Signs of Love

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  “Alana!”

  She was a bit surprised that he hadn’t managed to catch up with her, but a quick glance over her shoulder showed he was only part way across the parking lot. As she climbed onto the bus, she flashed her pass at the driver. When his gaze went past her, she saw concern there.

  “Please just go,” Alana said, taking advantage of what the driver had likely deduced from the scene unfolding in front of him.

  Justin’s black leather jacket and large build gave him a scary look that no doubt helped make up the driver’s mind to get going before Justin could reach them. As the bus lurched forward, she slumped down into a seat on the far side so that she didn’t have to see Justin.

  Anger coursed through her. Partly at herself—she should have been able to handle being around him—but she was also angry at Justin. Maybe she shouldn’t have run off, but frankly, once she’d realized the sole purpose of Justin’s meeting with her had been to get information on her and not to discuss Genevieve’s hearing loss, there had been no reason to stay. If he had come right out and asked her about her past, she would have told him. From conversations she’d had with Beth, it had been apparent Justin was very protective of his family. With that perspective, it made sense that he’d be concerned about her presence in their lives.

  As the distance between her and Justin grew, Alana slowly came to the realization she probably shouldn’t have just run off like that. But her fear, anger and not wanting to see pity in Justin’s gaze had pushed common sense from her mind.

  She sighed as she rested her head against the glass window for a moment before straightening and pulling the cord to request a stop. She needed to get off this bus and on the one that would take her to Caden.

  ~*~*~

  Justin stalked back into the restaurant. Though he’d left the twenty on the table—which would have covered the bill—he returned to the booth he’d shared with Alana and slid into the seat. Thankfully, at this time of the day there weren’t too many people in the restaurant to witness what had just gone down.

  He sat for a moment staring blankly at the table. In his mind, all he could see were the scars marring Alana’s skin and the fact that her arm had been thin…painfully so. And her words still rang in his head.

  If you take a less above-board approach, you’ll likely be able to get past the seal to find the file filled with the pictures taken of the injuries I sustained as a result of my ex-husband’s abuse of me.

  Even though he’d suspected something along those lines, hearing her say the words and looking at the proof for himself sickened him. Justin was no stranger to violence. Between his time in the military and viewing the photographs taken at the scene of his family’s murders, he had an up close and personal acquaintance with violence. But seeing the scars on Alana’s arms and imagining what her son might have endured or seen troubled him more than he liked to admit.

  “Is everything okay?”

  Justin looked up to see the waitress standing beside the booth, her gaze going to his half-eaten hamburger and the empty seat across from him. “Yeah. It’s fine. Could you just bring me the bill, please?”

  Without waiting for her reply, Justin pulled out his phone and tapped the screen to get to his contact list to make a call. When his contact in the research department answered, he said, “Couple things. I need you to stop any in-depth searching you have in progress for Alana Jensen.”

  There was a pause, but the man didn’t question Justin’s request. “I can do that. What else do you need?”

  “I still need an address for her. As soon as you find that, send me the information.”

  “Will do.”

  After the call had ended, Justin got his wallet from his rear hip pocket. He folded the twenty dollar bill and slid it into his wallet then pulled out a credit card. When the waitress returned, he handed it to her.

  “Do you want any of this packaged to go?” she asked.

  “No, thank you.” Once the bill was settled, he slid out of the booth and left the restaurant.

  He climbed behind the wheel of his truck, but as he reached to start it, Justin remembered that he had Alana’s phone number from the texting they’d done earlier. Not at all sure what he would say beyond apologizing, Justin found her number and added it to his contact list before calling her. He wasn’t too surprised when it went to voice mail almost immediately. It was just a generic system message, so he tapped the screen to hang up.

  Justin sat for a minute trying to regroup. Clearly, he’d underestimated Alana. He had no doubt she’d figured out pretty quickly he’d agreed to the meeting for a reason different from what she’d originally thought. But now what should he do? If he didn’t get this fixed, and Beth found out what he’d done, she would be beyond livid. It was rare that she actually got mad, but when she did, Justin knew to steer clear. Except in this instance, she would be justified in hunting him down.

