This Courage of Mine

by Amanda Bennett

  “You okay to walk, baby?” She was lookin’ pretty weak and frail, and I didn’t want her pushin’ herself before her appointment.

  “I’m a little tired.”

  I bent down and picked her up and carried her up to the door. I set her down gently and then covered her eyes that were already closed. “Okay, turn this way a bit. Are you ready?”

  “As I’ll ever be, I suppose.” She laughed a nervous laugh so I bent down and gave her a reassuring kiss to her cheek.

  “Okay, open your eyes.” I removed my hand so she was now facing the front of our house where Kayla, Madison, Mia, Kayla’s grandparents and Madison’s grams all stood waiting to see Cami.

  Cami’s mouth fell open in surprise and the tears began to well up behind her eyes. I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind and pulled her back tightly into my chest. Her heart was racin’ and I could tell she was at a loss for words. “You happy, baby?”

  “More than words can express. The house is absolutely stunning, Glenn. Thank you.” Cami waved at everyone, and then pressed a kiss to my lips before makin’ her way over to say hi. She gave everyone a hug, stopping the longest when she got to Mia and Kayla. I could tell that Cami wanted to hold Mia, but she just didn’t have the strength these day.

  “All right everyone, let’s head inside. We still have to get this little lady to her appointment in just a bit. I swooped up Cami in my arms and carried her over the threshold.

  “It’s about damn time.” She joked, as I carried her through the front entryway and set her down in the foyer.

  “You like?”

  “Absolutely.”

  She was in awe of the place, and that made my heart melt. My goal was to always be able to provide this for my wife, along with everything else she deserved in this world. I followed her through the house as she walked through exploring every room, every nook and cranny and looking back at me every time we moved to another room. When we had finally made it through every room, we met back up with everyone else in the kitchen.

  Kayla was helpin’ Mia walk around the house, while Madison and the grandparents were chattin’ about somethin’ or another as they all sat at the island counter. I stood back in the doorway watchin’ all the people I love in one room. My heart grew to immense proportions knowin’ that all these people were here, stickin’ by our side the entire time Cami has been going through everything. Their love and devotion for us never waivered, not in the slightest.

  I felt Cami’s frail hand reach out for my shirt, and I turned around to pull her into my warm embrace. “I love our home and I can’t wait to fill it up with kids.” She looked up at me smilin’ a wide smile, and I couldn’t resist the temptation to kiss her, any longer. I pushed her against the wall as gently as possible and captured her lips with mine. The feeling I got from kissing my wife was enough to make me go insane. I deepened the kiss, causin’ Cami to moan into my mouth, but I wasn’t ready to let her go just yet. Her hands moved their way up to my chest and she pushed as hard as she could against me.

  I pulled back, not sure if I was hurting her or if she was sick, or what. “You okay, baby?”

  “I’m not feelin’ real well, and I’m pretty sure it’s time to go too.”

  I walked around the corner to say good-bye to everyone. “Hey, ya’ll are more than welcome to stay, but Cami has to get to her appointment. We’ll see y’all later.” Cami and I waved, and then headed out to the truck. Second to last visit, here we come.

  Chapter 36

  Cami

  Halfway through my radiation treatment, Dr. Thomas came in and sat down next to Glenn and me. I wasn’t expecting to see him today, given the fact that this wasn’t my last appointment, but it was a welcome visit either way. I looked over at Glenn who looked just as confused as I was, and then back at Dr. Thomas.

  “Hey guys, how’s it going?” He was awfully chipper for being in a place like this, surrounded by all this near death.

  “Eh, today has been a pretty rough day. I’m just overly tired and feeling really run down.” I started to fidget with the scarf on my head as my insecurity about how I looked started bubbling to the surface.

  Glenn reached out and grabbed my hand, preventing me from fidgeting any more. “Stop, you look beautiful.” He whispered.

  “Well how about some good news?” Dr. Thomas looked between Glenn and myself before continuing. “This will be your last day of radiation. We just got your blood work back and you are officially tumor free.”

