Twice Loved

by Mari Brown

  “Thank you Princess.”

  “Welcome.”

  I turn back around as Tate eats. I clean up the few dishes I dirtied making the food. Once I have them in the dish rack. I sit down beside Tate.

  “I’m excited about whatever or wherever you’re taking me tonight.”

  “That’s good babe…” He says with a mouthful of food. I want to scold him for talking with his mouthful but he’s just too darn cute for me to do it.

  Tate and I make small talk while he finishes his breakfast. Tate finishes up by rinsing his plate off before sticking it in the sink. I appreciate those small things. He walks back over to me pulls me by the back of my hair. My body arches backward. My neck is straining but not enough to cause pain. His lips plant on mine hard. He releases me leaving me panting.

  “Hot mess!”

  “Huh?” I’m spaced out right now.

  “You’re a hot mess.”

  “OH!”

  Then he saunters out the front door. I hear his truck fire up and him pull off. I’m still sitting on the stool trying to recover. I give myself a few minutes before walking upstairs to my room. I decide to jump in the shower and get dressed. Once I have on a tank top and some shorts. I make my way back downstairs. I grab my teaching bag and go to the dining room and begin pulling out the stacks of papers to grade. My school laptop, and the various other things I will need.

  I have just finished getting all my stuff set up when Olivia comes into the room.

  “Good morning Mom.”

  “Morning.” I reply with a smile at my little girl. “What are you up to today?”

  “Jodie and I are going to go to the mall for a little bit and then hang out by the pool.”

  I tap my fingers across the keyboard as I log into the grading system on my laptop. I briefly glance to my daughter.

  “That sounds fun. So Tate informed me he’s taking me out of town this afternoon.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yea I’m not sure where.” I push my laptop back now that I’m logged in and grab a stack of papers and find the corresponding answer key. “Haley and Jake said they’d be on call if you or Noah need anything while I’m gone.”

  “Sounds like you’re going to have some fun.”

  My cheeks heat a little my daughter’s teasing is slightly embarrassing. It makes me wonder if she has an idea what Tate and I really get up to sometimes. She would be horrified is she knew that her mom was a freak in the sheets.

  “I’m sure we will.” I pick up a pen and begin grading the first paper.

  I manage to work my way through all the papers in two hours. Not bad considering it’s a week’s worth of class work, homework and tests. I pull the laptop toward me so that I can begin entering grades for each student. This is the time consuming part of grading. I organize the stacks by subject and the day they were assigned. And I begin inputting grades. That takes me another hour. My morning is nearly gone and I haven’t left this table. Before I separate the papers by student and staple them together I decide it’s time to take a break.

  I pour me a glass of sweet tea grab my smokes and cell and head out to the back patio. The girls are laying in loungers by the pool a radio playing nearby. They are quietly talking and I can’t keep the smile from my face. I light my cigarette and inhale. The smoke fills my lungs. I often think this is a really bad habit I should kick but I never do.

  Noah sticks his head out the back door.

  “Mom I’m going over to CJs.”

  “Okay, hey did your sister tell you I’ll be going out of town?”

  “Yep. I’ll behave I promise.”

  I laugh at my son as he closes the back door. He’s a character. His sense of humor has been a major source of joy for our family especially during Steve’s long illness and then his passing. Each day he managed to make us smile or laugh even when it was like the world was ending.

  I look down at my phone. I have received a text from Tate. I wonder when it came in and how I missed the tone alerting me.

  Tate: I can’t wait until we get away tonight!

  Awww that’s so sweet.

  Lori: me either even though I have no idea where you’re taking me.

  Tate: It’s a surprise.

  I put out my smoke and grab my stuff and head back to the dining room so I can finish up with my work before I go upstairs and start packing for my overnight trip. It takes me roughly another hour to get the papers separated by student and I organize each stack I can’t help myself but to put them in order. I staple the packet once it’s done and make a pile. Each student will take this home with them Monday afternoon.

  Around one in the afternoon I head upstairs to pack a bag. I realize not knowing where I’m going is making it hard for me to know what to pack.

  I pick up my phone and type out a text to Haley.

  Lori: Any idea what I should pack

  Haley: no clue I’ve not been let in on destination

  Well fuck she’s no help. Fuck texting Tate. I tap the screen a couple times and put it to my ear. There are two rings before Tate’s voice comes over the line.

  “What’s up Princess?”

  “You have to give me an idea of what to pack.”

  “Clothes.”

  I toss my overnight bag on the bed. He’s such a smartass. I open the bag up wide. Look around my room and then plop on the bed. “Yes dear I know I need clothes but what kind?”

  “Just pack some shorts and a T-shirt. Maybe a sundress. does that help?”

  “Thank you handsome.”

  I press end call and toss my phone on the bed. Now I have an idea of what to pack so I get down to business. Within an hour I’m packed. Now to dress for the mystery ride.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Tate arrives shortly before four in the afternoon. He’s dressed in tight jeans and a beautiful indigo polo style shirt. My man looks damn good. He smiles at me. “Hey Princess.”

