by Mari Brown
Tate’s rich voice once again fills the building.
“I want to drink that shot of whiskey….”
My eyes are riveted on the man before me. Each word he sings is directed straight at my heart. I want to believe that he means what’s he’s singing to me. I join in where I’m suppose too. My eyes still focused on him. It’s as if we are the only two in the place. He is looking deep into my eyes as well. Is it possible he still loves me? Is he really trying to tell me that? Or is it just wishful thinking on my part?
The song finishes up. Slowly as if I’m walking on sticky glue traps I hand the mic back over. Tate takes my hand and leads me off stage as the applause dies down around the room. I look up into his eyes.
“Let’s get out of here.”
“Okay.” It’s all I can say I’m ready to be alone with him.
Chapter Eight
Tate drives my car back to his cottage. I’m nervous. It’s like my first time all over again. It’s ridiculous. Tate knows my body better than I do sometimes. Memories rush at me of the many nights he spent teaching and exploring things of the not so vanilla variety. Everything we did together in the bedroom was on the lighter side of BDSM.
Tate ever the gentleman walks around opens my door for me and offers me his hand to help me out of my car. I forgot how that simple gesture warms my heart. It’s actually a huge turn on for me.
“Thank you.” I try to remember to use the manners my mama taught me. I also know it offends him slightly when I don’t use them. For an asshole personality he has really good manners in public and even not in public.
There is a part of me that is excited about being with Tate one more time. Yet there is a part of me who wonders if I’ve lost my mind. Why would I torture myself this way? Knowing nothing can ever happen between us but sex.
Another night rushes back to me
“LuAnn is asking questions about you.”
“Me specifically or why you are so busy all the time?”
“Why I’m busy and who SHE is.”
“What did you tell her?”
Tate and I are laying on the couch together watching TV. I’m not sure why he brought this up. I have such mixed emotions. I know I’m married and not free to claim Tate as mine but I want too. I love him. A secret part of me wants a future with him when Steve is gone but that is not something I can let myself believe in. Tate may not want the same thing and he has crazy LuAnn.
“I keep telling her that it doesn’t matter. She’s not going to stop me from doing what I want to do. She’s never been able to.”
“Your relationship with her is so confusing.”
The leather of the couch crinkles as I shift to make myself more comfortable.
“I mean you act like you despise her yet you are still with her. Let her publically claim you as her fiancé. All the while telling me and your friends how much you want to be rid of her.”
“I do want to get rid of her but I have to pay back the damn money she loaned me. Mistake one was falling for the crazy chick, mistake two borrowing money to get my business open. ”
I don’t say anything. I honestly don’t know what to say to him. This relationship we have is not normal. There is no handbook, no guidelines. We just take it day by day. Deal with things as they come up. The last four months have been rocky. The fights. The almost break ups. It’s not easy being in an open relationship.
“You have nothing to say?” Tate asks me. I can almost picture his eyebrows lifted as he questions me. Of course I have a ton of things I want to say but honestly do I have a right?
“What do you want me to say? You know I hate the way she treats you. I hate the way you get stressed out when you deal with her. I hate that I have to share you with her but I can’t do anything about it only you can.”
Guess I had more to say about it than I thought I did. Tate’s arms tighten around me.
“If only we met at a different time and things could be different for us.”
I feel him there. Sometimes I wish the same thing. I wish I met him when I was single and he was single. I wish that we had a traditional relationship. Instead we have a cluster fuck that keeps me bordering insanity.
“Yea that would have been nice.”
We lapse into silence as we watch a sitcom about a couple who are dating and falling in love. It only makes my desire for Tate hit harder. One of these days I think to myself I will be able to be happy in love again. Steve and I had a wonderful life together but our marriage is over in the traditional sense. Tate will never be able to give me the traditional relationship I want. Yet I don’t want to lose him either. I’ve come to care deeply for him. Love him. I want to be there for him but how?
