Be The One (Crave #2)

by Nina Levine

  I stare at her as tears blur my vision and slide down my face. No words come and I don’t force them. The taste of them on my tongue makes me want to vomit so they’re better left discarded and unsaid.

  She comes to me and wraps her arms around my body. I don’t move. I simply let her do her thing while I stare at her through my heartache.

  I’m sure her touch is caring and gentle and soft, but I don’t even feel it.

  I’m numb.

  My worst fears have come true and I don’t want to feel anything ever again.

  24

  Presley

  I watch Jett open the fridge from where I sit at his kitchen counter. He grabs the milk out, shuts the fridge, and then makes coffee on autopilot. Going through the motions is all he’s been doing since he was given the news of Claudia’s death yesterday. I can’t blame him, but I want him to let me in. I want him to let me be there for him. I want to be the one he leans on now.

  It’s just after five in the morning, and neither of us slept much last night. Jett looks as exhausted as I know he is. Physically and emotionally.

  “What are your plans today?” he asks as he puts the milk back in the fridge.

  I frown. Surely he would realise I’m keeping my schedule free for him. “I’m here for you, baby. Whatever you need, I’m here.”

  His gaze swings to mine as he walks back to where his coffee sits on the counter. I hate what I see in his eyes. Or what I don’t see. His eyes are empty as they stare at me. And when he replies to what I said, his voice is also hollow. “You don’t need to do that. I’m going to be busy with Mum and Dad today, going over the funeral arrangements and everything, so I imagine you’d be bored shitless. I’ll call you once we’re done and see where you are.”

  His words pierce my heart a little but I keep that to myself. He’s hurting and trying desperately to cope with his loss so the least I can do is give him some space to do that. I want to tell him I’m coming with him but I don’t want to intrude on his family so I just nod to signal my agreement.

  We sit in silence after that until he finishes his coffee. He rinses his mug in the sink and leaves the kitchen without a word. I contemplate following him to make sure he’s okay but immediately discount the idea.

  I will give him his space.

  So I stay where I am and drink the rest of my coffee, waiting for him to reappear.

  Only five minutes pass before he returns. He walks to where I am sitting and places a key on the counter. Finding my gaze he says, “A key to my place.” He waits for my reply and when I nod my head, he bends his face to mine and kisses me. It’s a quick kiss with none of the passion he usually gives me and definitely none of the possessiveness his lips usually hold. I didn’t expect any of that today but still, I don’t like the lack of it.

  He picks up his keys and phone that are sitting on the counter, and turns to leave. “I’ll call you,” he says over his shoulder and a minute later, he’s gone.

  I’m left praying he’s going to get through this without too much of his heart shredded to pieces.

  * * *

  “When do you think the funeral will be?” Erin asks me later that day over a coffee.

  “I don’t know. Jett’s discussing it with his family today.”

  “Why aren’t you with him?” She seems as confused as I was this morning.

  Sighing, I lean my elbows on the table. “He’s pulling away from me and didn’t seem to want me there, so I let it go.” I stare at her for a moment and then add, “I totally understand him needing some space, but I hate that he’s going through this alone.”

  She blows out a breath. “God, it happened so fast. I can’t even imagine that. To find out your sister has cancer again and then just days later, she’s dead. No wonder he’s distant, babe. You’re doing the right thing by giving him room to work it through in his mind. I reckon he’ll come to you when he needs you.”

  “I hope so,” I say softly as I think about what she’s said.

  “Have you decided if you’ll go on tour with the band yet?”

  I shake my head as I sip some coffee. “They’ve put their album on hold while Jett was with Claudia so I hadn’t thought anymore about it. I don’t know what they’ll do now but I think I would like to take on the job. Shooting them for that interview in LA was fun, and I love watching Jett perform so it’s kind of a no-brainer.”

  “I guess that as long as you guys manage to get along okay while working together, it should be all right.”

  She’s brought up the only thing still holding me back from jumping straight in. “Yeah, it’d suck to get out on tour and start having problems because of working together.” Wanting to change the subject, I ask, “Did you ever hear from that lawyer?”

  Settling her elbows on the table and leaning her face forward, she says, “Girl, you are so far behind on the gossip that I need to catch you up. That dude called and we went on a date, and let’s just say I’m re-evaluating my thoughts on men in suits. Suddenly the bartender is looking good.”

  My eyes widen. “Start talking, and don’t stop until I know it all.”

  * * *

  Jett

  I park my Jeep in the car park outside the pub I’ve been coming to for ten years, and rest my head back against the headrest. Memories of Claudia fill my mind. I brought her here for lunch the day she turned eighteen because it’s the kind secluded pub I can come to and not get recognised or bothered. It was just me and her and lots of drinks. She shared her dream of giving back to the world with me that day; she wanted to give back as a way of saying thank you to the universe for giving her the miracle of life after her battle with cancer as a child.

  Yeah, so much to be thankful for.

  Pulling the key out of the ignition, I open the door and exit the Jeep. I’ve come from my parents’ house where we spent all day going over the funeral arrangements and various other things, and I’m meeting the boys here for a drink. My head is throbbing, and I’m exhausted, but I need this time out with the guys.

