by Nina Levine
The door to the room pushes open and we all turn to it. An older man and woman enter and I know instantly they are Jett’s parents. The resemblance is striking. Jett’s father looks almost identical to Jett with the same dark hair, tanned skin and facial features. His mother, however, has the same piercing blue eyes as him. And they are reflecting the same pain I see in Jett’s.
Jett stands but keeps me close, his arm still around my waist. “Presley, my parents – Monica and Steve,” he introduces us, and they both give me a smile. My heart beats in my chest, especially when I realise that even though this family is hurting from their daughter’s diagnosis, it’s abundantly clear they are welcoming their son’s girlfriend with open arms.
Monica comes to me with a hug, and I can feel the authenticity in it; Jett’s mother is happy to see me. And then Steve is next to me with an outstretched hand. I place mine in his and he says, “It’s lovely to meet you, Presley. Would have been better under different circumstances but we can’t always dictate how life goes, can we?”
His voice is so much like Jett’s I’m taken aback a little, but I nod and agree, “That’s true. And it’s good to meet you both, too.”
Jett had let me go when his mother hugged me but he pulls me close again. Looking at Claudia he asks the question I know he doesn’t really want the answer to, but it’s a question he must ask. “What’s the diagnosis?”
Her eyes close for a moment and the lines around them crinkle a little as she squeezes them shut. When she opens them again, the tears are visible. “I have stage four ovarian cancer.” Her voice catches in her throat, and she visibly fights to not fall apart, but the tears begin flowing down her cheeks and Jett lets me go so he can comfort her.
I cover my mouth with my hand as tears prick my eyes again.
Fuck.
Ovarian cancer.
A shiver runs down my spine and my legs feel weak.
The words ‘stage four’ lodge in my brain.
Fuck.
Jett runs his hand lovingly over her hair, over and over, and presses his lips to her forehead. They stay like that for a long time and all I can do is watch and fight my own tears. Claudia doesn’t need to see me cry. Her mother is crying while her father holds his wife – I don’t need to add to the heaviness in this room with tears.
Eventually, Claudia wipes her face and gets herself under control. She pulls away from Jett and says, “I was diagnosed five weeks ago and - ”
He cuts her off. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he demands to know. I can see him battle his torment at not being told against his desire to support her through this. I’d be upset too, though, and feel for him. He would have dropped everything to be there for her.
She shakes her head as if to say ‘don’t give me grief’. “I didn’t tell anyone, Jett. I didn’t want to burden them with this. Again.”
He moves off the bed, his anger and hurt now clearly visible. Running his hand up and down the back of his neck, he loses his way for a moment and yells, “Burden? You’re not a fucking burden, Claudia!” He sucks in an angry breath. “Fuck!”
I hold my breath, waiting for him to explode further, but his father steps close and says something in his ear. Jett listens and then nods as his father steps back away. Claudia watches him, her face twisting in pain, and in this moment, I understand her desire to protect her family from all this.
From the distress of watching a loved one battle a deadly disease.
A disease they’ve already lived through with her.
A disease they had prayed would never return.
Jett sits next to his sister again and takes a deep breath. His chest heaves as he attempts to calm himself. “I’m sorry, Princess,” he says softly, “but you have to know that I want that fucking burden. I don’t want you to have to go through this alone…none of us want that. So promise me you’ll tell us everything from now on, yeah?”
“I promise,” she whispers.
He puts his hand to her forehead and says, “You’ve got pneumonia?”
I can hardly hear her voice when she responds. “Yes.”
“Fuck,” he mutters as he scrubs his face.
Monica moves to the other side of the bed and looks at Jett, the pain flashing in her eyes again. “The chemo’s wearing her immune system down, Jett. You know how this works.”
“So they’re treating you with chemo? No surgery?” he sounds confused.
