The Search for Soaring Hawk

by Terry O'Reilly

  Later that night, back in Ramón’s bedroom, Sam held his lover in his arms as he penetrated Sam’s body once more. Locked in the most intimate union that men can achieve, he professed his undying eternal love for the man who moved seductively on top of him, and had completely captured his heart and soul.

  This is forever. My wish has been fulfilled. I am complete.

  Somewhere in the distance, Sam thought he heard the cry of a hawk. However, he decided it was only his imagination.

  * * * Two days later, in the early morning, there was a knock on the bedroom door. Ramón had been lying with his head on Sam’s chest. He rolled over on his back and said something in Spanish. There was a reply.

  “What is it?” Sam asked.

  “Someone is here to see you.”

  The men rose from the bed and pulled on their pants. They

  went out to the balcony and looked down. Garrett, Todd and Gus were in the courtyard sitting on their horses. Sam’s horse was there, too, saddled and loaded with his pack. Wolf came out of the stable and cavorted around the men. Todd dismounted and tussled with the dog. Gus and Garrett laughed.

  Sam looked at Ramón. “They expect me to leave with them.” “And?” said Ramón, taking one of Sam’s hands in his. “Come on. I need to talk to them.”

  The men donned their shirts, trotted down the stairs and went

  out to meet their visitors.

  “Well, don’t you look all settled in,” said Gus as they emerged

  from the house.

  “He is,” Ramón replied.

  “That right, Sam?” asked Garrett.

  Sam looked from Garrett, Gus and Todd to Ramón. “I need to talk to you, Garrett,” he said finally.

  “Carlos!” called Ramón. Immediately, the stable man appeared.

  “Estos caballeros estarán permaneciendo para el desayuno. Cuide

  de sus caballos.”

  Carlos ran off in the direction of the stable.

  Ramón turned to Garrett. “Carlos will take care of your horses.

  Please, come in and have breakfast.”

  The men dismounted. Carlos returned with four servants who

  led the horses away. Ramón walked to the house and the men

  followed. A young woman met them at the door. Ramón said

  something to her in Spanish, and she left. The party continued to a

  room off the foyer.

  “Please, make yourselves comfortable. I have asked Maria to

  tell my father of your arrival and to prepare our meal. Samuel,” he

  said turning to him, “if you wish to give Señor Taylor our news?” “News?” said Gus.

  “Garrett, can we go for a walk?” Sam asked.

  * * * The two men left the house and went into the inner courtyard. The warm fall sun shone on the beautiful flowers. A small fountain in the center gurgled softly. They moved slowly along the stone path.

  “So, you’re gonna stay with him?” Garrett asked.

  Sam stopped and looked at his friend. “Yes.”

  Garrett took a few steps toward the fountain. When he turned

  back, he said, “Sam, I know you’ve been lookin’ for somethin’ a long time now, somethin’ that me, Gus and Todd aren’t able to give you. But”—he stopped and turned back to Sam, pulling him close with a hand on the back of his neck—“I don’t think you’re gonna be findin’ it here.”

  “Garrett, he loves me. He’s in love with me. Like you are with Alan.”

  “Ah…so that’s what this is all about. Being in love.” Garrett

  sounded like he was going to laugh.

  Sam pulled away. “Yes, being in love. There’s a big difference

  between that and just lovin’ somebody. Ramón not only loves me,

  he’s in love with me.” His voice was sharp, defensive. Garrett sighed. “Sam, when all is said and done, being in

  love…well, fine as it is at the beginning, you got to have more to it

  if it’s gonna last.”

  Garrett took a step away from Sam. He placed a foot on the

  fountain wall and leaned on his elbow looking into the cascade of

  water. After a long pause he continued.

  “It’s true. Alan and I were in love, still are. But we don’t have

  that somethin’ extra. That’s why he stayed in the army when I

  asked him to join me on the trail. That’s why I left when he asked

  me to stay in the army.”

  He turned to Sam once more. “We’re in love, but neither one

  loves the other enough to give up our dreams.”