  I sat there, speechless. I tried to form words or a coherent sentence of sorts, but nothing seemed to be coming out of my mouth. Dr. Thomas told us before, that there was a good chance that I would be fine after doing radiation, but I honestly didn’t get my hopes up about it. Things change so much in your body on a day-to-day basis that I never thought this day would actually come.

  I could feel the tears running down my cheeks with every word that Dr. Thomas spoke. Glenn was next to me, clutching my hand as if I were his lifeline. Both of us were completely consumed with happiness and relief, and I had this amazing doctor and a fantastic husband to thank for it all.

  “We can’t thank you enough, Dr. Thomas. Thank you for everything that you’ve done. I don’t think any of this would be possible without you. You literally saved my life, and I will forever be grateful.”

  “Cami, you are a remarkable girl and as much as I would love to take credit for you beating this, it was all you. You’re a fighter and you never gave up. That is how you beat this.” He smiled at me, knowing that his words had an affect on me. “Well this is where I leave you. You’ll have to come in once every three months after today, unless you start having pain again. No matter what kind of pain it is, whether it’s a headache or something else, you call my office and make an appointment. You got it?”

  “I promise. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart.” Dr. Thomas stood and leaned over to give me a hug.

  Glenn stood and held out his hand to Dr. Thomas. “Thank you for saving my wife, Dr. Thomas. We will forever be in your debt.” Glenn and Dr. Thomas shook hands, and then Dr. Thomas left the way he came.

  I glanced over at Glenn just as a stray tear escaped from the corner of his eye. Even though I knew they were tears of joy, it still broke my heart that we ever had to go through this. Over the last four months, our relationship had blossomed into something beyond love. It turned our love from something raw and passionate to something honorable and respected. You know, going through something like this at such a young age, will definitely make you grow up and see life in a whole new light. I wasn’t afraid to grow up, but this wasn’t the way I envisioned it either.

  “I can’t believe it.” I tugged at my scarf again and Glenn pushed my hand away from it, again.

  “I can. I knew you could do it.” His positivity was beyond sexy at this point.

  “You may have known, but I wasn’t always so sure.” Glenn’s confidence in me never waivered throughout this entire journey, but mine, mine practically collapsed at one point and it wasn’t me who told myself to find it, it was him. Glenn Green, my very own knight in shining armor.

  When I was all finished with my last treatment, I went in to the small changing room to change back into my shirt, when Glenn came walking in behind me. I gave him a questioning look as he made is way over to me. He walked me backwards until my back was firmly pressed against the wall. I could see the lust and desire that he was holding back in the look he was giving me. Before I had a chance to respond, his face was closing in on mine.

  His lips were so close to mine that I could feel his warm breath caressing my skin. My heart was beating so hard that it felt as if it were going to pound right out of my chest. His hands were warm against my cool pasty skin and for a brief second it felt like summertime in the middle of winter. “My love for you goes far beyond this life, Cami. You’re the best part of me. Don’t ever forget that.” His lips were merely inches away from my ear as he whispered sweet nothings, causing my dorm
ant libido to magically come alive.

  Our lips touched for the briefest of seconds and it had me craving more. “I think we should get going.”

  “Are you sure you want to go, already?” He was kissing down my neck, leaving wet heated trails that were turning me on beyond belief.

  “If we don’t leave now, then we will have to do it right here.”

  “I’m good with that. Do you want to see just how good I am with it?” He grabbed my hands and slid it down the front of his pants, stopping on the large bulge in his pants. “See what you do to me?”

  I slowly started moving my hand up and down his length on the outside of his pants, trying to drive him to the point of no return. “Oh, I see all right.” Our lips met and we kissed until we were both out of breath. I was just about to unzip his pants and go for it, when there was a knock at the door.

  “We’ll be out in just a second.” I turned to Glenn and we both started busting up laughing. “See what you do? You get us into trouble, that’s what you do.” I couldn’t stop laughing as I finished getting dressed. When we came walking out of the room, every eye in the place was on us. Lucky for me, I never had to see these people again. We gave a wave to the ladies at the front desk and practically ran out of there as fast as we could. This day just got that much better.

