I let go of her hand and put my arms around her, hugging her into me. I’m worried she’s gonna freak out again, but if she does, I don’t care. She can try to fight me, but I’m not letting go. She needs someone. And right now, I’m all she has.
As I hug her, I notice her whole body is tense. She stiffened up as soon as I put my arms around her. It’s almost like she’s never been hugged before. Or maybe she just doesn’t like being hugged by me, because she’s not hugging me back. Her arms remain at her sides, but at least she’s not trying to fight me.
I hear her take a deep breath and I look down and see that her eyes are closed. She rests her cheek on my chest, her ear just over my heart. I feel her body relax a little so I hold her a little bit tighter.
I don’t say a word, but just let her remain as she is, held in my arms. I’m seeing that vulnerable side of her again and this time it’s not just a quick glimpse. This time it’s all out there. She can’t hide it. I’m sure she doesn’t want me to see it, so I’m surprised she’s doing this.
I thought for sure she’d run off as soon as I held her hand. So maybe that means something. Maybe she’s letting me in, just a tiny bit. I think that’s all she’s capable of. I think she only lets you see small parts of herself before she shuts you out again. At least that’s how it’s been so far in the short time I’ve known her.
I feel Jade pulling away. I loosen my hold on her, but I don’t let her go.
“I’m sorry for how I reacted in there.” She keeps her head down, refusing to look at me.
“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have pushed it. I didn’t mean for that to happen, Jade. That wasn’t my intention when I invited you to swim with me.”
“I can’t do this. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
“Because of what just happened?”
“No. It just won’t work.”
“You don’t like me that way, right?”
I’m hoping she’ll deny it. I’m hoping she’ll say whatever happened tonight had nothing to do with her feelings for me and that she just needs more time. That she just needs us to take this slower. Because I’m fine with that. I’ll take it as slow as she wants.
“I just can’t be in a relationship right now. I need to focus on school.”
That’s not what I wanted to hear. But even if she won’t date me, I still want to see her. I like being with her, hanging out, joking around, watching movies. She makes me laugh. And I feel like I can be myself around her. Maybe our friendship will turn into something more or maybe it won’t. But it’s a good place to start.
I let go of her, but take both her hands in mine and say, “Then I’ll just be your friend. Everyone needs friends, right?”
She finally looks at me, with the sweetest, yet saddest face I’ve ever seen. “I don’t know. I’m not a very good friend. You might want to choose someone else.”
Even her voice is sad, like she really, truly believes no one would ever want to be her friend. It breaks my heart to know she feels that way. I need to change that.
I smile at her. “Nope. I’m choosing you. Only you can help me polish off one of those Boxcar sundaes. Other girls would take one bite and leave the rest. And only you know that I secretly like cartoons. Don’t you dare tell anyone that, by the way.”
She laughs. I actually made her laugh.
I try to get her to do it again. “And someday, even if we’re the best of friends, I’m gonna beat your ass on that track.”
She doesn’t laugh, but she smiles. “You’re never gonna beat me. You’ll always be at least a lap behind.”
“Then I’ll just keep chasing you until you let me catch up.” I wait for her to look at me again. “What do you think? Can we be friends?”
“I guess.” She says it like she’s annoyed as she attempts to hide her smile. “But I’m not going to treat you any differently. It’s not like I’m gonna be nice to you all of a sudden.”
“No, of course not,” I say, playing along.
Jade’s trying desperately to show me her tough side again. But it’s too late. I’ve seen what’s beneath it and I know the tough thing is just an act. A way to protect herself from being hurt even more than she’s already been.
This girl has a history. A history of pain and sadness. I guess I kind of knew that already given how she grew up, but until today, I didn’t know the extent of it. Now I’m seeing it’s much deeper than I thought. I don’t know everything that’s happened to Jade and I’m not going to force her to tell me. But I am going to find a way to take some of that pain and sadness away.
“We should go,” she says. “We’ve got orientation first thing in the morning.”
