Perfect Chaos

by Nashoda Rose

  He was behind me before I had the chance to stand up straight.

  “In my personal space, sexy. Want to back off?” Before my body betrayed me and I was panting for him to grab me and kiss me like in one of my fantasies.

  Deck had never kissed me and it pissed me off that my body reacted that way around him. He was my grim reaper when it came to having a love life of any kind, but I couldn’t help my body’s reaction to him; it had always been that way. Love can’t be stopped. I should know. I’d been living with him wrapped around my heart since I was sixteen. Even when my life changed into something that wasn’t real, my feelings for Deck never faltered.

  He didn’t back off. Instead, the heat from his body seeped into me and I wanted to dunk my head in the toilet and flush. But that would mean moving and if I did, my butt would be against his cock … no, he was tall … his cock against the small of my back. Whichever, it was so not a good idea.

  “What you did was reckless.”

  I sighed and tossed the facecloth down on the edge of the sink. Reckless—no. Stupid to get caught by Deck—yes. A blob of toothpaste sat in the bottom of the stark-white sink and the urge to clean it away hit me, but I couldn’t. That wasn’t who I was now.

  “He could’ve raped you.”

  Hardly. I had my knife with me just in case shit went bad. “Oh, come on, Deck. Luther’s a pussy.”

  “Rapists and murderers excel at luring women. They pretend they’re pussies then tie you up in five seconds flat and are no longer pussies.”

  I blew air through my lips, making them vibrate, and rolled my eyes. I placed my palms on the lip of the counter and looked up into the mirror. Big mistake. Deck’s eyes met mine and they were steady. Yet, in the depths swirled a heat so hot I was fusing into them.

  “Lionel,” he said.

  “What?”

  “His name. Lionel Harrington. Twenty-eight. Programmer. Never been married and has connections with men you don’t want anywhere near you.” Obviously, Matt had known about Lionel’s connections, too, and that was why he’d called Deck. The plan would’ve worked out fine if Avalanche hadn’t been Lionel’s latest hangout.

  Deck’s hands did something they’d never done before. They lowered onto my hips and he was looking like he was going to fuck me from behind right here in his bathroom. Was I awake? I had to be still passed out and having one hell of a wet dream.

  Deck kept his emotions in check and it was rare I caught anything but his steady resolve of control. But Tuesday, he’d punched Tyler and the espresso machine in my shop.

  Should’ve known Deck would’ve checked into the guy. Probably did it on the plane back here last night after Matt tattle-taled on me. Shit, Deck was getting too close. Over the last few months, his men had been on my ass every second. Pretending was getting harder and harder.

  “The babysitting is over, Deck. Well done. My brother would be proud. Time to move on.” I needed him to back off for a number of reasons. One of them being it was the anniversary of Connor’s death soon and I couldn’t have him around. “And I have to go. Rylie will need my help.” I needed to breathe and put my heart back in place because it had leapt through my rib cage and was free-dancing something fierce across my skin.

  I shoved him with my shoulder, but the stone statue didn’t move. Instead, his fingers tightened on my hips and a current of electricity went shooting across my body.

  “Not this time.”

  “Excuse me?” Red alert. Red alert! Something was off and it was standing pressed against me. Deck had never touched me, kissed me, done anything sexual, and suddenly this was everything sexual.

  But being with Deck … that would be the deliverance of my world collapsing. And if mine collapsed, so would his.

  “You going to kiss me, Deck? Or just stand there and get my panties wet then walk away.”

  He swung me around so fast, the counter banged my hip. “What you did was stupid and foolish.”

  “Yeah, you said that.”

  “No, I said reckless.”

  Hmm, so he did. “Well, I think you said it last night. While you were forcing pills down my throat.” Actually, I think it was while I was puking—my choice and it hadn’t been fun.

  His brows rose. “No. It was while I was holding your hair back while you puked in my toilet.” What a lovely image; kind of destroyed the sexual tension. Okay, maybe not. I was pulsating with sexual tension and nothing was going to kill it. “Were you going to fuck him, Georgie?”

  That was Deck, straight-up and to the point. “Not your business.”