  Chapter 37

  Glenn

  When we got back to the apartment, I was shocked to see Madison’s truck parked in our space. I checked my phone before I pulled into one of the empty spots to see if I had missed any calls, but there was nothin’. “Hey baby, did Kayla or Madison try to call you?”

  Cami rummaged through her purse in search of her phone, but came up empty handed. “I think I left my phone at home. Why?”

  “Isn’t that his truck parked in our space?” I pointed in the direction of our parking spot.

  “Yeah, that is his truck. That’s weird. Did you try calling him?”

  “No, let’s just head up and see if he’s really here.”

  I helped Cami out of the truck and up the stairs. I knew that she would be getting better soon, but I still couldn’t wait to move, mainly so she had an easier time. Our new house was one story and the only time she would ever have to use stairs, is if she ever went up to the hayloft in the barn. When we got to the top of the stairs, I noticed the door was cracked open. Because of what happened to Cami, I told her to stay back for a minute while I checked everything out.

  I peeked through the crack and saw movement in the living room. I stood back and kicked open the door ready to kick some major ass, when Madison’s face came into full view. “Holy shit, Madison. What the hell are you doin’ here?” I clutched my chest as my heart raced. “Cam, you can come in baby.”

  “Sorry, man. I tried callin’ you. Didn’t you get my message?”

  “No, I just checked my phone and there wasn’t anything.”

  “Sorry. Kayla and I decided that we would surprise y’all by packin’ up your house and gettin’ your stuff to the new house.”

  “I appreciate it. I do, but I wish you would’ve said somethin’.”

  “Dude, I did.” I could tell that Madison was startin’ to get aggravated, but I knew it wasn’t with me.

  “What’s goin’ on?”

  “Nothin’, I just need to keep myself busy right now.”

  “Well why don’t you take a break and come talk to me outside. Babe, you okay?”

  “I’m not a porcelain doll, Glenn. I’m not gonna break if you leave me alone. I’ll be fine. I’m gonna grab a popsicle, climb into some pj’s, and watch some tv.”

  I walked over and gave her a swift kiss. “Love you, baby.” I practically pushed Madison out onto the patio. I was determined to get down to what the hell was botherin’ him so he would stop puttin’ himself into my life. “So what’s goin’ on?”

  Madison started pacing and pushing his hands back through his hair. He was aggravated as all hell and I was tryin’ to give him the chance to settle down before he started talkin’. “She’s pushin’ me. I don’t know what else she wants from me, but she just keeps pushin’. I mean, isn’t it enough that we’re engaged, we own a house together, and we have a daughter together? Why is that paper so god damn important to her?”

  “Okay, so far I’m pretty sure we’re talkin’ about Kayla and her wantin’ to get married?”

  “Aren’t you listenin’ to me? Yes, that’s what we’re talkin’ about.”

  “Well it’s not like you gave me a clue. Why don’t you just marry her?”

  “Seriously, you too? Why can’t I catch a break?” I could tell he was startin’ to get pissed and if I pushed him too hard, he was just gonna walk out.

  “I overheard y’all talkin’ at the hospital after Cami’s surgery that day. I think you have to see it from her perspective. You asked her to marry you, in a pretty big and public way, then y’all had a baby and you pretty much put the wedding on the back burner. She’s a girl, bro. She wants the big wedding with her family and friends. I think for her it’s just the icing on y’alls already amazing life together.”

  “But why? I just don’t get it. With everything that’s going on with the band and Cami, don’t you think it’s kinda selfish?”

  “No, not at all. And neither does Cami. I’m pretty sure that Cami would’ve been okay with y’all gettin’ married right after she got out of the hospital. It’s not about us, Madison. It’s about the two of you, well the three of you, sealing yourselves for life. I think you should consider doin’ it, and soon.”

  Madison’s attitude towards the whole situation was really weird. I’ve never seen him act like this when it came to Kayla. Hell he was usually goin’ beyond his means to show her how much he cared. Then somethin’ hit me. I knew when I asked him, he was gonna freak out on me, but I had to know.

