by Dee Bridle
I turned back to Janey; her eyes full of desire, her breathing a little more laboured. No-one could deny the connection we had together, at least of all us. She was mad to think I would ever give up on her. My phone suddenly buzzed between us. I knew it would be my driver’s message, telling me he was outside. I cursed silently and took a step back, taking a look at the screen. Her shoulders fell slightly and she busied herself with getting more bacon from her plate, deliberately not looking at me.
“I remember our hangovers together, too,” I said into the silence between us. “Vividly.”
Her hands gripped the kitchen bench and she looked out to Zac and Ava, not saying anything. I had to leave. I wanted her. All my nerve endings were alive and coaxing me towards her but I didn’t think her brother would appreciate me taking her on the kitchen counter. I moved away from the kitchen counter altogether and said, “My ride is here. Good luck tonight.”
“Thanks,” she said softly.
I headed over to the front door and then took one last glance back at her. I caught her watching me as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. If I wasn’t mistaken, her eyes were full of mischief. Fear and lust went through me. I knew that look; it was trouble. I went out the front door, hoping it was for my sake and no one else.
Janey
I missed him. Missed that body and that amazing mouth that drove me wild. I missed his big, strong hands and rock hard thighs. I missed his abs of steel and his manhood that would put any other guy to shame. I felt the lust long after he had gone. Felt it tremor through me as Zac and Ava came back inside. My skin was tingling at the thought of him.
Hangover cures were something we looked forward to; it was always great sex. Whether it was because we were more relaxed or knew we had the time before a big sleep, it was always earth-shattering.
He needed a hangover cure; I was no longer around to give him one.
I missed him. Missed the trouble we got into together.
“You okay?” asked Ava. I nodded and moved away from the counter. I felt anxious and unsatisfied. I hated feeling it, so much so that I used to find someone to relieve it. He had unsettled me with a memory and his presence here today. I had to remember that I needed to stay away; if any word got back to his mother, then I would be history. Committed and forgotten.
My phone vibrated and I looked at the screen, careful not to get my bacon fingers on it.
Unknown: You are the ugliest, most pathetic girl
I took a deep breath and watched the message disappear.
“Who was that?” asked Zac casually, finishing his juice.
“No one important,” I said with a frown. Knowing me better than I knew myself, he stepped closer to me and asked, “You sure?”
I nodded and said, “I need to get ready for work.”
I headed up the stairs, before he could ask any more questions. He would never find the messages, even if he hacked into my phone. I felt angry and anxious. The messages always had an effect on me, regardless of the level of cruelty. I threw my phone onto the bed and shut the door. I closed my eyes and took in a deep calming breath.
I craved numbness.
I opened my eyes onto my prescription bottle on the chest of drawers, knowing they would calm me, but also turn me into a zombie. I gave a frustrated sigh and started to get ready. I needed to do this the hard way. Deal with it. Ignore it. I was changing my life. This was the next step. I had to get ready for my job.
Will
I locked the doors of the gym from inside and then walked back through the now darkened space. I went over to Harry’s office to see he had already finished up and had headed upstairs to his apartment above. I noticed his phone on the desk and went in and grabbed it. I’d take it up to his apartment for him and then head out for the night. As I made my way upstairs, his phone chimed in my hand and I looked at the lit up screen as if by habit.
Janey: Home with a job. See u soon
I stopped on the top step with a frown.
What?
I looked at the phone to check it was Harry’s and then watched as the screen went black. I knocked on his door and waited.
“Come in,” he called out. I went in to see him cooking himself some food in his kitchen.
“You hungry?” he asked me. I hadn’t stopped frowning yet.
“I just brought up your phone for you,” I said.
“Thanks, just put it on the couch,” he said, going back to stirring whatever he was making. “You want some? Will be another ten minutes or so.”
“I’m okay,” I said looking around at his apartment.
“What’s up?” he asked. My eyes narrowed on a familiar jumper that was hanging over the back of the couch. Unless Harry had turned to wearing girls clothes in his spare time, I knew the owner of that jumper was Janey. I stepped over and picked it up, before turning my glare onto Harry.
“She stays here sometimes,” said Harry, leaning over the pot and tasting his food with a spoon.
“And you never thought to tell me?” I asked.
“She didn’t want anyone to know,” he said with a shrug. “And if she’s not with you or the boys, at least she is safe with me.”
“Where does she sleep?”
“In the spare bedroom,” he said, motioning over to a closed door.
“For how long?”
“For a while now.”
“So the nights she goes missing, she’s here, with you,” I said, shaking my head. I didn’t know whether I was happy or angry of that fact. I went over to the bedroom door and opened it. A bed in the corner of the room and a bedside table were the only things inside the room. I looked in further to see some photos stuck on the wall near the bed. There was one of us, smiling for the camera, in happier days.
