Healing Hearts

by Syndi Powell

  Zach raised a brow at April, whose cheeks had become a deep pink. “Did you say you were coming by?” he asked, positive of her answer.

  She shook her head. “I found something that I thought might be of interest with respect to taking care of your mother, so I stopped here on my drive home from work.” She took the papers from Dolores and handed them to him. “It’s about alternative therapies for those with memory issues. Herbal remedies and supplements that seem to aid in cognitive development and retention.”

  Zach looked briefly at the top article before tossing the papers back on the table. “And you think I haven’t tried some of these?”

  “You probably have, but knowledge is power.” She pointed to one of the supplements. “I’ve treated several patients who have found success with this one.”

  Zach removed his scarf and coat, and dumped them on the nearest empty chair. When he looked at both women again, it seemed as if they were expecting him to yell at them. Instead, he sighed and nodded. “I’ll read them, I promise, but I’ve kept on top of the research out there. If it’s been written, I’ve seen it.”

  April said, “I wanted to repay you for treating us all to lunch the other day. I figured this was one thing I could do.”

  “It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, but I didn’t buy you lunch so you would do something for me.”

  April raised her chin. “I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

  She put on her coat, and Zach reached over to help her when she struggled to find a sleeve. She turned abruptly, and they nearly bumped heads. Instead, he found himself staring into her baby blue eyes. “Thank you for thinking of me. Of us.”

  She swallowed, and he saw the muscles in her neck contract and release. He considered reaching up and touching that muscle, but realized that Dolores was watching them. “I’m going to check on my mother.”

  “She had Judge Judy on. You know how she loves that show.” Dolores glanced at the clock on the wall. “Do you want me to wait for the night nurse?”

  Zach waved at her. “I’ll be home until she gets here. See you in the morning.”

  Dolores’s gaze flicked between him and April, and she covered a smile with her hand as she left the room to retrieve her things. She made her goodbyes and left through the back door. April sighed. “I should get going, too. I have some knitting to do.”

  Zach squelched a smile. “Another item on your list?”

  “I thought it might be relaxing. In fact, it’s the opposite, it’s driving me crazy.” She pounded her fist into her palm. “But I will figure it out. Even if it kills me.”

  “You could stay for dinner.” Zach paused. Had he really said that aloud? He’d been thinking it, and it had flown out of his mouth on its own accord. “I don’t have anything that’s fancy, but I’m sure we can figure something out.” He started to search through the cupboards and brought out two cans of soup. “Chicken and dumplings? Or split pea?”

  April shook her head and put her purse strap over her shoulder. “As tempting as they may be, I need to get home. I have a big day tomorrow, and I want to be in bed early tonight.”

  “Busy at work?”

  “More like having some tests done. Want to make sure the cancer is staying away.” She wrapped her pink scarf around her neck. “Another reason I need to relax. These doctor visits still make me nervous. I’ll probably toss and turn all night.”

  “You think the cancer has returned?”

  “It’s been almost a year cancer-free, and I still worry about the what-ifs. I know the statistics are in my favor, but my friend Page wasn’t so lucky.”

  “She’s still with us, isn’t she?”

  April smiled and took a deep breath. “Have a good night. You and your mom.”

  “Please stay. I’ll distract you and keep your mind off tomorrow’s appointment.” He shook the cans of soup. “And I’ll feed you.”

  “Zachary, are you home?” his mom yelled from her bedroom. “I’m hungry. Is it dinner yet?”

  He glanced down the hall toward his mom’s room and sighed. “Duty calls.”

  She unwound the scarf from her neck and placed it and her coat over the counter, then she took the cans of soup from his hands. “I’ll heat dinner while you check on her.”

  “Are you sure you don’t mind helping?” The idea of them working together to care for his mom warmed his insides.

  April shooed him away as she began to open cupboards, needing to find a pot. Zach pointed to the cupboard above the stove. “They’re in there. I’ll be right back.”

  He left April to it and walked down the hallway to his mother’s bedroom. When he opened the door, she sat up in her recliner and clapped her hands. “You are home. How was work?”

  She seemed lucid, which he took as a good sign. “It’s been really busy getting Tom ready for the draft in a few weeks. How was your day?”

  “That woman kept bossing me around.” She pouted, but it softened to a smile when he kissed her on the cheek. She reached up and put a hand on his head, ruffling his hair. “You keep growing on me. Soon you’ll be married and leaving me.”

  “I’m not getting married anytime soon, Ma.” And it wasn’t like he could leave her. “My friend April is making some soup for dinner, and if you’re good you can have an ice-cream bar after.”

  “They’re my favorite.”

  “I know.” He felt like a father rewarding his young daughter, but then he’d slipped into that role years ago. “Do you want to eat dinner in your room or would you like to go to the dining room?”

  “Where are you eating?”

  “Wherever you are.”

  They ended up eating off trays in his mother’s bedroom. April had placed a small plate with crackers next to the bowls of soup. His mother could feed herself, but it was much like a toddler learning how to use a spoon. April didn’t wince or make faces as the soup dribbled down his mother’s chin. Instead, she reached up with a napkin to wipe it away.

