Stay Well Soon

by Penny Tangey

  At the end of the week, Mum makes me help clean up the house after school because Dad Ben is arriving tomorrow. I am in charge of vacuuming. Rhys is watching television.

  I vacuum the hallway and all the bedrooms. I can’t vacuum much in Rhys’s room because there are so many clothes on the floor. I don’t know why Mum and I bothered to clean it up. It has descended into chaos already.

  I go to the lounge room and plug in the vacuum cleaner.

  Rhys sits up and says something to me.

  ‘What?’ I say.

  He says something else, but I can’t hear because of the vacuum cleaner. I turn it off.

  ‘What?’ I say.

  ‘I can’t hear the television,’ he says.

  ‘Suck it up, Rhys,’ Mum calls out from the kitchen.

  I laugh but Rhys doesn’t. He doesn’t get Mum’s sense of humour like I do.

  I turn the vacuum back on. I vacuum around all the furniture. Then I take the cushions off the armchair to vacuum and find a two-dollar coin. I pick it up quickly before Rhys sees it and put it in my pocket.

  I vacuum all the crumbs off the chair, then I put the cushions back. I would like to do the couch as well, but there is no chance of Rhys ever moving for me.

  I put the vacuum cleaner back in the cupboard.

  In my room I sit on my bed and look at the two-dollar coin. I take out my favourite sock from the drawer. But what is the point of saving money anyway? I’m never going to get a horse and it doesn’t even matter. Rhys has more chance of getting a bike.

  I go to Rhys’s room. His motorbike savings jar is on his chest of drawers. I put the two-dollar coin inside. It makes a chink as it hits some coins. It sounds pretty full. I bet Mum gave Rhys some extra money. I pick up the motorbike savings jar. It is quite heavy.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I turn around and see Rhys standing in the doorway.

  ‘Nothing.’ I put down the savings jar.

  ‘Mum!’ Rhys calls.

  Mum comes running. She stands in the doorway wearing pink rubber gloves.

  ‘Stevie was stealing my money.’

  ‘I was not!’

  ‘I saw you!’

  ‘Stevie, what were you doing?’ asks Mum.

  ‘I was just tidying up!’

  ‘Then why were you holding my money box?’ says Rhys.

  ‘I think you should go to your room while I talk to Rhys for a moment,’ Mum says to me.

  ‘But I didn’t take anything, Mum,’ I say.

  ‘I know, I believe you,’ says Mum. ‘I’ll come to speak to you in a minute.’

  I go to my room and lie down on the bed.

  Eventually, Mum comes in.

  She sits on the bed and I roll a bit towards her.

  ‘Stevie, be honest,’ she says. ‘Were you taking money from Rhys’s money box?’

  ‘No.’

  Mum looks like she doesn’t believe me.

  ‘Were you touching his money box?’

  ‘I was just looking at it.’

  ‘He says you were holding it.’

  ‘Well, I wasn’t. Rhys doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Anyway, I’m tired from vacuuming.’

  Mum stands up. ‘Okay, you can go to bed and think about it. We’ll talk about it again in the morning.’

  She walks over to the door and stops next to my chest of drawers. My favourite sock is sitting on top of the drawers because I forgot to put it back properly.

  Mum looks down at it. She picks it up.

  ‘What’s this?’ she asks. She unties the knot and looks inside.

  ‘My savings,’ I say.

  ‘I thought you kept your savings in your Dr Snuggles money box?’

  I did used to keep my savings there.

  ‘Is this Rhys’s money?’ asks Mum.

  Mum tells me we need to talk. She has not been happy with my behaviour recently and it is not just about the savings jar. She says she knows Morgan didn’t have a party at McDonald’s and that I visited Finnigan with Lara because she spoke to Lara’s mum. Anyway, Mum had guessed something was up because who’d want to spend five hours at McDonald’s? Mum says it was very irresponsible because Lara could have got very sick and, anyway, I’m not supposed to be friends with Lara in the first place. The worst part, according to Mum, is that I lied about it. Mum doesn’t know what’s got into me and she doesn’t know what to do with me.

