Family Business

by Michael Z. Lewin

  No. I’m too mature to do something like that, Gina decided as she walked out the door.

  But if that’s the truth, she asked herself as she walked past the Podium, what was I doing in the Hilton in the first place?

  Rosetta’s door was ajar but Marie knocked on it anyway. She said, ‘Auntie Rose, it’s seven.’

  ‘Is it?’ Rosetta sat on the edge of her bed supporting her head with her hands.

  ‘Is something wrong?’

  Rosetta sighed and rose. ‘Nothing’s wrong. I was just hoping your mother would come home. Do you know where she is?’

  ‘No. Sorry,’ Marie said.

  ‘Or how long she’ll be?’

  ‘I haven’t seen her since this morning.’

  ‘Never mind,’ Rosetta said.

  Mama and the Old Man stood in front of Block Letter. ‘So now you’ve seen it,’ Mama said. ‘Are you happy? Have you learned something?’

  The Old Man shook the door. It was locked, but loose enough to rattle.

  Mama said, ‘You expected him to be open for business?’

  ‘His kind of funny business,’ the Old Man said, ‘who can tell?’

  ‘And if you found him, then what? He would have confessed to something?’

  The Old Man pushed hard against the door. It didn’t give.

  ‘What are you doing?’ Mama asked.

  ‘What does it look?’ The Old Man pushed the door again, unsuccessfully. He stepped back.

  ‘Stop being silly!’ Mama said.

  ‘Huh!’ the Old Man said. Lowering his shoulder he stepped hard toward the door. Wood in the frame splintered. The door flew open. The Old Man fell forward, but maintained his balance. He turned to Mama. ‘You’re staying outside? To direct traffic?’

  Mama examined the door frame’s damage. ‘I hope you’re pleased with yourself.’

  The Old Man was extremely pleased with himself. ‘I’m closing the door,’ he said. ‘Are you in or out?’

  Mama entered Block Letter.

  ‘Close it behind,’ the Old Man said.

  ‘I’m supposed to fix it? Where’s the hammer and nails?’

  ‘So lean, if it won’t stay shut.’

  Mama looked around. She found a cardboard box and pulled it over to hold the door shut. Then she found a light switch and threw it. Two fluorescent bulbs flickered into life overhead. ‘We’re going to gaol anyway,’ she said, ‘so do you want to tell me what’s so important to look for?’

  When Gina returned home she went straight to the office in case Angelo had left a message. She found David crouched on the floor, drawing. She stood for a minute and watched him work. ‘David?’

  ‘Oh, hi, Mum,’ David said after a quick glance.

  ‘Have you heard from your father?’ Gina said.

  ‘Not since this afternoon. He was with Muffin.’

  ‘Did he say where they were going?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘And he hasn’t called in the last hour or so?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Have you eaten?’

  ‘No,’ David said.

  ‘Are you hungry?’

  ‘No.’

  Gina felt frustration at the one-sidedness of the conversation. Especially because there were things to say, things to talk to Angelo about. She said, ‘I’ve been at the police station with Charlie.’

  David continued drawing.

  ‘Aren’t you interested?’ Gina said.

  After a pause, without looking up, David said, ‘Sure, Mum. But I’m finishing something.’

  ‘Well,’ Gina said, ‘I’m going to get something to eat. If you get it done, or if you get hungry, you can come across and I’ll explain to you why the police are out looking for Howard right now, and why they think he may be a murderer.’

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  As Mama and the Old Man made their way through Block Letter’s files, they discovered business stationery printed with an enormous variety of African company names and addresses.

  ‘They got no printers in Africa? They have to print such things in Bath?’ the Old Man said. ‘Huh!’

  Despite herself, Mama was impressed that their illicit entry had borne such obvious fruit. ‘So what do we do?’ she asked. ‘Put it back where we found it?’

  ‘One each,’ the Old Man said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘We take samples, like blood. One each. Make a pile.’

  They made a pile. There were many files to sample. The pile grew rapidly.

  Then they heard voices, outside. Two men were talking and they seemed to be near the Block Letter door. The sounds froze both Mama and the Old Man while at the same time melting each inside.

  When the voices stopped the Old Man moved a finger to his lips, signalling Mama not to make any noise. As if she needed to be told that.