  “Hey…”

  I’m acting like a school girl going on her first date. I’m shy and nervous. It’s the first time we have gone out of town together. It’s new and exciting. I love this Tate the one who makes me feel like the only woman on earth. If you had asked me a little over a month ago if Tate could be this man I would have told you no. I’m learning to trust him more and more each day. It doesn’t mean I don’t still worry that something could change because I am.

  I still have a deep fear that I will not be enough for Tate. That he will go back to his many woman. He spent most of his life sampling a variety of woman and never less than two at a time. Would he really be happy long term with just me? How long would it last? Could I trust him enough to let him move in? After this weekend I planned to start talking to my kids about it. Get an idea of how they would handle Tate living with us?

  “Where’s your stuff?”

  “Upstairs on the bed.”

  He climbs the stairs. His ass moving in a delightful way. I have a goofy grin on my face from the thoughts running through my mind.

  “Really mom?” Noah asks from behind me. It startles me. When did he get back?

  “How long have you been here?”

  “Long enough to see you staring at Tate like he’s a piece of meat.”

  “I was not!” Turning to face my son I cross my arms over my chest and my lower lip sticks out a bit.

  Noah begins laughing while his head shakes. “Mom you so were.”

  “Whatever!” My hands come back down to my sides as Tate bounds down the steps with my bag.

  “Hey man!” My son greets Tate with a slight smirk playing on his face.

  “Noah.”

  I love how men do that little head nod thing when greeting each other. Are they born knowing the greeting? Is it taught?

  “Okay I’m going to put everything in your car. It’ll travel better than my truck.”

  “That’s fine.”

  “Say goodbye to your kids.”

  My isn’t he the bossy one this afternoon? I snort. But
I turn to face Noah who is still standing just in the kitchen door.

  “Behave. Don’t give your sister a hard time. And don’t forget Haley and Jake will be checking in.”

  He stands up straight.

  “I know mom.” He steps toward me his arms reach out for me and engulf me in a hug “Have fun don’t worry about us we’ll be fine.”

  I squeeze my son tight before tip toeing to plant a kiss on his cheek. “Love you Noah.”

  “Love you to Mom.”

  I move through the kitchen to the back door. I step outside and the sun blinds me momentarily. I walk toward Olivia and Jodie.

  “Olivia I’m getting ready to head out.”

  She moves off her chair and stands beside me “Have fun mom. Love you.”

  “Why does everyone keep telling me to have fun like I don’t know how to or something?”

  Olivia and Jodie both snicker.

  “It’s not that mom. You’ll worry about Noah and me but we’ll be fine. Haley already sent me a text and she and Jake are coming to do a cook out with us for dinner so see…”

  Olivia trails off. I didn’t even know Haley and Jake were planning to grill out with the kids tonight.

  “Okay… okay I love you. See you Jodie.”

  “Bye Mrs. M.”

  I shake my head at the girls. Oh to be young and carefree like that again. Some days I think it would be a wonderful thing and others not so much.

  I walk back through the house Tate is talking quietly to Noah but looks up as I enter the room.

  “Ready Princess?”

  “Yes let’s go.”

  Tate walks me out to my car. He opens the door for me and I climb in. Once I am in he shuts the door gently behind me. I watch as he walks around the front of the car. My seat belt clicks in place as he climbs in the driver’s side.

  “So still not giving me a clue where we are going?”

  “Not yet.”

  I stick my bottom lip out in an exaggerated fashion. Tate reaches over and pats my knee as he chuckles at my behavior.

  “And you call me man-child…” his hand shifts the car into gear his head turns to the side a little as he deftly backs out of my driveway.

  “You are a man child and I’m a brat it works for us.”

  He smiles as he maneuvers the car into drive and we take off down the street.

  “Yea it most definitely works for us.”

  We lapse into a smooth silence. Tate makes a few turns, and we are headed down the highway. Away from our little hometown.

  I kick off my flip flops. Crank up the radio and my feet start tapping along to the beat on the dashboard.

  “I hate when you put your feet up there.”

  “I know.”

  “Then why do you do it?”

  I keep tapping my feet against the plastic. Turning with a smile in place. “Because it’s my car and I can.”

  Tate just rolled his eyes at me. I can’t believe he did that. I begin laughing.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You rolled your eyes at me.”

  He pulls a smoke out the pack sticks it between his lips and fires it up. “I love you Princess.”

  My eyes soften as I turn toward him smiling. “I love you too.”

  I grab my purse off the floorboard. I dig around until I find my pack of cigarettes. I put one between my lips and grab a lighter

  “Don’t you fucking dare?”

  I stop. Lighter in mid-air. I turn toward Tate again looking at him like he’s lost his damn mind.

  “You’re driving and smoking I can light my own.”

  “Not while I’m around you won’t.”

  Something about that makes me hot. I am a little turned on by his chivalry. Guys that don’t behave like gentleman have no idea what they are missing out on. I imagine most women react to it like I do. It’s like a sink faucet being turned to let water start dripping and the more he behaves that way the more your faucet gets turned on. I chuckle to myself I can’t believe I just compared my pussy to a sink faucet.