I hold her hand as we walk up the hill toward the dorm. The parking lot is completely full now, with cars and people everywhere. Some guy turns his car on and music blares from his speakers. It startles Jade and she jumps back.
“I don’t like loud noises,” she says. “Especially when they come out of nowhere.”
“You can’t really get away from noise on a college campus, Jade.”
“I know. Doesn’t mean I like it.”
I see a guy walking in the dorm with some takeout food and it reminds me that Jade hasn’t eaten. I stop as we approach the dorm.
“I almost forgot. You haven’t eaten all day. Dry your hair and we’ll go out.”
“That’s okay. It’s too late to eat.”
“It’s not even 8. You need to eat something. Chips and soda aren’t enough.”
She hesitates, then says, “There’s a taco place just down the road from here. Let’s go there.”
“That shitty stand?” I know that place and it’s disgusting. It’s one of those food trucks where you go up to the window to order. They only have it there in the warmer months. The place is full of flies and I’m pretty sure I saw a rat run out of the truck the one and only time I went there. I went with Decker. He ate there. I didn’t. And he ended up being sick for two days.
“Yeah. I ate there the other day,” Jade says. “It was good.”
“No way. Everyone who eats there gets sick. We call it Taco Hell.”
“I didn’t get sick. I felt fine.”
“I can’t take you to Taco Hell. Anywhere else but there.” I try to think of where to take her. “How about The Burger Hut? It’s fast and cheap.”
“Sounds good to me.”
We go inside and down the hall. Jade stops as a girl in a pink bathrobe approaches us. The girl looks like she’s sick. She’s pale and slouched over like she’s too weak to stand up straight.
“Hi, Harper,” Jade says. “This is—”
The girl puts her hand up. “I’m sorry, Jade. I can’t talk now. I’m so sick. I think it’s from that food we ate the other day.”
“The tacos?” Jade asks.
“Oh, God. Please don’t say that word.” She turns and runs back to the bathroom.
I was going to say ‘I told you so’ but I give Jade a look instead.
She gets what it means. “Fine,” she mumbles. “I’ll never go there again.”
“I’m going upstairs to change quick. I’ll be right back.”
I stop at my room and grab a towel, then go down to the shower to wash the chlorine off me. When I go back to my room I find Blake standing outside my door, dressed in green board shorts, a blue t-shirt, and flip-flops.
“Where you been, man? I called you. Texted you. Heard nothing back.”
“I was at the pool.” I walk in my room and Blake follows. I smell the alcohol on him. “What do you want?”
“I’m bored. Let’s do something.” He sits down on my desk chair. I didn’t like the one that came with the room so I bought one like they have at offices with rolling casters at the bottom. Blake spins around in it. “Let’s go to my place. I’ll call some girls. You can have the spare bedroom.”
“I’m not interested.” I go to my closet and pull out a shirt and some shorts. “Would you get out of here? I need to get dressed.”
�
��Go ahead. I’m not looking.” He checks his phone. “And besides, I’ve seen your shit in the locker room plenty of times.”
He’s so damn annoying. He might even be worse now than was he was in high school. Or maybe I’m just maturing and finding his behavior more irritating than before. I don’t think Blake will ever mature.
I get dressed while he has his back to me, texting someone. When he’s done, he puts his phone away and starts spinning in the chair again. The guy never sits still. He’s always moving or fidgeting.
“Come on, Kensington. You need to get drunk. And laid. When’s the last time you did it anyway? Was it with that Sadie chick?”
“No. I had girl in Cabo.”
It’s a lie, but I know if I tell Blake the truth, he won’t shut up about the fact that I haven’t had sex in a month. To him, that’s like a year.
The truth is that Sadie was the last girl I had sex with, and it was more like six weeks ago, not four. She broke up with me the first week of August but we didn’t have sex for the two weeks prior to that. She went home to see her parents late July and when she got back she started ordering me around, which caused us to fight so we didn’t have sex. And when we finally stopped fighting, she broke up with me.
