Highly Unsuitable Girl

by Carolyn McCrae

  “And your husband?”

  “He died.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” There was no genuine feeling in Vincent’s statement. He continued in his quiet, controlled, almost sinister manner. “But you should not have had children.”

  She remembered her mother’s eyes when they had argued. Vincent’s eyes, as he waited for her response, had the same darkness. The story of her life could sound so straightforward. She was 52 years old, She had married and had three children and then her husband had died. It had been a simple, normal life, similar in outline to countless millions of others. But she knew how misleading that simplification was and she didn’t feel obliged to explain to these men, who, she was increasingly aware, were not on her side. Anya looked at him for what seemed a long time before answering. She decided, in the end, to be honest.

  “I did not. They are my step-children. I am not their biological mother.”

  “We heard… your son… another generation… We thought…”

  “Well you thought wrong. I have no idea why I feel I must explain but here goes. I married when I was young. It was his mistake to marry me as he discovered too late he wanted children I could not give him. We divorced. He remarried and the children were born. His wife left him. We met again. He was dying. We married. He died. I adopted the children and they have been mine for seven years.”

  “I needed to know.” She nodded her understanding.

  Kenneth had been silent through this exchange but now they had overcome the problem of Vincent’s fear he got down to the real business of their visit.

  “So what are you going to do now?”

  “How do you mean?” Anya turned away from Vincent to his son.

  “With Fishermen Rock. People are wondering. The men and women who worked here are wondering if they will ever get their jobs back, the fishermen are wondering if you will once again buy their catch.”

  “It hasn’t been an easy decision.”

  “There are families that have had no income since you closed

  “I’m sorry for that but it has not been easy…”

  “I think it might be more difficult for them.”

  “I’m sorry about that.”

  “You have never thought about the people who have been dependent on Edna’s place. They’ve meant nothing to you.”

  “I hope it opens again, but it will not be me that’s running it. I will be selling.”

  “That is what people in the village have been thinking. That is why they came to me.”

  “They came to you?”

  “They know of my relationship to you, no…” he pre-empted Anya’s interruption, “nothing is a secret on this island, and they have asked me to find out what is happening here. Edna’s Place is important to them, it is their employment, the market for their fish and produce, they have a right to know.”

  “I don’t disagree with you. I promised Dexter I’d tell him as soon as a decision was made and that was only last night. I’ve hardly had time to put the things in process.” Anya wondered why she felt so defensive. “It really isn’t any of your business how I deal with the hotel.”

  “We think it is.”

  Anya looked at the two men, sitting on her terrace, drinking her punch, being so rude. She had no answer to their intimidation, she knew that in some ways they were right.

  “I need some time, I have to speak to people. I have contacts in New York who may be interested, I must get in touch with them before advertising the sale.”

  Vincent had been sitting with his chin on his chest, his eyes closed, as his son had argued with Anya. He didn’t move as he spoke. “You will sell to me.”

  “You?” It should not have been a surprise.

  “Yes.” He opened his eyes, looked at her directly. “Kenneth runs a place on the west coast and should not be making money for other people. You will sell to us.”

  “We have plans.” Kenneth added with some enthusiasm.

  “You have plans? Even though you couldn’t know I’d sell?”

  “We knew you would, eventually.”

  It was the way Victor spoke that made Anya suspicious. It was an easy jump in her imagination from the fact that they wanted to buy the hotel to their making it impossible for her to continue. It would have been easy enough for them to have caused her misfortune.

  “Miriam was about to sell to us when you came along. We watched as, for a couple of years, you poured money and energy into the business. We looked elsewhere, but we always wanted Fishermen Rock and we knew you would be ready to sell, eventually.”

  Anya’s mind was racing. They couldn’t have introduced the food poisoning, they couldn’t have informed to the authorities, they couldn’t have engineered Miriam’s restlessness. Could they?

  “Why did you think that?” She spoke coldly looking back at Kenny, but it was Vincent who replied.

  “I have known who you are for some years, almost since your first arrival on the island. I was in the bar at that resort you stayed at. I saw the ring. I checked up on you. The barman said your name was Anya Cave.”

  “That was my second visit to the island.” She corrected the error of fact as though it mattered that he had been wrong.

  “Then we saw you driving around this part of the island in your silly tourist open top car.” Kenny sounded as if what car she drove was important to their dignity. “And then we kept our ears to the ground, friends who ate here, the brothers of our maid who worked here, we visited regularly, yet even when you saw us you did not recognise us. We saw you neglecting the hotel, we saw you visiting with your spoilt little rich kid children. None of you had any thought for the people who worked so hard to provide you with all your privilege.”

  Anya was near to tears. “So you decided to force me into a position where I could do nothing but sell?”

  “You were no good for the place. You weren’t looking after it. You weren’t looking after the people whose livelihoods depended on you. You never thought about them.”

  “We left it too long to bring things to a head.” Vincent added his measured voice to counter Kenny’s emotion.

  “So you forced the hotel to close so you could buy it at a knock down price!”