  Mum says she’s just glad that she didn’t say anything about Rhys’s money to David’s mum, which she nearly did, because how embarrassing would that have been when David is such a lovely boy and the only friend who has stuck by Rhys while he’s been sick.

  She says I owe Rhys an apology and I have to give all the money back and I’m not going to get any pocket money for a month.

  When Mum finally goes away, I put on my pyjamas and get into bed. Dad Ben is coming tomorrow. But he will find out about Rhys’s savings jar. Then he won’t like me. As Mum said, what kind of person steals money from their sick brother? It wasn’t a proper question so I didn’t say anything, but I knew the answer. A horrible person, that’s who.

  When I wake up the next morning I remember everything straight away. Dad Ben is coming. Mum knows about visiting Finnigan and Rhys’s savings jar. No-one will like me.

  Mum is in the kitchen putting the kettle on.

  I open the fridge door to get out the milk.

  ‘Good morning, Stevie,’ she says. ‘Don’t open the new milk before you finish the old one.’

  I want to ask Mum what time Dad Ben will be coming but I don’t want to because I can tell she is still mad at me. Anyway, I bet Dad Ben doesn’t arrive until the afternoon. That is always what happens when we have a visitor – you have to wait and wait for them. Aunty Janet is like that.

  After I eat my cereal I put on a load of washing. The washing machine is being very difficult so I have to stay with it the whole time.

  At the washing line I dump the washing basket on the ground with a thump. That’s when I hear an engine in the driveway and it doesn’t sound like Mum’s car.

  I run over to the fence and look through one of the gaps. It is Dad Ben! He is wearing his black motorbike-riding clothes and taking off his helmet.

  I run back through the house and stand on the front step.

  I wave at Dad Ben.

  ‘Don’t just stand there waving at me.’

  So I run over to him and he hugs me.

  Then Mum is standing on the front step.

  ‘Hello, Ben,’ she says.

  ‘Hello,’ he says.

  We walk into the house together. Rhys is on the couch. Dad Ben says hello to him, but they don’t hug because Rhys doesn’t like hugging.

  Mum says, ‘Would you like a coffee?’

  ‘Yes please,’ I say. It’s a joke because she wasn’t asking me, and of course I don’t like coffee because I am only eleven. For a second, I think Mum doesn’t understand that I was joking, but then she laughs and Dad Ben laughs too.

  ‘A coffee would be great,’ Dad Ben says. ‘I’ve been up since five.’

  Mum goes into the kitchen with Dad Ben and I follow them. I don’t want them to be alone together because then Mum will tell Dad Ben about Rhys’s savings jar.

  Mum makes coffee for herself and Dad Ben and then we all sit in the lounge room. Dad Ben asks Rhys lots of questions about the hospital and how he’s feeling. He’s going to take Rhys for a ride on his bike later if Rhys is feeling well enough.

  Mum looks worried, but I think Rhys needs to have some fun.

  Then I remember. ‘Oh no!’ I say.

  ‘What?’ says Dad Ben.

  ‘I forgot about the washing!’

  ‘I’ll help you,’ says Dad Ben.

  Dad Ben hangs things on the high side and I hang things on the low sid
e. It is just like old times.

  When we go back inside Mum says she needs to go down the shops to get ham and rolls for lunch. Dad Ben says he’ll go with her.

  ‘I’ll come too,’ I say.

  ‘No, Stevie, you stay here in case Rhys needs something,’ says Mum.

  So that’s it. Mum will tell Dad Ben what I did and Dad Ben won’t like me anymore.

  I sit on the couch and turn on the television but I can’t concentrate because I keep thinking about what Mum and Dad Ben are talking about.

  Finally, I hear a car in the driveway and Dad Ben and Mum walk in.

  ‘Hi there, Stevie!’ says Dad Ben. He is still talking to me, so that’s something.

  I look at Dad Ben carefully. He is not acting like anything has changed. Maybe Mum didn’t tell him after all. Maybe they just talked about Toowoomba or Rhys or the price of fish.

  After lunch Dad Ben and I walk to the top paddock to visit Star.