I have to stop thinking about this it drives me crazy. I’m so confused by my own feelings. I’m confused by Tate’s feelings. I just wish it could be simpler for us. That’s the only thing I do know. How to make it happen is a whole other can of worms.
I want to lay here wrapped in Tate’s arms and just enjoy the moment. I love the peace and quiet that comes from being at his house. There is no urgent need to take care of someone there isn’t a teenager needing me to do something for them. It’s just laid back. Worry free. Maybe not completely worry free but close enough. Being with Tate is my escape. It’s my happy place right now. I don’t have to think about my husband dying. I don’t have to think about being alone.
Memories like this is what makes it hard to forget about Tate. I was always so damn comfortable with him. It was easy. There was just happiness for the most part for us. Now here I am again in his house. Once again I’m lost and confused. I’m not sure what I am doing. I just hope I don’t hurt myself more in the long run.
Tate wastes no time before leading me to his bedroom. Once he has me in there he pushes me down on his bed. He crawls on top of me. The weight of his body presses against mine. It’s a delicious sensation.
“I’ve missed you under me.”
Oh the sweet words that come out of his mouth. Yet it doesn’t stop my juices from flowing. I love when he talks dirty to me. I love when he does this whole dominate thing. Fuck I still love this man.
“I’ve missed it too.” my own voice is breathless and raspy in my ears. I can’t believe how turned on I am right now and we haven’t even begun touching one another.
Tate’s mouth descends on mine. His tongue licks the seam of my lips which part for him instantly. His tongue moves inside my mouth in a slow sensual dance. My tongue is tangled up with his. Our tongues duel for the lead but eventually I give up and let him lead us. I’ve missed how he tasted on my tongue. I’ve missed how one of his kisses can send my body into overdrive.
His hands begin roaming my body as we continue to kiss. We only stop kissing for brief moments of time to catch our breath. His rough hands caress my arms making me want more. I want his hands all over me. I want to scream out for him to touch me everywhere. However at the same time I don’t want to rush this. I want to take our time. I want to cherish every moment. I want to burn it deep into my memories so that years from now this night is still clear in my head. A hand snakes under my shirt skimming across my stomach. Chills cover my body. His hand continues its exploration until he cups my breast. His finger and thumb tweak my nipple which instantly hardens under his touch. It’s coming and I try to prepare myself but nothing prepares me for the delicious pleasure as Tate pinches my nipple hard.
“Fuck!”
I moan out as my body raises off the bed. My eyes close and roll back in my head. My head is thrown back as the sensation travels my body. I had forgotten how much I loved him pinching my nipples. Well not forgotten, but the memory was fading. My arm wraps around him pulling him closer to me. I can’t help that I want us as close as possible. These damn clothes we are wearing are getting in the way.
“I love the look on your face when I do that.”
There is a touch of arrogance but there is also love it’s still there in his voice. My heart skips a beat at the rea
lization that Tate still cares about me. He moves to the other nipple rubbing it between his fingers before pinching it hard.
“Oh gawwwd.”
I am thankful that we are alone in his house because I’m not being quiet. It’s been too long since I’ve had this kind of pleasure. It’s been too long since I have had Tate touch me. If he keeps this up I might just orgasm from him pinching my nipples. That would be new for me. Tate begins to sit up his legs straddling me. He grabs my shirt lifting it over my head. He quickly unsnaps my bra that I’m wearing. The fact he can unclasp a bra with one hand gets me hot. As my breast spill out he stares at them like a starving man. I look up at him from hooded eyes. I’m lost in the lust. I’m waiting for his next move. He doesn’t make me wait long.
His hand travels to one breast while his mouth takes the other. One breast is being kneaded by his hand while the other is being suckled by his warm mouth. I lose myself in what he is doing to my breasts. It’s too much and not enough at the same time. I don’t want him to stop but I want more from him at the same time. His hand and mouth switch places. It starts all over again. He’s bringing me just to the edge and keeping me there. My moans fill the room.
