Shadow

by Jenny Moss

  I shook my head. “No.” But I again remembered her that last night, when I ignored her cries. Had she been dying? “No,” I whispered. But his words settled into me. I could not shake them out.

  “How am I to believe anything you say?” he asked.

  “I have told you only the truth,” I said, my thoughts still on his accusation about the queen.

  “You may deny it, but your friendship with the regent was known by everyone. You flaunted it, especially in front of Queen Audrey. You only spoke to him. Does that not look suspicious?”

  I looked up, irritated. “He was the only one who spoke to me.” I didn’t mention I also talked with Piers. I knew Sir Kenway didn’t consider him to have any worth. “If I was kind to him, it was because he was kind to me.”

  Kenway studied me. “You show little warmth toward others, Shadow. People don’t befriend you because you are too cold, too severe in your manner.”

  This riled me. “It is because I am common and of no consequence to you nor to the queen nor to anyone. Just as your stepmother is of no consequence to you.”

  I could tell he hated me in that moment, but I had lost my patience with him. Must I listen to these accusations, one after the other? He would find fault with me no matter what I did.

  “Where are we going?” I called after him as he strode to his horse. He wouldn’t answer me. And I was left to wonder again about our destination. But I could not think of where it would be.

  We talked no more. He was still very anxious, and he pressed us hard, afraid of ghosts on our heels. What could we have that Fyren would want? Did Kenway carry some valuable object in his saddlebag?

  I cursed silently. I didn’t know why we were being chased. I didn’t know where we were going. I didn’t know why Kenway had taken me with him. Here I was, trapped again, just as I had been in the castle. He almost kissed me last night, and today he accused me. It was clear what he thought of me. I was not to be trusted, but would be used, one way or the other.

  I studied his proud, straight back, knowing I should try and escape. But where would I go? Were there villages close by? I could not survive in the woods on my own.

  Now was not the time. I would know it when it presented itself.

  We rode until almost nightfall and settled down into our thick wool blankets on a bed of brown needles in the forest. I lay on my back, feeling my body sink into the shape of the Earth. Tall thin pines swayed in the wind, lulling me as if I were a babe in a cradle. Back and forth, they rocked and creaked. Their sharp scent floated down to me.

  Hot tears stung my cold cheeks. Why was I crying? They were not tears for the queen. I did not believe it. It was not my fault she had died. Nothing could have cured her of the poison.

  I did not rejoice over her death, but I was glad to be away from her. It was not evil of me to think so, after what she’d done to me, was it? I just wanted peace. Could I not have that? Just a quiet place of my own, where I was not subject to the will or suspicion of others. Was that too much?

  “Shadow.” It was Sir Kenway’s voice, although softer.

  I swiped at my cheek, saying nothing.

  “Are you all right?” he asked.

  “Yes,” I said.

  “Are you afraid?”

  I wanted to laugh at his terrible guess. “Are you?”

  Even with the light of the full moon, I couldn’t read his face. I imagined his look of irritation: his lips twisting as if he tasted something sour.

  “You’re not easy to like, Shadow. You seem to enjoy insulting me.”

  I felt a pang of discomfort at that. “Why should I be kind to you? You, who detest common people so much, even your own sisters.”

  “I love my sisters,” he said in a low, angry voice.

  “How can you love them when they are common like me?”

  “They have noble blood running through their veins.”

  “Not tainted, then?” I asked.

  He sat up. “You deliberately try to provoke me.”

  The pine needles danced above us. “I liked you better when you were wild and young,” I told him.

  He was still. “You remember me then?”

  “Yes,” I confessed. “You had a fire in you.”

  “It was my father’s shame that sent me there. To the castle,” he said. “I know what they whispered behind my back.”

  I was silent, wanting him to speak again. The moon was a round open eye, watching us.

  “My father was King Alfrid’s protector,” he said at last, in a hollow voice. “His most loyal knight. And friend. He failed him.”

  The king had been murdered just three months after his wedding day. Stabbed through the heart. The murderer was never found. The queen’s ladies liked to gossip about that day. Ingrid claimed it was then the kingdom began to die, but Hilda said otherwise.

  “It was so long ago, Sir Kenway. Who remembers that part of it?” But I knew they did remember it.

  “Some even say it was my father who killed the king.”

  “There was no proof of that.”

  “Of course not. My father was loyal to the crown. But he did fail his king, his country, his family! It was his fault the king died. His fault Queen Anne grew so weak from grief she died in childbirth. His fault the country died with her.”

  His voice ached with sadness. I felt as if it were my own sadness, as if the wind were blowing it from his soul to mine. I tried to push it away.

  I wanted to reach out to him and touch his hand.

  But I did not.

  “We need to sleep, Shadow.” He turned his back to me. I was thankful for the silence and closed my eyes.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Hot breath in my ear, a hand over my mouth. I was ready to bite fingers when I realized it was Sir Kenway. “Fyren’s spies,” he whispered. “Lie still.” The moonlight caught the glint of a knife in his hand.

  And with that he was gone, slipping into the darkness of the pines.