  “Here!” I hand him the lighter. I don’t want there to be anything that will ruin this trip for us. Especially something as stupid as lighting a cigarette.

  “Thank you Princess.”

  As I exhale the smoke floats through the air in the car and out the window. “Thank you.”

  “You don’t have to thank me. I was taught this is what a man does.”

  I sigh. I want to meet his mom from stories he’s told and the way he treats a woman I want to pick her brain. What are his mommy issues? What made him think woman were disposable? Or maybe that came from his dad or some combination of the two teaching their kids it’s okay to disrespect your partner.

  “What you thinking about over there?”

  Turning to face Tate I consider briefly if I should answer him truthfully.

  “That I’d like to meet your family.”

  “Oh yea why is that?”

  “To get to know you a little better, we are a product of our past even though we have free will to be better or different.” I shrug my shoulder making it seem like it’s not a huge deal.

  “We can make that happen one day.”

  Interesting, the man is willing for me to meet his family. That says a lot about how he feels. A man doesn’t introduce just any woman to his mom. It’s only a special woman he brings home to meet his mom. I remember when Steve first brought me home to meet Mae I was a nervous wreck. The man was an only child and a mama’s boy. It was important that his mom like me. Until Tate, she loved me and I could do no wrong. I would love to restore our friendship one day. I could wait until she was ready.

  Steve did his best to convince her that he was okay with Tate and actually encouraged me to start the relationship. She has never forgiven me. I worry what she will think when she finds out I’m considering letting Tate move in. Olivia briefly mentioned she started crying when they told her I was dating Tate again.

  It has to be painful for her as a mother. The fact her son is gone and I’m still here living. I’m moving on and with the man I considered my boyfriend while her son was still alive. It was not a typical relationship, but it was mine. It was something Steve, and I agreed on together. Steve even thought I made a mistake leaving Tate the first time. It’s not that Steve wanted Tate in our lives but he wanted to see me happy. I’ll never forget the conversation we had about it.

  “Honey?”

  Steve calls me into the living room where he is laying on the couch after his third round of chemo.

  “You need something?” I ask concerned. The chemo has made him so sick.

  “I want you to sit and talk to me.” His voice is weak.

  I sit on the coffee table in front of him. I wipe my hands on the side of my jeans. I had been in the kitchen washing dishes and they were still a little damp.

  “What’s up?”

  “I’ve been thinking… I don’t even know how to bring this up.”

  “What is it honey?” I’m really concerned Steve looks like he’s in pain.

  “I want you to go out and find a man to keep you happy.”

  “You what?”

  He struggles to sit up. I lean forward fixing his pillows behind him.

  “It’s been almost a year since we had sex. You need some release other than that damn toy box under our bed.”

  “I’m fine!” My hand comes around my neck. Does he know about me meeting Tate the other night when Haley and I went out?

  “Now… but what about a month from now, three months from now?”

  “Steve I don’t want to talk about this with you.” My hands run through my hair. I’m sure I’m a mess tears are coming from my eyes.

  “Lori. I’m dying. I’m not going to get better. We will never have sex, make love or fuck again!”

  Steve’s voice is stronger but his breathing labored.

  “Calm down Steve.”

  “Promise me that you will think about it and even more do something about
it.”

  My elbows rest on my knees my head is hanging down. I think about Tate and that night in the bar. Just that easy he comes to my mind when my husband tells me to find a man.

  “Steve I’m not sure I can do that.”

  I wipe at my eyes. I didn’t even realize tears had been welling up.

  “You okay Princess?”

  “I’m good I just had a flashback to the first conversation Steve, and I had about me finding a man. You know it was right after I met you that first night in the bar?”

  He gives me a sad smile. Tate knows the story of how Steve and I came to terms with an open relationship. I just never told him he was the only guy I ever considered.

  “Princess this is not new…”

  “What you don’t know…” Turning to the right I look out the window. I realize we are headed west on the interstate. “You were the first and only guy I ever considered.”

  “Really now?”

  I turn back to him. His cocky grin in place. “I shouldn’t have told you that.”

  “Too late now.”

  “Fuck you!”

  He laughs “Oh you will.”

  I can’t stop myself from laughing at him. Even when I don’t want too. It’s funny how you want to be mad at someone but they have an uncanny way of breaking through any defense you put up. Tate is one of those people for me. I want to hate him I can’t. I want to be mad at him I can’t. I love him. I fell in love with him after we had been together about four months and I haven’t stopped yet. I’m alive like I’ve never been before when I am with Tate. As much as I loved Steve he never gave me the same feeling and thrill that Tate does. Then Tate has never given me the safe warm feeling that Steve did.

  Perhaps, I’m lucky that I had the opportunity to love a man like Steve and then find a man like Tate. Two very different men. Two very different loves.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Two hours later I have an idea of where Tate is taking me. “Are we going to New Orleans?”

  “Yes Princess.”

  I practically bounce in my seat. I love visiting NOLA. There is no other city in the south quite like it. It’s the perfect mix of old southern charm and new world excitement. Tate and I in NOLA together is an exciting thought, but it’s also a little scary. We could get in a lot of trouble together.