Desire

by Anne Hampson

  Vidas was totally unmoved, not offering to help even on the day Alexandra actually left. As for Kim, she had eagerly looked forward to the departure of the woman whose deliberate and calculated offensiveness had sorely tried her patience on so many occasions. But now, after Alexandra had gone, she could not understand her continued restlessness. She ought to have been totally at ease, freed as she was from any further insults, yet there was a sort of brooding introversion about her as she paced her room that night. At last she owned that it was her feelings for her husband that disturbed her, the knowledge that her love would never be returned. By his own admission he had no intention of ever being affected by what he once described as a superficial emotion peculiar to women rather than men. But even if he were capable of loving, she would be the last one on whom he would be likely to centre his affection.

  Kim sighed heavily, deciding to relax in the bath, even though she had showered before dinner. The warm scented water would be soothing, she thought. Yet when she came out, dried and powdered herself and donned a dainty diaphanous nightgown, she began again to experience the restlessness, and in addition she fell to brooding on her situation and the hopelessness of her love for her husband. Yet suddenly she wanted nothing more than to get away from the man who, all unknowingly, had captured her heart. Recalling his mention of 'for some time' when saying she must stay at the castle, Kim began to wonder just how long that was meant to be. Alexandra had left the castle, so the marriage had achieved its objective. There could be a separation without the woman ever learning of it, since Kim could be said to be merely on a prolonged visit to her own country. An annulment or just an agreed separation… it mattered little either way so long as she could leave the castle and the man who—now that she loved him—could hurt her abominably with his contempt or his indifference. Yes, she mused, to get away was the wisest move she could make; it would be impossible to go on like this, her love growing stronger, yet with no hope of reciprocation.

  Almost without her own volition, her eyes were drawn to the communicating door, and on an impulse quite beyond her control she walked towards it and knocked quietly. A silence followed, as if the occupant were doubting he had heard right. But even as she raised her hand to repeat the knock, the massive oaken door swung away and she looked into her husband's face. She noticed the uplifted brows, the rather haughty stare of enquiry in eyes that marked her pallor, the pose of suspicion, as if he were half inclined to suspect her of bringing him to the door on some trivial pretext.

  All these combined to disconcert her but she marshalled enough courage to say, 'Vidas, I know it's late, but I'd like to talk to you.'

  'Talk?' The hooded dark eyes travelled over her figure in slow and sensual appraisal, and a moment's reflection convinced Kim that this was certainly not the time to ask him to discuss the possibility of a separation. 'Couldn't it have waited until morning?' He came forward as he spoke; Kim saw the cord of his dressing gown begin to slip, allowing the front edges to fall open. She found it difficult to maintain her composure as she began moving backwards, having no other alternative as he continued to come towards her.

  'Yes,' she gulped hastily. 'Tomorrow will do—it—it will do fine!' She was trembling with sudden fear as she tried to halt his approach. But the only way would be to stop altogether… and he was far too close already.

  'Why did you knock?' He still came on with quiet deliberation and now Kim was by the bed, only a step from it.

  All colour left her face, for the look in his eyes was an unmistakable warning of danger. 'To—to tell you something. But as you—you s-say, it will keep until tomorrow.'

  Her heart raced as nameless sensations shot through her brain. Allowing her sense of urgency to control her actions, she had been fool enough to knock at his door attired as she was, with every curve, every line and shadow of her body revealed through the transparency of her nightgown! It was a crazy thing to do—especially as she had already sensed his interest, had actually feared, at one time, that he might decide to put their marriage on a normal footing.

  'What is it you want to tell me, Kim?' Soft the tone but edged with contempt. She gasped at the conviction that he actually believed she wanted him to make love to her!

  'It was nothing,' she began tremulously.

  'That will not suffice, my dear. What is this playacting all about? If you want me to sleep with you, then why not say so?'