“Still so responsive to me.”
He’s a cocky bastard. I wish I could pretend I don’t like what he’s doing but my body would just tell on itself. Hell it already is. My panties are soaked. Every nerve ending in my body is on edge. I’m panting and wanting more. I don’t know how I have kept myself from begging Tate to take me already.
“Tell me what you want baby.”
Tell him what I want? I want it all.
“Everything Tate please just don’t fucking stop!”
So much for not begging him. His hands begin unbuttoning my jeans then he’s pulling them off of me. I’m thankful that I decided to shave before we went out tonight. Not that I planned on hooking up with anyone tonight but it turns out to have been a wise decision on my part. Tate stands at the foot of his bed eyes moving up and down my body. I want to wiggle and move. I will myself to stay still and not say a word. My chest moving up and down is the only movement I make. I try to control my breathing but adrenaline is flowing through me.
“Fucking beautiful.”
Yea.. yea motherfucker look later… touch now. I know better than to voice that. Tate is not beyond punishing me if I get to smart with him. Although some of his punishments in the past were magical. Focus. That’s what I really need to do. I watch as Tate strips his shirt off and unbuckles his pants letting them drop to the floor. I lick my bottom lip as his semi erect cock is now out for my viewing pleasure. Oh the nights I spent worshipping that cock. All eight inches of the magnificent beast.
Without thinking I bounce up onto my knees. My hand reaches out for his cock and I stroke it slowly. His breath hitches as I touch him. I wait to see if he’s going to let me continue. He stands still my sign that I can carry on. I move my hand down and cup his balls massaging them gently. I move in closer I cut my eyes up to him as my tongue snakes out across his sac. I flick my tongue all around him then gently pull one ball at a time into my mouth. He lets out a moan of satisfaction.
“Fuck baby!”
Yea, I know what Tate likes. This man makes me want to please him without even asking. There is just a pull to him. A need to make him happy that I have never understood in all the time I have known him.
My tongue licks across his sac traveling up the shaft of his completely hard cock. I circle the tip. Teasing him. He twitches under my tongue. I know he wants me to take him fully into my mouth but he’s letting me set the pace. He may be in charge in the bedroom but he’s not selfish. I open my mouth and suck the tip in.
“mmmm…”
Those sounds turn me on just as much as him touching me. I love knowing that I’m pleasuring him. I widen my mouth as I go further down on him. I have to take it slow he’s not only long, but he’s thick. If I’m not careful it can get messy quick trying to take him too quickly. I work my mouth up and down as my tongue runs up and down the thick vein on his shaft. My head bobs at a steady pace until I am comfortable and then I go all the way down. His tip deep in the back of my throat.
“Oh god I have missed that mouth!”
I smile around his cock. But I never lose momentum. I keep working his cock in my mouth alternating deep throating him and backing off. I’m getting into it when I’m roughly pushed back on the bed. I fall back in a crumpled heap but my legs are soon jerked from under me as Tate takes over.
He is crawling in between my legs his hands caressing my legs as he moves up my body. He stops, hovering over my panty clad pussy. I can feel his breath through the material it’s a mixture of hot air and coolness from how wet I am down there. I hear him growl deep in his throat before his mouth clamps down on my sex and even with the thin cotton material between us it sends me bucking straight into his face. He doesn’t stop what he’s doing.
He continues to suck and bite and nip at me through my panties. This is the most erotic thing I ever felt. I’m going to blow soon.
“Tate…”
He acts like he doesn’t hear me and continues biting and nipping at my clit. It’s too much for me and the first orgasm of the night is ripped out of me. Tate then decides to remove the material separating us. His tongue snakes across my now drenched lips. He begins making licking and slurping sounds. I’m on top of the world especially when two fingers slide in. He curves them up and begins making a “come hither” motion with them. As his tongue continues working my clit. I’m going to lose it again.
“Oh gawd Tate… only with you… is it like this!”
