White Heat

by Jill Shalvis

  “Love,” Brody confirmed, as if it wasn’t all over his face. “Now, of course, I’m going to have to earn my money the old-fashioned way.”

  Lyndie shook her head. “So you really got your parents to donate a bunch of stuff just so I’d fly you guys home?”

  “Home.” Brody tried the word out on his tongue and nodded. “Yeah, I could happily call Mexico home. But nope, we’re just visiting. For now, anyway. I called Sam and tried to buy you as a pilot and he said no go unless I contributed to Hope International in some way…so a quick call to Dad, and voila…here we are.”

  “Okay.” Lyndie moved toward her plane. “Let’s just do this.”

  Nina caught up with her and grabbed her wrist. “Hold up.”

  “Why?”

  “I just wanted to say thanks.”

  “For…?”

  “For everything.”

  “I didn’t do anything but give you shit.” But she stopped. “I’d ask you if you’re happy but it’s all over your face.”

  “Are you happy for me?”

  A million quick glib replies crossed Lyndie’s tongue, but she found herself letting out another sigh, and, as she searched Nina’s face, a genuine smile as well. “I’ll admit to being jealous of that grin you’re wearing.”

  “Really?” Nina looked speculative. “You had one on just like it when you first got here.”

  Lyndie opened her mouth, then thought about last night, and promptly shut it again.

  “Uh huh.” Now Nina looked downright amused. “You see any sexy firefighters lately? Maybe sleep with one?”

  “This is about you.” Lyndie moved away with Lucifer in tow. “And let’s not forget, you want me on your side. At least until I back you up with your father.”

  “Avoidance…” Nina tsked. “Not good for the soul.”

  What was going to be good for her soul was getting the hell out of here, at least until she could think straight about last night.

  And it had been just one night, just more scratching of that itch they always generated in each other.

  And if she repeated it to herself often enough, maybe she’d start to believe it.

  “Mew.”

  “Yeah.” She looked down at the kitten that had been nothing but a burden and, oddly enough, felt a warmth spread inside her. The damn thing was just so cute. She tried to summon up irritation at all the expense and hassle he’d created, and instead had only that silly warmth she couldn’t really explain. “Well, if I have to have someone else in my life other than myself,” she murmured. “I suppose it could be you.”

  She’d have sworn Lucifer smiled at that but then she heard Brody whoop out a hello to someone, and that warmth that had just spread throughout her insides froze up solid.

  Griffin. She could hear the low murmur of his voice as he greeted both Nina and Brody.

  He’d come. He’d come after her.

  She stared at her plane while her thoughts raced. What did that mean? Was it possible he could be having some of these same crazy thoughts she was, that maybe, just maybe, there could be something much more serious going on here than just mind-blowing sex? Since she knew it was all over her face, she kept her back to him as she moved inside her plane to set Lucifer down—

  “Hey.”

  Slowly she turned around and looked into the same eyes she’d looked into while she’d had an earth-shattering orgasm only a few hours before. “Hey yourself.” Her heart leapt into her throat, pitifully ready to leap out onto her sleeve with the slightest provocation.

  “You left without a word this morning,” he said.

  “Sam paged me, and you were sleeping so peacefully…”

  “Thanks to you,” he said with a sexy little smile.

  Because all that brilliant wattage made her want to jump his bones again, she looked away. “You didn’t have to come all the way out here—”

  “Yeah, I did.”

  “That’s awfully sweet, but it’s early, and I’ll be back—”

  “No, you don’t understand. I had to come out here.”

  Okay, that had a stupid grin splitting her face. God, it hurt to have fallen for him, but it felt so incredibly good at the same time—

  “Brody called me. He said I had to get—and I am quoting here—’my ass in gear and haul on down here’ if I wanted a ride to San Puebla.”

  She went still. What did this have to do with him coming here for her? “Why would you need a ride to San Puebla?”

  Griffin shrugged. “He was pretty mum on that, just insisting I be here or else. Said he’d clear it all up for me once we got there.”