  He ran a hand through his hair. Without question, he had gone overboard in his desire to make sure Alana wasn’t out to scam his sister. He’d just felt so helpless when he’d found out about Genevieve’s diagnosis. Maybe there was nothing he could do about that—though he hadn’t yet given up hope—but he knew he could protect his sister and her family from someone that might take advantage of them when they were in the midst of the struggle to accept the news. Except he’d rushed ahead of himself, and now disaster was looming if he didn’t fix things with Alana.

  Well, she could send him to voicemail and even ignore any message he left, but chances were it would be harder for her to ignore a text. He brought up their last text message exchange and stared at the phone trying to figure out the best way to start the conversation. He had a sneaking suspicion it was going to be a one-sided conversation, but hopefully she’d at least read them.

  Alana – I apologize for asking questions I had no right to ask. He paused again. Should he explain to her why he’d done it? Really though, he’d had no excuse for delving into her past the way he had. She’d been pretty close to right on with her assessment of the paths he was taking to get information on her. Never before had he felt bad for taking steps to protect his sister. But this thing with Alana. Justin shook his head then pressed send.

  He waited for a minute, but there was no response so he tapped out another message. And it’s not up to me whether you continue to work with Beth and Daniel. They both clearly want your help so I won’t do anything to disrupt that.

  He paused again before tapping the screen to send the message. Once sent, he sat for a few minutes to see if she’d reply. When she didn’t, he slid the phone onto the console between the seats and started the truck. He debated where to go. His apartment? The compound? Beth’s? Each had a draw, but in the end, Justin turned the truck to the west and headed back to his stark apartment at the compound.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Alana still had an hour before she needed to pick Caden up from his friend's house. He didn't have a lot of playdates, so she hated to cut it short because of her problems with Justin. Peter, the boy he was spending time with, was a couple of years older than him, but he was also deaf so the two of them got along well. They'd met Peter and his family at the church where his mother, Suzanne, was the boys' Sunday school teacher. Caden had been able to participate in the program because Suzanne taught both verbally and with signs. The church's deaf ministry was the main reason Alana had chosen the church, and it had ended up being a great decision.

  She got off the bus near a favorite thrift store not far from the house where she'd need to pick up Caden. There wasn't anything she needed, but it seemed that every couple of weeks Caden outgrew his pants. At least the warm weather made it easier since she could cut off his old pants and get a bit more wear out of them. He always outgrew the length before the waist. It appeared he was destined to reach his father's height which was fine with her as long as that was all he inherited from the man. In appearance, she knew he favored her with his hair and eye coloring. It also appeared Caden was more like
her personality-wise because it was rare he ever got angry over anything. He'd been a fairly mellow baby and had grown into an easy-going, sensitive young boy.

  The tension eased from her body as she looked through the racks of boys' clothes. She managed to find a couple pairs of jeans as well as three T-shirts. He would be particularly pleased with the one that had Spiderman on the front of it. Relieved that the day was turning around, Alana wandered through the store to kill a bit more time. When she eventually approached the cash register, she recognized the cashier.

  "Alana, sweetheart! Good to see you again." Mary Ellen, a retired school teacher, always greeted her with a warm smile. "Where's that darling boy of yours?"

  "He's with a friend for the afternoon." She laid her selections on the counter. "I found a few things for him though."

  As the woman rang up the purchases, she said, "Did you see the new selection of ladies' clothes we just got in? I'm sure several of them would fit you perfectly."

  Being fairly particular about what she wore, Alana shook her head. "What I have is serving me well. Fortunately, Caden is the only one growing out of his clothes these days. "

  When the woman told her the total, Alana frowned. "I think you must have rung something in too low."