  Dad Ben talks about his trip and all the things he saw. He tells me about watching the sunset in the desert and how the red rocks glowed like they were on fire. I can’t wait to see that one day.

  When we get to the top paddock Star isn’t there. I don’t really care, though. We turn around and walk back. Dad Ben doesn’t mention Rhys’s savings jar. Maybe I have got away with it.

  I have to go to bed early after tea even though Dad Ben is visiting. Lying in bed I hear Mum and Dad Ben talking in the lounge room. I close my eyes and I am very warm and sleepy.

  I wake up. It’s still dark, the middle of the night. I don’t know why I’m awake because I don’t even need to go to the toilet. I remember that Dad Ben is here. We went for a great walk and he took Rhys on a motorbike ride and he made Mum laugh. Dad Ben makes everything seem all right. I didn’t think about the things I used to worry about all day. Like dying and how there’s no point to anything.

  I’m not sure why Dad Ben being back makes everything better. After all, I’m still going to die. And Dad Ben will die one day too. Mum will die. Rhys will die. Morgan will die even though she loves talking about death so much. Some people believe in heaven. That would be nice. Except I’ve heard that one day the sun will explode and the world won’t even exist anymore, so how can there really be a heaven? We are all just tiny specks in the universe.

  My throat is dry. I walk down the corridor to get a glass of water from the kitchen. In the lounge room I walk into something low and hard.

  ‘Ow!’ I yell.

  ‘What’s that?’ says a voice. There’s a click as the lamp is turned on. In front of me is the fold-out couch, which I walked straight into. One of my shins is bleeding but not very much.

  ‘Sorry,’ I say. ‘I didn’t know you were here.’ I thought Dad Ben would sleep in Mum’s room like he used to.

  ‘What are you doing, Stevie?’ he asks.

  ‘Getting a drink.’

  I go to the kitchen and fill up a glass of water.

  As I walk back through the lounge room Dad Ben says, ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Kind of,’ I say. My chest feels like Angel is on top of me, pushing me down. ‘I can’t sleep, though.’

  ‘Sit out here for a while,’ he says.

  I sit on the armchair.

  ‘Why can’t you sleep?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Are you worried about something?’

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘You can tell me anything,’ he says.

  ‘No I can’t. It’s not fair to you.’

  ‘I’m sure I can handle it. I have wrestled a croco- dile – remember?’

  I think Dad Ben made up that story. I have a sip of water. The house is very quiet. I can hear the clock tick-tocking. The fridge starts to hum. Maybe if I talk about it I will feel better; that’s what Sandra thinks anyway.

  I say it quietly. ‘I don’t want to die.’

  ‘Why are you thinking about that?’

  ‘I don’t know, I just am.’

  Dad Ben doesn’t say anything.

  ‘Are you scared of dying?’ I ask him.

  Dad Ben thinks a bit. ‘No. I worry about people I care about dying, like when Rhys got sick, but I’m not scared of dying myself.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah, sure. Anyway, Stevie, you’re not going to die for a very long time.’

  Dad Ben doesn’t understand. ‘Who cares how long away it is? It’s still going to happen and then I won’t exist anymore.’ My chest starts to feel tight again.

  Dad Ben rubs his eyes. ‘You’re right,’ he says. ‘That was bull.’

  He leans back against a pillow. ‘To tell you the truth, sometimes I am scared of dying.’

  I knew it. Everyone is scared of dying. We are all just pretending to be happy.

  ‘But the thing is, Stevie, what can you do?’ Dad Ben smiles and shakes his head.

  ‘Nothing,’ I say. ‘We can’t do anything. That’s what scares me, that we can’t stop it. And there’s no point in doing anything if we’re all just going to die anyway.’

  ‘It’s true that we can’t stop it. And you can’t live forever. But you can choose what you want to do while you’re alive. For example, we are going to die one day, but right now we can have a Milo,’ he says. ‘Would that be good?’

  I nod.

  We go to the kitchen together and make the Milos and take them back to the lounge room.

  ‘Stevie?’ says Dad Ben.

  ‘Dad Ben?’

  ‘Your mum wants me to talk to you about Rhys’s money box.’

