The Northwoods

by Jane Hoppen

Evelyn knew that she had hurt Sarah’s feelings, and all she wanted to do was find a way to mend them now.

  “Sarah, please give me a chance to explain,” she said. “I was afraid.”

  “Afraid?”

  “All this time, these feelings that I have for you have grown, taken root, but they are new to me, and after what happened with Sam, I was worried. I didn’t want you to feel as if you owed me anything, and life on the farm is so different from the life you had before, with Abigail—”

  “Abigail is gone! That life is gone!” Sarah’s voice rose and cracked. “George is gone!”

  “I know that,” Evelyn said. “I know they’re both gone.”

  “Then what do you want?” Sarah asked. “Why are you here?”

  Evelyn began to pace around the kitchen. She looked out the window at an overcast sky.

  “The children and I…I can’t manage the farm alone,” she said. “The children miss you. I miss you.”

  “So you want me to come back as what?” Sarah asked. “A farmhand? A hired worker?”

  “No,” Evelyn said. “You know better than that.”

  “No, I don’t,” Sarah said. “I don’t understand what you want, Evelyn. I can’t be coming and going based on your whims and moods, and I certainly don’t want to spend the rest of my life sleeping on some spare cot. I need to decide what I want to do with my life. I can’t second-guess what is happening, what you are feeling.”

  Evelyn opened her mouth, only silence escaping, and the next thing she knew she felt tears, warm on her cheeks. Sarah stood and went to her. She wrapped her arms around Evelyn, and they looked at each other steadily.

  “I love you,” Evelyn said. “I want you and me…The children…We could be a family.”

  Sarah leaned in and her lips brushed against Evelyn’s. The kiss was long and gentle. Sarah raised a hand and wiped the tears from Evelyn’s cheeks. Rain began to pound down on the roof, and the room grew dark. Sarah and Evelyn looked at each other silently, and Sarah took one of Evelyn’s hands in her own and led her to her room, where she gently kissed Evelyn again and helped her to undress. Sarah removed her own clothing then, took Evelyn’s hand, and pulled back the covers to her bed.

  * * *

  After making love for the first time, sometimes fumbling awkwardly, sometimes giggling, they dozed off. Sarah woke before Evelyn, and she quietly lay beside her, watching her. Evelyn eventually woke up from the nap, and her lips slightly parted, but she said nothing. Sarah had a moment of panic, thinking that everything was too much for Evelyn, that she would change her mind.

  “Are you all right?” she asked Evelyn. “You look almost…frightened.”

  “Frightened?” Evelyn said. “I’m not frightened.”

  “What then?”

  “Startled maybe. I never…felt so much before. I’ve never been physically drawn to someone like this before.”

  “Ever? Not even George?” Sarah asked.

  “There’s only been George,” Evelyn said. “I loved the man, but with him things were more…I never felt the way I feel right now.”

  Sarah kissed her softly. She cupped a hand over one of Evelyn’s cheeks and traced a finger down, past her lips and along her neck, finally resting it on one of Evelyn’s breasts. She gently pulled on the nipple and kissed Evelyn again. She stopped and gazed down at Evelyn.

  “Are you thinking about Abigail?” Evelyn asked.

  “No,” Sarah said. “I’m thinking about us. Are you sure?”

  “Am I sure?”

  “About us?” Sarah said. “About me returning to the farm? I cannot handle any more drastic changes to my life, Evelyn. I need some stability. I need some place to belong—not for three months, not for three years. I need…As much as I wanted this, it seems so sudden now.”

  “I know what I feel, Sarah,” Evelyn said. “At the camp I was so confused. I knew I was drawn to you. I thought you were attractive, as the other jacks did, but I thought all that was because I was pretending to be a man, that it was affecting me somehow. When we got back to the farm, the feelings didn’t subside. They grew instead. I didn’t know what to do, what to say. No part of me believed you would reciprocate.”

  Evelyn looked steadily at Sarah and took one of her hands in her own.

  “I love you,” she said. “We can be a family—me, you, and the children. Please trust me.”