  “What makes you think what Ramón and I have isn’t the kind of love that’s gonna last? That it’s not the kind of love that will

  sacrifice for each other.”

  “I don’t know that it’s not. But I have heard that he—” Garrett

  stopped.

  “That he what?” Sam asked sharply.

  “That he’s done this before…brought a man home to his daddy

  and the hacienda. Then a few months down the road—” “This is different,” Sam interrupted him, not wanting to hear

  the rest of what Garrett might say. “I don’t know about those other

  men. I do know that he’s in love with me, and I’m in love with

  him. I’m staying, Garrett.”

  “All right,” Garrett said with a sad sigh. He took Sam in his

  arms, kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear, “I love

  you, Sam Hawkins. We all do.”

  “I love you, too,” Sam said, trying not to let the emotion

  welling up in his chest overcome him.

  * * * Breakfast was quiet. Señor dela Vega and Garrett talked softly about the prospects for the area, of his vineyards, his winery. The rest of the group was silent. When Todd and Gus weren’t looking sadly in Sam’s direction, they were staring at Ramón with thinly veiled anger. Ramón ignored them. He would lean toward Sam, making silly, intimate statements in hushed tones. Sam was embarrassed because he thought Ramón was purposely baiting his friends. But he said nothing.

  After the meal, they went outside. Each gave Sam a tight embrace. Then the men mounted their horses. Todd openly shed tears. Sam stood with Ramón’s arm around his waist watching the men as they rode out of the courtyard. They left his horse and belongings behind.

  “Let them go,” Ramón said. “We have each other, so what need do you have of them?”

  Sam nodded, but it was barely perceptible. He swallowed hard.

  Wolf trotted along beside the group until they came to the gate. There he stopped. He looked back at Sam, then at the departing men. He dropped his head, his plumed tail hanging down and walked slowly back to Sam and Ramón. In the distance, Sam could hear the roll of thunder.

  * * * Sam rode Sweet Summer Storm slowly along the trail that led from the hacienda to the vineyards. He was alone, except for Wolf. For many months now he had lived happily at the ranch with Ramón as his lover. They had made love almost daily, sometimes several times a day. They had gone for long rides over the dela Vega property. Frequently they went to Sacramento with Ramón’s friends for a night of drinking and laughter at the cantina. Often they would spend the night at the hotel.

  While Sam enjoyed these times, as spring approached, he had become increasingly restless. He was not used to being idle. This life of total leisure began to lack direction, seeming to have no purpose.

  When he had asked Ramón what he intended to do with his life, what his plans were, his lover had laughed and said, “I am the son of Victorio dela Vega. I do not have to make plans. My only plan is to make love to you.”

  Sam had pressed him. “But someday your father will be gone, what then?” Ramón had merely indicated that the dela Vega fortune would be his, so what was there to worry about?

  Sam had decided there was something to worry about, that Ramón was being shortsighted. Without proper management, the dela Vega w
ealth would whither, like the grapevines without attention.

  The combination of his boredom and his concern over his and Ramón’s future motivated him to spend time with Señor dela Vega, asking him about the running of the ranch, involving himself in its daily activities. The older man welcomed his interest. He enthusiastically began to teach Sam the intricacies of growing grapes, and how they were converted into wine. They spent many hours together involved in these pursuits. Sam became increasingly fond of the older man and felt comfortable in his presence. His fatherly aspect filled a need Sam had not realized he had. He missed River Runs Deep.

  At first, Ramón paid little attention to the budding alliance between his father and his lover. Then he began to make jokes that Sam would rather spend time with an old man than with him. In time, Ramón seemed to begin to resent Sam’s attempts to learn the family business. Sam could not decide whether it was jealousy over his growing relationship with his father, or that in the course of his learning the practicalities of managing a winery, he was also spending time and becoming friends with Carlos, a mere servant in Ramón’s eyes. Or was it something more sinister, something Sam did not want to consider?

  Whatever it was, Ramón began to be more distant, became more critical of Sam and, sometimes, was unkind to him. Lately, he had gone to town with his friends more often without inviting Sam to accompany him. These actions had hurt Sam, but what hurt most deeply was that Ramón began to make excuses when Sam attempted to engage him in lovemaking.

