by Diana Fraser
She shook her head but smiled. “James,” she said reproachfully.
“What?” he asked, indignation playing on his features. “I mean it.”
“I know you do.” She walked up to him and kissed him quickly and softly on the lips. “I know you do,” she repeated more softly. “And that’s what makes you so very special.”
Susie walked towards her suitcase and James backed out of the door, confused, swept away by the soft kiss and her words. He closed it behind him and leaned back against it, unable to move towards the light and laughter that spilled out from the open door at the end of the hallway. He felt as if he’d been given an electric shock. His heart pounded and he felt more alive than he had for years. He’d wanted absolution and he doubted he’d ever get that. But Susie had just given him something far more valuable. She’d shown him a future that wasn’t bleak, a future that held a light of hope. And he wanted that light. He wanted her.
CHAPTER EIGHT
James sat back and watched his friends and family relax. The conversation flowed and the teasing and laughter was easy, showing the rapport the group had together, a result of years of friendship. Usually James was the center of attention, always a part of the action, but not tonight. Tonight, he sat back and watched his family and friends talk. Tonight, his mind and heart were full of the woman whose absence he felt more acutely now than he had over the last ten years. Crazy, he thought to himself.
He shifted his gaze away from the group to the swimming pool upon whose darkness pinpricks of light reflected from the outside lights. He focused on the bright shimmering spots, his eyes prickling with their brilliance. Crazy, he repeated, to think seeing her again, helping her out financially, would make things easier for them both. It had made things a whole lot more complicated. He’d planned a future based on the assumption that there would be no love, no family for him. But now the world had shifted from under his feet and he’d have to return to the States and cancel those plans. It wouldn’t be a problem because his personal life and his business life had slowly merged into one until they’d become indistinguishable. And business could always be canceled.
“You’re quiet.”
He turned to find Cassandra had removed herself and had sat down beside him. She was one person from whom he couldn’t hide his thoughts. “Yeah.” He smiled. “Happens once every decade or so.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Laugh it off all you want, but you can’t fool me.”
“Cassandra, I didn’t think anyone could fool you, not for one moment, especially not my big brother. He’s far too direct and honest to fool anyone.”
“And so are you, behind the charm.”
He felt his façade slip away, along with his smile. He sighed and pushed his fingers through his hair. “What the hell am I going to do?”
She sat back and took a sip of her wine, apparently unsurprised by the question. “Tell me about her.”
“How did you know it was about Susie? And not some other woman, some other deal, some other—”
“Just a random guess.” She grinned.
He paused, trying desperately to make sense of the myriad thoughts and feelings that ran chaotically through his mind and body—surging, retreating, swamping him with confusion. “I’ve known so many women, I’ve lived life all over the world, doing what I wanted, where I wanted, with whom I wanted. Non-stop excitement. But…”
“It’s not enough?”
He shook his head. “No.” He could hardly say the word but he could feel it, like a bitter pill stuck to his lips that he was trying not to swallow. “No,” he repeated even more softly, shaking his head.
“Then stop that life and start a new one. Sometimes it takes a bit of time to work out what you want.”
“Ah, but you see, I think I’ve always known what I wanted. Trouble is I messed up, I’m not good enough for her.”
“Come on, that’s not true. Give yourself more credit than that.”
He shook his head. “You don’t know what I did.”
“Whatever it was, it couldn’t have been that bad. I’m sure she must have forgiven you by now.”
“I don’t think…” The words died on his lips as he turned to follow the gaze of the others. Susie stood there, looking hesitant and… sensational.
“Go to her, James, and make it work. You deserve it.”
Did he? He couldn’t agree but he had no choice but to rise and walk over to her. He was drawn to her at some instinctive level that he couldn’t understand. And he didn’t want or need to understand. He held out his hand to her and she took it. He curled his fingers around hers and gripped them like he was never going to let it go.
As soon as James took her hand, Susie forgot about being self-conscious in the dress that clung to her every curve. She’d packed the dress on a last-minute whim. She’d worn it only once before, not liking the way men had stared at her in it. She hadn’t analyzed her impulse to wear it again, but now, seeing the way James was looking at her, she knew that that was why she’d brought it. Deep down, she wanted James to stare at her in the same way. But she hadn’t anticipated the others being here and she felt self-conscious. But the secure warmth of James’s hand wrapped around hers, made her nerves disappear.
He drew her hand to his lips and kissed it. “You look beautiful,” he murmured. And, for once, she felt it.
“Hey, Susie!” Gemma called. “Come and sit over here.”
As they walked hand in hand over to the others, a part of Susie—the no nonsense, cool-headed woman who didn’t like to reveal her emotions in public—thought she should release his hand, but she couldn’t. He had a hold on her in more ways than just his hand. For some reason he was able to find the chinks in her armor and connect with emotions she didn’t even know she still had. She had a frightening feeling that there was no going back, no covering up the girl who was revealed simply by James’s presence. Under the soft lights of the terrace, their relationship had just moved to a deeper level. She didn’t know where it would lead, she only knew she’d need all her strength if she was going to stop it from taking over her life.
