Garret

by Allie Everhart

I turn sideways and try to squeeze in between people. I make it a few more feet and then hit another wall of bodies.

  “I need to get through!” I yell. The guys don’t move but some of the girls move back enough to let me squeeze by and I finally make it to the front door.

  When I get outside, I see the vodka bottle smashed on the lawn. I call Jade’s name and look both ways to see if she’s still around. I don’t see her anywhere.

  I go up to a girl wearing a really short black dress and a patch over her eye, which I’m guessing is a pirate’s costume. She looks the least drunk out of the crowd hanging out on the porch.

  “Did you see a girl run out of here?” I ask her. “Around 5’5, long brown hair, wearing jeans and a black coat?”

  “Yeah, I saw her.” Pirate Girl looks me up and down. “You want to go somewhere? Get a drink? This party’s—”

  “The girl. Where did she go?”

  “What girl?” She starts picking at the black nail polish on her index finger.

  I sigh. “The girl I just asked you about. The one who ran out of here. You said you saw her.”

  “She went that way.” Pirate Girl points toward the main road. “She was running really fast. So you want to go back to my place?”

  I take off down the sidewalk, racing to my car, which is way down the street because I got here late. When I get in the car, I check my phone just in case Jade left me a message before she went to the party. But the only messages I have are from Ava and my dad. I delete them both without listening to them, then toss my phone on the seat.

  I drive slowly down the neighborhood, checking both sides of the street. It’s been almost 10 minutes since Jade left the house and if she was running, she’s likely on the main road by now. It’s a dark curving road and people, including myself, tend to drive way too fast on it. And at this time of night, I know for a fact there are people driving who shouldn’t be, their blood alcohol level way over the legal limit. The thought freaks me out even more.

  I turn left, heading toward campus, clicking my high beams on so I can search the wooded area alongside the road. I can’t see her anywhere.

  Could she be on campus already? Or did she even go back to campus? She was really upset. Maybe she ran the other way, toward town. I don’t know why she’d do that but I don’t know why she’d show up at a party and drink either, so at this point anything’s possible.

  I’m not sure what to do. Go to campus? Go to town? Keep searching down this road?

  Campus is just up ahead so I turn and drive down the small road that leads to it. I don’t see her anywhere which makes me wonder if she did go into town. I can’t imagine her making it back here so fast. But as long as I’m here, I might as well check. I park and run inside the dorm and down to her room.

  “Jade?” I knock hard several times. “Jade, are you in there?”

  There’s no answer. I try the door and find that it’s not locked, which is strange because she never leaves her room unlocked. She even locks it when she goes down the hall to use the bathroom. I open the door to find the room is empty.

  Maybe she’s in the bathroom. I go down there and knock on the door. “Jade? Are you in there?” Nobody answers so I slowly open the door. There aren’t any girls at the sinks so I walk in and check the stalls. Nothing. All empty.

  I go back to her room because I left the door open. When I go to close it, I notice the clothes she was wearing at the party are lying on the floor and one of her dresser drawers is open. It’s the drawer she keeps her workout clothes in.

  I know where she is. I should’ve gone there right away. She’s upset and I know where she goes when she’s upset.

  I exit her room, closing the door behind me. I bolt out the side door. Drops of rain are falling now and a cold wind whips past me as I take off running to the edge of campus and down the hill.

  I stop when I reach the track. She’s there, wearing only a t-shirt and shorts, and running faster than I’ve ever seen her run. I walk onto the track, positioning myself in the middle lane and watching as she rounds the corner.

  “Jade, what the hell are you doing out here? I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Jade!”

  She runs past me, her eyes on the track.

  “Jade, stop! Wait!” I yell it again but she just keeps going.

  “Dammit, Jade.” I say it to myself as I continue to watch her sprint down the lane.

  She needs to stop running. And I don’t mean running like she’s doing right now. I mean the running she does from herself. She needs to stop running from the pain she’s buried so far down that she doesn’t even realize it’s there. She needs to stop running from her past and just face it and deal with whatever it is that’s made her this way.

  And she needs to stop running from me. Stop trying to push me away whenever I try to help her. Stop trying to hide the parts of herself she doesn’t want me to see. Because I want to see it. I want to see all of it, the good and the bad. There’s nothing she could say or do that would change how I feel about her.

  I love her. And I won’t give up on her. I never will. I’ll just keep trying.

  And eventually, I’ll get her to stop running.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  She runs another loop around the track.

  “Jade!” I keep calling her name but she doesn’t stop. I step into her lane as she runs toward me. She goes around me but I grab the back of her shirt.

  She stumbles forward and I keep hold of her so she doesn’t fall. She’s breathing heavy, her clothes soaked from the rain. I turn her around and force her into my arms and keep her there even though she fights to get away.

  “Stop.” I press her head against my chest. “Just stop running.”

  She gives up fighting me and her body relaxes.

  I hold her closer. “Tell me what’s wrong. If it’s something I did, I’m sorry. I’ll fix it.”

  I don’t know what I might’ve done to make her this upset, but the way she ran out of the party like that when she saw me makes me think this has something to do with me. So why isn’t she saying anything?