  “Jett,” West calls out when I enter the pub. They’re all here, sitting in the back at the table we usually sit at.

  “Hi Dan,” I say to the bartender on my way, signalling to him that I want my usual.

  “Sure, man,” he agrees and the look he gives me tells me that he’s been filled in on Claudia’s death.

  Better that he knows. Then there’s no awkward moment when he asks me how she is.

  I make my way to the back table and collapse onto the spare chair. Rubbing the back of my neck, I say, “It’s been a long fucking day and I don’t want to discuss it. You guys good with that?”

  They stare at me for a beat and West and Van nod their agreement, but Hunter shakes his head. “No, that’s not gonna happen. Your sister dies, you need your friends, Jett. And I reckon you need to talk about it.”

  I glare at him and mutter, “What exactly do you want to know, Hunter? I’ll give you five minutes and then we drink.”

  “When’s Claudia’s funeral?”

  “Day after tomorrow.”

  “Make sure you text us the details. We’ll all be there.”

  “Fine. Is that all you need to know or do you also want to know how fucking pissed off I am that she’s gone? That I will never understand the world ever again, because why the hell did they take her when there are murderers and rapists and paedophiles out there that should have been taken instead.” I run out of breath so I stop talking, but my heart rate is running a million miles an hour and every vein in my body is buzzing with adrenalin.

  Hunter nods and sits back in his chair. “Yeah, that’s what I want to know.”

  I raise the glass of bourbon Dan just put in front of me, and demand, “Now, let’s drink the fuck up and talk about bullshit that doesn’t matter.” I scull half the glass and suck in a breath as it slides down my throat. Feels fucking good.

  * * *

  Five hours later, we’re all drunk, and we stumble outside. We spent all night reli
ving memories of when we met, the shit we’ve been through together, and talked about our future plans. And then the conversation turned to Claudia and the last hour has been spent reliving our memories of hanging out with her.

  “She really was like a sister to you guys, too, wasn’t she?” I say as we hit the car park.

  Van nods. “Yeah, she was.”

  West slings his arm around my shoulders. “I’m gonna miss her, Jett. She used to send me texts checking up on you when we were on the road, and then we’d chat for a bit. It was how I used to stay connected to home in a way. She’d keep me updated on everyone back here. It’s gonna suck not having that.” His voice catches and his face twists with grief.

  Fuck.

  These are the kinds of things my mind hasn’t even realised yet. They’re the little things we all took for granted, and suddenly I know they’re going to be the things that will hurt the most as we discover them missing.

  Two taxis pull up and we make our way to them. I’m heading home to my apartment in the city and the three of them are going in a different direction so I jump in mine and say goodnight. I’ll come back tomorrow and collect my Jeep. Driving it home tonight was never going to happen, I shouldn’t have driven it here in the first place.

  Closing my eyes, I squeeze back the thoughts rushing forward. Every time I’m alone, they come for me, and I can’t stop them. Of Claudia and I when we were kids, of her when she was dating assholes in high school, of us in Paris when I took her there for her twenty-first. Too many fucking memories.

  I need to find a way to switch them off.

  “Mate,” I say to the driver, “Can we head to Kangaroo Point instead of the city?”

  “Sure,” he agrees and diverts our journey.

  Presley will make it good.

  She’ll switch the shit in my mind off.

  25

  Presley

  I sit up in bed and quiet my breathing so I can listen for the noise I just heard. It sounds like someone trying to break in through my front door, and my heart beats a little faster in my chest. Pushing the bed covers back, I slide out of the bed and tip toe through my apartment towards the front door. The noise is getting louder and just as I almost reach the door, Jett yells out my name as he bashes on it.

  I scream and jump. “Shit, you scared the fuck out of me!” I yell at him through the door, both relieved it’s him and angry it’s him. He rang me this afternoon and said he was going out with the boys so I wasn’t expecting him. And although I’m glad to see him, I’m half asleep and my pulse is racing from the fear I had felt.

  I let him in and he shuts the door behind him and apologises. “Sorry, baby, didn’t mean to scare you.” His words are slurring together and he smells like a brewery.

  Motioning for him to come in, I say, “It’s alright, but I didn’t think you were coming over tonight. Are you okay? And how the hell did you get through the front door?” So much for security.

  His hands grip my hips and pull me to him as he bends his face to mine and kisses me. “Some other drunk guy let me through… I’m okay but I had to see you.”

  Warmth flows through me that he feels this way. “I’ll make us a tea,” I say as I turn to walk towards the kitchen.

  He grabs my hand, though, and halts me. Pulling me back to him, he presses his lips to mine and kisses me again, his tongue pushing inside, his mouth urgent. One of his hands slides under my shirt, up my bare skin to cup my breast while his other hand reaches inside my pyjama shorts to find my pussy. His touch is rough and demanding, and usually I would love it, but tonight it feels off.

  I push him away and take a step back. Before I can say anything, he frowns and asks, “What?”

  “I said I’d make us tea so you can talk. It seems like you need that,” I say softly. Even in his drunken state, I can see the pain in his eyes. My man is hurting so bad and I just want to help him.