  So he hadn’t come for her at all. Which led her to the next, and more powerful realization, one she’d already known but hadn’t faced—she’d fallen.

  He hadn’t.

  He still tortured himself over the deaths of his crew and likely always would. Well. She’d wanted to know what love felt like, and now she knew. She just never imagined it would be like this. So…devastating.

  He reached for her hand.

  Oh, no. He couldn’t touch her, not now. “Outta my way, Ace,” she said, pulling back. “We’re running late.” Forcing herself to turn away, she started barking orders. When she had everyone hopping, she stared sightlessly at Lucifer. “I still have you,” she whispered. He would be enough. He would.

  “Hey.” Griffin came up behind her, gently squeezed her waist. “You okay?”

  She stiffened. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “I don’t know, maybe because you won’t look at me.”

  Oh, that. Pasting an inscrutable look on her face, she turned and looked right at him, giving him a smile, only called such because she bared her teeth.

  His gaze held hers for a long, uncomfortable moment during which she had the oddest feeling that he could see everything she thought, everything in her heart, and she began to panic.

  “Lyndie,” he said softly, with enough regret that she backed up, holding up a hand.

  “No, don’t,” she said. “Don’t you dare—”

  “Wait.” He grabbed her, held her still. “I have to, we have to.” He cupped her face with his free hand, looking tortured. “God, Lyndie. I’m an idiot. You thought I came here this morning for you—”

  “I didn’t think anything.”

  “Stop it.” He touched his forehead to hers. “Christ. I’m so sorry. I’m…I’m a little slow on the uptake when it comes to matters of the heart these days. I’m just taking this land of the living thing one day at a time, and—”

  “I know.” She closed her eyes. “I know—”

  “I mean, there’s no doubt I am living again. And…and enjoying it very much. Last night—”

  The guilt and misery on his face killed her. “It’s okay, it’s okay that you are, Griffin.”

  “I look at you,” he said in a rough voice, “And I see how you forge ahead with life no matter what it hands to you, and it gets to me. You get to me.”

  “But…?” She took a step back, waiting for the shoe to fall. “Because I definitely hear a big ‘but’ at the end of that sentence.”

  “But…” His eyes were sad, so sad she felt her own sting. “I’m not as brave as you—” He smiled at her choked laugh. “I’m not.”

  “Are you kidding me? You put your life on the line every day on your job and you’re not brave?”

  “Not when it comes to matters of the heart,” he said very seriously, and kissed her so softly, with so much heart, her own cracked. “I thought I could do it, I thought I could give it all, over and over again, but it turns out I can’t.”

  “I understand that about you.”

  “You shouldn’t.” He dropped his hands and stepped back from her. “You shouldn’t.”

  “But…” But nothing, because he turned away. She let her voice trail off, because what was she going to do, beg him? Hell, no.

  Okay, hell, yes. “So that’s it?” she asked his broad shoulders. “We share what, a few laughs. A bed. And maybe
I share some of myself, my past, because you coax me to do so, damn it…but you don’t have to do the same?”

  He went still, then faced her. “I never meant to hurt you.”

  She knew that, but it wasn’t enough. Not anymore.

  Brody and Nina got on board then, and in a few minutes they were in the air, flying toward Mexico, toward the village where it had all begun. Fitting, then, Lyndie thought, keeping her chin high, her eyes clear, that this is where it would all end.

  Because after this, she was done. With Griffin, she’d put it all out there in a way she never had before. She’d fallen, and fallen hard, and in the process, she’d also gotten burned, but it was done and she couldn’t change it.

  The day was a glorious one, and she concentrated on that, on the pure joy of the flying, on the unmistakable love flowing between Nina and Brody, and for long moments at a time, it was enough.

  They came to the Barranca del Cobre and the Sierra Tarahumara. Such incredible beauty. The canyons, the peaks, the immense, remote wilderness of it all.

  And then they came to the burned acreage. The smoke had cleared, and they all pressed close to the window, looking down in somber silence at the loss. Blackened landscape. Ghostlike shadows that once used to be trees. Five destroyed ranches.

