The Playboy's Redemption (The Mackenzies)

by Diana Fraser

  He filled her and she couldn’t help her body shifting, responding to the vivid memory of how he’d physically filled her the previous day. It had been all she’d ever wanted and had, for a brief time, opened up a future, free of mundane practicality and rigid rules she’d run her life by. James was poetry, he was emotion, he was a force that swept her into a realm where she became someone better, the essence of who she was, and who she should be.

  But it was all built on nothing. She couldn’t believe in that version of herself when it was created on empty words, lying words, words that gave, and at the same time, took away.

  She opened her eyes and focused on the people around her. She had to concentrate, she couldn’t think of him or else she’d break down and she couldn’t break down here. Not yet. She gripped her bag tightly, and sat up taller on the hard seat outside on the deck. People walked by, some she recognized and exchanged rote greetings with. What a difference a few days could make. When she’d left the island she’d been a confident, strong woman who’d been enjoying, despite herself, and resisting the charms of her ex lover, but the resistance hadn’t lasted and she’d fallen into a mire that she couldn’t see her way out of.

  She disembarked the ferry and caught a taxi up to the winery. It was all so familiar to her and much loved, but now she closed her eyes against it because all she could see was an emptiness where none had been before. She arrived at the winery and she paid up and closed the door. She didn’t know how long she stood looking up at its familiar adobe facade. She practically lived there but now she couldn’t face it.

  Wearily, she turned and walked down to her house. Tom wasn’t due back for days. And nor, officially, was she. She got undressed, pulled on her father’s old chenille dressing gown and thick marl socks and curled up on the wicker chair facing the ocean, finally giving way to her feelings, with only the sea as witness.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Forty-eight hours later

  James slammed the door of the hire car and looked up at Whisper Creek winery, and around the vineyards, golden in the evening sunlight. His sunglasses protected him from the full blast of the New Zealand sun but, even so, he winced under the glare. He was exhausted. He’d hardly slept in two days, so intent was he on putting to rights the wreckage of his life, on sorting out his business so he could focus on the one thing he knew he wanted.

  He glanced at the cottage and locked the car. She’d be at work at this hour. He’d go and find her shortly, just to let her know he was here, if she didn’t know already. Only that. Then he’d be gone because he had other plans.

  Susie frowned at the sudden knocking that had woken her up. She pulled the dressing gown around her more tightly and made a vague attempt to smooth down her mussed hair. She hadn’t left the cottage in two days and she had only one more day before Tom arrived. It couldn’t be Tom, though. It was too early. She glanced at the clock—not that early maybe. What if something was wrong?

  She hurried down the wooden hallway, the yellow walls glowing from the sunlight that poured through the stained glass above the front door. She pulled it open and squinted up into the light. The air pushed out of her lungs and she gripped the handle for support. “James!” She couldn’t see his face clearly as the sun was bright behind him but she could sense the tension.

  “You haven’t been at work.”

  “You’ve come here to tell me to get to work?”

  “I was worried. You haven’t left the cottage in two days. Jorja told me.

  She shrugged. “I…”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m…fine.” She smoothed down the chunky folds of the dressing gown, but it made no difference. She felt a mess and knew she looked a mess. She drew her arms around herself. “Although I don’t see what that has to do with you.”

  He smiled then. “Still angry then. That’s something. I thought you might be sick.”

  “Is that why you’re here? Because you somehow heard I might be sick?”

  “Partly. If I could come in I’ll explain.”

  She didn’t move but she obviously didn’t have as tight a hold on the door handle as she’d imagined because his gentle push opened the door, releasing it from her hands.

  “Do I have a choice?”

  “Of course. You always have a choice.” He didn’t move. “Is Tom here?”

  “Jorja didn’t tell you that?” She sighed. This wasn’t the time for sarcasm. “He’s due back tomorrow.”

  James nodded, his brow furrowed. “Right. Look, Susie, I’m sorry I didn’t let you know I’d be coming. But I’m not staying, I just wanted to tell you before you heard it from someone else.”