  “No.” Vincent said quietly. “No. We have watched as you had taken everything this village and its good people had to offer and you have given nothing back.”

  “You knew who I was, you saw me, and you never said anything?”

  Vincent looked at her long and hard over his glasses. “You are the past I have to forget but cannot. You are so like your father.”

  Anya gasped, how could she be like the violent, disgusting, Albert. “Your father too.” She tried to retaliate.

  “You use other people as much as he did. You will have used your body to gain power over other people, just as he did. You have all his bad genes in you.”

  “And you don’t?”

  A few minutes later, after she had watched their car drive up the steep slope out of the car park, Anya sat down and wept.

  The unfairness of it all overwhelmed her, she felt powerless, manipulated, hard done by and helpless. They had won a battle she had never known she was in.

  Perhaps they had deserved to win. So much of what they had said was true. She had been unable to show real commitment, she was self-obsessed, she had used her body to have power over others.

  She looked up at the star filled sky and understood that she was so many things she should not have been.

  Chapter 18: Conclusions

  M25, March 2002

  “Will Mrs Anya Philips please go to the Information desk. Mrs Anya Philips to the Information Desk.”

  Anya just about heard and understood the announcement. She looked around her to find the information desk and dragged her unwieldy case through the airport crowds.

  “I’m Anya Philips. You paged me?”

  “Ah Mrs Philips. Yes. This gentleman asked us to locate you.”

  Anya turned in the direction th
e man was indicating.

  “Tim!” She wasn’t sure she kept the relief out of her voice. As she had waited in the queue for immigration control she had been wondering if she could stretch to the extravagance of a taxi home, she wasn’t sure she could face the train into London, the tube and then an over-crowded rush-hour train into Kent.

  “Anya. You look wonderful as always.”

  “So gallant of you Tim but we both know I look dreadful. The plane was five hours late leaving and then took longer than it should, then the arrivals hall was packed and it’s taken ages to get through customs and immigration. They seem to think everyone’s a terrorist intent on wreaking death and destruction.”

  “Welcome to England.” Tim spoke ironically. “Here, let me take your case.”

  “Well I have to admit I’m glad to see you. How did you know I was coming?”

  “Geoffrey e-mailed, he said he was worried about you.”

  “Geoffrey e-mailed you?” Anya was surprised.

  “When he left for his trip I made sure he had my e-mail address, it’s far more sensible than a phone number.”

  “May I ask why?” That Anya was hurt showed in the coldness of her voice.

  “Please don’t be so suspicious Anya. It was so he could contact me in an emergency.”

  “He could contact me.”

  “But emails are so much easier and you weren’t on-line when he left. Are you now? I didn’t think so. Look Anya, I’ll answer all your questions when we get to the car. The simplest answer to your original question is that Geoffrey said it would be a great favour if I met your flight so I did.”

  “Thank you Tim. I do appreciate it, it’s just a bit of a surprise to find you seem to think it perfectly normal that you should be in touch with Geoffrey. What else did he say or write or whatever it is you do on e-mails?”

  “Let’s get to the car.” As he took her arm and led her through the airport he was wondering whether the hour he would have her in the car as his captive audience would be enough for all the explanations that were necessary.

  “I was more than happy to meet you, it’ll give us an opportunity to talk.” Tim turned to Anya who half smiled. She was relieved to be in the comfort of the car but she was not sure she was looking forward to hearing what Tim had to say.

  He started with a compliment. “Geoffrey’s a lovely young man, you did a brilliant job with him. Had Fiona hung around God knows what the children would have turned out like, spoilt oiks probably.”

  “Oh no, I don’t think so, there was too much of Geoff in them for that.”

  “Fiona never let Geoff have any influence over them on the things that mattered. Take my word, they’d have been insufferable oiks.”

  “Well thank you very much for the compliment, it is much appreciated.” Anya wondered where this was leading.

  “Jim and Rose are exceptional too. Not just Geoffrey, though I know Geoffrey better of course.”

  “Why ‘of course’?” she asked but Tim didn’t answer so she continued, unsure where Tim was heading and wanting to delay wherever it was. “Has he told you he got married?” Anya continued.

  “Yes, I’ve checked out Lizzy’s family, very suitable I’d say.”

  Anya snatched a look at Tim but was unable to tell whether or not he was teasing her. “She’s a nice girl but tell me Tim, how long have you had to check the family out? When did he tell you about Lizzy?”

  Again Tim didn’t answer her questions. “Well I wish them luck. They’re going to need it, marrying so young I mean.”

  Again Anya snatched a look at Tim and decided he knew exactly what he was saying and that he was choosing his words very carefully. “Are you or are you not going to answer any one of my questions? How long have you known Geoffrey was married? How do you ‘of course’ know him better than the other two? And what did Geoffrey tell you this morning?”

  “Well, last question first.” Tim started slowly, “He emailed to ask me to meet you off this flight. He said you were worn out, that you were depressed about things and would I make sure you got home safely.”