  But nothing happened. Nobody knocked or tried to enter. Mama looked to the Old Man. He shrugged. Mama eased herself to the plastic window. She could see no one. She turned back to the Old Man and shook her head.

  ‘Back to work,’ he said.

  Jenny was at the bus station when Marie and Rosetta arrived. Marie introduced her aunt and then asked, ‘Well, where shall we go?’

  ‘I talked to Olive,’ Jenny said, ‘and she says they’re definitely not serving without IDs at the Cat and Fountain.’

  ‘Their loss,’ Marie said, and she tossed her hair.

  Jenny said, ‘So what I thought was, since we’re at the bus station anyway, why don’t we all go up to the university. We’ll make the fare back because drinks at the Union are cheap.’ Jenny suddenly looked at Rosetta. She put her hand over her mouth and made an have-I-made-an-oopsie? face.

  ‘It’s OK,’ Marie said. ‘Auntie Rose knows I drink, don’t you, Auntie Rose?’

  Rosetta did now. She nodded.

  ‘Great!’ Jenny said. ‘So you can go to the bar for us even if they get fusspotty about IDs up there.’

  The prospect of going somewhere, of being with people who were lighthearted, drew Rosetta back toward the lightness she’d enjoyed all afternoon. The lightness that had been so abruptly snuffed by the message from Walter. Forget Walter. Rosetta said, ‘I don’t know whether I’ve got my ID with me, but who needs it?’ She pulled her full skirt well up above her knees and waved one leg about cancan-like.

  ‘Great!’ Jenny said, and the three women headed toward the university bus stop with arms around each others’ waists.

  Gina sat at the kitchen table. She was chewing on a piece of cold chicken when David came in.

  ‘Mum?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘What was that about murder?’

  ‘There’s more chicken in the fridge if you want some,’ Gina said.

  ‘You said about Howard being a murderer.’

  ‘If you don’t want chicken, I think there’s some ham left.’

  ‘Mum!’ David said.

  Gina looked up smiling. ‘I spent most of the afternoon talking to policemen who think that Howard may have beaten an old man to death!’

  The pile of African business stationery samples was nearly an inch thick when Mama and the Old Man heard a motor vehicle. It stopped outside Block Letter. Then Mama and the Old Man heard vehicle doors slam.

  Before either could say anything, someone crashed into the Block Letter door and it clattered open. The cardboard box put up only token resistance.

  Two young men rushed in. The first saw the Old Man. ‘There’s someone in here!’ he said.

  As the second turned to pull the door shut he saw Mama by the window. ‘Here’s another one! We’ve caught ourselves a couple of fucking thieves.’

  Although there was no one else on the bus as it climbed the hill to the university, the three women squeezed on to a single seat. Marie said, ‘Let’s do lies!’

  ‘Good plan!’ Jenny said.

  ‘I don’t understand,’ Rosetta said.

  ‘What we do,’ Marie said, ‘is we think up one lie for each of us to tell about ourselves a
nd we stick to them all evening. It’s mega.’

  ‘What kind of lie?’ Rosetta asked.

  ‘What did we use that time?’ Jenny asked.

  ‘Like one time Jenny said she was Mick Jagger’s goddaughter,’ Marie said.

  ‘Oh, that’s right!’ Jenny said. ‘And this dozy pillock asked me if I still got birthday presents from him! Remember?’

  ‘All black leather and pimples. Yuk!’ Marie said. ‘And another time I said I worked at a kennel as a dog-mater. And I told them all about how I got the dogs to do it.’ The two younger women flooded the bus with laughter.

  Then Jenny said, ‘Right, what lies shall we do tonight?’

  Faced with angry young men who had caught her in an act of blatant illegality, Mama had no words. She could only cross herself between involuntarily deep breaths.

  However the Old Man stepped forward. He pointed a finger at the young man who was closer to him. ‘You tell me now,’ he said. ‘Which one of you is this Howard who pretends to be a private detective?’

  Although there were no signs indicating the way to the Student Union bar, Jenny and Marie led Rosetta up the stairs and through the boxy corridors without error or hesitation. ‘Years of practice,’ Marie said.

  The bar itself was almost empty. A few drinkers, all male, were scattered around the large scruffy room. One sat on a stool talking to the barman. The three women settled in a cluster of vinyl-covered chairs.