  “It’s always my business.” His hands slipped up onto my waist, and then I felt his thumbs slowly stroke back and forth on my rib cage.

  Holy shit. Deck—who had been around me for ten years, minus the two he went back to his team—had never touched me intimately and now he was. This wasn’t trivial baby sparks; this was a horde of emergency flares going off.

  “Care to try me out?” It was a rash remark, but I was on a roll and I had nothing to lose.

  “YOU KNOW THAT’S not going to happen, Georgie.”

  Yeah, I did. I may have fantasized about Deck, but he always kept a spreader bar between us. Ha … now, wouldn’t that be a sweet sight between my legs. Deck and a spreader bar.

  I was completely screwed up thinking shit like that, but I wasn’t hurting anyone but myself and even that was debatable. “Ever thought about tasting my pussy, Deck?” I decided my best course of action here was to make him be the one to run. His hands dropped from my waist and I huffed. Mission accomplished in seven words.

  Disappointment settled deep in my stomach. I didn’t know why. I was so used to it; I should have been immune. I was to everything else. I pushed a little more, putting my hand on his rock-hard chest as I slowly trickled my finger down between his pecs. He remained stone cold and unmoving—typical Deck, not giving anything away. Pissed me off when I was an open book with pages being ripped out—and he was reading them. At least when it came to my sexual attraction to him. He read nothing else of what I’d become. Deck skipped the most important pages when he’d disappeared for those two years.

  I pushed him a little more because … well, it was what I did. “You ever think of what it would feel like to have your cock inside me? Easily sliding in and out. No, it wouldn’t be easy, would it? It would be crass, rough and pounding.” I looked up at him and froze. Jesus, his eyes were blazing and not with anger; they were smoldering with desire.

  Maybe—

  “What I need in bed is not you, Georgie.”

  Talk about having water thrown in your face. The heat I felt in my cheeks must have said it all. Such a bastard. I wanted to slap that confident, cold face so badly just to get some reaction out of him. To have him do something … anything. Grab me. Hurt me. Stop his detachment from growing like a weed.

  Instead, I smiled and winked. It was a little awkward and killed me to do it, but I couldn’t let him see how much his words hurt me.

  “Oh, sweetpea, I didn’t say I wanted you in bed.” No, it would be against the wall, on a table, in the shower. “Unless, of course, you were tying me up. Then we could do the bed.” Shit, that pushed something in him, because Deck’s eyes narrowed and he grabbed my arm, his fingers bruising.

  “Never going to happen. You need to stop this.”

  “Stop what?”

  “This bullshit. The drinking. The attitude. The pretending to be someone you’re not.”

  The thing was … he was so close to the truth it scared me. I couldn’t imagine what Deck would do if he ever figured it out. But I was careful and there were only two people who knew about me. I had to keep it that way. I had no choice. I’d made that decision a long time ago and there was no escape. Besides, I didn’t know how to be anything else anymore.

  Deck believed I drank because of my brother’s death and he was partially right. I was this way because of what happened after my brother died, but it wasn’t the only reason.

  This w
as me. It was rather contradictive because I hid behind a curtain of falsity pretending to be someone I wasn’t and making Deck pity me. Yet, if he knew the truth, he’d probably hate me. Either way I lost.

  I looked away from him. I couldn’t help but think about the risks Deck took, what he did for a living. Every time he left, I wondered if it was the last time I would see him. Sometimes, I wondered if it would be better if I didn’t see Deck anymore, so I didn’t have to go through this. Not like he’d allow that anyway.

  “Oh, sexy, I’m not pretending shit.” Lies. It made my stomach lurch. I flattened my palm on his chest and felt the steady beat of his heart. Did it ever speed up, or was it always as calm and collected as he was? He put his hand over top of mine, and for a flash, I thought he was going to caress it, hold it, and drag me closer. That flash lasted half a second as he pulled my hand off him.

  “Take a shower.” He turned and walked to the door then stopped, looking over his shoulder. “And Georgie … you ever pull shit like that again, I’ll lock you up.”

  The door shut and I grabbed his toothbrush and threw it in the toilet.