I moan those words out as he continues to make love to my pussy with his mouth. There is no rush or hurry. He’s taking his time. He begins building me up again. It’s not going to be long before I’m gushing another orgasm into his mouth directly this time. With one hard suck it happens quickly. My legs tremble and I’m a panting mess. He begins kissing up my body. His erection is soon pressed between us.
“I’m going to fuck you now.”
“o… okay.” I answer breathlessly.
***
The next morning I wake with Tate’s arms wrapped tight around me. In fact he’s holding me so tight it’s a wonder I can breathe at all. Not complaining though, I love that he holds on to me like he’s afraid to lose me. Maybe subconsciously he knows that I’m not planning to stay. Nothing changed overnight. This was still a one last hoorah for me.
I would take the memories of last night and add them to my treasure box and pull them out when I was healed enough. Every memory with Tate was one I treasured. I was sometimes consumed with guilt because it seems as if I love Tate more than I did Steve. The thing is you can’t compare the two it’s like comparing apples and oranges. Steve and I had a deep all-consuming love. We were best friends, lovers, parents, caretaker and patient. Steve was that once in a lifetime love. The one who you choose to love no matter if it’s good or bad. We had good times we had bad times. There was comfort in being together.
Tate made me feel alive. Like I was truly living life. Not just going through the motions. Sure we were friends and lovers. However nothing with Tate was comfortable. There was always something getting me fired up or worked up. I often went back and forth between wanting to kiss him and kick him. I don’t even have the words to do justice to what Tate and I had. He kept me on my toes. I hated to be giving it up, but I had no choice.
My kids needed a mother more than any other time in their lives. They were priority in my life. I had to focus on them and their needs. Not me and my selfish desires. I slowly begin untangling myself from Tate’s embrace. It’s not easy for several reasons. One it seems every time I move he tightens his grip on me. The other I want to drag this out as long as I can.
“Babe stop moving…”
“Babe I got to pee.”
That’s how I got Tate to let me go finally. I did go into the bathroom after gathering my clothing off the floor where they were ca
relessly tossed last night. I dress quickly, there is no time to dawdle or he will wake up. I walk out as quietly as I can. Tate is snoring which makes me feel somewhat better. I don’t think I would have the strength to walk away from him again if he was awake. I turn back one last time and give him a bittersweet smile before walking out the door and once again his life.
Chapter Nine
Two weeks have gone by since I walked out on Tate… again. He tried calling and texting me for a couple of days after but he eventually gave up when he realized that I wasn’t going to answer. The texts still came in at least one a day. Some small something usually a picture or quote. All making it harder to resist him. I just couldn’t it was too hard. Haley has spent the last two weeks yelling at me. She is upset saying I’m throwing away my second chance at happiness.
“You don’t have to listen to Mae call you a whore, in front of your children.” I snap one day.
“I don’t give a fuck about that bitch! She’s been evil ever since Steve got sick.”
I sigh but give her a smile for trying to defend me. She was right Mae did change when Steve’s cancer was discovered. I also could not fault Mae for her feelings about Tate and me. I was a married woman with a dying husband and I had a boyfriend on the side at the time. It was not your normal situation.
Another memory of my time with Tate while Steve was still alive floats to the surface...
I sat in my car waiting for Tate and Pete to finish up the car they are working on. I find myself chuckling at the grimaces on each of their faces. They are filing something down I won't even try to pretend to understand what they are doing. But it's comical to watch. I text Haley periodically as I wait.
I'm kind of bored just sitting here but the promise of going home with Tate tonight makes it worth it. I hired an overnight nurse to be at the house with Steve and my kids were with my parents. I was free, and I was going to let my inner freak fly tonight. The possibilities had me squirming in my seat. My lady parts tingling and throbbing for his touch on them. Yep, it's official I'm hooked on Tate. I don't care what anyone else says. I'm going to enjoy every moment I have with Tate.