  “What will we tell the children?” Sarah asked.

  “Tell the children?” Evelyn said.

  “About us.”

  “Nothing,” Evelyn said matter-of-factly.

  Sarah withdrew.

  “Nothing,” she said. “Are you ashamed?”

  “Of course not,” Evelyn said. She reached out and pulled Sarah back toward her. “But they wouldn’t understand if we did tell them. They’ve never once asked about Helen and Jess. When they ask questions, we’ll tell them. That’s when they’ll be ready to know. Okay?”

  “Okay,” Sarah said.

  She relaxed and nestled back into Evelyn. Curling into one another, they dozed off once again.

  * * *

  The next time they woke, Evelyn looked at Sarah and smiled broadly.

  “What is that for?” Sarah asked.

  “I haven’t slept like that in ages,” Evelyn said.

  Sarah laughed.

  “That’s the lovemaking,” she said. “It’s like a sedative.”

  “A lovely sedative,” Evelyn said.

  She looked out the window and then at Sarah.

  “I need to get back to the farm before dark so Helen can head home,” she said.

  She kissed Sarah and got out of bed to dress. Sarah watched her, taking in every slope and curve. Evelyn was a majestic woman.

  “I’ll try to find some time to prepare the house for your return,” Evelyn said as she put on her clothes.

  “What do you mean?” Sarah asked.

  “It’s a bit of a mess these days,” Evelyn said. “I’d like to spruce it up a bit and put the cot back in the pantry. We won’t need it anymore.”

  Sarah smiled.

  “I’ll come as soon as Mary returns and I settle my business with her,” she said. “I’ll make arrangements with Helen.”

  Evelyn bent down until her lips met with Sarah’s. They kissed and she straightened.

  “I’ll finish the rest of the curtains before I come back,” Sarah said.

  “I’ll be waiting. We’ll all be waiting,” Evelyn said as she turned to leave the room and Sarah, still in the warm, soft bed.

  * * *

  When Evelyn entered the house, she was humming to herself, and the children and Helen, who were sitting at the kitchen table playing checkers, looked at her. She stopped humming and smiled.

  “I saw Sarah when I was in town,” she said. “She’s going to come back to the farm.”

  “She is?” Peter asked.

  Evelyn nodded.

  “She misses us as much as we miss her,” she said.

  The children cheered and a feeling of relief spread over the room. Helen went to her.

  “You cleared the air?” she asked.

  “Yes,” Evelyn said. “Thank you.”

  Helen hugged her.

  “You deserve happiness,” Helen said. “So do they.”

  “Come on,” Evelyn said. “I’ll walk you out.”

  Helen nodded.

  “Good-bye, children,” she said.

  The children all said good-bye, and she and Evelyn went out on the porch.

  “Sarah said she’ll contact you when she’s free to return,” Evelyn said. “She doesn’t want to leave Mary in the lurch.”

  “When she’s ready, I’ll be ready,” Helen said.

  She untied her horse, climbed into her wagon, and waved good-bye. Evelyn watched as the wagon receded down the road. She gazed at the tissue-paper blue sky and took a deep breath. She felt warm, peaceful, and free.

  * * *

  That night after dinner, a warm breeze blew, scented by the
rain earlier in the day, and Evelyn and the children sat on the porch, picking out constellations.

  “There’s the Big Dipper,” Peter said.

  Karl pointed at the sky.

  “Little Dipper,” he said.

  “Let’s see if we can find Leo,” Evelyn said.

  They all surveyed the sky. Louise huddled against Evelyn.

  “When is Sarah coming?” Peter asked.

  “The woman who owns the tailor shop left town for a few days,” Evelyn said. “When she returns and Sarah finishes her work with her, she’ll come. Meanwhile, we can do a few things to prepare in our spare time.”

  “Like what?” Peter asked.

  “I want to make some room for a few more of her things that are in the barn, maybe one of her chairs and her sewing table. She’ll feel more at home.”

  “Where will we put them?”

  “I’ll take down the cot in the bedroom,” Evelyn said. “She can use that space.”