Claudia takes hold of his hand. The look on her face reminds me of the look someone gives you when they are about to prepare you for bad news. “Jett, the cancer has spread so the doctors are trying to shrink it with chemo before they operate. I’ve had two lots of chemo and am scheduled to have at least one more, maybe two, before the surgery.”
He stares at her in silence. “How long have you been in here?”
“I was admitted this morning.” She covers her mouth as a coughing fit takes over and when it doesn’t let up easily, she grimaces in pain.
Jett’s hand moves to her shoulder to try and comfort her but I imagine he feels helpless. There’s nothing any of us can do to take this away from her. “God, how the hell did I not notice you were sick?” he asks.
When she stops coughing, she answers him. “I did everything I could to avoid you while I was having chemo. I told you I was busy studying, that I was out with friends, anything to not see you…and I locked myself away at home and told Mum and Dad I had the flu. None of this is on you, Jett. I concealed it well.”
“That’s why you were so eager to cancel our trip away.” Understanding dawns on his face.
She nods. “Yes, that’s the reason.”
Realisation hits me in the gut. This was why she was a little off when she came to visit me at my home.
Claudia yawns and Steve joins his wife next to the bed. Looking at Jett, he says, “It’s late and Claudia needs sleep so you should go home.”
Jett shakes his head. “I’m not going anywhere,” he says firmly.
“Jett, we’re going to be here. We’ll call you if - ” Monica says, but he cuts her off.
“I’m not leaving.”
Claudia reaches out to her Mum and touches her gently on the arm. “You and Dad have been here all day, so why don’t you go and get some rest while Jett stays. You know he’s not going to leave either way.”
Monica’s gaze flicks to Jett and she assesses the situation. I can’t even begin to imagine how a parent must feel in this kind of situation. Watching your child battle an illness must be one of the hardest things to go through. And I understand her wanting to stay with her daughter. But in the end, she nods and squeezes Claudia’s hand. “Okay, we’ll go, but only so you two can have some time together. We’ll be back first thing in the morning.”
Claudia nods. “Thank you.”
Monica and Steve say their goodbyes and give everyone a hug, including me, and then leave. As the door closes behind them, I watch Jett and his sister for a moment before saying, “I’m going to go, too.”
“You don’t have to,” Claudia says. “I know Jett would love you to stay and I don’t mind either way.”
I give her a smile but shake my head as I move closer to her. “I think it’s important that you two have some privacy. I’m only a phone call away and I’ll come back in the morning, too.”
The way Jett looks at me as I say this causes butterflies in my stomach. It’s as if he’s gazing at me with a huge amount of love, and I know I must be imagining it, because it’s way too early in our relationship for that. But I also understand that when stuff like this happens that makes you question life, emotions are magnified, so that’s probably why he’s looking at me this way.
He stands and wraps me in a hug while pressing a kiss to my lips. “Thank you, sweetheart,” he murmurs.
When he lets me go, I grab his hand and hold it for a moment. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Nodding, he agrees. “See you then.”
I look at Claudia and smile. “See you tomorrow.�
��
We finish our goodbyes and when I leave, Jett’s sitting back on the bed next to his sister. The last thing I hear is him telling her about his night on stage.
It’s going to be a long night for him.
Hell, it’s going to be a long journey for all of us.
22
Jett
My phone sounds with a text, waking me. I shift in the chair and cringe when the pain shoots through my neck from the position I’ve been sleeping in. Opening my eyes, I see Claudia is still asleep and I move as silently as I can so as not to wake her. A minute later, I’m outside in the hall, having successfully navigated my way out without waking her up.
The text is from Van.
Van: How’s Claudia?
Me: It’s ovarian cancer and she has pneumonia on top of that.
He calls me. “I’m so sorry, man.” His voice reveals his own pain and I figure he’s thinking about his mother who died from breast cancer a few years ago.
I kick my boot on the floor. “Yeah, me too. Fucking cancer.”
“Are we cancelling the gig tonight?”
