Desire

by Anne Hampson

  He lay down beside her. She felt the rippling muscles of his warm strong body as he brought her close, and with a low moan of contentment she abandoned herself in absolute surrender to the masterful demands he was about to make of her.

  It was three days later that Vidas asked if Denis was leaving the island. 'I hope he has the sense to do so,' he added and lifted his eyebrows when Kim said no, Denis was not leaving.

  'It's an unreasonable attitude on your part, Vidas. Why should he leave Malindos if he doesn't want to? You might own a good part of this island but you don't own it all, so you can't order people to leave. Denis has rented the villa for a year, with the option of a renewal. If he left now he'd have at least a year's rent to pay. In any case, I have persuaded him to stay.'

  'I don't expect he needed much persuasion,' snapped Vidas, crimson threads of anger creeping up the sides of his mouth. 'Well, wife, I am now going to give an order that will be obeyed. You will resign from this idiotic organisation and give your attention to your duties here, in the castle.'

  'I can't—I won't—!' There were tears in her eyes and a catch in her voice. 'It's my hobby, Vidas, and I must carry on with it!'

  'And see that fellow every day?' He shook his head implacably. 'I forbid it!'

  Anger brought colour to her cheeks. 'It's all a mistake,' she cried. 'There is nothing between Denis and me and you can't insist we don't work together!'

  'I'm your husband and I shall see that you obey me.' His voice was very soft now, but the finality in its depths could not be missed. Furious with herself for putting herself in this position, Kim could almost have made a full confession, providing her husband with the truth—that she had been trying to make him jealous. But after a moment's consideration she discarded the idea. She could not confess to a thing like that!

  'Please, Vidas,' she begged, spreading her hands in an imploring little gesture, 'don't deny me this pleasure.' What would Bridie say? And the several other people who had succumbed to her persuasion and offered their services? It would look terrible if she were to resign. And what reason could she give if she did? But Vidas was adamant, and short of a rift Kim did not see how she was going to resolve her problem. 'Can I keep my own donkeys?' she asked at last.

  'I have no objection to that,' he said, 'but don't buy any more.'

  She bit her lip till it hurt. This whole situation was ridiculous, brought on as it was by her own stupidity. 'I suppose,' she said, 'I can visit Bridie?'

  'I have no objections to that either.'

  'Bridie's mixed up in it all.'

  'She doesn't give all her time to it. See her socially.' He appeared bored suddenly, indifferent. 'I have work to do in my study,' he said. 'Just you do as I say and stay away from Studland.' And with that he left her, seething and frustrated, helpless to disentangle herself from the mess she had fallen into.

  But she was to be pleasantly surprised by something Bridie had to say when, having been over to the paddock to see that the seven donkeys were being fed and watered by Kimon, she went to see the Irish girl, whose visitors had gone to the island of Cos for a couple of days.

  'Guess what?' said Bridie with her customary vivaciousness. 'Denis and Helena, the sister of one of our maids were at the village dance the night before last, and he saw her again last evening. According to our maid—Lefki, I don't think you've met her yet—Denis is very much taken with Helena!'

  'It's rather sudden, isn't it?' Kim recalled her meeting with Denis on the morning after the scene in the garden, Denis had been sullen, denouncing her husband as an arrogant snob who was far too aware of his own importance.

  In spite of Vidas's decision not to retain his services, Kim had pleaded with Denis to stay. The whole thing would blow over, she assured him. He felt guilty, she realised, and played on this a little, saying that the situation would never have arisen had it not been for his impulsive action in kissing her. Denis finally agreed to stay, having first reminded Kim that her husband could not dismiss him on the spot without paying him a month's salary. Kim was optimistic enough to hope that Bridie's husband could now be persuaded to pay something towards Denis's salary. In addition, Denis was, in fact, intending to attempt to being a private practise, as he had already been asked to do by one or two of the more affluent smallholders on the island. He was at that very time going over to help a farmer whose cow was having difficulty calving. Denis said finally, 'I realise my folly in thinking there could be anything between you and me, Kim. Forgive me for the trouble I've caused.'