  'Oh—you're hateful—!' She took another strategic step backwards as his hand shot out, but her wrist was locked within his fingers and there was no escape as he jerked her trembling body to him, took her chin in his hand and, forcing her head back, brought his hard demanding mouth down on hers. She felt the moist exploration, was compelled by his insistent strength to part her lips, and a quiver of reluctant pleasure throbbed through her entire frame as his tongue touched hers. She panted as suffocating heat spread through her. Yet, instinctively, she struggled, pushing her clenched fists against his chest. Leaning away, he grasped both of her hands in one of his and pushed them behind her back, and she found herself subjected to the kind of ardent lovemaking that almost immediately awakened her own desires.

  She was at the mercy of a lover practised in the art, with the finesse of a man who was confident of swift surrender, and Kim had no resistance when his hand, sliding into the dipped neckline of her frail covering, took and caressed one small firm breast, the experienced fingers coaxing the nipple with slow and calculated mastery. Tremors of sheer ecstasy quivered through her veins as her heart began to beat at an exhilarating rate. She pressed against the whipcord hardness of his frame, obediently arching her body in response to his unspoken command. Small and helpless, she was the victim of his desires and of his determination to conquer. She thrilled to the roving exploration of his hands, and her own came up to encircle his neck, to caress his nape.

  But when one lean hand slid along the length of her spine and she felt her nightgown lifted, she uttered a protest and at the same time marshalled unexpected strength to push her hands against his chest. Freeing herself, she staggered away, her heart pounding against her rib cage, every nerve within her stretched almost to the breaking point.

  'Go away!' she cried after gulping for air. 'Get out of here this very minute!'

  He stood looking at her, calm and unruffled, a smile of mocking amusement on his face. 'I must admit that I'd half expected the approach, but I didn't anticipate the little act you're putting on… Not that it is new to me,' he added with a reflective laugh. 'It's a woman's prerogative to assume the reluctant pose; in fact, almost all the females of the species are similarly affected, though heaven knows why, when they're even more eager than the males.' He took a step towards her and she cried out for him to leave her alone.

  'Go away, I said!' She turned and ran for the door, knowing all the while that there was no possibility of getting it open in time even if she managed to reach it—which she did not. Her husband's firm grip on her arm brought her round to face him; he took a handful of hair to force her head back, and tears sprang to her eyes at the pain and humiliation of her position. His dark pagan eyes roved over her body, his fingers tracing the curves of her cheeks, her throat, her heaving breasts. And all the while she dared not move because he held her so firmly by the hair. The tears fell, and she noticed his hand become wet. 'I hate you,' she whispered. 'You haven't kept to your side of the bargain we made.'

  'We made?' with a lift of his straight black brows. 'I never made any bargain with you that I know of.' Again the amorous eyes roved, and she coloured when he seemed fascinated by what he saw. 'You wanted marriage and I consented—'

  'I wanted a settlement,' she broke in, then sagged and shook her head. 'What does it matter? Please go away and leave me alone. You said it wasn't to be a normal marriage.'

  He was puzzled, she noticed, and her hopes ran high.

  'Are you really serious? You want me to leave you?' He released her hair and she automatically put a hand to the back of her head where the
pain was. 'If you didn't want me to sleep with you, then what reason did you have for knocking on my door?'

  'It was to tell you something.' She moved, sat down on the bed, then jumped up so swiftly that her action brought a laugh from her husband's lips.

  'Well,' he said after a long moment of considering, 'whatever the reason for your wanting to see me tonight it was a mistake—if you had no wish for me to stay.'

  'What… ?'

  'Yes, my dear, I intend to stay. I've been tempted, and you have enough experience of men to know that I'm at the point of no return.' He reached out; she began to cry again but made no move to resist him, admitting that what he said was true: he was at the point of no return. Inexperienced as she was, she did possess enough intelligence to read what was in his eyes. Even if he had not been her husband, her chances of escape would have been exceedingly slender… and she was his wife…

  His kisses were like fire on her lips; his exploring hands held both temptation and compulsion; the mastery of his body rendered her helpless and submissive. She wanted him long before he carried her to the bed, for erupting emotions had set every nerve on fire and only complete fulfilment would assuage the agonising yearning within her. He lay down beside her; she quivered beneath his warm exploring hands, moaning softly, as fierce yearning for the final act consumed every fibre in her body. She was just about to give herself up completely when, with the speed of a comet, the danger light appeared in her brain, and jerking up, she escaped his hands as she leapt from the bed, her chest heaving, her legs like jelly beneath her.