  She’s shivering from the rain and the frigid wind. I run my hand over her arm and feel her icy-cold skin. “What are you doing out here? It’s freezing and you’re soaking wet. Let’s go inside.”

  She doesn’t move and she won’t say a word.

  “Jade, talk to me.”

  She lifts her face off my chest. I think she’s going to say something, but instead she kisses me. If she’s mad at me, why is she kissing me? It doesn’t make sense. None of this does.

  I slowly break away from the kiss. “Tell me what’s going on. Why are you out here? Why were you at the party? And why were you drinking?”

  She presses her hands to my chest and tries to shove me away but there’s no way I’m letting her go. Something’s going on here. Something bad. She wouldn’t be out here unless it was really bad.

  The wind blows and she shivers again.

  “We’re going inside.” I let go of her but get a firm grip on her hand. “Jade, come on. I’m not leaving here without you.”

  She refuses to move. If she won’t walk I’ll carry her, because she’s not staying out here, freezing to death. When she still doesn’t move, I pick her up and carry her all the way up the hill.

  I take her to my room and set her down. I get some clean towels from my closet and wrap them around her, then sit her down on my bed. She’s so cold her whole body is shaking and her teeth are chattering. I can’t believe she was out there, wearing just a t-shirt and shorts. What the hell was she thinking?

  I grab a blanket and put it over her, then I kneel down in front of her, holding her hands between mine, trying to warm her fingers.

  “What happened, Jade?” I’m finally able to see her face. She looks scared and confused. “What’s going on?”

  “My mom.” She’s shivering so much it’s hard to understand her shaky voice. “She was raped. He almost killed her.”

  Jade ke
eps her gaze on the floor.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “She left me a letter. She was raped. That’s why I’m here.”

  “What letter? I don’t understand what you’re saying. Where did you get this letter?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” She looks at me, and the sadness in her eyes is almost too much for me to take. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much pain in a person. And it’s the person I love, which makes it so much worse. “That’s why she hated me, Garret.”

  I sit next to her on the bed and hold her in my arms. “She didn’t hate you, Jade.”

  “She did. It all makes sense now. I was a constant reminder of what he did to her. And she hated me for it. That’s why she drank and took pills.”

  I have no idea what Jade is trying to tell me or what any of it means but we can’t talk when she’s shivering like this. I take the blanket off her and the towels, which are now wet and cold.

  “Let’s go to your room and get some dry clothes.”

  “I can’t go down there right now. I’ll read the letter again and I can’t do that.”

  I don’t get why she keeps talking about this letter. What letter? Where did she get it from?

  “You can’t sit here in wet clothes.” I go to my dresser and find some sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I hold them in front of her. “Put these on.”

  She doesn’t take them from me. She just stares straight ahead, like she’s in a trance, her body still shaking.

  “Jade, come on.” I lift her to standing. “I’ll turn around while you change. You need to get these wet clothes off.”

  She won’t move. But she’s not staying in wet clothes so she’s just going to have to deal with me undressing her.

  I go behind her and take off her soaking wet t-shirt and then her sports bra. I take one of the towels and dry her back, then slip my sweatshirt over her head and through her arms. It hangs down to her knees and covers her hands.

  I go around to face her again and hold out the pants. “Now put these on.”

  “I don’t need those.”

  “You’ll never warm up in wet clothes.” I wait for her to take the pants. She doesn’t. “If you don’t do it, I’ll do it myself.”

  Again, she won’t move.

  “Fine.” I wasn’t expecting to be stripping Jade naked tonight but she’s not exactly giving me a choice. I reach under the sweatshirt trying to keep it down so it covers her. I find the waistband of her shorts and slide them off, along with her underwear.

  I’ve had dreams of getting Jade naked, but this is not what I had in mind. I can’t believe she’s even letting me do this.

  I put the sweatpants on her. They’re so big I have to bunch them up at the waist and keep hold of them as I walk her over to the bed.

  I pull the covers back and she gets in, tucking herself in a ball, her back to me. I pull the blanket up, then get a few more and lay them over her.

  Then I take off my own wet clothes and put on my pajama pants. I join her in the bed. We’ve never been together like this in a bed and I’m preparing for her to push me away, but I won’t let her. This isn’t sexual. I’m not trying anything here. I just need to hold her and be with her so she knows that whatever this is she’s going through, she’s not alone. And I need to stop her shivering. I pull her against me and fasten my arm around her waist. Her muscles relax a little so I tug her closer. She’s molded into my body from head to toe but she doesn’t try to move away. She just lies there and after a few minutes the shivering stops.

  I hear Jade talking in almost a whisper. “Are you dating Ava?”

  I sit up on my arm and lower the blanket off Jade’s face. “Ava?”

  “I saw you in that room with her. Blake said it’s where people go to, you know.”

  Now I get why Jade was looking at me that way at the party and why she ran away.

  “No! Jade, you know I’d never do anything with her. I was just asking her if she’d said anything to my dad. The music was so loud I couldn’t hear her so we went in that room. Did you really think we were doing something? Is that why you ran out of there like that?”