  Mary Ellen smiled as she put the items into a bag. "Special sale today on boys' clothes."

  Alana wanted to argue with her as she pulled her wallet from her purse. But honestly, after the twenty dollars she'd spent on Justin's meal and her tea, saving a few dollars here would be a blessing. As she slid the cash across the counter to Mary Ellen, she said, "Thank you."

  "Next time bring the little guy with you. I've been learning a few signs and want to try them out on him."

  Warmth spread through Alana. "Really? That's terrific. I know Caden will be thrilled."

  As she left the store and headed to pick up Caden, Alana found she couldn't keep her thoughts from going to her meeting with Justin. Now that she had a little distance from it—and him—she realized that the overriding emotion she felt was anger. Not fear like she'd initially had when first meeting him but anger that he'd turned her offer to help him into an info-gathering mission.

  The choices she had made over the past few years hadn't been about hurting anyone. She'd done it to protect her son. Beth and Daniel weren't the first family she had helped either. Regardless of what Justin thought her capable of, all she was doing was trying to support families who were dealing with something she had gone through herself. She didn't even take money for teaching them sign language. Why Justin was questioning her motives, she had no idea.

  She'd read the two text messages he'd sent. It was hard for her to take his apology at face value. That was one thing she'd learned at the hands of her ex. His apologies after hurting her were meant to keep her off-guard. They had always been so sincere—sometimes accompanied by things he knew she loved. Flowers. Candy. A CD of her favorite group. Jewelry. And each time he stirred just enough hope in her heart to keep her chained to him so that she was still there the next time he had to vent his anger.

  Verbal apologies meant nothing to her.

  Suddenly, Alana realized she was stomping down the sidewalk. She rotated her head, trying to ease the tension in her shoulders. As she took a couple deep breaths, a verse popped into her head. One she'd struggled with the most since becoming a Christian.

  It was the verse where Jesus told Peter to forgive a brother who sinned against him not seven times, but seventy times seven. Four hundred and ninety times. She'd used the calculator to figure that one out. Did that verse mean she should have just stayed with Craig and forgiven him each and every time he hurt her? Meeting with a counselor at one of the Christian shelters had helped her see that forgiving him didn't mean she had to stay with him when her life was in danger. She'd also come to realize that her unwillingness to forgive Craig held her trapped to him even though they were far apart. Forgiving him was to free her heart. It wasn't for his sake at all. She still struggled with that verse a lot.

  And now Justin was on the receiving end of her inability to trust in apologies. If she never saw him again, it would be too soon. But as soon as the thought popped into her head, it was followed by the image of him cradling Genevieve in his arms. Of him pressing his cheek to her curls. Of Genevieve planting a big kiss on him. Surely the little girl wouldn't be so affectionate with someone who would hurt her. Even Caden had known to get out of the way when his dad came around. And Beth certainly adored her brother.

  Could she accept his apology? Just this one time?

  Before she had a chance to decide her answer to that, the house where Caden had spent the afternoon loomed in front of her. Pushing aside her thoughts to deal with later, Alana climbed the porch steps and pressed the doorbell. It was answered quickly by a slender woman with blonde hair. She smiled as soon as she saw Alana.

  "C'mon in."

  "Thanks, Suzanne. How was he?" Alana asked as she stepped into the foyer of the beautiful home. It was almost as nice as the home she'd left behind in Florida.

  "He was perfect. As always." Suzanne motioned for her to follow as she walked toward the kitchen. "Can I get you something to drink? The boys are just playing a video game. They played some basketball, too."

  "I'm good, thanks. I really appreciate you having Caden over for the afternoon. And I hate to drag him away, but we do need to leave."

  Suzanne gave her a curious glance as she nodded and headed out of the kitchen. Alana knew that the women she'd met at the church couldn't quite figure her out. Considering the way she dressed, the fact that she took a bus everywhere and never had anyone to her home, made Alana a bit of a mystery to them. Which was the way she liked it. Disclosing the life she'd come from was like admitting she was weak. That she'd stayed with an abusive man for five years would no doubt make her look pathetic to them.