  “Where will she sleep?”

  “I’ll share my bed with her,” Evelyn said. “It will all work out.”

  “Okay,” Peter said. “I’m glad she’s coming back.”

  “Me, too,” Evelyn said. “Has anyone found Leo yet?”

  “No,” Karl and Louise said.

  “Well, maybe we’ll have better luck tomorrow night,” Evelyn said. “Time to get ready for bed.”

  They went inside and the children went upstairs. Evelyn followed soon after and put them to bed. She went to her room, and when she lay down, she smiled, knowing she would sleep well that night and that soon Sarah would be beside her.

  * * *

  While Evelyn and the children awaited Sarah’s arrival, Evelyn kept a small list of tasks she wanted to complete—sweep and wash down the floors, launder all the bedding, wipe the windows clean in preparation for the curtains.

  “We never cleaned the windows before,” Peter said.

  “We never had curtains before,” Evelyn said.

  “What should we use?”

  “I think vinegar might work,” Evelyn said. She handed him a bottle. “Why don’t you try?”

  “Okay,” Peter said.

  Later that day, Evelyn took Louise and Karl with her to the garden to pick some flowers.

  “What are we going to do with them?” Karl asked as he laid them in a basket.

  “We’ll put some on the porch and some in the house,” Evelyn said.

  “They’ll be pretty,” Louise said.

  “I think so,” Evelyn agreed.

  “I guess,” Karl said.

  When they went back to the house, Evelyn filled an old watering can with some water and arranged some long-stemmed black-eyed Susans in it. She set the watering can on the porch steps. She snipped off the heads of some mums and floated them in a bowl of water that she centered on the kitchen table. She was looking at her home in a way she never did before. She was seeing it through Sarah’s eyes.

  * * *

  When Sarah returned to the farm, it was midmorning, near the end of July, and Evelyn was near the barn, talking to the three farmhands she had hired to help with the harvest of the spring wheat. The children stopped doing their chores and ran toward the wagon. Helen and Sarah got out of the wagon and the children surrounded them.

  “We’re glad you’re back, Sarah,” Peter said earnestly as he took her satchel from her.

  “So am I,” she said.

  Louise clutched her dress, and Karl wrapped his arms around her waist. Evelyn excused herself from the workers and began to walk toward the others, and then she broke into a run.

  “You’re here,” she said when she reached them, and she took Sarah in her arms. “Thank you, Helen.”

  “It was no problem,” Helen said. “At least everyone seems happier now.”

  She lightly rested a hand on Evelyn’s back.

  “Can you stay for coffee?” Evelyn asked.

  “I’m heading right back,” Helen said. “Martha Tarry’s been under the weather these days, and Jess and I want to pay her a visit.”

  “Sorry to hear that,” Evelyn said. “Send her my regards. Children, say good-bye to your aunt.”

  The children said good-bye, and when Helen started up the road, Evelyn looked at Sarah and the children.

  “Children, you can finish up your chores now,” she said. “Sarah and I will call you when lunch is ready.”

  Karl and Louise headed to the garden, and Peter went behind the house to chop some wood. Sarah picked up the satchel, and she and Evelyn hooked arms and headed to the house.

  “The flowers are a nice touch,” Sarah said when they reached the house.

  “I think so,” Evelyn said, pleased.

  She led Sarah up the stairs and to their room.

  “I thought you might want a few more of your belongings in the house,” she said.

  Sarah looked over to where the cot once stood. Her favorite chair was there, with a standing lamp beside it, and on the other side of the lamp stood her sewing table. She walked over to it and ran a hand over its smooth finish.

  “Thank you,” she said.

  A warm feeling oozed through her. She opened her satchel and took out some cloth and rods.

  “I made the rest of the curtains,” she said.

  Evelyn leaned over and lightly kissed her.

  “You go start lunch and I’ll hang these,” Sarah said.

  Evelyn started to leave and then stopped.

  “We begin again,” she said.

  “We do,” said Sarah.