“No, shit?” Blake jumps up. “Who was it? A waitress? A hotel worker? A tourist?”
I shrug. “Just some girl who was staying at my hotel. She was a model from Spain.”
“What’d she look like?”
“Dark hair. Long legs. Pretty face. Tight ass.”
Actually, there really was a model in Cabo who came on to me one night while I was eating dinner and she looked just like I described. She sat at my table, uninvited, and asked me to come up to her room. And I would’ve, but then some guy walked up to the table and it turned out to be her boyfriend. The guy was huge, like one of those guys who does bodybuilding competitions. When he saw his girlfriend at my table, he wasn’t happy. Luckily, she got up and they left. I don’t know what reason she gave him for being at my table. All I know is that girl was trouble. I avoided her the rest of the trip.
“Was that it?” Blake asks. “Or did you hook up with anyone else while you were there?”
“That was it.”
He pats me on the back. “Well, shit, that was weeks ago. It’s time to get laid again.” He sits down on my bed, bouncing on it. “I don’t know how you live in this shithole. And sleep in this shitty kid bed. I can’t even fit on this thing.”
“Get up. I have plans, so you need to go.”
“Plans with who? Dek?”
“No.” I check the clock. It’s been almost 15 minutes and I’m sure Jade’s wondering where I am. “Come on. I’m leaving.”
“Where are you going?”
“It’s none of your business.” I wait for him at the door.
“It’s a girl, isn’t it? Who is it?”
I know he’ll follow me down to her room if I don’t tell him, so I say, “It’s Jade. You met her at the party.”
“The chick from Ohio?”
“She’s from Iowa.”
He grins. “I heard she’s the scholarship winner. So you slummin’ it now?”
I’m getting pissed, which happens a lot when Blake’s around.
“She’s just a friend. And we’re just going out to get a burger.”
“Does your dad know?” He comes into the hall with me and I lock my door.
“He doesn’t need to know.” I walk down the hall. “I’m just taking her for dinner because she doesn’t have a car.”
Blake goes with me down the stairs, but instead of heading out to the parking lot, he follows me to Jade’s room.
I turn around. “Why are you following me?”
“I want to check out Ohio again. I didn’t get a good look at her at the party.”
“You’re not checking her out. Just leave. I’m serious.”
He stands there, smiling like a bratty kid.
I sigh and turn back to Jade’s door. Just as I’m about to knock, the door swings opens and Jade almost slams into me, like she’s in a hurry.
“Were you going somewhere?” I ask her.
“What took you so long?” She sounds angry.
“Hey, Ohio.” Blake barges into Jade’s room and lies down on her bed, putting his feet up, his hands behind his head. Just seeing him on her bed pisses me off. If any guy’s gonna be on her bed, it should be me, not him.
I mouth ‘sorry’ to Jade, then storm over to Blake, shoving his feet off the bed. “Get up, Blake. And get out of her room.”
“I need to rest a minute.” He yawns and puts his feet up where he had them.
“I mean it. Get up. Now.” I stand by the bed, glaring down at the smirk on his face.
“I’ll get up when I’m ready to get up. And it’s not even your room so shut the fuck up. Ohio’s not telling me to go.”
Jade stands next to me. “My name is Jade. And I’m from Iowa. Not Ohio.”
“Same difference,” he mutters.
“Uh, no. They’re two different states. They’re not even next to each other. Never mind. Just get out of here.”
Blake sits up a little. “You’re not very friendly, Ohio. I thought people in the middle were supposed to be all friendly and shit.”
I’m gonna lose it if he keeps talking to her that way. And I can’t take another second of seeing him sprawled out on her bed.
“Get off her bed.” I glare at him. He still won’t move.
“What are you doing here anyway?” Jade asks Blake. “I thought you lived off campus.”
He jumps up and stands next to me, putting his arm over my shoulder. “I’m visiting my buddy here. Ever since you came to town I never see this guy. We were supposed to spend these last few days before class getting wasted and instead he’s hanging out with some chick from Ohio.”