  I look at my cup. A milky skin has formed on top of the Milo. I don’t like the skin; I usually give it to Angel.

  ‘Did you take the money?’ he asks.

  I don’t want to pretend anymore. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Why? Was there something you needed? You know I’d always help you out.’

  ‘You weren’t here.’

  ‘I know. Sorry. Things between your Mum and me have been complicated. I wanted to come back when Rhys got sick but . . .’

  Dad Ben looks like he feels bad so I say, ‘That’s okay’, even though it’s not okay, it’s been horrible here without him.

  ‘But what did you need the money for?’

  ‘I was just trying to save up.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘A horse.’ I add quickly, ‘I know it’s dumb. I know I’ll never have a horse.’

  ‘Of course you’ll have a horse if you want one. When I was your age I wanted a motorbike, and now I’ve got one.’

  ‘But that was ages ago! I can’t wait that long.’

  ‘At least you’ve got something to look forward to.’

  I sip my Milo. Dad Ben makes Milo really strong; he doesn’t try to save Milo like Mum does. It is delicious.

  ‘Lara doesn’t have anything to look forward to.’

  ‘Who’s Lara?’

  ‘She’s my friend at the hospital. She’s going to die.’

  Dad Ben puts down his Milo. He sits beside me on the couch, and puts his arm around me. I lean my head on his shirt and I can hear his heart beating and feel his warm skin through his shirt.

  When I get back into bed, in the dark, I start to feel afraid again. I try to think about the things Dad Ben said instead.

  Tomorrow we are going to go for a picnic at the lake. If it is warm enough, we will go swimming. Sometimes people ride horses around the lake. When I get Atta Girl I will do that too.

  15

  Invitation

  Dad Ben picks me up from school because Mum and Rhys are at the hospital. Morgan has never met Dad Ben or seen his motorbike before so she is very impressed. Dad Ben says he will give her a ride one day. Charlotte was always too scared, but I bet Morgan would do it because she has a sense of adventure like me.

  At home we have a
Boston bun for afternoon tea. There is a lot of bun for only two people. Dad Ben says we could save some for tomorrow. But I say it is not nice the next day because the icing goes all dry. Dad Ben agrees, and we live in the moment and eat it all.

  Dad Ben is doing the dishes so I go to my room. I don’t want to draw about my day because nothing happened today except that Rory got in trouble for singing in maths. It was funny at first, because Rory kept singing out the maths problems, but it got annoying and Mr Parks yelled at him. Even then Rory kept singing and got sent to Time-Out. Rory is brave.

  Even though I am having a nice afternoon with Dad Ben, I can’t help wondering what Lara is doing at the hospital. I have not seen her since we went to visit Finnigan but I think about her all the time.

  Dad Ben comes to my room. ‘What are you up to?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Do you feel like coming for a ride?’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘Do you want to go down to the beach?’

  ‘Okay.’

  We go out to the bike and Dad Ben hands me my helmet.

  ‘Um, Dad Ben?’ I say.

  ‘Stevie?’

  ‘Can we go to the hospital instead?’

  At the hospital, Dad Ben asks the nurse at the desk if we can visit Lara. It is Lara’s favourite nurse, Cecilia. I think she must like Dad Ben because she keeps touching her ponytail, which I read in a magazine is a sign. I guess Dad Ben doesn’t like her, though, because he doesn’t touch his ponytail.

  Lara is sitting in the chair next to her bed.

  ‘Hi, Stevie,’ she says.

  ‘Hi, Lara,’ I say.

  ‘How are you?’ she asks.

  ‘I’m fine. Thanks for taking me to see Finnigan and for the ride on Buttercup and everything.’

  Dad Ben says, ‘Hi, Lara, I’m Ben. I’m Stevie’s friend. How are you feeling?’

  ‘Better this week.’

  Dad Ben sits in the chair next to the bed. Lara tells me I can sit on the bed.

  Dad Ben asks Lara all about what it’s like being in the hospital and what the nurses are like. Lara tells a funny story about a girl who couldn’t find the toilet and wet her pants in the corridor. I guess it wouldn’t be funny if you were the girl, but we all laughed because Lara made it funny.