Cat-astrophic Spells

by Harper Lin

  Again, Officer Ferdeck didn’t budge an inch.

  “Well, we’re sorry to bother you. I hate to ask this, but… would it be possible to use the ladies’ room? I should have gone before I left. You were right, Cath.” She looked at me then rolled her eyes back at the officer. “Too much green tea.” She giggled uncomfortably.

  “Sure,” Officer Ferdeck said. “Restrooms are right over there.” He nodded toward the restrooms behind us. They were nowhere near the autopsy room.

  I cocked my right hip and folded my arms across my chest. “Yeah, you should have gone at the café, Bea.”

  Bea shrugged. Just as we turned toward the restroom, a car pulled up in front of the building. The high beams poured through the glass, and Bea cleared her throat. We had both seen the familiar unmarked vehicle a million times. The lights shut off, and the car door slammed.

  Blake Samberg came through the sliding doors. Then he looked at us suspiciously. I don’t think a plan had ever gone more wrong. “Evening, Stephen,” he grumbled in his typical brooding voice. “Bea? Cath? What brings you two here?”

  “Is Jake with you?” Bea asked, her voice masking her nervousness. She was a much better actor than me. I’d have liked to tell the detective to mind his own business, even though I knew I had “guilty of something” written all over my face.

  “No, Bea. He’s wrapping up some paperwork at the office. Do you need him?”

  “No, no. I must have heard him wrong and thought he was going to be here tonight. I brought him a little treat from the café.” Bea stepped up to Blake and in a hushed voice said, “I heard about the man you brought in today. I’m so sorry.”

  Blake, whose features never changed when he spoke to me, seemed to soften slightly. “Yeah. It was disturbing. It looked like some kind of witchcraft, hoodoo-voodoo nonsense in that house. I’m actually here to pick up some of the paperwork on that very case.”

  “Witchcraft?” I asked as my eyes darted from Bea to Blake. “Do you have any knowledge of that? I mean, any formal training or anything that would make you think that? It’s kind of jumping the gun, don’t you think?” I couldn’t help myself. The words just came out. So many misconceptions existed about witches and witchcraft. I sometimes had a hard time controlling my tongue.

  “No, I don’t. But thankfully, it won’t be hard to find out. It was a very rough scene, as I’m sure Jake mentioned.” He blew me off as if I were an annoying fly to be swatted away.

  “No, he didn’t go into detail. He usually doesn’t.” Bea glared at me. “Blake, I’m wondering if I can ask a very big favor?” She placed her hand gently on Blake’s shoulder and turned him away from Stephen and me.

  They whispered to each other then Blake nodded. He walked over to Stephen and said something quietly so I couldn’t hear. Apparently, I was being left out of this particular game of telephone. I was annoyed.

  Stephen reached underneath his desk and pressed a button. The doors leading to the autopsy room opened.

  “Where you going?” I asked Bea innocently.

  “I’ll be right back,” she said in a quiet voice. I looked at Blake, who was staring at me oddly. I couldn’t say how it was odd, just that it was. I wondered what Bea had said to him.

  Stephen looked at me as Bea and Blake headed toward the autopsy room. A few awkward moments passed, and I walked a couple of paces back and forth, trying to casually escape the gaze of Stephen, whose name was familiar even though I couldn’t place his face.

  He kept staring at me.

  “So, what’s your problem?” I asked. “You’ve been looking at me like you’ve seen my face up at the post office. What’s the matter?”

  “You’re Cath Greenstone, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, I am. Have we met before?”

  “Not formally. But I know of you.”

  My eyebrows shot up. Did I have some kind of torrid reputation I was blissfully unaware of?

  “And truthfully, I don’t like you,” he said. The statement from a stranger felt like a punch in the gut.

  “You don’t like me? You don’t even know me!”

  “Oh, I know you. You were never nice in high school, and from the looks of things, you are still a grade-A grump.” His body never moved. He didn’t shift in his seat. Only his lips moved as he spoke, and his eyes followed me.

  Raising my hand to my chest, I couldn’t contain my awkward giggle. “High school? A grump?”