  'Perhaps it is sudden,' agreed Bridie, recalling Kim from her musings, but went on to say that she hoped something would come of it, first because Helena was such a charming girl, and second because it would put an end to any complications that might have set in. Kim of course knew to what she referred and naturally made no comment. But if it should transpire that Denis became serious about Helena, Vidas would have nothing to complain about; he could no longer adopt the attitude he had at present adopted. Kim's spirits were light as she made her way home. She would seek out Vidas immediately and relate what Bridie had told her. But as soon as she entered the grounds she saw Floria, wandering along a flower-bordered path edging the wide front lawn. A sudden wave of anger swept over Kim, and involuntarily, she quickened her pace.

  Floria stopped and waited, her cool, alert stare travelling the length of Kim's figure, taking in the crisp cotton dress with its blue and red flowers on a cream background, the dainty blue sandals and matching bag slung over her shoulder. Kim's hair was windswept for she had come part of the way along the beach; her skin had a healthy honey glow and her lips were rosy red. In her eyes there was a gleam of enquiry, but Floria did not speak. She left Kim to break the silence.

  'I'm surprised to see you here,' said Kim. 'I thought you'd gone back to Rhodes.'

  'I've been home and come back again. I lost a very valuable diamond and sapphire bracelet somewhere and had to come and see if I could find it.'

  Kim eyed her suspiciously, half doubting her word, then chiding herself for her mistrust. What would it benefit Floria to come back if she had no reason for doing so? 'Vidas knows you are here?'

  'No, I arrived an hour ago to find he was out. I've been searching for my bracelet but haven't had any luck. I've left Adela looking for it.'

  'You don't know where you lost it?'

  'I have no idea.'

  'Then why aren't you at Bridie's?'

  'I might stay there tonight, but I came straight here because I'm sure I lost the bracelet that night I dined—'

  She broke off and her crimson mouth curved in what Kim put down as an amused sneer. 'The night Vidas found you in your lover's arms.' Slowly the girl swung round and reached out to snap off a delicate spray of magenta bougainvillaea, which she began to twirl in her long, red-tipped fingers while Kim could only stare, dumbfounded, at the girl's outspokenness. 'I don't blame you for taking a lover. It's the fashionable thing to do in Greece and—'

  'Don't you feel you would be better occupied in looking for your bracelet?' cut in Kim, managing to speak at last. 'It seems very strange that you are out here, wasting your time, when you could be putting it to more profitable use.'

  Floria's lovely mouth went tight. 'Don't adopt that high-handed manner with me,' she snapped. 'Unless I'm very much mistaken, you won't be here much longer. Vidas will divorce you because he's not the man to tolerate infidelity in his wife, no matter what the reason he had for marrying her…' A significant pause followed as Floria stared insolently at Kim, a sneer curing her mouth. 'Everyone knows why he had to get married. His stepmother was driving him to distraction. He must now realise he made a mistake and should have married me last year, when we were… lovers.'

  'Lovers?' Even though Kim was not really surprised, the actual knowledge brought torment to her mind.

  'Of course we were lovers.'

  'And you don't mind admitting it?'

  'I've just said, it's the fashionable thing to do in Greece.'

  Ki
m looked at her with deep contempt, still staggered by the lack of restraint in her speech. At length she said, 'If Vidas had wanted to marry you last year, then he would have done so.'

  Strangely, Floria made no comment on this. She seemed fully absorbed in dismantling the spray she still held in her hand, carelessly stripping away each delicate petal and tossing it into the air to be carried on the breeze, like a miniature kite. Several floated to an ornamental pool, where they were transformed into tiny yachts, sails gleaming in the sunshine.