“It’s Jade.” She sounds almost as pissed as I am. “And I’m not from Ohio.”
“Whatever, bitch.”
That’s it. That fucking asshole does not call Jade a bitch and get away with it. I shove his arm off my shoulder, then take it and twist it behind his back. “What did you just call her?”
Blake yanks his arm back and rubs his shoulder. “What the fuck did you do that for?”
“You’ll never call her that again. Understand?”
He smiles and it’s that’s smug smile he uses when he thinks he’s got something on you. Something he can use against you. “So you’re sleeping with his girl? That’s why you’re never around?”
I get in his face. “I’m seriously gonna hurt you if you don’t get the fuck out of here.”
“Fine. I’m going.” He stumbles a little as he walks into the hallway. “I should go anyway. I’ve got some tequila waiting for me at home.”
“Is he driving?” Jade whispers to me. “He can’t drive like that.”
I sigh. “I’ll go drop him off and be right back, okay?”
“I’ll go with you.” She gets her purse and we go out in the hall.
“We’re taking you home, Blake,” I tell him.
“I can drive.” He yawns. “I’m just tired.”
“You had too much to drink. You’re not driving.” Jade and I walk in front of him.
“I need my car to get to orientation tomorrow.”
“Then Jade will drive it and I’ll take you in my car. Give her the keys.”
“Shit, no! I’m not letting Ohio drive my car. There’s no fucking way. No girl drives my car.”
I get in his face again. “Then give me your keys and she’ll drive my car. Now let’s go.”
“You’re really pissing me off.” Blake takes his keys from his pocket and drops them in my hand. “Ohio better be worth it.”
We go to the parking lot and I toss Jade my car keys. “Just follow me, Jade. His place is just a few minutes from here.”
I get in the driver’s side of Blake’s red Porsche.
He’s already in the car. “Ohio’s pretty hot. I see why you want
to fuck her.”
“Let’s just not talk, okay?” I grip the steering wheel so I don’t strangle him. Luckily, his phone rings and he talks to whoever it is for the rest of the drive.
When we reach the gated entrance to Blake’s townhouse, I tell the guard to let Jade through.
Blake’s off the phone now and he says, “So you really think you’re gonna date this girl?”
“I told you. We’re just getting dinner.”
“I saw how you looked at her. And the way you defended her like that. I know you, Kensington. You want Ohio.”
“Just shut up about it, okay?”
I park and get out of the Porsche, slamming the door behind me. I throw the keys at Blake, hard, so he can’t catch them. He picks them up and as I’m walking to my car, I hear him behind me. “Wait ’til your dad hears about this. You can kiss that trust fund goodbye.”
Shit. If he tells my dad about Jade, it’s over. I won’t even be able to be friends with her.
I get in the car. Jade’s next to me and I feel her watching my every move. I’m sure she heard what Blake said just now.
I drive fast toward the exit gate, slamming on the brakes as I wait for the gate to open.
“Is something wrong?” Jade asks.
“It’s nothing.”
“You seem really mad. We can just go back to the dorm if you want. We can skip dinner.”
“We’re not skipping dinner. Blake just pisses me off. I’ll be fine in a minute or two.”
“If he pisses you off, why do you hang out with him?”
I adjust the rear view mirror. “Just forget about it, okay?”
“What did he mean about your dad?”
“Jade. I asked you to stop talking about it. Just drop it.”
We go to the burger place but I’m quiet all through dinner because I can’t stop thinking about Blake. What if he’s calling my dad right now? What if he already did?
If he did, this thing I started with Jade may be getting ready to end.
CHAPTER TEN
After dinner, we go back to campus and I walk Jade back to her room. Then I go up to my own room and call Blake.
“Did you say anything?” I ask when he answers.
“What are you talking about?” He still sounds drunk and I think I hear a girl in the background.
Garret Page 9