She drew in a deep breath and tore her gaze from James whose soft smile and hungry eyes were both admiring and devouring at the same time. She forced herself to look at Gemma who glanced between them with a smile.
“Tell us about yourself,” Gemma said. “We don’t often get to meet up with James’s friends.”
“The interrogation has begun,” James said. “Sorry, Susie. There’s no getting away from it. I’ll get you a drink.”
As James walked away, Susie sat down beside Gemma and Lucia, trying hard to work out how she could recount a past that didn’t show the Mackenzies in a bad light. “Nothing much to tell. I live a quiet life on Waiheke Island. My son visits at weekends and I work hard at the winery pretty much 24/7. The owner wanted out of the business and so James has bought it. He’s interested in building up The Lodge business. Hence our visit here.”
“Great idea,” Lucia said. “Guy says it’s remarkably successful and if anyone has enough contacts with people to make a lodge work on Waiheke, it’ll be James.” Lucia hesitated and then leaned towards Susie. “Tell me, how did you go from rural Mackenzie country into growing wine on Waiheke?”
Susie looked uncomfortably at James who passed her a large glass of wine. “The long way round. Hard work, long hours and sacrifices.”
“Sounds so unlike you, James.” Dallas laughed.
“Hey, wait a minute. I work smart.”
“And are you saying I don’t?” Susie asked.
“No, of course I’m not.” James’s voice changed when he addressed her. “You’ve done what you have to do.” He turned to the others. “Susie’s worked her way from nothing to where she is today. A solo mum with a kid, it must have been hard.”
Susie pressed her trembling lips together tightly as she listened to James proudly list her achievements.
“Very impressive, Susie,” Dallas said, leaning back, watch
ing her consideringly. “That takes a lot of dedication.”
She shrugged. “I had no choice. I had to look after myself and my son. And luckily I shared the same vision for the winery as its previous owner.”
“And now you’ve got James. What vision for the winery do you have, James?”
“Susie and I are in agreement,” James said quietly, looking at her. “Invest in some new machinery, create a high-end lodge, but otherwise, keep the wine as it is. It’s excellent. There’s no need to change it.”
“Did you consider amalgamating with a larger winery, say one of the Marlborough vineyards, import their grapes, increase variety and quantity. It could push Whisper Creek into a different league.”
“We considered it.” James glanced at Susie. “But Susie prefers to be independent and, in this case, I think it works.”
“Right.” Dallas looked from Susie back to James and back to Susie again. “There’s a lot to be said for independence.”
“It’s the way it has to be.” Susie looked at James. It was a message for him and only him. No matter how he looked at her, no matter how he made her feel, she had to look after herself, she couldn’t let him threaten her hard-won independence. Not when he could destroy it again, on a whim. “It’s the way it has to be, James.”
He turned away abruptly.
“So…” said Cassandra, obviously picking up on the change in atmosphere. “If you’re not staying on at Waiheke, James, where to next?”
“We’re both back to Auckland tomorrow. Susie’s off to Waiheke and I’m leaving for the States. I have”—James’s gaze faltered slightly—“I had things planned that I need to change. Then, well, we’ll see.” His gaze didn’t shift from Susie’s, but she tried to avoid it, focusing on sipping her wine. “You know me,” he continued, “never still for long.”
“Certainly never home for long,” Dallas said.
“Apart from that time, James, when you came back to Glencoe,” said Callum. “I never did understand what that was all about.”
James shifted his glance and frowned at Callum. “I needed some time out after my first year at university.”
“It lasted a whole year! A year in which you did nothing but hang around, getting in everyone’s way.”
Susie looked quizzically at Callum. “That doesn’t sound like James.”
“Well.” Callum looked at James. “Crap happens sometimes that gets to you. Even if you’re James.”
“Were you depressed?” Susie asked directly.
James didn’t meet anyone’s gaze just raised his eyebrows in surprise, as he swirled the wine around his glass. Slowly he lifted his glass until it was level with her face and subtly shifted his gaze from the glass to her eyes. She was shocked by its dark intensity. “Who me? How likely is that?” His words were designed for humor but his glance, that only Susie could see, wasn’t. The others laughed. Susie didn’t. And nor did Callum.
“Pretty likely after what Dad did to you,” Callum said.
Dallas ground his teeth and looked away. “I should have been there.”
“You couldn’t be everywhere,” Callum said. “Besides, I sorted it. James and I sorted it.”
“What happened?” asked Susie.
“Just Dad being a bastard as usual. He liked to use his sons as punching bags. James had avoided most of it because mother sent him away to school. But when he returned he copped it worse than either of us. He wasn’t used to it, like I was,” Callum added. “Didn’t know the signs.”
“You should have told him,” Dallas said angrily.
“I tried. I told him to leave but he wouldn’t and I wasn’t always around to stop it. God knows what James was hanging around for—he just kept saying he was waiting for someone.”
Susie bit her lip and looked down. Had he been waiting for her to return?