  Rosetta volunteered to buy the first round of drinks.

  ‘See?’ Marie said to Jenny. ‘I knew it was a good idea to ask her along.’ Jenny requested a large rum and coke. Marie decided that sounded good too.

  When the barman turned from the drinker on the stool to ask Rosetta what she wanted, Rosetta ordered three large rum and cokes. Well, why not?

  The man on the bar stool said, ‘All for you?’

  ‘No, I’m with friends,’ Rosetta said. Then she was disappointed she hadn’t thought of something snappier.

  The man was rather good-looking in an academic way. He wore glasses and a Greenpeace T-shirt. He sat beside a half-empty pint of stout. ‘Hi,’ he said. ‘I haven’t seen you in here before.’

  ‘I haven’t been in here before,’ Rosetta said.

  ‘Celebrating the end of exams?’

  ‘No. I’m just visiting. I’m a nurse.’ Her lie.

  ‘Interesting,’ the man said. ‘How do you do. My name’s Bernard.’

  ‘I’m really glad you came,’ Muffin said.

  ‘Me too,’ Angelo said.

  ‘Explain it all to Salvatore for me, will you?’

  ‘I will,’ Angelo said.

  ‘You really are a lovely man, Angelo Lunghi.’ Muffin kissed him full on the mouth and held him close. ‘Thank you. I’m very grateful.’

  ‘There’s nothing to be grateful for,’ Angelo said.

  ‘Yes, there is,’ Muffin said. ‘As you know full well.’

  Bernard helped Rosetta carry the drinks back to Jenny and Marie, who had seen the developing action from their seats. They were ready as Rosetta introduced her new friend to them. ‘This is Bernard,’ Rosetta said. ‘He’s reading chemical engineering and he’s from Shrewsbury.’

  ‘I’m Marie, and this is Jenny.’

  ‘Where are you both from, originally?’ Bernard said.

  ‘Bath,’ Marie said.

  ‘Originally?’ Jenny said, accepting the question as her cue. ‘I was made in heaven, and I’m planning to become a priest.’

  Bernard took the lie in his stride. ‘Anglican or Roman Catholic?’

  ‘Oh, Roman Catholic,’ Jenny said. ‘I don’t think there’s any point in a woman becoming a priest if she’s not willing to go all the way.’

  Jenny and Marie began to laugh. Bernard smiled at Rosetta. Rosetta thought, he has a rather nice smile. And he seems to like me. She smiled back.

  Marie said, ‘Did Rosetta tell you what she does?’

  ‘A nurse,’ Bernard said. ‘It’s an undervalued profession.’

  ‘No,’ Marie said. ‘What she does?’

  ‘What do you do?’ Bernard asked Rosetta easily.

  ‘It’s … I work in a vasectomy clinic,’ Rosetta said.

  ‘Oh,’ Bernard said.

  ‘They’re teaching her how to do it,’ Marie said.

  ‘She’s come up here to find some students to practise on,’ Jenny said.

  ‘You see,’ Gina said to David, ‘a professional burglar would have taken the money and some of the small silver things in the house. And an amateur burglar wouldn’t have been able to get in without leaving signs of how he did it.’

  ‘Can I have the mustard, please, Mum?’

  ‘On chicken?’

  ‘I’m in a mustard phase,’ David said. ‘I expect I’ll grow out of it.’

  Gina passed the mustard. ‘So then I started talking with Charlie the way I do with your father, the way we do around the table. I said, “If he isn’t a professional and if he isn’t an amateur, maybe he isn’t a burglar.” Pass the salt, please.’

  David passed the salt.

  The Union bar filled rapidly and it wasn’t long before another man approached the three women sitting alone by the window. Jenny saw him first. ‘This one looks creepy,’ she said to Marie. ‘He’s all yours.’

  ‘Remind me to do you a favour sometime,’ Marie said.

  This man was a few years older than Bernard. He carried a bottle of beer but no glass. He dropped heavily on to the seat Bernard had vacated.

  ‘Don’t you wait till you’re invited?’ Marie said.

  With a slimy smile the man said, ‘I saw the guy who was here a few minutes ago.’

  ‘Congratulations,’ Jenny said. ‘When did the surgeons restore your sight?’

  ‘He ran out. What’s the matter? You girls got Aids?’

  ‘Yes,’ Marie said. ‘But you can’t have any.’