  I waited, my heart beating wildly. The night was still. Who were these men? Kenway had said spies, which made no sense. Why would we be spied upon and not just taken?

  I did not move. I thought he meant me to be the prey. The longer I waited, the more agitated I became. How long did he expect me to lie here and do nothing? Where was he?

  I heard the snap of a twig and shot up. All I could see was darkness. I listened hard, but it was eerily quiet.

  If I was being watched, then let them come for me. I would not feign sleep any longer.

  When I stood, one of the horses let out a breathy snort. I went to the trees to which they were tied, feeling safer at the edge of the clearing. I looked through Sir Kenway’s saddlebags. There were no weapons there.

  He had taken his father’s jeweled sword with him.

  I stayed by the horses, anxious. I couldn’t wander off on my own. Even if I took my horse and left, where would I go? I didn’t know these woods. I swore. No weapons, no sense of where I was—my vulnerability was alarming.

  The horse shifted beside me. I put my hand on his nose and whispered softly in his ear, trying to calm him. The warmth of him soothed me as well.

  What if Sir Kenway was killed? A pang of worry shot through me. I knew it did matter to me what happened to him, greatly.

  It was as if he were seeping into me, getting too close. I shivered.

  I must look after myself. My friend Piers had known that.

  But that wasn’t true, and I knew it, no matter how many times I told myself otherwise. I saw his little face in my mind’s eye, heard his voice in my head: We must look after each other, Shadow. Of course he had not understood. He had not. And I had left him.

  I closed my eyes, trying to still these thoughts. Guilt over Piers, even the queen, and now I was to worry about Kenway as well? What was this new doubt plaguing me? I had always been able to set myself apart from what others thought of me or did to me or did to one another.

  I must put my mind to only what was before me. I needed
to look after myself. It was the one thing I did well.

  Noise erupted behind me, in the direction Sir Kenway had gone. I moved behind the tree, and the horse stepped toward me, wanting my hand upon his nose once more. Cowardly thing. But wasn’t my own heart pounding?

  The rustling of branches was distinct and loud.

  Kenway emerged from the forest. I let out a sigh.

  “Are you hiding?” he asked. “Because I can see you.”

  Sweat poured off his face, despite the cool of the night. He was flushed.

  “Did you find them?” I asked, looking at his sword and knife. No blood that I could see.

  “No.”

  “You let them get away?”

  He shot me a look, but said nothing. I wondered if he had indeed imagined it. I hoped he wasn’t that skittish.

  “How did you know we were being watched?” I asked.

  “I woke to a stirring in the woods and thought I saw a figure there,” he said, pointing to the south edge of the clearing.

  “You thought?”

  “There was someone there.”

  I watched him take a drink from his flask. “When you woke me, you said spies.”

  “What?” He wiped his face with a cloth from his bag.

  “You said that Fyren’s spies were here. Why did you say spies and not his soldiers or his men?”

  Something came into his eyes, briefly. I knew he was keeping something from me.

  I studied him for a moment. He didn’t look away. Instead, he searched my eyes as I searched his, both of us seeking answers. And then it seemed as if he had decided something.

  “Eldred told me…,” he began, then looked as if he might not speak after all. I kept all expectation from my face and waited.

  Finally, he spoke. “There is someone else we must find, who will come with us.”

  “Someone else? Pray, who?”

  He said nothing.

  “Where is he?” I asked.

  He turned from me.

  I stilled my lips. I knew Kenway wouldn’t tell me much. He was still trying to sort me out. But that he revealed what he did meant he trusted me a little.

  But I had to ask one more thing. “After we find him, where will we go?”

  He sat down and leaned against a tree. “Go to sleep, Shadow.”

  I stared at him for a moment, then gave up and lay back down. So we were only being followed because we were leading Fyren to someone he wanted?

  Interesting, but at least it didn’t concern me.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I shifted uncomfortably in the saddle. I was not accustomed to such long rides, and my backside was still bruised from my fall. It was early afternoon. We were both tired from the sleepless night before.

  We rode in a wide valley. It might have been beautiful once. I saw patches of wildflowers sprinkled along the graceful curves of the land. But the beauty was infrequent. Our horses trampled through brittle grass and dried-up streams, and our path led upward into dark, ominous hills. The mountains loomed over us.

  I could not help but watch him. His strong hands upon the reins, eyes forward, alert, scanning the path before us. And yet, despite his vigilance, he rode with an easy grace and calm, as if he was ready to meet any challenge. I saw it in the set of his shoulders—

  “Shadow,” he said, his eyes suddenly on mine. Startled, I looked away, cursing under my breath. My feelings always so plain, right there for him to see.

  He paused, then smiled a little.

  “What?” I asked, my cheeks hot.

  He shook his head, looking pleased at my discomfort.

  “Are we still followed by your spies, do you think?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Yes?” I asked.

  “We are being followed,” he said quietly, “whether you believe it or not.”

  “Perhaps they’re only,” I said, dropping my voice, “spirits.”

  He gave me a quick look. “You may mock me, but I am right.”

  I grew serious. “Then shouldn’t you confront them?”