  “Well, another word comes to mind, but out of respect for my deceased mother, I won’t say it… but it rhymes with ditch.”

  For a second, I thought this mystery man from my youth knew my secret until I realized there was a word that might fit the bill besides witch. I felt a little stupid. “Can you tell me what I did? I’m not trying to be rude or anything. It’s just that high school was a long time ago. I didn’t have a very good go of it myself.”

  Stephen took a deep breath then looked up at me. “You ran for class president our sophomore year.”

  “Yeah, and I lost… by a lot.”

  “If you hadn’t run, there would have only been two candidates—me against Paula Lipinski.”

  “So what? I was doing it just to see what would happen. I didn’t expect to really win. I just wanted to conduct a social experiment of sorts. Have a little fun stirring things up.”

  “You were like the Ralph Nader of our sophomore class. Because of you, I lost the election. Who knows how much differently my life would have turned out if it weren’t for you?”

  I stood there in shock. A high school election has bothered this guy all this time? Was he just sitting around hoping someday I’d stroll into the coroner’s office so he could give me a hard time? “Stephen Ferdeck for President: Not Your Mama’s Candidate.” That was his slogan. The memory came rushing back to me, and I smiled. “You had the best slogan!”

  He looked at me oddly. “What are you talking about?”

  “‘Not Your Mama’s Candidate’? That was you, right?”

  He thought for a moment, then his eyes brightened.

  “It was more creative than mine.” I rolled my eyes. “‘Cath Greenstone: Why Not?’”

  I laughed. My high school days were not fun. I ran for class president my sophomore year on a dare from my best friend Min. If it weren’t for him, high school would have been unbearable. As Stephen Ferdeck had said, who knew how much differently my life would have turned out if it weren’t for Min. But the memory of our slogans sneaked up on me, and I had to laugh.

  Stephen was also beginning to laugh. “I had forgotten that.”

  “Yeah, you were so caught up in me throwing a wrench into your candidacy, you forgot the best part of your campaign. What did Paula Lipinski use? See, I don’t even remember. I had totally forgotten about her until you brought her up.”

  A smile started to form on Officer Stephen Ferdeck’s face. I couldn’t help but smile back.

  “Officer Ferdeck, I’m sorry. If you have been holding that in all these years and feel I ruined your future, I am truly sorry. You look to be doing pretty good from where I’m standing right now.”

  “I do love my job,” he said reluctantly.

  “Well, let me make it up to you.” I folded my arms over my chest and pretended to think hard. “Do you know the Brew-Ha-Ha Café across town?”

  He thought for a moment then nodded. “That place burned down, didn’t it?”

  “Oh, yeah.” It was common knowledge the café had experienced a bad fire.

  “I didn’t realize it had reopened.”

  Nodding, I shifted from one foot to the other. “Well, I own the café with Bea and my Aunt Astrid. How about you come in and visit? We can reminisce about high school, and lunch and coffee will be on me. We just hired a fantastic new baker, and he makes everything from scratch.”

  He smiled and blinked. “I’m vegan. Does that make a difference?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Seriously? Well, no, it doesn’t make a difference. Bea is very educated when it comes to
feeding the body and soul, so I’m pretty confident we can accommodate.”

  He stuck out his hand to shake. I walked up and obliged. “Thanks, Cath. I’m sorry I called you grumpy, and… you know.”

  “Hey, I’ve been called worse. I can’t say you’re that far off the mark.”

  Just then, Bea emerged from the autopsy room with Blake following her. They were talking in hushed voices, and when I looked at Bea’s pale face, I instantly became worried.

  “Thank you, Detective. I am grateful,” she said, shaking Blake’s hand. She took a wobbly step toward me and slipped her arm through mine, gently urging me toward the front sliding doors.

  “What is the matter with you?” I asked urgently. “Are you all right?”

  “Just get me to the car. We’ve got to get home.”

  Exploding Heart

  I waved to Officer Ferdeck and gave Blake a slightly concerned look. He knew something but wasn’t telling me. And I knew something but wasn’t telling him. We were both looking down the same scary tunnel.