  ‘He was an atheist,’ Jenny said.

  Rosetta said nothing. She was looking at the man’s knobbly hands.

  ‘I’m not a student,’ the man said. He fumbled in one of the pockets of his black mac. He pulled out a photograph. ‘I’m a private detective. I’m trying to crack a tough case. Have any of you dames ever seen this broad?’

  Gina said, ‘So Charlie said, “If not a burglar then what?” So I said, “How about someone he already knew? Someone he would let into the house?” And Charlie said, “And there was a disagreement and that’s why the old guy got hit?” And I said, “Maybe the guns were only taken to make it look like a burglary.”’

  David said, ‘And then the guns were dumped?’

  ‘Which would explain why they haven’t turned up.’

  ‘Is there any cheese?’ David asked.

  Jenny said, ‘You’re a private detective?’

  ‘That’s right,’ Howard said. ‘A genuine private eye.’

  ‘Well, what a coincidence. So is my friend Marie here.’

  Howard stared at Marie, obviously surprised. He opened his mouth. When eventually a word came out the word was, ‘Bull.’

  ‘No, it’s true,’ Jenny insisted, abandoning Marie’s lie for a version of the truth. ‘In fact Marie was working on a case only, this afternoon, weren’t you?’

  Howard continued to stare at Marie, his jaw hanging loose.

  ‘Yeah, she is gorgeous, isn’t she,’ Jenny said. ‘Go on, Marie. Flutter your eyelashes for the nice man.’

  Marie, well rum-and-coked, fluttered her eyelashes. ‘Ain’t those bitchin’ eye-trims?’ Jenny said.

  ‘You may be pretty,’ Howard said, ‘but I bet you don’t work on dangerous cases like I do.’

  Marie said, ‘I bet I do.’

  ‘Tell about the case you were on today,’ Jenny invited.

  ‘Well,’ Marie said, ‘two men were trying to kill this other man, but we—that’s the detective agency I work for—we’re giving him round-the-clock protection, no matter what the expense.’

  ‘That doesn’t sound very dangerous.’
<
br />   ‘More dangerous than showing people a picture.’

  ‘Well,’ Howard said, ‘finding her’s only the start.’

  ‘Sounds more like the finish to me,’ Marie said, tossing her hair. She laughed, like she laughed at David.

  Howard didn’t like it. ‘You may protect people,’ he said, ‘but I bet you’ve never killed anybody.’

  ‘Oh, and I suppose you have,’ Jenny said.

  ‘Could be,’ Howard said.

  ‘Yeah!’ Marie said. ‘We really believe that! And I bet the stain on your shirt is a bloodstain.’

  Howard looked down at his shirt. There was no stain. The two girls laughed and hugged each other.

  ‘You’re taking the piss,’ he said, growing angrier. ‘But you shouldn’t mess with me. I have killed someone.’ He glared at one giggling girl, then the other. ‘I have.’

  David said, ‘Is there any ice cream?’

  ‘I think so,’ Gina said. ‘Maybe Howard was on the fiddle and it showed up in Block Letter’s accounts.’

  ‘And there was a showdown,’ David said as he removed a container from the freezing compartment. ‘And Howard smashed his head in.’

  ‘Some of the quiet ones get violent when they’re angry,’ Gina said.

  David spooned ice cream into a bowl. ‘That plays,’ he said solemnly.

  ‘I drive a Jag,’ Howard said.

  ‘A Matchbox Jag?’ Marie said. She and Jenny giggled. Rosetta watched.

  Howard fumbled in his pockets. He pulled out a set of keys and waved them. ‘I do!’ he said. ‘A real Jag, and it’s great. I’ve had it customized. It’s got a sensuous interior.’

  ‘But no engine!’ Marie said.

  ‘Come out and see,’ Howard said. ‘I’ll take you for a ride.’

  ‘Me?’ Marie said. ‘Go for a ride in a car with you?’

  ‘Why not?’ Howard said.

  ‘Get a life.’

  ‘Honest, it’s great,’ Howard said. ‘You’d like it.’

  ‘I bet he doesn’t even have a Jag,’ Jenny said.

  ‘Any more than he ever murdered somebody,’ Marie said. She turned to Howard. ‘Honestly! You’re so full of shit it’s coming out of your ears.’