James casually hooked an elbow over the chair behind him and turned away to talk to Cassandra. Everything he did, Susie suddenly realized, was done with an air of control and ease, done with the need to hide. He’d hidden the fact that he’d been depressed from just about everyone, including his own family. What else had he been hiding? Did he truly regret what had passed between them all those years ago? And, if he did, what difference did it make to her now? She’d created a life for her and for Tom. Was she going to just sit back and allow it all to be taken away from her now?
Then she made a mistake. As the conversation drifted on to other subjects, James looked at her and didn’t look away. She tried to breathe normally, she tried, really tried, to tear her eyes away from that hot, melting gaze, but her heart raced and her body reacted as if his hands were caressing her skin, as if his lips were on hers. How the hell was she going to keep her distance from him? She knew there was no long-term place for James in her life, she knew she simply couldn’t risk her and Tom’s livelihoods. And she also knew it was too late to risk her heart. They might not have tomorrow, but they had tonight.
“Fancy a walk?”
Susie shivered in anticipation at James’s whispered words, nodded and rose out of her chair. Dinner had seemed interminable despite the great company and wonderful food. Because with every passing moment, the tension within her twisted and tightened until she could hardly sit still in her chair, aware as she was of every movement, of every word James uttered. He’d been seated opposite her and their heated gaze had clashed with increasing frequency and intensity as the night continued, until the need to be alone with him had become overwhelming.
He opened the door and she stepped outside and inhaled the fragrant, still warm, air. There was no sound of civilization to shatter the peace, only the occasional eerie call of an owl and the rustle of the leaves of the stately lime trees that lined the drive. “It’s so beautiful here. And quiet.”
“You’re used to the ever-present sound of the sea, I guess,” said James putting his arm around her waist. “Come on, let’s explore.”
They walked in silence around the pool, through a small gate, and crunched their way down shell paths that were bright under the solar lights that hung above them in the gently swaying trees. They stopped at the edge of the trees where the view opened out to a field of vines.
James turned Susie within his arms. His dark hair and clothes blended into the dark trees and sky behind him but she could see his face and eyes, and she could see his expression—hungry and restrained at the same time. The breath left her body as if she’d been winded and she inhaled the warm night air, willing for calm, willing herself not to be drawn into him and devoured by him, not to lose herself in him.
But her will dissolved as soon as his fingers splayed out around her hips and lower, and pulled her tight up against him. She didn’t pull away. His hands and body warmed hers with a heat she suddenly desperately wanted. She slipped her hands around his back—molding her palms to the contours of his body beneath the thin shirt—and breathed in his masculine scent. She brushed his collar to one side with her lips to inhale him more deeply. The movement of his hands over her body sent delicious sensations skittering erratically through her body. She shivered.
“Cold?” He whispered against her hair.
“Yes. No.” She sighed, shaking her head, bewildered. “I have no idea.”
He laughed and pulled her closer to him. She nestled her head against his chest and his arms wrapped around her until she could feel every part of his body, hot against hers.
“Were you waiting for me, James? At Glencoe. After you left university?”
“Of course. I couldn’t find you and I knew how much you loved Glencoe. You’d always said your future was there. So I waited for you. But you never came.”
The thought of him waiting, and her not knowing, devastated her. She turned her face against his chest and groaned, her hands moving onto his body, around the smooth texture of his shirt until they met at his back. “I didn’t know.” She looked up to him, and they were so close, breathing in each other’s scent, each other’s breath. He cupped her face and dre
w it tenderly closer to his. “Oh, James,” she whispered. “What a mess. What a waste.” Her heart ached for what might have been. Their eyes locked. All she could see was the need, her need, reflected in his eyes, lit by the twinkling lights in the trees overhead.
“I’ve missed you, Susie.”
He didn’t move but she stretched up and touched his lips with her own. “And I’ve missed you,” she whispered. Suddenly his mouth was upon hers, claiming it with a kiss that swept away the remnants of her doubts and transported her into a place she hadn’t dared dream about for ten long years.
Everything around them receded into some distant place that held no significance beside the exquisite tenderness of his lips on hers. It was all she could feel, all she could taste and all her body needed, brought together in that one kiss. His tongue barely swept her own, his lips were soft. There was no taking in the kiss, only giving. Slowly he pulled away and brought her hands up to his lips. He kissed the tips of her fingers in turn and then kept them pressed against his lips as he looked into her eyes.
“I need you, Susie.”
She knew exactly what he meant because she felt it too. This wasn’t a time for words of love, for words of promises, for…words at all. There was only an essential need. And that, they both shared.
He put his hand protectively around her shoulders and they began to walk away from where the family were congregated to the back of the house, to where the French windows of Susie’s bedroom could clearly be seen, open and welcoming.
“James!” Cassandra’s voice floated out across the still night air.
James winced. “It’s Cassandra. You go on and I’ll go and say goodnight to everyone. I’ll join you in a moment.”
He kissed her lightly on the lips and shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what was happening. She watched him disappear inside the high vaulted living room, whose windows were open onto the balmy night, before stepping inside her room.