  Bea held onto me tightly as we walked to her car.

  “So? What did you find out?” My voice echoed off the three cars in the parking lot, the garbage dumpster, and the brick walls of the coroner’s office. We were totally alone, but I worried someone might overhear us.

  “It was a mess in there, Cath.” We climbed into the car. Bea sat behind the wheel and took a couple of deep breaths. “I barely touched the body. When I walked in, I could see the metaphysical residue from what had happened to him all over. It was thick and black, and there were globs of…stuff…so thick, it was piling on the floor. Even though it was only me who could see it, I swear Blake knew something was there. He stood back from the table, like he was afraid he might get some of it on him.”

  I took a deep breath. “Maybe he’s just squeamish around carcasses. I can’t say I don’t know how that feels,” I said quietly, as if dismissing Blake’s behavior could somehow change what Bea had seen.

  “No. He was onto something. I could tell he could feel it.”

  I cleared my throat and looked through the windshield at the bushes in front of us. A thick, soft, piney type of foliage bordered the small parking lot. For a second, I half expected to see something peeking back at me from the pitch-black shadows. But there was nothing.

  “And Cath, that isn’t even the worst part.” Bea turned her head and looked at me with tears in her eyes. “He didn’t just die of a heart attack.”

  “What did he die of?”

  “His heart exploded inside his chest.”

  I was speechless. What do you say to that kind of news? “So, the cessation summons?”

  “Oh, it’s definitely a witch doing this. This was a pitiful attempt at a cessation summons. But whoever did this, he or she isn’t very good. They made a mess of everything.”

  I had never seen Bea so upset. She was squeezing and kneading the steering wheel as she spoke. “Obviously they didn’t expect anyone in Wonder Falls to be privy to the realm of spells and magic.” Bea wiped away the tear that had snuck down her cheek.

  “Well, was there any kind of clue or tip to point us in the right direction? Marvin knew a lot of people. I mean, his candy was shipped all over the country. What if he crossed someone who lives in New York or Florida, and we are all the way over here? How could we ever hope to narrow down the search, let alone catch them?”

  Bea slowly shook her head. “It’s not a local person, but they are located here now. Inside all the mystical goo and filth that they left all over the body, I sensed a transference spell. I couldn’t pinpoint the location without giving Blake something unnatural to contemplate telling Jake, so I did what I could with what I was given to work with. It came from somewhere on the west side.”

  “Well, that is better than nothing, right? Even though the west side is a couple miles in all directions.”

  Bea started the car and put it in reverse. “Don’t be so negative. We need to talk to my mom.”

  We arrived at Aunt Astrid’s house a few minutes past ten. After letting ourselves in, we found her sitting cross-legged on the floor surrounded by towers of books. And of course, Marshmallow was sprawled across an open book, her tail waving lazily at us when we walked in.

  Bea took center stage and repeated to her mom what she had told me: the gross residue, the amateurish technique, the transference spell directing us to the west side, plus Jake’s discreet information regarding the weird writing on the walls.

  “Yeah, what about all that stuff?” I had to ask how it got all over the walls. Why would a witch make a man’s heart explode in his chest from a distance yet take the risk of being seen at the crime scene and leaving crucial evidence? It didn’t make any sense.

  Sounds like trouble, Marshmallow said to me telepathically, looking up and licking her paw as I scratched the top of her head.

  “I’ll bet if we were to go back to that house, all those sketches and symbols would be gone,” Aunt Astrid said. “You said this was done from a distance. I believe that. And those images were just an attempt to scare the victim. They emerged from the wall as they were uttered by the witch. But I’ll bet they’re gone now. This person, who is so magically sloppy and careless, decided to show off a little to Marvin. ‘Look at what I can do. I can scare you. I can cause you pain. I can kill you. I am in charge.’”

  I was still worried about narrowing down the search. “So you don’t think this was like a loan-shark arrangement gone bad, or a union dispute or something?”

  “Not at all,” Aunt Astrid said. “That wouldn’t make sense. I don’t think loan sharks deal in witchcraft. And as far as I’ve heard, the Teamsters don’t have a clause allowing for heart explosions in their contracts.”