  Susie’s heart dropped. He must mean he was going ahead with the marriage. What else? The sooner he came in, said what he had to say, the better. “Sure.” She stepped aside, pulled the belt of the bulky dressing gown more tightly around her and watched as he walked up the hall to the sitting room, ahead of her.

  He went straight to the open windows where the white curtains blew in the sea breeze. His shoulders rose and fell as he inhaled deeply. She stopped just behind him. He scanned the deep blue line of the horizon that nestled between the two rocky promontories of the bay. The wind was brisk that morning and the blue of the sea was scuffed with white. The sound of the waves crashing onto the beach filled the air.

  “I’d forgotten how beautiful it all is.”

  She cleared her throat. She mustn’t let him get to her. “Wild, is what it is.”

  “Natural.”

  “It’s beautiful in the Napa Valley. California must have plenty of places more beautiful than this.”

  He shook his head but didn’t speak. When he turned around she saw for the first time the dark shadows under his eyes. She frowned. She’d never seen him look so tired. She fought back an urge to touch him, clenching and unclenching her hands.

  “When are you returning?”

  He frowned as his eyes searched her face as if looking for clues. But he didn’t speak.

  “James?”

  The spell was suddenly broken and he raised his eyebrows in query. “I’m sorry, Susie. When am I returning?” He shrugged. “I’m not. I’ve sorted things out with Amanda, as you know. And my business. I’m not returning.”

  An overwhelming sense of relief filled her but she couldn’t let it affect her. So he might not be marrying Amanda, yet he’d still betrayed her trust in him. “And you’ve come here to see if I’ve changed my mind? Because I won’t. I told you in California that I can’t trust you. There’s nothing you can say that will change my mind.”

  “I know.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  “I’m moving here, permanently.”

  She shook her head. “No. I meant it James. You can’t just come back and expect me to fall into your arms.”

  For the first time since his arrival, something like the old smile broke through his serious expression. “Expect? Maybe not. But I can hope.”

  “Forget it.”

  “Anyway, that’s not what I’m here for now. I’m here to tell you I’m staying at The Lodge for next few months.”

  “Why? What?” She couldn’t go on. She couldn’t form a single rational question from the many that piled up in her brain.

  “I made a mistake when I left you once before. I won’t be doing that again. I’m not going anywhere this time.”

  “You’re kidding me? Are you going to stalk me or something?”

  “Now, there’s an idea. But seriously? No, I’m not.”

  “But, James, what the hell are you going to do with yourself? You’re not working at the winery, are you?”

  He laughed. “No, of course not. I won’t have the time.”

  Her frown deepened. “Look, am I missing something here? You’ve cut off your ties from your US business interests, you’ve moved here, you’re not going to be working at the winery and you’re not going to be stalking me.”

  “Correct.” He stepped towards her then, hi
s smile gentle as his eyes roved over her obviously confused face. He began to reach up but stopped himself and stepped back. “No stalking, no words of seduction. I’m going to show you, Susie, that you can trust me, that I’ve changed. Show you.” He didn’t wait for her to reply. But gave a tight, rueful smile, looked down at his dusty shoes and walked away down the hallway.

  Dumbfounded, Susie didn’t move, simply watched him open the door to the bright sunlight, its beams spotlighting her for a brief moment before the door was closed. James was gone, and the cottage felt emptier than ever.

  For the fourth day running, Susie stepped out onto the deck into the bright morning sunshine and watched as James untied the small motor boat from the jetty at the other end of the bay. He was dressed in casual jeans and t-shirt, carrying a box of something heavy by the looks of things. He dropped it into the boat followed by a rucksack that he’d had on his back. A rucksack? Since when did James Mackenzie own, let alone carry, a rucksack? Not since he was twelve years old, she suspected.

  She narrowed her gaze as she tried to piece together the clues. She had no idea where he was going, what he was doing, or anything about how he’d been spending his time over the past few days. Like before, he didn’t turn to look at her although the bay was small and he must surely have been aware of her. But there was no acknowledgement.