  'I can't' she cried, gesturing wildly with her hands. She was terrified of what he would discover and in a frenzy of self-protection, she stumbled across the room, making for the door.

  'What the devil's come over you!' Leaping from the bed, Vidas caught her just as she was wrenching the door open. 'Are you mad? Is it your intention to parade before the servants dressed like that?' With a vicious jerk he sent her back across the room, then closed the door and turned the key. Kim stared, eyes dilating, as he came slowly towards her.

  'I—I forgot I h-had only my nightdress on,' she choked.

  The dark brows lifted fractionally. 'That's a strange thing to forget, isn't it?'

  'I won't let you make love to me!' she cried. 'Go away—go back to your room and leave me alone!' Fear put stridency into her voice; she knew she must appear quite mad to him, standing there, ordering him to go after being so close to fulfilment. No wonder he was looking baffled. Should she explain? Risk his fury? The very idea brought a stifling sensation to her throat. 'Go away, I said—' She looked around, then ran to snatch up her robe. 'Leave me alone—I've changed my—my m-mind.'

  'Changed your mind, Kim?' So soft the tone, unfathomable the glint in his pagan eyes. 'I'm sorry to tell you, my dear, that you are not allowed to change your mind.' She fought him like a wildcat but to no avail, until, sobbing resignedly, she ceased her struggles…

  'So it was all lies. You never slept with my brother… or with any other man, for that matter.' Slowly the words came, and so very quietly. Yet Kim, standing fully dressed by the bathroom door, felt herself begin to tremble from head to foot. Would he strangle her? she wondered, almost unable to believe that a man so handsome could look so evil, so dangerously ruthless and without one small degree of mercy.

  'Well, have you nothing to say?' Vidas was in the middle of the room, attired in his dressing gown and nothing else. Kim had risen while he was still asleep, and she now wondered why, last night, she had not put up a prolonged fight, knowing as she did that if Vidas made love to her, he was sure to learn of her deceit. But carried away as she had been by the explosive force of his ardour and the intensity of her own reawakened desires, her mind had become closed to all else but the pleasure of the moment. The showdown had seemed a million years away.

  But now… this was to be the reckoning, and as fear mounted she retreated across the floor, a move that made his eyes grow dark. Yet his voice betrayed nothing beyond a soft command as he said, pointing to a spot in front of him, 'Come here, Kim.'

  She shook her head, automatically pressing a hand to her heart. 'You—you frighten m-me.' She faltered. 'Please go away and—and leave me alone.'

  'I said come here.'

  Kim's face was deathly white, her legs weak, her body chilled to the bone. She took another faltering step backwards, and it was when her hand touched the door that an incredible transformation took place within her. Why should he have this ability to terrify her? He was a man, not some all-powerful god before whom all other beings had to prostrate themselves! An almost physical surge of fury rose within her, tightening her nerves to give her strength, blinding her to all danger as she said, eyes blazing and fists tight against her sides, 'Don't stand there giving me orders! The marriage suited you as much as it suited me, so what's your complaint?'

  His eyes grew darker still. Kim's mouth went dry as he began to move threateningly towards her, but she stood her ground, making no attempt to sidestep him.