  Kim watched her with the sort of fascination, wondering how anyone could deliberately destroy anything as beautiful as the spray of bougainvillaea. At last she walked away, her head high and her steps brisk, but her heart was dragging within her, for the girl's words about divorce had found a target, and Kim could not put them out of her mind. Did Vidas really believe his wife guilty of infidelity? Had what he'd seen in the garden recalled all his initial beliefs, all his old contempt for her? He had originally branded her a no-good, then been forced to change his opinion about her character. And now, as she dwelt on her earlier suspicion that he was fighting against the possibility of falling in love with her, she had to admit that the reason for this could only be that even before that scene in the garden when he had caught her in Denis's arms, he had still held on to some of those initial beliefs. She recalled his saying that she had wanted to marry his brother for his money, and she had told him this was not true, that she never had any intention of marrying his brother, and had at the time been confident that Vidas had believed her. But now she realised she could have been wrong and that although he had listened attentively to her denial, he had not accepted it as the truth. This would account for his reluctance to become emotion-ally involved with her. He still believed she was not worthy of him.

  Slowly she made her way through the hall towards the ornate balustraded stairway, then to her surprise Vidas emerged from his study. 'I was told you were out,' she said, recovering from her surprise.

  'I was; I've been in about five minutes.' He searched her face with a cold stare. 'Did you want to see me about something?'

  'You didn't come in the front way?' she said, and saw a frown of puzzlement appear on his forehead.

  'I came in by the moat entrance. Why do you ask?'

  She hesitated a moment and then, 'Floria's looking for you. She's in the garden.' With a toss of her head Kim would have left him, but his hand shot out and she was brought roughly around to face him again.

  'Floria? What does she want?' He gave Kim no time to answer as he added, 'There's something wrong. What is it?'

  Kim tugged at her hand, then winced as her husband's grip tightened about her wrist. His face was dark, forbidding, his whole manner overbearing and arrogant.

  'Floria's been talking to me about certain things…' Kim's eyes filled up but she lowered her lashes so that he could not see. 'All I will say to you, Vidas, is that your judgment of what happened out there in the garden the other night was way out of line. You jumped to conclusions that were all wrong. However, it's really of no importance, is it, not at this stage in our relationship?' She gave another tug and this time took him by surprise. She stared down at the faint bruise on her wrist and her lip quivered. Then she turned away, aware of his strange expression and the stillness around her. She said over her shoulder, 'One other thing, Vidas, I'm not willing to be your wife; from now on our relationship reverts to what it was in the beginning. Just get that straight and keep to your own bedroom!'

  'Kim!' he called imperiously, but she was running up the stairs. He did not come after her, and when she looked through her window, she saw him striding out across the lawn towards a little woodland glade of immense trees into which Floria was just disappearing.

  Chapter Eleven

  Bridie stared at her friend in stunned disbelief, words failing her. Kim, biting her lip in vexation, wondered what had possessed her to confide so much to the girl she would never see again after she left the island. For leave she must, and in the near future; she could not continue to live with Vidas much longer. After she had spoken to him outside his study, then seen him striding purposefully across the lawn after Floria, Kim had cherished the hope that he would come to her room later and put everything right in her mind. But it hadn't turned out like that at all. On the contrary, Vidas had acted as if nothing had happened—except that he had respected her wish for him to keep to his own bedroom. That had been two days ago and Kim's nerves had suffered acutely. She lacked all ability to concentrate and had no interest in her project. She had talked with Bridie and Denis about it, true, but both must Have noticed her waning interest in what at first had fired her with such enthusiasm that she had been able to pass it on to several other people.

  At last Bridie spoke, her customary vivaciousness lost beneath the sadness in her tone. 'I must admit that George was convinced Vidas had married you in order to get rid of Alexandra, but I refused to listen—at least, after I'd met you. But I still cannot associate divorce with a man like your husband. Besides, Floria did not say that Vidas actually mentioned divorce.'

  'I'm sure he's thinking about it, Bridie. You see, he believes there was something between Denis and me—and you can't blame him, can you?'

  'Surely you have explained it all to Vidas?'