  “Depressed?” Anya picked up on the one word she didn’t like.

  “Yes. And frankly I’m not surprised.”

  “Not surprised?”

  “No. I’ve seen it coming for a while.”

  “You’ve seen it coming?”

  “Anya, darling, will you stop repeating everything I say? Yes. I’ve seen it coming.”

  She didn’t ask him to expand. She was uncomfortable with the idea that he had been keeping tabs on her children and she wasn’t sure why he called her ‘darling’. She hoped he would change the subject so she would have a chance for some of this to sink in. When he did she rather wished he hadn’t.

  “Can we talk about New Year’s Day?”

  “No. I don’t think so. Will you answer my questions?”

  “We must talk about New Year, in a way it’ll allow me to get round to some answers for you.”

  She nodded with what she hoped was condescending grace.

  “Have you ever wondered at the coincidence of our being in the same restaurant that night?” He asked eventually.

  “Not really. I’ve tried not to think too much about any of it though now you come to mention it, it probably was a bit odd. Of all the restaurants in all the towns in all the world and you had to choose that one…”

  “It was no coincidence.”

  “No?”

  Anya tried to remember who would have known what restaurant she had decided on. She might have told David and Linda. She didn’t think she had told them where she was spending the evening. She had told Geoffrey. He had called from, she tried to remember where. The thought occurred to her that he must have been married by then and he hadn’t told her, perhaps he was going to but it had been a really bad line and their conversation had been cut short. He had asked what she was doing for New Year’s Eve, she had told him she as going out on her own. She had probably told him the name of the restaurant.

  “It was Geoffrey wasn’t it? He told you.”

  “As I said, you have raised a lovely young man there.”

  “Tell me what’s going on. He rang you?”

  “He emailed me to wish me a happy New Year, I replied asking what you were doing and he replied telling me. Emails are, apparently, rather more reliable than long distance telephone lines.”

  “Did you know he was married?”

  “I did. But before you get all shirty he made me promise not to tell you.”

  “When has a promise ever stopped you from doing something you wanted to do?” She asked tartly.

  “He said it was something he really had to do face to face after you had met Lizzy. He said only then would you understand. He didn’t want you to have time to brood and worry.”

  “Brood and worry?”

  “His phrase. Well you would have done wouldn’t you? You would have wanted him to get back to the UK, you would have wanted to know where he was and go out to meet him. Well he didn’t want that. And I agreed. It was best you didn’t know until he was able to tell you personally and to explain.”

  “They are obviously very fond of each other. But they’re so young.”

  “About the same age you and Geoff were.” Anya knew there was no arguing with that. “So don’t do a Kathleen, be generous to them, believe in them and believe in what they believe in.” Anya thought that was very wise of Tim but wasn’t going to admit it to him.

  “You haven’t answered when this relationship with Geoffrey began and why he seems so happy to talk to you about such personal things.”

  “It started a long time ago.”

  “Are you going to tell me?”

  “When you were going through all that trouble with the court and social services to get custody of the children…”

  “Then?” Anya was incredulous.

  “Geoffrey felt I wasn’t helping you, he thought I should and he came round to my house one day to find out why. He was very adu
lt about it, he simply wanted to know why I wouldn’t help.”

  “Why wouldn’t you?”

  “I will explain Anya, but so much has to be said first, there is so much you need to understand.”

  The car lurched as they drove up the ramp onto the M25, switching lanes in the traffic and the road works. It was an excuse not to talk for a few seconds. Anya’s mind raced. She was trying to find reasons why Geoffrey had said nothing about being in contact with Tim all these years. She was trying to find a reason that didn’t make her feel he loved her less.

  When the car had settled on a steady course again Tim gave her an explanation. “Don’t worry about Geoffrey being in touch with me. Remember he was 16 when his father died, it’s a really difficult age for any boy but it was an especially difficult time for Geoffrey. His mother had abandoned them under humiliating circumstances, his father was dying and suddenly this woman who he had never met but of whom he had heard scandalous things, appears and takes over the role of his parents. Of course he needed someone to talk to. He needed a man to talk to.”

  “But why you?”

  “It would have to be me David or John. David was too involved with the legal side of things and perhaps he didn’t think John knew you well enough. He knew I knew you better than most so he came to me. He needed a friend, Anya. It wasn’t a slight on you, it didn’t mean he didn’t grow to love having you as a mother. Please think about how he felt then. The others were younger, able to respond more easily to the changes in their lives but Geoffrey needed a friendly father figure.”

  “You.”

  “Me.”

  Anya sat back and thought back to the conversation with Miriam. She had only ever thought about how she felt about her life with children. When had she thought, really thought, how they felt about their lives with her?

  “I did it all wrong then? I didn’t think enough about them?”

  “I’m not saying that, no one could possibly say that. I think you just believed because you loved them they would love you in the same way. Life doesn’t always work out like that.”

  Anya thought over Tim’s words. She had spent her life worrying about who she loved, what she felt, how she thought about people. She had spent nothing like enough time looking at herself as others saw her.