  Susie fidgeted as the realization struck her that she wanted him to notice her. She banged her booted foot against the post, ostensibly trying to shift the dried mud, but it wasn’t the mud that was agitating her. He’d kept his word—he hadn’t stalked her, in fact he’d ignored her. The only time she saw him was every morning and evening, getting into a boat and getting out of a boat. Her only communication had been by email in reply to any business matter she needed him to know about. Otherwise, there had been silence. He’d always left The Lodge by the time she arrived at the winery in the morning, not arriving back to the bay until late in the evening.

  What was he up to? She hadn’t a clue because she hadn’t asked and no one was telling her.

  And she didn’t want to know. Of course she didn’t. He’d simply come up with some weird and wonderful scheme to get her interested. He’d grow bored. He’d soon be gone because that was what James did, didn’t he?

  She locked the cottage and walked up to the winery. As soon as she entered the wine-tasting room, the women fell quiet.

  “Don’t mind me,” she muttered, as she walked through to the winery.

  She heard the murmurs begin again before she’d shut the door, like waves closing in behind her. She shook her head. The sooner he went the better. Then why did she feel so different? The buzz of excitement she’d felt at seeing him again had refused to leave her, despite her best arguments. If he could seduce her while preparing to propose to someone else, what else could he do?

  She sighed and tried to focus on her work. She grunted and backspaced her reply to James’s email. She picked up her cell phone and hit the text button. She’d find out. She had a right to know.

  Where are you? Need some papers signed.

  It was a lie but she’d think of something. The reply came almost immediately.

  Will sign tonight.

  She bit her lip and tapped her phone on the table. Okay, so he was being cagey. What the hell was he hiding? She jumped up and walked around the winery until she found Jorja.

  “Time for a coffee?”

  Jorja raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Coffee? Sure, why not.” She dropped her clipboard onto the desk and followed Susie out to the cafe. She sat back, put her feet up on the rough table and crossed her arms.

  Susie felt distinctly uncomfortable. She smiled slightly and then turned away, trying to work out how to broach the subject. “Work going okay?”

  “You know it is.” Jorja’s lips twitched with amusement but she didn’t say anything further. There was a silence as the waiter brought them two steaming mugs of coffee. “The new machinery Guy recommended is due in next week and we’re all set to receive it. The grapes are looking good on the vine. But you know all that. Anything else you need to know?”

  “I just wondered…” How the hell was she going to ask Jorja whether she knew what James was up to?

  Jorja tilted her head to one side, the grin broadening. “Yes?”

  Susie sighed and sat back. “You know what I’m wondering.”

  Jorja shrugged. “Don’t know for sure until you ask.”

  “I just wondered…” Susie swallowed as she tried to work out the best way of wording her query. She really didn’t want everyone to know that she and James hadn’t spoken to each other over the past few days and yet she really needed to know what he was doing. “You know”—she poked the sugar bowl with a spoon—“whether you think James will be finished any time soon.” She bit her lip. “Finished with… what he’s doing,” she added, wincing at her attempt at subterfuge.

  “Doubt it. It’s a big job.” To Susie’s irritation, Jorja didn’t elaborate but continued to sip her coffee.

  “Yes, I guess it is.” Susie sighed.

  “Got any idea about what it’s going to be?”

  Susie narrowed her gaze onto her coffee, trying to work out the best answer. “No.” Short but to the point.

  “Us neither. There’s been all sorts of rumors about what’s going to happen to it, but James won’t answer my questions directly and no one else has dared ask him.”

  “Um.” Susie’s mind raced as she tried to work out what the “it” was that was causing the gossip. Then she stopped, the coffee mug raised half-way to her mouth, as it suddenly hit her. The boat could take him anywhere—to Auckland, to other parts of the island, to other islands in the Gulf—but why always the boat? She returned the mug to the table. Because there was no road access. “So,” she looked up at Jorja and smiled, for the first time comfortable that she was on the right track. “Pete’s old homestead. What’s been happening with it?” She tried to control the thudding in her heart as she remembered their time together at the bay.