  And then San Puebla, still intact. Safe, because of their efforts.

  That lifted their spirits back up. Brody jokingly carried Nina off the plane. Lyndie sat up front figuring Griffin would follow them, but instead he held back.

  Well, she didn’t plan to wait for him. She jumped down ahead of him, and would have walked away if he hadn’t grabbed her hand.

  Her back still to him, she stilled. “I really have to—”

  “The fire in Idaho.”

  She closed her eyes at the rough angst in his voice. She knew, she understood what it cost him to want to talk about it, but damn it, she couldn’t help it if she wished things could have been different—

  “You’ve asked me about it, and I’ve shut you out. I shut you out even when I wouldn’t let you do the same—”

  “It doesn’t matter—”

  “It matters,” he said grimly. “It matters a lot. I want to tell you about it. I want you to know it all. Please…let me tell you.”

  “Why?” She made herself look at him. “Why now?”

  “Because I need to.”

  Everything within her softened, and she sighed, reaching for his hand.

  “I wasn’t the supervisor for the crew that was lost.” He stared at their joined hands. “I should have been, I wanted to be, but there was a scheduling mess up, and sometimes, especially within the fire community, there’s no arguing with the powers that be.”

  “I know what happened wasn’t your fault.”

  “Yeah.” He rubbed his eyes. “We’d been there for three weeks. Out in the middle of nowhere, with tents and army rations. We were exhausted. Beyond exhausted.”

  “Sounds like a nightmare.”

  “It was. I was supervising a crew on the other side of a firebreak from Greg and the others. My gut told me the weather was changing, my weather kit confirmed it. But when I radioed headquarters, they told us to hold our positions. They…demanded it.”

  She couldn’t imagine the conditions he’d faced. “Why?”

  “Because we’d been out there too long already. By all reports, we were close to containment and they were feeling federal pressure to wrap it up.” He let out a long breath. “So I followed directions like a blind soldier, despite my screaming instincts. And the cold front blew in, the winds whipped through the canyons and caught us with no way out.”

  Lyndie’s heart wrenched at the misery on his face. “You couldn’t have done anything differently. Not with the pressures you were all under.”

  “If the scheduling switch hadn’t happened, if the weather report about the cold front had made its way down the line, if I’d listened to myself, if we hadn’t all been so exhausted—” He lifted a shoulder. “Lots of what-ifs, but I’m tired of thinking about them, dreaming about them. Mistakes were made, people died. It was…a tragedy, a terrible tragedy. But I’m learning to live with it. Even, apparently, learning to talk about it.” He offered her the saddest, most heart-wrenching smile she’d ever seen. “I just wanted you to know.”

  “Hey! Over here…” Brody, standing near Tom and his waiting Jeep, waved them over. There was no mistaking the tension there, or the desperate plea in his face.

  Lyndie looked at Griffin. “He needs you.”

  “Yeah.” He looked so torn, Lyndie decided to make it easy for him. She walked to the Jeep.

  And she was fine. She was fine with the fact Griffin had tortured himself when it hadn’t been his fault. She was fine with the fact that after this trip, she’d never see him again. She was fine with all of it, and she put the cool, even smile on her face to prove it.

  But on the inside, the mourning began.

  Tom had grabbed Nina in a big, fat bear hug. When he finally let her go, he turned and nodded to Griffin, who had moved to stand next to his brother. Tom also smiled very kindly at Lyndie, and because she felt so fragile, it had her own frosty smile slipping for a moment. “Thanks for bringing her back to me,” he said.

  “Actually, I didn’t even know that’s what I was doing.” She put a hand on Brody’s shoulder. “Brody arranged for all this; the flight, the supplies, everything, so maybe you should be thanking him.”

  Tom looked at Brody. “Oh, I’ll get to him.”

  Brody stood up a little straighter and offered a weak smile.

  “Papa,” Nina warned. “Don’t—”

  Tom held up his head at his daughter, silencing her, but he never took his eyes off Brody. “I’ve got a shotgun in my Jeep, boy. And I’m licensed to use it.”