Raking my hand through my hair, I mentally curse the universe. We’re supposed to be flying to Sydney at lunchtime for a gig tonight. “I won’t be there. You guys could do it without me.”
He is quiet for a few moments and then blows out a long breath. “We’ve got three weeks of promo ahead of us, and I can’t see you being able to make any of it. And I don’t expect you to. Hell, we should be the furthest thing from your mind at the moment, so I vote we cancel everything.”
I let his words settle in my gut. And I fight against them. I don’t want to let the band down, and on top of that, I’ve got a lot personally riding on our next album.
But fuck, Claudia comes before all of that.
“Jett, you still there?” Van asks.
I start pacing the corridor, the tension punching through my body as I struggle with this decision. The only fucking decision worth making in this situation. “Yeah, I’m still here and you’re right, we should cancel it all.” I pause before adding, “I’m fucking sorry, Van.”
His voice is rough when he replies. Harsh, almost, as if he’s angry, but I know he’s not angry at me. He’s angry at the world for everything he’s lost and everything I could lose. “Don’t ever fucking say that. We’ve always run things this way and as far as I’m concerned, we’ll always fucking run things this way. Family first.”
“Thanks.” I want to say more but my voice chokes up; I know if I say anything else, I’ll lose it, so I stop talking.
“I’ll sort it out; you just concentrate on your shit,” he says and ends the call.
Shoving my phone in my pocket, I open the door to Claudia’s room to see if she’s awake yet. She isn’t, so I close the door and start walking down the corridor towards the exit.
I need to get out of here for a bit.
I need to catch my breath because I feel like I’m drowning.
The sun welcomes me as I step outside the hospital. The day is alive with early morning humidity and the sounds of distant traffic and I stand still, close my eyes and let it all wash over me.
She better not die.
I squeeze my eyes and suck back the emotions as they rush at me.
Why her?
“Jett.”
My eyes snap open to find Presley standing in front of me, watching me with concern.
“Thank fuck,” I mutter and curl my arm around her neck so I can pull her in for a kiss. She doesn’t even blink at my morning breath but I make a mental note to buy some toothpaste on our way back up to the room.
I let her go and she stares up at me. “Did you get any sleep?”
“Some. You?”
“Not much. I couldn’t switch my brain off. How is she today?”
“She’s still asleep, but she coughed for most of the night and was burning up. I’m worried her pneumonia is getting worse and that’s something she can’t afford.” Hell, I shudder to think what it would mean for her if it does get worse.
Presley takes in what I’ve said for a moment. She moves into my space and leans her head against my chest while putting her arms around me. My arms go around her waist and I hold her tight. I’m so fucking glad she’s here. “I’m sorry, Jett,” she murmurs against me.
I run my hand up and down her back and stare into space, not wanting to ever let her go. “It’s weird, but good,” I say softly.
She doesn’t move, just keeps hold of me and asks, “What’s weird?”
“The way I’ve come to rely on you so much so soon. I never ever expected to feel this way about someone.”
Her body stills and I almost expect her to avoid the discussion, but she looks up at me and agrees, “I know what you mean.”
It’s a moment, a monumental fucking moment for us, because I’ve fought hard to get her to admit she wants what I want, and I know she’s giving that to me now. Any other time, I would have cracked the champagne after hearing those words, but today, all I can manage is to brush my lips across hers and then rest my forehead against her forehead.
She gets it, though. She knows what her words mean to me. A contented sigh tells me this. And not for the first time, I thank a God I’m not sure I believe in anymore for giving her to me.
* * *
The day passes in a blur. Presley doesn’t leave my side, and we spend the entire day at the hospital with my family. If the reason we were all together were anything other than what it is, it would have been a perfect day. My family and Presley are getting on well, and I’ve loved watching their interactions. Claudia, in particular, approves of my choice and has spent a lot of the day giving me knowing looks.
By four o’clock, I’m exhausted and decide to head home for a shower and a rest. Claudia’s feeling about the same as she was this morning, and the doctors are closely monitoring her, so I’m confident that leaving her will be okay.