  Jorja shrugged. “Don’t know. Haven’t been there.”

  “Perhaps Pete has plans for the place? I wonder why he hasn’t told us.”

  “Well, for one thing he’s presently on a remote island off Fiji somewhere following the love of his life around.”

  Susie sighed. “When will he learn?”

  “He won’t. He’s in love.” Jorja leaned forward. “Know what that’s like?”

  Susie didn’t meet Jorja’s narrowed gaze, but continued to concentrate with unusual interest on her coffee. “So perhaps James is working with Pete to finish off what nature’s started.”

  “Demolish it, you mean?” Jorja shook her head. “No.”

  “Really? How can you be so certain?”

  “Because…what would be the point of having tonnes of new wood delivered to the bay if the house is to be pulled down.”

  Susie sat forward, forgetting her attempt to be casual. “What? Tell me everything you know.”

  “Ha! I wondered how long it would take. I saw Mike, my brother-in-law, down the pub. You remember Mike? Tall, big guy, beard. Really bad beard, actually, it’s—”

  “Jorja!”

  “Well, he told me that his sister’s fiance works for the big builder’s merchant in Auckland and they’ve been delivering building supplies direct to the bay for a week.”

  “He’s having it rebuilt.” Susie muttered the words in wonderment to herself.

  “Oh no, he’s not.”

  “He’s not? But what about the building materials?”

  “Susie. He’s not got anyone working for him.”

  “So what the hell is James doing there?”

  Jorja pursed her lips and raised both eyebrows. “I can only guess. But I reckon it’s about time you came out from that closed world you’ve been living in ever since your return from the States, opened your eyes and looked around you. You find out what he’s up to.”

  “What do you mean?”

  �
�Exactly, Susie, as I say.”

  “You’re calling me Susie, now, not Susannah.”

  “Yep, guess I am. James is right, it suits you. He sees you for who you are, Susie. He loves you for who you are. Why can’t you see that?”

  “The question isn’t whether I can see it or not. It’s whether I accept it.”

  Jorja dropped her legs back to the ground and leaned towards Susie. “Give me one good reason why not?”

  “Because.” Susie sprang up and away from Jorja and folded her arms as she paced across the small courtyard. “Because, Jorja, I’m scared. You don’t know him. He does what he likes, when he likes, to whom he likes. And then”—she swallowed as she tried to keep her emotions inside—“and then he… leaves.”

  “And you’re waiting for that moment are you?”

  “I can’t trust him. I just can’t. I’ve got too much to lose. What if Tom grew to love him and then James left. And what if I…” She couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence.

  “Too late for that I think. Susie, I’ve seen you with James. I’ve seen the way he looks at you and I’ve seen how you respond to him.” She sat back, sighing. “You’re the most damn natural couple I’ve ever seen together. And I’ve seen a lot.”

  Susie fiddled with her fingers as she looked away out to the grapevines and the ridge. “But there’s more to life than liking to be with someone. There’s security, there’s reliability, there’s knowing that something, or someone, is there for you. There’s trust.” She turned to Jorja. “I don’t trust him. I can’t trust him. I have to protect me and Tom.”

  “From what? Happiness? A loving family? I’d risk it like a shot. James is gorgeous and he’s clearly head over heels in love with you.”

  “He hasn’t talked to me in days.”

  “Oh, yeah, you’re right. He’s probably gone off you big time. It’s probably nothing to do with the fact you no doubt told him to leave you alone.”

  “Well… I guess.”

  Jorja sighed. “Susie. Stop guessing and just go and find out what he’s doing. It’s not a commitment, it’s just a step. Take it.” She finished her coffee and bounced up. “I’ve got to go. I’ve work to do. I’ve got to cover two jobs this afternoon. Yours… and mine.” She grinned at Susie and left, leaving Susie unsure about her feelings, unsure about her future, but certain of only one thing. She needed to know what James was doing.