  A little pale, Brody nodded.

  “Tom.” Griffin took a step forward, but Tom pointed at him, halting him. “I like you, son. I like you a lot, but don’t even think about interrupting me right now when I’m on a roll. I don’t get on a roll very often. Hell, I can’t even remember the last time I had to muster up a good temper, but I’m mustered up at the moment. Mustered up enough to get us a shotgun wedding, right here, right now.”

  Despite Tom’s standing nearly in his face, Brody reached for Nina’s hand. “A shotgun wedding…” He shot her a sweet smile. “Sounds good. Assuming you give me enough time to get my parents here.”

  “I didn’t ask you,” Tom said. “I’m telling you.”

  “Yes, but seeing as we’re all adults, I’m pretending you did. In any case, the joke is on you, because nothing, nothing, would make my life more complete than to be married to your daughter. I was going to ask her this weekend anyway.”

  Nina gasped, covering her mouth with her hands, her sparkling eyes on Brody.

  He smiled softly at her. “It would put meaning to my life to be a part of yours.” He brought her fingers to his mouth, watching her with warm eyes over their joined hands. “Maybe I came here to save my brother, but instead, I saved myself. This place saved me. You saved me,” he said to her, his eyes brilliant and suspiciously shiny.

  “Oh, Brody. Te quiero. I love you.” Nina threw her arms around his neck. “I love you so much.”

  “Is that a yes, you’ll marry me? You’ll be my wife, my friend, my lover…for the rest of our lives?”

  Nina’s smile was slow and beautiful. “Yes, querido. Yes, to all of it.” Then she planted a long kiss on him.

  After a moment, Brody pulled back, holding her face as if they were all alone. “I love it here,” he said. “Your family is here.” He never so much as glanced at Tom, who looked as if a good wind could blow him over. “I know you want to get out and see the world. And I look forward to that, too, but I can also see spending time, lots of time, right here.”

  Nina looked around her, at the magnificent mountains, at the beauty and serenity unrivaled to just about anywhere else in the world, and then at Tom, and slowly nodded. “Maybe we
could come here after college, during the summers. Do some extra teaching.”

  “I’d like that,” Brody said.

  Tom just kept staring at them as if they’d lost their minds. “You mean…you want to get married?”

  “Yes,” Nina said, her wet eyes still on Brody’s. “Oh, most definitely yes. Let’s call your parents.”

  Brody swung her around, while the two of them shared another extremely private kiss.

  Tom looked so utterly flabbergasted, Lyndie took pity on him, and slung her arm around his shoulders. “Poor baby. You didn’t expect them to want to get hitched, did you?”

  “Shit.”

  Smiling, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “Well, you’ve done it now, Papa. You’re going to have to be happy for them.”

  “Shit,” he repeated brilliantly.

  Lyndie herself couldn’t quite understand why Nina felt she needed the little scrap of paper that would proclaim her another man’s wife, but if Nina wanted it that badly, then she should have it. “It’s going to be okay, Tom. They’re good together.”

  Nina danced in a circle and grinned. “We’ll do it here, soon as we can get Brody’s parents here.” She turned to Lyndie, and kissed both her cheeks. “And you, you’ll be my maid of honor.”

  “Now, wait a minute—”

  “You’ll have to smile, though.” Nina cocked a brow. “You do have a smile, right?”

  “I don’t think—”

  “Good,” Nina said. “Stick with that. No thinking. Just doing.” She clapped her hands. “And we have lots of doing. Let’s go get started!”

  Lyndie got into the Jeep with Nina, watching Griffin hug Brody before they got in as well, the two of their sun-kissed heads close together, their faces creased in matching smiles. Two brothers so alike, and yet so different. Brody’s smile came easily, carefree. His eyes held nothing but love and joy.

  Griffin…his smile didn’t quite meet his eyes, because swimming there was still so much emotion that it took her breath. She knew this because he turned right then and looked at her, as if maybe he couldn’t stop thinking about her.

  She knew the feeling. It pissed her off.