and instead of sharing a joke, to take your hand and ask you to dance. All it did was to make me drop the screen that lay between you and me and make me see you for what you real
ly were.”
He still hadn’t looked her straight in the eyes. Instead he watched her throat constrict as she swallowed hard.
“A girl, you mean?”
“More than that. A girl who was beautiful, a girl who somehow, completed me.” He nodded and stepped away.
“Completed you? What does that mean?”
“I don’t know. It’s what I felt. Correction, it’s what I still feel.” He walked backwards away from her before he pushed his luck too far. He wanted to go on, wanted to tell her what was still in his heart but was scared it would drive her away.
“If you felt like that, why didn’t you come to see me?”
“Susie! I did, you know I did. You refused to see me!”
“That was after I’d had the abortion, after I’d discovered you already had a girlfriend, after Dad had died and your mother had tossed me, my mother and my brother out of the shepherd’s cottage that went with his job and off the estate. After my life was in tatters.”
“And you blamed me.”
“Of course I did.”
“Do you still?”
“Partly. But I blame myself more. I should never have listened to my parents or to you. And…”
He lifted her chin gently with his finger. “And?”
“I should never have believed your friends, over you.”
“It’s past. We can only move on from here.”
“But how?”
“Step by step. Slowly. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again.” He moved forward and kissed her forehead. “Come on, let’s go.” He grinned. “Otherwise all those protestations I’ve been making about our relationship being platonic won’t be believed.”
She sighed and shook her head. “I’ll get changed.”
“Don’t worry about what to wear. Just wear your usual…” He indicated her clothes with his hand as if unable to express it.
“Usual chain-store rubbish?”
“I didn’t say, ‘rubbish’. No.” He shrugged. “I mean… whatever you wear you look beautiful in.”