  'My complaint's the deceit—' His hand shot out, and Kim felt the breath knocked out of her body as she came up against the hardness of his frame, and as she looked up into the smouldering fury of his eyes her courage deserted her and she heard herself whimper, begging for mercy. 'Deceit,' he snarled, cutting her short. 'I sensed you had a secret, knew you were laughing at me and yet I would never have guessed in a million years it was this! '

  'I wasn't laughing, Vidas, believe me—' Her pleading words were choked off by the bruising pressure of his mouth. With merciless deliberation he punished her, hurting her body, fastening her arms to her sides, and when he had finished he pushed her from him, an expression of darkest evil on his face. She staggered backwards, found herself sitting on the bed, every nerve cell in her body rioting. She put a hand against her breast, pressing it hard in an attempt to slow the wild throbbing. Weak and drained from the onslaught, she looked up into his pagan face and said feebly, 'Go away—please Heave me alone…'

  He stood for a moment, his lips drawn back, showing his teeth. Kim, choking with renewed fear, lifted a hand, gesturing him to go away.

  'We'll talk more about it later,' he said harshly at last, and turning, he went through the communicating door, slamming it closed behind him.

  Surprising though it was to Kim, Vidas did not approach her again that day; she did not even see him until just before dinner when he came to her on the verandah, where she was sitting with an open book on her lap.

  'We shall keep up appearances before the servants,' he told her brusquely.

  'Of course.'

  'Everything will go on as before.'

  'Yes, Vidas.' She watched him stride away along the length of the verandah and enter the castle through a French window. Everything must go on as before… Kim did not ask herself how long she could stand the strain. She would accept each day as it came and let the next one take care of itself.

  Chapter Six

  The strained relationship continued for another week, with words passing between them only at dinnertime, and this was purely for appearances sake, to prevent gossip in the kitchen, Vidas said.

  Kim was puzzled by his attitude, for although he sometimes appeared to be still smouldering with anger beneath the surface, there were other times when his quiet, withdrawn manner made her feel he was brooding, that the only thing troubling him was injured pride. She had tricked him, deliberately, and his ego had suffered. He believed she had been laughing at him, seeing him as a gullible fool, easily taken in.

  And one day, impatient with the way he was going on, she decided to broach the subject herself with a view to making some attempt to explain. Prudently choosing dinnertime for her purpose—for then she would be sure of his not subjecting her to a show of temper—she spoke as soon as they sat down, reminding him that he had said they would talk about the matter later.

  'But you haven't mentioned it,' she ended, taking up her napkin and shaking it out over her lap. She saw the sudden g
lint in his eyes and waited for him to speak.

  'Is there anything to talk about?' he asked curtly.

  'Yes, a good deal,' she answered, pale but composed. 'You've assumed things that are wrong and you're harbouring hatred against me because of it.' He gave a slight start, which set Kim wondering if the word 'hatred' had struck him as too strong. Dislike, perhaps… yes, most certainly dislike!

  'Well?' he invited tersely.

  'You said I was laughing at you and that wasn't true.'

  His teeth snapped together. 'I warned you what to expect if you had a secret and were laughing at me. Aren't you afraid now of what I might do to you?'

  'I'm willing to take the risk,' was her quiet rejoinder, 'because I feel that neither of us can go on like this indefinitely.'

  Although there was no relaxing of the taut features, Kim did have the impression that he agreed with what she had just said and, as a result, was ready to listen to whatever else she had to say.

  'You said your complaint was my deceit,' she began. 'Well, obviously I can't deny deceiving you. But I do deny laughing at you. As for the secret—well, surely you must know it was a burden to me?'

  He frowned at her across the table and said, 'Why, in the very beginning, didn't you deny what Dendras had told me?'

  'It was owing to your arrogance, and to the fact of your immediately branding me a no-good. I wanted the satisfaction of knowing you'd be worried. But I can tell you now that I had no intention of ever marrying Dendras. He was a mere boy and all he felt for me was calf love and I told him so. I had already given him up before you and I met.'

  'Already given him up?' with a look of puzzlement. 'Then why did you and I ever come to meet at all?'

  She bit her lip, frowning at the memory of how she had weakened in her resolve not to see Dendras again. 'He was so upset, on the point of tears, and so I agreed to dine with him that Saturday. And that just happened to be the occasion of your visit to him.'