  He said nothing, just continued to lead us toward the northern mountains of Deor, which stretched from coast to coast. I was curious about this part of the kingdom. The nobility cared little for the people who dwelled in the mountains. They were rumored to be wild and not easily ruled. Good for them, I thought.

  But subtle hints from the tutor, and even from Eldred, had suggested that all Deorians were descendants of the mountain people. The nobility were ashamed of the Northerners, considering them to be rough and not enlightened. They were the past; the south, Deor’s future.

  We took a narrow path with sheer rock walls that were high and close. This cut twisted and turned so I could not see what lay in front of us. I glanced back at Kenway. “Those men will trap us here.”

  “So you finally believe we are being followed?” he asked, giving me a steady look.

  I pulled on the reins and turned to him. “They can more easily kill us here.”

  “If they wanted to do that, they would have done it already.”

  “They need us to lead them to this person they want?”

  “I didn’t lie to you. They will not harm us, yet.”

  I paused.

  “There is no time, Shadow.” He nodded, saying, “Go.”

  I prodded my horse, conceding Kenway was right.

  After a while, he spoke again. “Just up ahead, to your left, there will be an entrance to a cave. It will be dark, too dark to see. Lead your horse into it.”

  “Too dark to see?” I asked over my shoulder. “How will we not get lost?”

  “I know these caves. We will not get lost.” He paused. “But they will.”

  I was intrigued. “How will we find our way beneath the Earth without light?”

  “The caves are not beneath the Earth.”

  I flicked the reins, still not convinced. The next entrance was more tall than wide. Beyond the jagged opening was nothing but blackness. I looked back at Sir Kenway.

  “It’s the one,” he said, nodding.

  I grinned, feeling a little thrill. Perhaps I should have been frightened, but I only felt excitement at what we might discover.

  He smiled, shaking his head. “I am glad you are pleased. Shall we go on?”

  I urged my horse forward.

  We were plunged into darkness. I could not see, but I could tell we weren’t going down into the Earth. The ground was level.

  It was eerie riding without seeing. My horse was calm, for which I was glad. I could hear Kenway behind me, and that was all. The cave was dark and quiet, but in an inviting way. I was not afraid.

  The corridor was narrow. I could reach out and touch the sandy walls. We moved slowly. After we turned a few more corners, light flooded in from above, giving the caves a reverent beauty. I looked up and there was the sky, visible through large holes in the roof.

  “These walls are limestone,” said Sir Kenway. “The caves are aboveground with passages weaving through them. Go to your right.”

  The entrances of three caverns were easily seen in the light from above. The right one was more narrow than the other two, and the darkest.

  I did as Kenway bade me.

  Again, we were plunged into blackness.

  That was the way it went. Sometimes we walked short distances in the dark, sometimes we moved through lit, open chambers. The numerous paths split off in many directions. At each fork, Kenway would tell me which way to go.

  And finally, the path ended.

  I slid off my horse. We were in an open area enclosed by large, rounded rocks. A dark blue sky was above, and a deep pool before us. My horse ambled over and began drinking. I took a few handfuls of the water myself. It was cold and delicious.

  This place was still and serene. I breathed in the natural peace, feeling it soothe my tense thoughts. I glanced back at Sir Kenway and could not help but smile.

  He was off his horse, leading her around the water. I grabbed the rein
s of mine and followed him.

  We came to an area of smooth rock, set off a little from the pond. Kenway began pulling blankets and supplies off the horses. I joined him. Silently, we fed the animals and brushed them down. I spread out our blankets on a flat area of the white-gray rock.

  “No fire again tonight,” said Kenway.

  I nodded. Surely we didn’t need it in this magical place. I half-expected a smokeless fire to appear before us.

  I continued to look around, letting the loveliness sink in. “I do believe you were right, Sir Kenway,” I said. “No one can find us here.”

  “Luck is with them if they do.”

  He handed me some food, and we settled on the rocks. I envied him his freer clothes as I smoothed my skirts down to put my bread and hard cheese in my lap.

  “I did not kill her, Sir Kenway,” I said. “The queen. I did not kill her.”

  His head came up. “So you said.”

  “You don’t believe me?” I asked.

  “I’m surprised you want me to,” he said.

  “I don’t.” The cheese was crumbly and mild. “But I didn’t.”

  “It is true Eldred trusted you.”

  He had such faith in the old man. Why did he revere him so? “And if Eldred trusted me, then you’d follow his lead?” I asked. “I don’t understand why you used him as a guide.”

  “Why did you dislike him?”

  “Why did you trust him?”

  “I’m not sure I do in every matter,” he said, staring at me. But I caught a smile and realized with a sweet pang he was teasing me.

  “Perhaps that’s wise.”

  “You didn’t answer me,” he said, serious again.

  I paused. “He was always watching me, telling me to do this or that, to protect the queen, to be with her always. Protect the queen. Protect her from death, from harm.”

  “You were jealous of her.”

  “She was jealous of me!”

  “Yes,” he said, “she was.”

  I looked at his sober face, surprised. Did I not truly believe it? Even when I had said it myself? “But I had nothing. She had everything. How could someone who has everything be jealous?”