  Beth and Suzanne wouldn't understand. They both had husbands who doted on them. Men who loved the children they had together regardless of the fact that they were deaf. No, they wouldn't understand where she had come from. One look at her scarred body would send them running scared. Just like her friends in Florida had done.

  These women—along with the others at the church—were acquaintances more than friends, really. Their children were the only connection they shared. Her secrets kept her from getting too close to any of them because she knew abuse was a subject that made people feel uneasy. Hadn't she discovered that when she'd revealed what was going on to the two women in Florida who she thought were her best friends?

  It had been shocking to sit there and listen to them tell her she must be mistaken, that Craig hadn't meant to hurt her. She'd laughed then—a hysterical, panicked laugh—when she'd realized they wouldn't help her. No, she wasn't going to risk that kind of reaction again.

  Only now Justin knew about her past. She'd shown him her scars. Whatever had possessed her to do that? And she had felt desperate to leave before the look on his face could change from shock to pity. It was almost funny that she'd been able to shake the granite expression that was usually on his face. Almost funny.

  Alana sighed. What was supposed to have been simple had turned into something way too personal for her liking. All she'd wanted to do was help Beth, Daniel, and sweet Genevieve.

  She heard movement and turned to see Suzanne lead her son and Caden into the kitchen. Caden's face brightened when he saw her, and Alana knew she wore a similar expression. She used her hands to ask him if he'd thanked Miss Suzanne. He gave a quick nod but turned and did it again.

  "Thanks again, Suzanne," Alana said as she took Caden's hand.

  "We'll have to get them together again soon, especially once school is out," Suzanne said and then paused. "Oh. Do you stop homeschooling for the summer?"

  Alana nodded. "Yes, he gets a break too."

  "Then for sure once it warms up a bit more he should come over to swim. Peter loves the pool."

  After agreeing to call to set up another playdate, Alana a
nd Caden left the house and headed down the sidewalk. Though she was sure Caden had all kinds of things he wanted to share with her, they walked toward the bus stop without communicating. Once on the bus where she could pay attention to him without distraction, he'd tell her all about what he'd done with Peter. And for just a short time, she'd pretend her life hadn't just taken a weird turn because of her revelation to Justin.

  ~*~*~

  Justin grabbed his bags and left the compound apartment. Hoping he didn't run into anyone wanting to talk, he stalked his way down the stairs and out to the parking lot to his truck. He was tired and sore, but it was the frustration that overrode all of that. Frustration that Alana still hadn't responded to his texts. He would have kept texting her if he'd thought it would make a difference, but something told him it wouldn't.

  Thankfully, he made it to the truck without anyone stopping him. He tossed his bags into the back seat and climbed behind the wheel. It took effort to keep to the speed limit as he drove toward the Twin Cities. He'd sent Beth a text earlier to let her know he was going to stop by. Though he'd thought about asking if Alana would be there, he'd decided it might be better not to.

  Recalling the time Alana and her son had arrived the previous week, Justin had left the compound early in hopes he might have a bit of time with Beth before Alana arrived. He was going to have to confess his stupidity—if Alana hadn't already done it for him. When things had started spinning out of control two weeks ago, he'd tried to regain that control in the wrong way. He knew that now. Things were still out of control—especially where Genevieve was concerned—and Justin couldn't ignore the feeling that things were about to change in his life. He just wasn't sure if it was for the better or the worse, and that, more than anything else, contributed to an overwhelming feeling of unease in his gut. And it was that unease that had contributed to his bad decision where Alana was concerned.

  He kept an eye out for Alana and Caden as he drove the last few blocks to Beth's, but there was no sign of them. And it was apparent they hadn't already arrived when Beth let him into the house, Genevieve perched on her hip. After stowing his bags, he reached for the little girl and gave Beth a quick one arm hug.