  Laughing a little, I could see Aunt Astrid’s point.

  “No.” Her eyes narrowed. “This was personal. Whoever did this wanted to make sure Marvin took notice of them immediately. My guess is that he didn’t move fast enough for them.”

  “Well, we know it’s magic. We know it is an amateur trying to do what I’d call ‘big girl magic.’ And this person killed Marvin intentionally. Who would have a motive like that?” I thought out loud.

  Bea scratched the side of her head. “He didn’t have any business partners. He grew Sweetie’s with his own hands, so I don’t think it was over the business.”

  “His wife died years ago,” Aunt Astrid said.

  “Yeah, I remember,” Bea said. “It was the only time he ever closed his doors for so long. I think he was out for two weeks. He had that black wreath on the door and that pretty note to the customers about her going home and the angels and such. It breaks my heart to think of it now.”

  I nodded. I sadly remembered that, too. “I think it’s safe to say it was no jaded wife or her ‘other man.’”

  Aunt Astrid shook her head, agreeing with me. Then her eyes widened as they did when she had an idea. “Does he have any children? Anyone being left out of a will or looking to inherit the business? People in desperate situations resort to desperate means.”

  Bea and I shrugged. We knew Marvin as a businessman and associate, but we didn’t know his family other than his late wife. Everyone in town knew about her death.

  “Disgruntled employees?” Bea offered.

  Suddenly, I slapped my hand to my forehead. “I hate to say this.” I rubbed the back of my neck.

  “What? You’re hungry again?” Bea looked at me with a smirk.

  “What? No.” I bumped her with my elbow. “Darla.”

  Arch Nemesis

  “What would Darla have to do with Marvin?” Aunt Astrid asked.

  Darla Castellano was my arch-nemesis in high school. She had decided our sophomore year that her proverbial claws needed continual sharpening, and I was to be the instrument used to keep them pointy and dangerous.

  Like a young Clark Kent, I had powers no one would let me use. Unlike Clark Kent, who could run and had super strength, I possessed the ability to afflict D
arla with warts. I could have caused her to have a paralyzing fear of pencils, or I could have made the grass and trees pull and yank at her as she walked by. But I never did. Instead, I had to take her abuse.

  Darla was wealthy and beautiful and spoiled rotten. The boys loved her, but most of the girls were scared of her wrath. After seeing how she treated me, they were too afraid to stand up to her.

  As if that power weren’t enough, she thought she could dive into Greenwood history and master the art of witchcraft, too. Her selfish actions resulted not only in the Brew-Ha-Ha going up in flames but also in the death of our previous baker, Ted. She didn’t kill him outright, but she could have saved him if she’d had even a shred of conscience.

  “Darla worked for Marvin back when she was in college,” I said.

  “But that was several years ago. What would she be mad at from then that she’d remember now? And seek revenge?” Bea asked.

  “Well, first Darla got fired from that job. I had heard around the neighborhood that she wasn’t just rude to customers, but that she had a real aversion to doing any kind of actual work. I mean, look at her.” I raised my hands with my palms up. “Is it any wonder she married money?”

  “Then divorced it,” Bea said smugly.

  “Then got half of everything and is looking for the next lucky Mr. Castellano,” Aunt Astrid added.

  “I also heard she was blackballed after that because Marvin wasn’t going to lie for her and give her any kind of reference,” I said. “Plus, she’s so dumb, half the town knew she had been working there, having seen her with their own eyes and experiencing her radiant personality. She wasn’t going to get a job in this town anywhere.” I was unable to contain my glee while repeating the story. I knew gossip was bad, but this gossip was the truth.

  “Where did you hear all this?” Bea asked.

  “From none other than Ruby Connors.”

  Both Bea’s and Aunt Astrid’s eyes got as wide as saucers.

  Ruby Connors was Darla’s lackey all through high school and still was. I thought Ruby liked the attention that trickled off of Darla and sometimes splashed on her. But if I got Ruby alone, she couldn’t help herself. She’d spill the beans on her own mother if it made her the center of attention for a few seconds without the model-perfect Darla.