  His mother peered at April. “Who is your friend, Zach?”

  “April. She’s a doctor.”

  His mother’s eyes got wide, and she started to shake her head. “I don’t like doctors. They hurt me.”

  Zach put his spoon down and rubbed his mother’s shoulder. “April won’t hurt you. She’s my friend.”

  “I promise I won’t hurt you, Mrs. Harrison.”

  His mother looked between them. “Promise?”

  April nodded and held up her hand to swear to it. “I’m just Zach’s friend who came over for dinner.”

  “Okay.” His mother pushed the bowl of soup away. “I’m done. Can we have ice cream now?”

  She’d eaten more than half of the soup, which Zach counted as a victory. Feeding her could be difficult at times, and he attributed her easiness to having company. He agreed and left the bedroom. In the kitchen, he retrieved three paper-covered ice-cream bars from the freezer. When he returned, he found April brushing his mother’s hair. She looked up at him and shrugged. “She mentioned that she wanted to fix herself up a little.”

  “April’s good at hair,” his mother informed him. “She’s gentle with her hands. Maybe you should be a hairdresser instead of a doctor, dear. You’d be great.”

  April chuckled and continued pulling the brush slowly through his mom’s hair. “Maybe if this doctor thing doesn’t work out, it would be a nice fallback.” Her gaze held his, and she winked.

  That wink sent his heart soaring. To see her there interacting with and caring for his mother with such ease made it feel like he could have a normal life. That the burden he carried could be one he shared.

  After her hair had been brushed, his mom let April help her get into her pajamas. Zach read a chapter from Little Women until his mother fell asleep, then he and April tiptoed out of the room. Zach closed the door and leaned against it. “T
hanks for doing that.”

  April nodded. They carried the dirty dishes from their dinner to the kitchen and placed them in the sink. April started the water. Zach leaned over and turned off the faucet. “I’ll do that later. Do you want to sit down in the living room?”

  April stifled a yawn. “I really do have to get home. Lucky thing I don’t live far from here.” She walked into the dining room and retrieved her coat and purse. “Your mom had a good night.”

  “She was due for a few. It’s been difficult lately. Her moods are all over the place. And the violent streak has been increasing.” He leaned on the back of a chair and clasped his hands in front of him. “I was starting to worry that I might have to put her in a facility.”

  The crease between April’s eyebrows furrowed deeper. “Just because she was docile tonight doesn’t mean that she won’t be violent tomorrow. That’s not how this disease works. It gets worse, not better.”

  That’s what he’d been worried about. He’d hoped that the calm he’d experienced with her would continue. He’d been navigating on eggshells long enough, hoping that he wouldn’t spark an outburst from her. He couldn’t be expected to live the rest of his life that way. Could he?

  She hugged him gently. “If you need anything...”

  He closed his eyes, put a hand under her chin and kissed her softly. He rested his forehead against hers. “You’ve done enough. Thank you.”

  She bit her lip and nodded before leaving.

  * * *

  THE CROWD AT the Hope Center was a little light for a regular meeting. Sherri had showed, but she looked tired as she slowly lowered her body into one of the metal folding chairs. Page wouldn’t be there since she had to work, and a few others hadn’t yet appeared. April took a seat next to Sherri and offered her one of the bottles of water she’d brought over from the refreshment table. Sherri thanked her and twisted off the cap before taking a sip. “I’ve been so thirsty lately.”

  “It’s the radiation. Dehydrates you, so make sure you push the fluids.” April opened her own bottle of water, but didn’t take a drink. “How are you feeling otherwise?”

  “Okay, I guess. More tired than normal.” She adjusted the scarf on her head. “Only one more week of this, then I’m done.”

  “Then your body can rest.” April gave Sherri’s hand a squeeze. “You’re almost there, kiddo. I know you’re going to be fine.”

  “I’ll be fine once the doctor tells me that the cancer is officially gone.”

  “I remember that day. In fact, we’re coming up on my one-year anniversary, and I plan on throwing a party to celebrate. You and Agent Hottie will come, right?”

  Sherri smiled. “You’ve been there for me, so you bet I’ll be there for you, cheering you on.” She sipped her water and pointed at the circle of vacant chairs. “Where is everyone tonight?”

  “If they’re lucky, on a beach down south somewhere. Or in Page’s case, doing her shift at the hospital. I’ll be glad when her night rotation is over. I don’t get to hang out with her as much when we’re on opposite shifts.”

  More women filed in and Lynn, the group’s leader, entered the center of the circle. “Before we get started, I want to remind everyone that we’re having a fundraising dinner next month. Tickets can be purchased anytime. Since I don’t see any new faces, who would like to kick off our sharing time tonight?”

  April’s eyebrows rose as Sherri raised her hand. Usually, Sherri listened as others talked about their lives, gave encouragement, clapped at the end. But sharing a story? This was a first.