  “Madison, are you messin’ around on Kayla?”

  Madison stopped mid-stride and snapped his head in my direction. “Did you seriously just ask me that? Where the hell do you get off?”

  I stood up from my chair and held my hands up in surrender. “Dude, I was just askin’. I remember when you first met Kayla. You seriously fell head over heals in love with her within a week of knowin’ her. I’m just wonderin’ what’s changed since then?”

  “Honestly Glenn, it’s not one specific thing. When I lost my grandpa, everything just became so clear to me, people leave and you can’t change that. What if she realizes that she can do better than some tattooed rock star that is out on the road eighty percent of the year? It’s only a matter of time before she comes to that realization and leaves me.”

  “Are you fuckin’ kidding me right now? Do you even hear the things that come out of your mouth? After everything that you and Kayla have been through, don’t you think she would have left your ass by now if she didn’t want to deal with you? Trust me, she had plenty of opportunities to do so. Especially after that whole clusterfuck of a situation with that stupid bitch in Arizona. If she stayed with you through that, then I’m pretty sure she ain’t ever leavin’ ya.”

  “Yeah. Yeah, fuck. You’re right. She’s had plenty of chances to kick my ass to the curb.”

  “What you need to do is go home to your wife and set a date for your wedding. Marry that girl before she wises up and finds someone better.” I started laughin’ and couldn’t stop, when Madison joined me, I knew he was outta his funk.

  “All right, bro. I’m headed home. Thanks for the advice.”

  I gave Madison a hug and walked him to the door. “Talk to you later.” I locked up and made my way over to my wife. It had been far too long since we have had a night in where she wasn’t sick and throwing up all night.

  I plopped down on the couch next to her, pulling her feet into my lap and gently massaging them. “How are you feelin’, my love?

  “Much better now that you’re doing that.” She smiled.

  “I’ve missed that.”

  “Missed what?”

  “Your beautiful smile.”
I gently set her feet on the ground and scooted as close to her as I could get. “I want to see you, Cam. All of you.” I reached for the silk scarf that she always wore over her now bald head, and she flinched when my fingers made contact with her skin. Her hand came up to rest on mine, trying to stop me from removing her scarf.

  “Please, don’t Glenn.” I could hear the trepidation in her tone.

  “Cami, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. You are beautiful no matter what you look like. I don’t care that you don’t have any hair. I don’t care that your eyes look like they’re sunken in, your words not mine. I want to see my wife, the survivor.”

  She sat back thinking long and hard about the words I just said to her. We’ve been through far too much for her to shy away from me now. If I haven’t proven my worth to her by now, then she would never see it. “Please, baby.” I pleaded.

  Without a word, she slid her hand back over her scarf, taking it with her and revealing her bare skin. I had only ever seen her without hair once, and it was by accident. She made sure to always have a scarf or hat on her head. I slowly raised my hand, letting my fingers skim across her soft delicate skin. “You are unimaginably beautiful, and I am so proud to call you my wife.” My fingers traced every line and facet of her face as I committed her to memory. “You’re amazing, Cami, and you’re all mine for the taking.” I joked and she smiled.

  Before she had the chance to start feelin’ insecure in any way, I leaned forward letting my lips fall to the nape of her neck. With every movement of my lips her skin became hypersensitive and they left a trail of goose bumps in their wake. My fingers fell to the buttons on her shirt and I slowly and meticulously began unbuttoning each button one at a time. Her body trembled beneath my touch and I couldn’t hide the smile that formed across my lips.

  When she hadn’t stopped my attempts to fully undress her, I took that as my sign to keep going. After I slid her shirt down her shoulders and eventually off of her arms, I threw the ball of silk behind me, followed by her bra. I sat there taking in the beauty that was my wife’s bare breasts. I took one in each hand and let a small moan escape between my lips. This was heaven. As I took one of her perfect pink nipples into my mouth, I let my other hand fall to the waistband of her pants. Because she had changed into a pair of sweatpants when we got home, it made it that much easier for me to gain access to my most favorite part of her.