  That morning had been one of those times. Sam had tried to embrace Ramón, kiss him, and tease him into intimacy, but Ramón had rebuffed him with the excuse he was too tired. Sam fell back to sleep and when he awoke, the bed was empty. Sam had gone down to breakfast, but Ramón had already left. Señor dela Vega and Sam had eaten alone, had discussed the day’s needs for the vineyards, and had parted company. Sam had gone to the stable to get Storm, and, as he approached, he had overheard part of a conversation someone was having with Carlos. Sam could understand the gist of what was being said although his Spanish was still faulty.

  “He is the best one that spoiled son has ever brought home,” one voice had said.

  “Si, and he has lasted longer than any of the others,” had said another.

  “He is what Senor dela Vega needs. He is more like a true son,” said the first.

  Carlos chimed in, “Yes, but it won’t be long until he tires of him I am afraid.”

  Not wishing to embarrass the men or hear more, Sam had called to Wolf as he approached the doorway to warn them of his presence.

  Now, those few snatches of dialogue replayed over and over in his mind as he rode the horse that had been a gift in the warm summer sun. He had been told Ramón had gone to town, but no mention had been made of whether he wanted Sam to join him there.

  Sam reined the horse to a stop, dismounted, and allowed her to drop her head and graze. They were on a small rise overlooking a large vineyard. Several men were working among the vines and it was their work Sam was to inspect. Sam stood for a while, observing the men’s progress in removing unwanted growth from the base of the vines. He looked down at his faithful Wolf, who sat by his side. Kneeling, he took Wolf’s big head in his hands and buried his face in his thick mane.

  “What am I to do, my friend? What am I to do?”

  * * * It’s my fault, Sam told himself for the twentieth time as he rode along in the late afternoon toward Sacramento. I haven’t been spending enough time with him, like a lover should.

  Sam had decided to go to town to surprise Ramón. After finishing the tasks Señor dela Vega had assigned to him, he washed, changed clothes and left for Sacramento. He now reined up in front of the cantina where Ramón and his friends often could be found.

  He entered the building and looked around. There, at their usual table, he saw Rafael and Manuel, but Ramón was not with them. Sam walked over to the men.

  “Well, well, Manuel,” Rafael said in a mock serious voice, “look who has decided he has time for his friends today?”

  “Ah,” responded Manuel, “what brings you to Sacramento, an errand for old man dela Vega?”

  Sam decided to ignore the disrespect to the patron. “I came to find Ramón. Where is he?”

  Manuel and Rafael exchanged glances and smiled.

  “Oh, did you hear that? He came to find Ramón,” said Rafael to his friend. “How generous of him.”

  “Ramón is at the hotel. We are spending the night in town, so he is getting our rooms,” Manuel said, still looking at Rafael with a strange smile on his lips. Then, turning to Sam, he suggested, “Why don’t you go over and surprise him.”

  Rafael snickered.

  Sam wrinkled his brow. He didn’t understand what was going on between the two men. Right then, however, his interest was in finding his lover and making up for whatever it was that was bothering him.

  “Gracias,” he said and walked toward the door. When he reached it, he looked back to see Rafael and Manuel laughing.

  Sam shook it off and made his way to the hotel.

  He didn’t see Ramón in the lobby, so went to the desk and asked if he had checked in. He was told he had and was given the room number. Sam ran up the stairs, anticipating the surprised reaction when he entered the room and swept Ramón off his feet.

  He tried the door. It was locked, so he knocked. There was no response. He knocked again and said, “Ramón, it’s Sam. Open the door.” This time he heard movement inside the room.

  After a moment, the door opened. Ramón stood with a towel wrapped around his waist.

  “Ramón, it’s almost like you were expecting me,” Sam said with a smile, stepping forward, intending to take Ramón into his arms.

  “Come in, Samuel. I want you to meet someone.” Ramón said sweetly.

  “What?” Sam said as he entered the room.

  “Samuel, this is Miguel Santiago.”