  Lynn smiled at Sherri and took a seat. Sherri sat up a little taller in her chair. “I have one more week of radiation, and then my treatment will be behind me. Which has gotten me thinking about what comes next. What happens after treatment? I mean, April’s got her second-chance list to work on. But what am I going to do?”

  “What do you want to do?” Lynn asked.

  Sherri looked hesitant and was silent at first. “I want to enjoy my life with my husband and our adopted son. Shouldn’t that be enough?”

  April put a hand on her arm. “Is that enough for you?”

  “The thing is, before cancer, I was single and alone. Now I have this family, so I don’t know what a life is with them without cancer. A life that doesn’t include treatments that make me sick and tired.” Sherri chuckled. “Marcus might like to finally have a mom who isn’t cranky or nauseous all the time or who keeps asking him to be quiet so she can rest. He might like to have a mom who can be as active as he is.”

  Lynn smiled. “So you want to become more active.”

  “I want to get to know this new body. I want to find my limits and what I’m capable of doing.” Sherri looked at the circle of faces. “I want to find a new normal for the way my life is now. And appreciate it. Does it have to be going on a trip or learning a new hobby? Can my second-chance list have just one thing on it—to simply be?”

  “That’s a wonderful thing to want to be, Sherri,” Lynn said. “You don’t have to celebrate your end of treatment like any one of us. It’s unique to you. April likes big gestures and new experiences. Your goal can be to live your life in the moment and enjoy it. There’s no right or wrong answer.”

  Sherri smiled and leaned back in her chair. “I kept thinking I had to want something more.”

  April said, “You’re not me, Sherri. You haven’t traveled my road, so why should you want the same things? And maybe we’ll end up at the same place, just from different directions.”

  The discussion thread was picked up by Gwen, who had been cancer-free for six years. Lily shared a funny story about one of her kindergartners remarking about how her bald head looked like his dad’s. Lynn’s eyes focused on April when a lull fell in the group. “What about you, April? Anything to share this week?”

  “We’ve talked about how our treatments help us to get better. To destroy the bad cells in our bodies. Talking about getting better gives us hope and something to hold on to when we’re losing our lunch in the bathroom. That one day, this will all end.” She paused and realized again how much she appreciated this group of tough women. “I’ve gotten to know someone recently who has a disease that will never get better. Watching her son take care of her and knowing there is no cure breaks my heart.” Her voice cracked, and she paused again to control her inner turmoil. “What I’ve gone through with breast cancer made me take a long look at my life, and I didn’t like what I saw. If there’s anything positive about this, for me, it’s that I’m a better person because of it.” A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye, and she wiped it away with her pinkie finger. “It would have been great if it didn’t take cancer to wake me up, but that’s what happened. And I’m thankful for every day since my diagnosis.”

  Others nodded and Sherri reached over to pat her on the shoulder. Lynn sucked in a deep breath and released it. “Thank you for sharing that.” She had them stand and join hands. They finished the meeting with an affirmation of healing.

  Sherri followed April to her car. “What you said in there was beautiful.”

  “It’s been on my mind lately, while watching Zach with his mom.” She toyed with her car keys as she tried to find the right words. “She will never get better, and he loses a piece of her with each minute that goes by. But, I was given a second chance. And I’m going to grab it with both hands.”

  Sherri nodded and gave April a hug. “Me, too.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  DR. FRAZIER’S OFFICE number popped up on her phone as April stood in the home improvement store staring at cans of paint. She put the basket full of painting supplies on the floor and answered the phone. “Iris, what’s going on? The nurses have you calling your own patients these days?”

  Dr. Frazier cleared her throat on the other end. “I need to see you in my office as soon as you can make it. I’d like to go over your test results.”
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  “Well, I’m off work today. Are you available in five minutes?” She chuckled, but the silence on the doctor’s side made her pause. “It’s that serious?”

  “There’s something in your blood work from last week that has me very concerned.”

  Oh. The store suddenly felt ten degrees warmer, and April clawed at the scarf that she’d tied around her neck and unzipped her jacket. “Is the cancer back?”

  “You know there are certain markers in the blood that I keep an eye on. One of them is really elevated.”

  “But it could be nothing.”

  “Or it could be something we need to get a better look at.”

  That meant more tests. An MRI and a PET scan. Maybe even a mammogram to see if the breast tissue that remained had developed cancer. She couldn’t do this again. Wouldn’t be able to fight. She’d thought this was all over with. Thought she’d put this in her past. She was working through her second-chance list because she was healthy again. She was supposed to be picking out a new paint color for her bedroom, not worried about more tests to tell her if the cancer had returned.

  She swallowed. “When do you want me to come in?”

  “Now.”

  April abandoned the basket of supplies in the aisle and drove to the medical building beside the hospital. She waited in the lobby until one of Dr. Frazier’s nurses came to get her. Instead of putting her in an examination room, the nurse escorted her to Iris’s personal office. April entered and took a seat in front of Iris and her massive oak desk. “This isn’t supposed to happen. You said we got all the cancer out. I’m almost at my one-year marker. This isn’t supposed to happen.”