  I WALKED OUT of Deck’s bedroom, my hair wet and dripping down my back. I was wearing one of his dress shirts, which reached my mid-thigh. Who knew he had a dress shirt? And in white. Raiding his closet had been fun considering I’d never seen him in anything but t-shirts and cargo pants or jeans. He didn’t have much, but he owned a wicked loft penthouse with a terrace and plunge pool.

  I stopped.

  Josh, Tyler and Vic sat on the bar stools at the island with Deck. They were talking quietly until they noticed me, and then they all turned and stared. Their eyes took in my naked thighs and Deck’s shirt I’d only buttoned partially up my body. It wasn’t like Deck took notice of me anyway.

  Deck moved and his chair scraped the hardwood floors. The men lowered their heads and avoided looking at me. He stood and now I was wondering why I hadn’t gotten myself off in the shower. It would’ve eased some of the sexual tension I had bundled inside me.

  Deck was hot, no question, but that wasn’t what wrapped me up so tight with him. It was him. The way his eyes looked at me as if he could read every thought tap dancing in my head. How he strode toward me, not a flicker of unease—ever. How he made me feel … okay, nix the getting all wet and bothered … it was more than that. He made me feel taken. Protected. Wanted. His.

  Yeah, I was fucked. Not only did Deck not see me that way, but it was the last thing I needed.

  I cocked my hip and put my hand on it, knowing full well when I did, it pushed up the shirt a little further on my leg. “Looks like a cupcake meeting. Hey, Tyler, Josh, Vic.” The boys nodded but still didn’t look at me. Well, Tyler did, winked, and then got up and poured himself another coffee.

  “I thought you guys were overseas?”

  “We were. Met Deck and Tyler in New York then flew back here,” Josh said. “We’re headed back overseas.”

  “What was in New York for all the boys?” I already knew, but I was better off asking. What I didn’t know was what was overseas. They’d been going over there a lot.

  “A strip bar with hot women,” Tyler offered. Of course, they’d never tell me.

  I walked over to the kitchen and pulled a mug down then slid it in front of Tyler. “Fuel me up, hot-stuff.”

  Tyler poured coffee into my mug then leaned back against the counter, cradling his coffee in his hands at chest level. He had this devilish look about him, handsome with a dash of hot sauce. Early thirties, never been married, had wealthy parents he was estranged from. Tyler’s left arm was inked up and he had piercing green eyes, which contradicted his dark walnut curls, lazily falling in every direction.

  Deck nodded to the men and Josh and Vic got up, each making excuses and going into Deck’s office. There was a moment’s hesitation before Tyler decided he better follow suit, but not before he gave me his crooked grin.

  I sipped my coffee, brows raised while waiting for the hammer to come down.

  “Vic will stay at your place with you.”

  “What?” Now, this was a new one. His men never stayed with me—ever. Shit, this was so not good. Total bad timing. Plus, I wasn’t sure about Vic. He wasn’t ex-military, but I’d heard he had skills with torture tactics. He was friggin’ scary; a real dark scary, as if he had a closet full of dead bodies and liked to look at them before bed just so he could sleep. “So, not happening, Deck. Vic is creepy and I like my space.” I licked my upper lip to get the remnants of coffee, although it was more for Deck’s sake. It caught his attention and he watched, but I was disappointed as usual that there was no reaction out of him.

  Unbreakable. Didn’t I have any effect on him?

  “Either that or you stay with your parents for the week and Vic’s your bodyguard. After that shit you pulled last night …” Deck approached and I hopped on the counter, his shirt crept up on my thighs so a hint of my panties showed. He kept coming and my breath hitched when he stopped inches away from me. He grabbed my arm and pulled me down. “And you dress like that in front of my men again, I’ll spank your ass.”

  I swallowed. I didn’t even want to begin to imagine what Deck would think if he knew how turned on I was. I remained quiet because the image of Deck spanking me was getting way out of hand and I was a little flustered.

  “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone this time.”

  I shrugged, but it was stiff. “Don’t need to tell me. I’m not your wife or girlfriend. I’m merely a promise to my dead brother. And I’m not staying at my parents’.” Heck no. I loved them dearly, but with their concern over my drinking … it was the last place I needed to be.