“We’ll call if we need you,” my mother says as she waves Presley and me out of the room.
Although I’ve made the decision to go home, I’m finding it hard to leave, so Presley has to almost drag me down the corridors of the hospital and out to her car.
“You okay?” she asks as she turns the key in the ignition, watching me closely.
I lay my head back against the headrest and think about her question. Turning my head so I can look at her, I answer honestly, “I really don’t know… I feel numb with shock… and angry that she has to go through it again. And, fuck… stage four ovarian cancer…” My voice drifts off because I don’t want to say the words I am thinking. None of us need to hear those words, but I know we’re all thinking them.
She twists her body so she’s facing me, and rests her head on the seat. Reaching for my hand, she holds it while we sit with the car idling. The silence is too much for me; it gives my thoughts the space they need to move into focus more, and that’s something I don’t need at the moment. So I fill the quiet. “Thank you for spending the day with us.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Jett. That’s what I’m here for.” Her thumb traces lazy patterns over my hand as her eyes find mine.
“As in that’s what girlfriends are for?” I ask, wanting to have this conversation. Needing to have this conversation.
Her thumb doesn’t skip a beat; she doesn’t skip a beat. “Are you asking me if I’ll be your girlfriend?”
I raise my brows and smirk at her. “Sweetheart, I think we’re past that point here. I’m not asking, I’m just making sure you know where we’re at.”
Her thumb keeps moving and her lips shift into a smile. “So let me get this straight… we’re together, and I’m not to date anyone else now. Or did I screw that up?”
The thought of her dating anyone else causes my gut to tighten. I pull her to me and bruise her lips with a rough, deep kiss and growl, “You got that damn straight; you’re not to date anyone else now.”
Lust clouds her eyes and she bites her swollen bottom lip as she
nods. “Just checking, baby.”
I let her go and take a long breath.
At least one good thing has happened today.
* * *
We sleep for hours and just after ten that night, my phone buzzes.
Dad: I’m taking your mother home to rest. Claudia is asleep and okay but thought you might want to know she’s by herself now.
Me: I’ll head up to the hospital now.
Presley stirs but doesn’t wake fully when I move off the bed. My gaze drops to her body as the sheet shifts, and the sight of her naked breast causes my dick to jerk. I haven’t fucked her since yesterday morning and that’s too long in my opinion, but I’m not going to wake her now because my only goal at the moment is to get to the hospital as fast as I can. I don’t want Claudia to wake up to a room with no one in it.
I dress quickly and let myself out of Presley’s apartment and head downstairs to her car. She told me to borrow it if I woke up, and as I ease into it, I grimace when I hit my head. Small cars and me don’t get along, and Presley’s tiny Mazda needs to go if I’ve got any say in it.
The traffic isn’t too bad, and the fact Presley lives close to the Princess Alexandra hospital means I make it there in around ten minutes. And less than ten minutes after that, I enter Claudia’s room and breathe a sigh of relief when I find her peacefully asleep. Closing the door softly behind me, I make my way to the armchair and drop into it. I’m exhausted with jet lag catching up and little sleep since arriving back in Australia, but my mind is going a million miles an hour and I know I won’t sleep much tonight.
“Why are you here?” Claudia asks as she shifts in the bed to face me. She coughs as she does this and I reach to pass her the glass of water that’s sitting on the table next to her bed. Taking it from me, she says softly, “Thank you, but seriously, why are you not at home sleeping?”
I lean back in my chair and stretch my tired legs out in front of me. “You can’t tell me you wouldn’t be here if the roles were reversed, Princess.” Memories of our childhood before her cancer struck flood my mind; Claudia always looked out for me, even though I was the older one. She always went to battle on my behalf. I remind her of the first one that comes to mind. “Remember that time when you were about seven, and you took the blame for me putting that hole in my bedroom wall?”