  On the bed was a bare-chested man leaning against the headboard, his lower half covered by the sheets. He saluted Sam with a hand holding a cigarette.

  “It is good to meet you, amigo,” the handsome, mustachioed stranger said in a deep, sensual voice. “Ramón has told me much about you.”

  Sam looked from the man to Ramón. “I don’t understand.”

  “Ah, my sweet, innocent Indian boy. Samuel, it is so simple. I have tired of you.”

  “Tired of me? But you told me you loved me.”

  “No, my friend. I said I was in love with you. Now I am not. I am in love with Miguel. If I loved you as well as being in love with you… well, things might be different.”

  Sam looked back at the man on the bed.

  “Miguel understands. Don’t you, my love?” Ramón said. He walked back to the bed, let his towel slip away, crawled in, kissed Miguel on the cheek and turned to look at Sam. “He knows that being in love may not mean forever. Perhaps it is your Indian blood, Samuel. Perhaps your ways are different than ours.”

  Sam felt sick to his stomach. How could he have been so stupid? Why had he not seen what, apparently, all others had seen—that Ramón was nothing more than a handsome, selfish, spoiled child? He turned to leave.

  “Oh, Samuel,” Ramón crooned.

  Sam stopped with his hand on the doorknob, but did not look back.

  “Miguel and I will be returning to the hacienda tomorrow. Please have all your things out of my bedroom by then. Since you and my father are such good friends, I am sure he will want you to stay on. Carlos can find you a bed in the servants’ quarters.”

  Sam left the room, closing the door behind him with a bang. He leaned against the wall, his fists clenched, his jaw rigid. He could hear muted laughter coming from the room behind him. He took several deep shuddering breaths, trying to regain composure. After a moment, he made his way downstairs and out onto the street. Walking determinedly toward the cantina where Storm was tied, he met Manuel and Rafael.

  “Did you find Ramón?” Manuel asked, smirking at him.

>   “I am sure you were happy to meet Miguel,” Rafael said.

  Both men broke into laughter.

  Sam ignored them. He mounted Storm and rode out of town.

  * * * Back at the hacienda, he took Storm to the stable, leaving her with Carlos. The servant’s eyes revealed to Sam that he sensed what had happened. Sam did not have to explain. He went immediately to the room he had shared with Ramón. He wasted no time in finding his pack, filling it only with the clothing he had brought with him to the ranch. He took none of the things that Ramón had provided him. Taking off his clothing and throwing it on the bed, he donned the garb he had not worn since the day he had arrived at the hacienda. These were the clothes he’d worn on his trip west.

  Sam went to the desk in the corner of the room. Taking out paper and pen, he wrote a note to Señor dela Vega. He knew he should speak with him in person, but his shame was too great. He could not face him. The older man’s words about his being Ramón’s toy came back to him.

  Taking the letter and his belongings, Sam went down to the patron’s office. It was dark. Relieved, he entered and placed the note on the massive desk. He took a moment to look around the room as a tinge of regret at leaving this fine man swept through him. He deserved better than this sham of a son, with his childish character.

  Leaving the house in the gathering dusk, he walked across the courtyard to the stable. He was almost to the doors when Wolf emerged. He stopped and stared at the man. Sam dropped to one knee. “It’s me, Wolf,” Sam said. The dog ran into his arms, whining and licking his face.

  “You tried to tell me, didn’t you, boy, and I wouldn’t listen. They all tried. I am sorry. In the future I promise I’ll pay more attention to your advice.”

  Sam stood, and Wolf bounded around him as if he understood what was happening. His tail caught Sam’s eye. It curled onto his back once more. Sam now realized that all through the months they had lived at the hacienda, it had hung lifelessly down behind him.

  How blind I must have been to miss all these signs that we did not belong here.

  Entering the stable, Sam went to Sweet Summer Storm’s stall. Carlos had bedded her down after Sam returned from Sacramento. He was glad Carlos was not there. She came to him, and he snuggled his head against her neck. He would be leaving her behind, along with all things connected to Ramón. Leaving her and the patron were his only regrets.