  'What is there to explain? Denis was kissing me and I was making no attempt to stop him. Another few seconds and yes, I would certainly have done something, but those seconds were not granted to me. Vidas just happened to come upon the scene.' Kim's eyes were shadowed with regret. It was another act of fate, and this time fate had denied her that fleeting moment which would have made such a difference in her life and in her relationship with her husband. They had become friends, intimate companions and lovers, and her hopes of winning his love had soared. Then, stupidly, she had decided to make Vidas jealous, with disastrous results.

  'I feel sure Vidas hasn't any intention of divorcing you, Kim, in spite of what he saw.'

  Bridie's words recalled her and Kim said unhappily, 'I'd far rather a divorce than that he have Floria as his pillow-friend.'

  'What seems so inexplicable to me,' said Bridie, 'is that he hasn't referred to Floria and what transpired between them. You must agree it's very strange indeed?'

  'If what she said is true, it could be that he's ashamed of himself. I can imagine his not wanting to admit that he made a mistake in not marrying her.'

  'Well, he didn't marry her, and that left him free for another year. Yes, he had a full year to make up his mind if he wanted her or not. Then you came along, meeting him in the most unusual circumstances. But you and he agreed to marry, for your mutual advantage. In my opinion he's, honour-bound to remain married to you—and faithful!'

  A wry smile touched the outline of Kim's mouth. 'By your own admission Greek men are unfaithful.'

  'Not all,' was Bridie's swift and emphatic denial. 'My George is faithful, and I know of others who are. I always imagined that when Vidas married he would be too.'

  'If he'd married for love, he probably would have been,' Kim said, and a deep sigh escaped her friend.

  'What a mess! And what a pity Denis was stupid enough to kiss you!'

  'Bridie,' said Kim, as she recalled again what Floria had said, 'if Vidas had already regretted marrying me instead of Floria, then he'd have asked for a divorce anyway. The scene in the garden has only hastened matters.'

  'Why did Floria have to see it!'

  'Vidas said she would spread it all over the island.'

  'He did?' with a new and inexplicable interest. 'Kim, does it not strike you as strange that a man would make that kind of subtle accusation about the woman he wants to marry?'

  Kim's lashes fluttered. She said slowly, 'I'd not given it a thought. In fact, it's only now that I've remembered it.'

  'He must have been mad at her at the time.'

  'I don't think he was mad, just distrustful.'

  Bridie's brows lifted a fraction. 'Isn't that as bad?'


  Kim looked at her. 'What are you trying to say, Bridie?'

  'I'm saying that there's something about this whole thing that's not at all clear. Why don't you ask Vidas outright if he intends to ask for a divorce?'

  'It isn't for me to broach the subject. He knows that Floria was talking to me, and if he had been puzzled about anything, then he would have straightened it all out then.'

  'But Floria went home that same evening. Don't you see, Kim, that if there was anything between them, he'd have asked her to stay? Last year, when they were so close, she was here, with us, for weeks on end, but this time she didn't even stay one night—although she told you she might stay with us. What made her leave the island so quickly?'

  Kim became thoughtful, deliberating on her friend's words. Always she came back to the one thing: if Vidas had anything to say that was different from what Floria had said, then he would have approached his wife and all would have been explained.

  'I can't be in any way optimistic,' she confessed at last. 'By his very silence Vidas is convincing me that what Floria said was the truth, and that he regrets not having married her.'

  Later that day, Kim decided to walk down to a small cafe on the waterfront. As she strolled along her heart was so heavy that she felt she must tell Vidas that very evening that she was leaving his home. Where would she go, though? With her parents' home sold and her own job gone, she felt lost and helpless, a wanderer, alone with no base, a ship without an anchor. How did one begin to build an entirely new life when the old one had been shattered, everything broken and lost, irrecoverable? If only she had relatives—other than her parents, for she had no intention of going to them— sisters preferably, who would be there to rely on, to help constructively.