“She asked me to train her,” said Harry at the door. I automatically winced, hating the fact she had asked him when I could have helped her.
“Why?”
“Self defence. She’s strong and has come a long way.”
I put her jumper down on the bed and then let out a sigh.
“Does Zac know?”
Harry shook his head and said, “It was important to her that no-one knew.”
I nodded and said, “Okay, we’ll keep it that way then.”
Harry nodded and walked back over to the kitchen to his dinner.
“How is she…when she’s here?”
“Quiet, determined to train and focus on something other than the demons in her head.”
“You cook for her?”
He nodded. I watched him stir the pot once more, before turning to look at me.
“Is there anything else I need to know?” I asked him.
“She misses you like hell.”
I rubbed my hand over my face, exhausted with Janey’s inconsistencies when it came to me.
“She also gets messages on her phone that upset her.”
“From who?” I asked sharply.
“She doesn’t know I know, but deletes them so I’m not sure who they come from.”
I planned on getting Zac to look into that. I wouldn’t allow anyone to upset her.
“Thanks…for taking care of her.”
Harry nodded and started to serve up his dinner.
Chapter Ten
Present
Janey
By my third night, I felt like I was starting to get the hang of it all. I relaxed a bit more, flirted a lot more and pocketed more tips. I hadn’t seen Will since the other morning and felt an anxious agitation because of it. I was being good and holding down a job and not getting into trouble.
But I still needed something.
I had obviously sworn off coke since I had come out of rehab and had quite comfortably refused Sebastian’s offer of some during my break. I didn’t miss it because I didn’t like the person I became when on it. Invincible. Gorgeous. Annoying. Reckless. Fucking stupid.
But I needed something else.
I hadn’t had a drink in what felt like for
ever and after smelling like a brewery each morning when I got home, it was the last thing I wanted to do. What had become of me? I had given up every vice that I had been holding on to for years and I was left flailing about, trying to scratch an itch that I couldn’t reach.
I knew what that something else was.
Sex.
I needed to escape, needed to lose myself in some euphoric release. Will was off-limits. Maybe I could take Sebastian up on his offer? He looked delicious with his dark looks and would undoubtedly scratch my itch. I felt a touch and looked to see him standing next to me, pouring a beer.
“You daydreaming about me?” he shouted over the thumping music.
“I was,” I said taking an order of tequila shots and setting the shot glasses on the bar.
“Was I good in it?” he asked, passing the beer to the customer without taking his eyes off me.
“You were,” I shouted as I finished pouring the tequila and took the money. He passed the change back to his customer.
“Did I give you multiple?”
I took another order and smiled. “Maybe,” I shouted out.
“Seb, get over it; you can’t fuck her,” Tilly called out with an eye roll. Sebastian looked over to Tilly and they had a silent conversation with their eyes. I had no idea what they were saying to each other but realised these two were closer than I thought. Silent eye conversations took years of practice.
“Keep your dick in your pants if you know what’s good for you, Seb,” shouted Jake, walking past and over to the register. He opened it and started to take the excess notes in it.
“You’re no fucking fun,” said Sebastian.
“Time for you to go on a pick-up,” answered Jake motioning to the small crate they used to pick up the empty glasses around the club. Sebastian rolled his eyes and left the bar with the crate. Jake folded a wad of notes and pocketed them inside his jacket. He turned to me and smiled.
“Everything going okay?”
I nodded and passed change back to a customer. “Loving it.”
“Good. You’re doing well, Janey,” he said with an honest smile. His smile was so familiar for a second that my eyes narrowed as I tried to recognise it.
“Thanks,” I said quickly, realising I was staring at him, while he had been waiting for a response.
“You can take your break now while it’s calmed down a bit,” he said, walking past me and back out to the club. I watched him head over to the security guard and then swipe something at a keypad. The door opened and he disappeared inside.
“Stop perving, or I’ll break your face,” called out Tilly.
“I wasn’t, I promise!” I said, seeing a smile form on her lips.
“I know it’s hard not to,” she said coming closer to me as she wiped down the bar.
“Hey he’s all yours, I’m not interested that way,” I confirmed.
“He’s not mine - never will be,” she said with a resigned look.
“I thought you were together?” I asked.
“Yeah, when he wants to or has the time; he’s usually too busy fulfilling his fiancée’s needs to spend time with little ol’ me.”
“Fiancée?” I asked in surprise.
“Yep, some perfect little socialite who has the same background as him, comes from loads of money.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling disappointed for her.
“It is what it is,” she said with a shrug. “Go on your break before it gets busy again.”
I nodded and made my way to the back, knowing I needed a cigarette and to take in some of the night air.