  “Frank wasn’t home. I had to talk to you. I don’t have anyone else. And then I saw you in there with her.”

  “Nothing happened. I swear. You should never listen to Blake. So is that why you were drinking?”

  “I lost control. I never lose control. But that drink took everything I was feeling away. I guess that’s why she drank. I get it now.”

  “Jade.” I lie back down behind her, my head resting against hers. “You need to stop trying to make the feelings go away and just feel them.” I kiss her softly below her ear and whisper to her, “I’m here for you, Jade. For as long as you want me.”

  I don’t think she heard me. I check and see that her eyes are closed. And a few minutes later, she’s asleep.

  Jade never explained what happened tonight and she was too upset for me to ask. She kept talking about a letter but she wasn’t really making sense. Why would a letter make her react that way? What the hell was in that letter?

  She was also upset tonight because of me. She really thought I was with Ava? Why would she think that?

  Jade and I say we’re just friends but we both know it’s more than that. And I thought she knew I’d wait for her. That I’d wait for her to be ready to take this relationship farther. That I wasn’t interested in dating anyone else but her. But I guess I haven’t made that clear enough.

  If she only knew how much I care for her. How much I love her. I can’t tell her I love her. Not yet. It’s too soon. I’m not ready to say it and she’s not ready to hear it. But I know for a fact that I love her. I don’t doubt that at all. And I was reminded of it again tonight. Seeing her in so much pain, all I wanted to do was take it away. It wasn’t even my pain, yet I felt it like it was my own.

  I never expected to feel this way about a girl and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know if Jade feels the same way about me. I think she might, but she’s so afraid to let herself feel anything that she may never realize how she feels about me. And us. Which means she’s going to rip my heart out when she ends this.

  But maybe she won’t. Maybe if I keep getting her to open up, to trust me, to feel her emotions instead of shoving them aside, maybe she’ll see that we have something really good here. Something we need to continue. And maybe she’ll get that I love her before I’m even able to say it.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  I wake up in the middle of the night when I feel Jade moving. She’s lying against my chest, still tucked in my arms.

  “I should go,” she whispers.

  I hold on to her. “Just go to sleep, Jade.”

  She relaxes back into me and we fall asleep.

  When I wake up again, the room is bright and I see that it’s a few minutes before 9. Jade is facing me now, sound asleep, her arms curled up by her chest, my sweatshirt hiding her hands. She’s cute when she’s awake but she’s freaking adorable when she sleeps. I kiss her forehead and she stirs a little.

  “Hey,” I say as her eyes open. “Did you get some sleep?”

  She squints from the light. “What time is it?”

  “It’s 9. You can sleep some more if you want. I’m going to take a shower. I just wanted to let you know in case you woke up and I wasn’t here.”

  She sits up a little. “Why would I care if you weren’t here?”

  I kiss her cheek. “Because you’d miss me. That’s why.”

  She smiles and turns her back to me. “I probably wouldn’t have even noticed you were gone.”

  I flip her back toward me. “You’d notice. You’d at least wonder where your portable heater went. Don’t think I didn’t know you were just using me for my body last night.”

  “Damn, you’re on to me. But it worked. I stopped shivering. I’m actually kind of hot now.” She kicks the blanket back and pulls on the sleeves of my sweatshirt. They’re so big, they slide back down over he
r hands.

  “You look ridiculous in my clothes.” I feel for her waist. “I can’t even find you in there.”

  “I like these sweats. They’re really soft. I think I might keep them.”

  “No way!” I’m totally kidding but I pretend to be serious. “Those are my favorite.”

  “Then I’m definitely keeping them. You can come visit them downstairs.”

  “Sorry, but you’re not getting them. Besides, they’re gray. They’re not even your color.”

  “Yeah, that’s true. All right, you can have them back.”

  I smile. “That was easy. Guess you’re not much of a fighter first thing in the morning. I’ll have to remember that.” I get up and grab my towel. “I’ll only be a few minutes. Don’t go anywhere.”

  When I return from the shower, Jade’s watching TV.

  “What are you watching?” I walk in wearing just a towel and catch Jade’s eyes following me around the room. I notice the TV’s turned to one of those Sunday morning political shows. “Do you follow politics?”

  “No. I hate politics. I was only watching because they’re in Des Moines. It’s caucus time, the only time Iowa makes the news.”

  I take a t-shirt, jeans, and boxers from my drawer. “My dad is obsessed with politics. He spends a fortune supporting those campaigns. I don’t even want to know what he’s getting in return.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “That political shit is all bribes and corruption. And my dad’s there waiting with an open bank account along with every other person with money.” I face the TV which shows four men lined up on a stage. “See that guy right there?” I point to Royce Sinclair, Sadie’s dad. His dark hair is slicked back and he has a phony politician grin on his face. “My dad’s having a campaign fundraiser for him at the house in a few weeks.”

  “I don’t know anything about the guy but he looks like a liar with that fake smile and those overly white teeth. Well, I guess they all do.”

  I put my t-shirt on, then place my hands on the towel around my waist. “This is coming off so you might want to turn around.”