  Deck was looking pretty damn firm with his rock-solid stance and unflinching eyes. Okay, I’d need to give on this one; otherwise, he might do something drastic like lock me up.

  “Fine. Vic can stay with me.” Shit, Vic hated me. I saw it in the way he looked at me with those dark-grey eyes filled with contempt. “Who knows, maybe we’ll hit it off and I’ll get to taste a yummy chocolate—did you know black men have bigger cocks? I read—”

  “He’ll take you to the cemetery.”

  Fuck. I always disappeared on the day of Connor’s death and it was a week away. No one knew where I went. I always took a bottle of scotch for pretense and then I went dark. It was the only day of the year that no one, not even Deck, could find me. Looked like he was trying to end that. Well, I was pretty good at what I did and Vic wasn’t going to stop me.

  “Stay and come with me.” I asked him this every year, kind of a ritual, and I already knew his answer. Each time, I breathed a sigh of relief when he refused. I’d be fucked if he said okay.

  For the first year after Connor’s death, I hated Deck. Then I learned to harness that hate. I found my outlet, and the hate I thought I had for Deck wasn’t for him at all. It was for me. I hated myself. For who I was. For being scared all the time. I used to feel as if I was falling and the only way I’d survive was if Deck caught me. The thing was I knew if he’d been around back then he’d have caught me, saved me then tossed me aside like some annoying pebble he’d found in his combat boot.

  So, I did something about it. I found a way to survive. Or rather, it found me.

  “I don’t need a tombstone to remember him.” He always said that. “Leave the scotch at home this year.” Deck looked over his shoulder toward the office. “Vic.”

  And that was that.

  I WATCHED GEORGIE go back into my room, my shirt just covering the cusp of her ass. Fuck. My cock nearly burst through my jeans at the sight of her coming out of my bedroom, hair wet, skin glistening from the heat of the shower and that sassy smile on her mouth. A mouth I’d dreamed about having around my cock as she knelt on the floor in front of me.

  Then it blew up in my face as I realized what I was looking at, my men were seeing, as well. I couldn’t blame them. Georgie was hot. She had hips to grab, an ass to match and the attitude to make a guy bend to her will,
and that was what fucked with my head. I wanted her to bend to my will and yet, that had never been a possibility. Not with my promise to Connor. Besides, I didn’t want her like this. I also didn’t want another guy fuckin’ touching her, but that wasn’t possible or fair, either. My word was to protect her and that included making sure the men she dated were good enough for her.

  Who was I kidding? No fuckin’ guy would be good enough for Georgie.

  “Boss?”

  Tyler slapped me on the shoulder. “When are you going to give her what she wants? Man, your control is fuckin’ epic. That hot piece …” His voice trailed off when I glared at him. “Yeah, I’ll get the car.”

  “Do that.” I was still looking in the direction Georgie had disappeared. I was worried. Emily and Kat were away with Tear Asunder, and after last night, I didn’t like the idea of leaving her.

  Seeing her in some guy’s bedroom with her shirt off and her bra all fucked up—yeah, I was still reeling. Georgie had never pulled a stunt like that, at least that I knew of. But Matt’s call last night saying she showed up at Avalanche when I specifically asked her not to … that had me on a plane coming back. Shit got worse when Matt called back before we landed saying she was heading out with some guy named Lionel Harrington who frequented the bar and was often seen with some seedy guys. I was able to dig up info on him and found out the smart as hell programmer might not be trouble, but his ‘business’ acquaintances certainly were.

  Yeah, I was careful. I was alive because I was fuckin’ careful, and Georgie was my responsibility. I promised Connor if anything ever happened to him I’d watch out for his sister. And right now things were delicate as hell. Fuck, I had to get her drinking under wraps.

  I ran my hand over the top of my head. If Matt hadn’t called me, she’d have fucked some pussy who nearly pissed himself the second I walked in the door. More like burst through the door. Georgie didn’t need a guy who she could walk all over. Because she would. The guy would survive one day under her sass and then he’d be crawling around on his knees doing anything she asked of him. He’d hate it, but more so, she’d fuckin’ hate it.