Will
Essence Bar was not my type of place. It was a bar full of trendies, wanting to try the next new cocktail of the week. I stood out like a sore thumb and was going to give it five more minutes before I was out of there. I had no fucking idea who I was actually meeting, so I had to sit at the bar like a chump and wait, sipping on my imported beer. I hadn’t told the group of my plan to meet whoever I was meeting because I had no idea what this could mean for me. But if someone was fucking with me, I’d hurt them and move on. End of story.
I had no desire to find out about my real father. As far as I was concerned, he hadn’t had the balls to search me out, so he was dead to me, but I would stay for another two minutes to wait and see.
I finished off my beer and checked the time on my phone; time for me to go and forget this even happened. Someone was fucking with me. I moved off the stool as a guy sat down next to me and openly glared at me. My eyes narrowed at him, taking in the guy who was probably in his early twenties and looking pissed. He had a polo top on, his hair was full of product and I just knew he had spent thirty minutes in front of the mirror to get it like that. His skin was clean of tatts and he clearly enjoyed the freshly shaven approach.
“You’re late,” I said.
“We need to talk,” he said.
“We don’t need to do anything,” I responded.
“Sit down, Will. You’ll want to hear what I have to say,” he said motioning to the bar tender. I gritted my teeth and sat back down next to him, waiting for him to order his fucking 30 year-old whiskey. He pointed to my drink and asked the bar tender for another.
“Who the fuck are you?” I asked.
“The name’s Ryan,” he said, handing over his money to the bartender.
“Well, Ryan - I don’t take kindly to orders or sitting in fucking stupid bars waiting on your every word. So, if you have something to tell me, do it now.”
He took his time, sipping his whiskey, moving the ice cubes around in appreciation. I had visions of upending the glass all over the bar.
“Your real father - know anything about him?” he asked.
“I’m not here to talk to you; you brought me here to talk to me. Do it or I’m gone.”
“Your real father is alive and well and misses you.”
“How the fuck could he miss me when he doesn’t even know me?”
“Oh, he knows you. Forces greater than us keep him away from you. They keep the truth buried under a big stinking pile of secrets and threats.”
“You smoking something?” I asked with a frown.
“No, Will. I’m not on drugs. I’m here to finally open your eyes to what’s going on around you.”
I wanted to laugh at him and get the hell out of there.
“Does this bullshit attitude get you laid?” I asked next. He put his glass down hard on the bar and turned to me.
“Let’s get one thing straight; I’m not here because I want to be. The current situation has forced me to be here with you right now. I’d rather you rot away and not know who your father is, but he would wish the opposite and I’m granting his wish.”
“Why now? Why not years ago, like maybe when I was born?” I asked angrily.
“Because that almighty powerful family of yours can demand anything they like and always get what they want. He was never allowed to come to you and tell you who he was. Your family like to keep secrets and threaten people with their lives if they don’t comply.”
His words swam around in my head and I took a gulp of beer.
“So what are you to him? Why are you here?” I asked.
“Well, we have more in common than our dislike for each other,” he said taking another sip of his whiskey.
“What, you like kittens and marshmallows too?”
The guy shook his head and took another sip of his whiskey, slowly as if he was savouring the moment. I was close to smacking him in the side of the head if he didn’t start talking.
“Well, I’m apparently your step half -brother,” he said, focusing on me, waiting for my reaction. My eyes narrowed on him, taking in his face.
“If this is a prank, I will hunt you down after this and hurt you.”
“I wish it was. I don’t want you as a part of my life anymore than you do, but this whole secrecy thing is wearing my dad down and I hate seeing him so unhappy.”
“Does he know you’re here?”
&n
bsp; “No. I’m breaking a contract by doing this, or a threat more like it,” he said shaking his head. “Your family don’t want anything to do with us and want it all to be kept a secret. I personally wouldn’t mind your family rotting in Hell.”
“They’ve got first class tickets to Hell, so no worries there. Who is he?”
“You need to promise something first.”
“I’m all out of fucking promises.”
“Then you leave here not knowing. His life and business are at stake here if you go opening your mouth to your family. No-one must know that you know.”
I let out a frustrated sigh and focused on my beer.
“Fine, you have my word.”
“Your father is Dean.”
The name smacked me across the face and I choked on my breath. My boss for the last three years was my father.
Janey
I thought of texting Will on my break but then realised he may be deliberately keeping his distance from me. I had nothing to say to that because it was what I had asked of him, but it didn’t mean I had to like it. I inhaled my cigarette and blew it out into the night air. My heart was racing and I still felt agitated. My internal battles with myself would slowly end up killing me if I didn’t stop. I needed to be good. I needed to refrain from my vices; I couldn’t ruin the progress I had already made. This was the new me. Everyone expected me to continue being like this. From the outside looking in, I was doing okay with my life.