  * * *

  When the children entered the house for lunch, Evelyn told them to wash their hands and to go see the curtains that Sarah had made for their room.

  “Moons and stars,” Karl called down. “I like them! Thank you, Sarah.”

  “You’re welcome,” Sarah hollered up.

  Down below, she and Evelyn listened to the children’s comments as they inspected the new additions to their room.

  “If we pull them together at night, the sun won’t be so bright in our room in the morning,” Peter said.

  “You still have to get up, though,” Evelyn said, loud enough for them to hear. “Come down for lunch now.”

  The children laughed and headed down the stairs, where they all gathered around the table for sandwiches and slices of apples. They discussed the remaining chores for the day, and they picked up where they had left off. Evelyn would head to the fields with the hired hands, Peter and Karl would churn the butter, and Sarah would clean up the kitchen, work the garden with Louise, and get dinner started. The hot July day hummed around them, with crickets gathering in the grass and bumblebees circling the flowers and plants.

  * * *

  That evening after dinner, Evelyn got the large tub out of the pantry and took it outside. With the heat of the day lingering after sunset, the water from the pump was cool enough to be soothing. The children all bathed. Evelyn helped them prepare for bed and then refilled the tub for Sarah. When Sarah finished bathing, she went inside, up to their room, and Evelyn filled the tub for herself. The cool water caressed her, and she leaned her head back against the tub, settled her eyes on the night sky, and sighed. She was both content and excited. She, Sarah, and the children were together—a different kind of family.

  After Evelyn finished bathing, she turned the tub upside down in the grass and went inside. When she went upstairs and entered the bedroom, Sarah was in bed, only the sheet draped over her. The flame of the kerosene lamp was low, spilling a faint glow over the room. Evelyn removed her robe, hung it on a hook, and Sarah pulled back the sheet. Evelyn lay down beside her.

  “Welcome home,” she whispered before she kissed Sarah.

  A gentle breeze blew in through the open windows and pushed them toward each other, together.

  About the Author

  Jane Hoppen (http://www.janehoppen.com/) grew up in Wisconsin and has been settled in the New York City area for more than two decades. While working as a technical writer for t
he government and the software industry for more than twenty years, Jane has always done fiction and essay writing on the side and has been published in various magazines, including Room of One’s Own, Off Our Backs, and Story Quarterly. She now focuses primarily on her fiction. Her first novel, In Between, was a finalist for a Lambda Literary Award and won the Golden Crown Literary Society “Goldie” Award for Debut Author. She has also published a novella, The Man Who Was Not.

  Books Available From Bold Strokes Books

  A Country Girl’s Heart by Dena Blake. When Kat Jackson gets a second chance at love, following her heart will prove the hardest decision of all. (978-1-63555-134-1)

  Dangerous Waters by Radclyffe. Life, death, and war on the home front. Two women join forces against a powerful opponent, nature itself. (978-1-63555-233-1)

  Fury’s Death by Brey Willows. When all we hold sacred fails, who will be there to save us? (978-1-63555-063-4)

  It’s Not a Date by Heather Blackmore. Kade’s desire to keep things with Jen on a professional level is in Jen’s best interest. Yet what’s in Kade’s best interest…is Jen. (978-1-63555-149-5)

  Killer Winter by Kay Bigelow. Just when she thought things could get no worse, homicide Lieutenant Leah Samuels learns the woman she loves has betrayed her in devastating ways. (978-1-63555-177-8)

  Score by MJ Williamz. Will an addiction to pain pills destroy Ronda’s chance with the woman she loves, or will she come out on top and score a happily ever after? (978-1-62639-807-8)

  Spring’s Wake by Aurora Rey. When wanderer Willa Lange falls for Provincetown B&B owner Nora Calhoun, will past hurts and a fifteen-year age gap keep them from finding love? (978-1-63555-035-1)

  The Northwoods by Jane Hoppen. When Evelyn Bauer, disguised as her dead husband, George, travels to a Northwoods logging camp to work, she and the camp cook Sarah Bell forge a friendship fraught with both tenderness and turmoil. (978-1-63555-143-3)