  He rakes his fingers through his hair. “Fuck, Presley, I don’t want to talk.”

  “Jett, I get that, but at least come and sit with me. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to; we can just sit and be.” I’m hoping he’ll open up at some point, though.

  He reaches for me again and I realise why he came here tonight. And it hurts that sex is all he wants from me. “Sweetheart,” he murmurs as he tries to pull me to him, but I struggle against that.

  “I know you’re hurting, Jett, and I understand you don’t want to talk it over, but I don’t think burying your pain in sex is the way to deal with this.”

  Annoyance flashes in his eyes. “I’m not trying to bury my pain in sex but it would be nice to fuck my girlfriend for the first time in days. And then we can talk.”

  I stare at him, hating the words that just came from his lips, but at the same time knowing he doesn’t mean them the way they sounded. This isn’t the Jett I know and love; this is the Jett who is drowning in grief and fighting against admitting to himself that his sister is never coming back. So I do the only thing I think will work for now. I go to him and cup his face with my hands. Then I kiss him and press my body against his. When I end the kiss, I say, “We don’t need to talk, baby. I hear everything you’re already saying and when you’re ready to say something else, I’ll be here to hear that, too. Okay?”

  His eyes don’t shift from mine and I know he’s heard me; I know he’s understood everything I just said because I see the tears building there. But he blinks and stops them, and then he grunts as he lifts me and carries me into the bedroom.

  I expect him to be rough but he places me on the bed as if I am the most fragile thing in the world. His hands go to his jeans and as he undresses, he keeps his gaze glued to mine. The intense way he watches me, with his grief blaring from his eyes, hits me deep in my soul, and I know I will give him whatever he needs tonight.

  Once he’s naked, he leans on the bed and moves on top of me. His lips find mine and he kisses me, deep and slow. I welcome his tongue and I don’t even care that all I can taste is the bourbon he’s been drinking. The hold he has over me when his body and his lips and his hands are on me is something I’ve never experienced, and I am powerless to fight it.

  My hands move along his skin, up his back, and into his hair as I wrap my legs around him. I’m still fully clothed but he’s in no rush to remove them; he’s focused intently on owning me through his kiss. And he does own me. I press my body up into his and kiss him harder; I need to be as close to him as I can be tonight.

  His hands are on the bed, either side of me, and he ends our kiss and pushes himself up away from me. I watch as his gaze trails down my body, slowly, as if he’s devouring me with his eyes. Goosebumps flood my skin as I shiver under that gaze. He moves suddenly to a straddling position and his hands slide down my body to grab hold of the bottom of my shirt so he can remove it. Once he has it off, he slides my shorts and panties off to reveal my naked body to him.

  “Fuck,” he rasps as he traces a pattern over the skin of my throat and then trails his finger slowly down my body, over my breasts, my nipples, my stomach, and then down to my pussy. My core clenches as he softly rubs my clit with his thumb and teases my entrance with his finger. Our eyes meet and don’t let go as he builds my pleasure.

  My hands slide across the silk sheet so I can grasp the bed and hold on while my body trembles under his touch.

  Oh God.

  His fingers feel so good.

  I close my eyes, unable to focus on him anymore. The pleasure he’s giving me has set my body alight with lust and want and need.

  God, how I need him.

  Now.

  My back arches off the bed and my head turns to the side as I squeeze my eyes and bite my lip.

  Fuck.

  I clench the sheets at the side of the bed as the intense pleasure builds and fills me and sends white light shooting through my mind.

  And I come. My release shatters through me, splintering shards of bliss to every corner of my body.

  His fingers still and
while I’m in the midst of pleasure, he brings his beautiful lips to my breasts and runs his tongue around one nipple and then the other. Then he takes one of my breasts into his mouth while his hands slide up my body to take hold of both breasts while he worships me with his lips and tongue.

  I barely recover from my orgasm before he begins to build my pleasure again. While he’s working his magic on my breasts, he pushes his cock against my pussy. I can hardly contain my need for him there. All I want to do is push myself up to meet him, but he’s intent on teasing me at the moment. He pushes against me and then pulls away, over and over.

  Over and fucking over.

  We dance like this together for what feels like eternity. I’m almost going out of my mind with desire, and I’m fairly sure Jett is, too. I have no idea how he’s holding himself back because each time he slides through my wetness, he lets out a grunt, as if he’s torturing himself.

  His mouth hasn’t left my breasts but I need his lips so I thread my fingers through his hair and pull gently to let him know what I want. He lifts his face to look at me, and I almost come just from the feral look in his eyes. They are wild with lust and I connect with that look; I want him as much as he wants me. And damn that turns me on even more than I already am. And I’m not even sure if that’s possible because Jett’s driving me fucking insane with his mouth, hands and cock.

  “Will you fuck me already?” I finally beg, my voice heavy with sex.

  He stares at me for a beat, as if he’s lost and can’t claw through whatever has him in its grip. And then he pushes his cock inside on a growl. He begins a slow and maddening dance of sex. He’s never fucked me like this before. I’m used to his more possessive style; this is something completely different.

  It’s quietly demanding.

  It’s quietly greedy.