Deserter

by Myers, Shannon

  “Yeah?”

  She didn’t look back at me when she nodded. “Yeah.”

  I was too far gone to stop and consider the repercussions. I locked a hand around her waist and buried myself to the hilt with a forceful thrust. Celia’s muscles clamped down around me and she buried her face in the sheets with a muffled scream.

  My baser instincts took over as I stretched her body around my dick. Her back arched toward my chest and I thrust into her like a man possessed. When her head fell back on my shoulder, I bit down on her neck, pinning her body in place against mine.

  Her old man had thrown her to the wolves and, judging by the way she’d stiffened beneath me, she knew I was going to draw blood.

  I let my hand drop from her shoulder and reached down to cup her tits while continuing to suck the thin flesh of her throat in between my teeth.

  “Yes. More,” she panted, meeting me thrust for thrust. Her nails dug into my thighs and she clamped down around me with a whispered, “Jesus.”

  “Grey, princess. My name is Grey.”

  “Grey,” she repeated with a harsh moan. “Grey, don’t stop.”

  Fuck, where had this woman been hiding?

  I was the one dominating her. I was the one doing the fucking. As her body collided against mine and she ripped the orgasm from my body, I realized that Celia hadn’t lost her spark.

  She’d had the upper hand the entire goddamn time. I collapsed against her back before rolling onto my side while my heart beat the shit out of my chest, and I gasped for air.

  She turned to face me with a shy smile. “So, that’s what sex is like.”

  I brushed the sweat-soaked hair off of my forehead. “That’s it.” I stopped myself from asking if she’d gotten off. It wasn’t supposed to matter.

  She traced my ink with her fingernails before moving her hand up to cup my jaw. I needed to stop her; to regain control of an already fucked situation. I realized what she was going for and rolled out of bed just as she closed her eyes and pushed her pink lips into a pout.

  “Get dressed. One of the guys will take you back to your parents.”

  Her cheeks turned red and she pulled the sheets around her body before nodding. I didn’t want her to feel insecure, but I sure as fuck didn’t want her getting the wrong idea about things.

  Shit, even I was starting to get the wrong idea.

  It had to be the blow in my system; otherwise, I’d just had the best sex of my life with a virgin.

  Chapter Nine

  Celia: 1989

  “Get up,” Mother demanded. “You’re going to be late for church.”

  I rolled over with a groan, the twinge in my lower abdomen reminding me that last night hadn’t been a dream. If I hadn’t feigned a headache to get out of going to the Miller’s barbecue, none of this would’ve happened.

  As it was, I’d been laying on the couch watching MTV when three men kicked in the back door and forced me into the trunk of their car at gunpoint.

  Daddy’s debt had cost me my virginity.

  I should’ve been clueless about why my father would owe a bunch of bikers anything, but I’d seen the small bag of white powder he brought out when they had company.

  Everything I thought I knew had been turned upside down. I’d heard whispers around school of Silent Phoenix and the ruthlessness of their bikers. The minute I saw the patches on their vests, I knew that I was in a lot of trouble.

  What I hadn’t expected was the sucker punch of emotions I’d experienced upon finally meeting the man himself.

  Grey.

  After tossing my dress and bra onto the bed, he’d taken me to a man he called Wolverine, and he was the one who’d driven me home. I’d tried asking questions, but the older biker remained silent.

  Daddy had been waiting on the porch when we pulled up and the minute he saw who I was with, his face had changed. Wolverine had issued a warning while Mama ushered me upstairs to my room.

  She didn’t tell me that things were going to be okay or try to comfort me in any way. When the realization of what I’d been through ripped through my body and left me gasping for breath, she’d simply walked out and slammed the door.

  Grey hurt me. The rational part of my brain knew that. Daddy said he deserved jail-time for raping me. Mama had known though. She’d taken one look at me and shaken her head in disgust.

  He never had to use force because I willingly gave myself to him. I gave him his pound of flesh, along with every other part of me. In return, he’d made me feel like a goddess and worshiped my body in ways I’d only dreamed about.

  Right up until he kicked me out.

  I listened as Mama began throwing the curtains open while the tub in my bathroom filled, trying to work out what I’d done to upset him.

  Shakespeare.

  I pulled the blanket back over my face, completely mortified. I’d referenced the Merchant of Venice to a biker as if Portia’s actions to save Antonio were somehow law.

  Who did that?

  My mother wasn’t having it and she yanked the blanket off in frustration. “Get up. You want to go out and act like a slut, you’ll go to church and repent like one.”

  “Mama.” My eyes filled with tears.

  She pressed her lips into a flat line and began tossing the throw pillows back onto the bed beside me. “Are you going to make me repeat myself?”

  I shuddered at the words, instantly reminded of the man I was trying to forget. “No ma’am.” I pulled myself from the warmth of the bed with a groan and padded into the bathroom.

  The bruise on my cheek had turned a nasty shade of blue while the one Grey left on my neck was a vibrant purple. I closed the door behind me before shedding my t-shirt and cotton shorts. There was another hickey on my left breast and small bruises scattered across my hips from where his hands had dug into my skin.

  It turned out that I didn’t need a scarlet S branded onto my chest, Grey’s mouth and hands had done the job quite nicely. I could hide the marks on my torso, but I’d never be able to hide the ones on my face and neck.

  How could I still want a man like Grey, knowing what people would think of me?

  The door opened, but instead of entering, my mother stood in the doorway with a look of horror etched onto her face. “Celia, you’re covered in bruises.”

  I lowered myself into the tub and winced as the warm water lapped at my sensitive skin. When she continued to stare openly, I brought my knees up to my chest. “I’m okay.”

  She finally snapped out of it and shook her head sadly. “The body is meant to be a temple. You’ve defiled yours.”

  I waited until she left before letting the tears fall. With a hand over my mouth to stifle the sounds, I cried for the decisions that had been taken from me and I cried at my stupidity in thinking that a biker like Grey would ever see me as anything more than my father’s mistake.

  I thought that I was lucky to be alive.

  Now, I wasn’t so sure.

  * * *

  “Is it true?” My best friend, Diana, whispered from the sink next to mine.

  I’d slipped into the girl’s bathroom to get away from the stares and whispers. It had taken two weeks before the rumors started, but they’d since spread like a wildfire around school in the days that followed.

  I finished applying lip gloss, hoping that she didn’t see the way my hands trembled. “Is what true?”

  Mama had said I should play dumb if anyone asked, otherwise I could forget about ever finding a decent man to marry me.

  “Why would anyone ever buy the cow when they know they can get the milk for free?”

  I dreaded going home. If she wasn’t giving me a lecture on keeping my legs closed, Daddy was crying and begging for my forgiveness.

  I’d started taking showers twice a day, but no matter how hard I scrubbed, I still felt dirty. My feelings alternated between pangs of longing and intense hatred for Grey.

  He’d done this to me.

  I’d never snuck out of the
house or missed curfew. I had all A’s and was going to be graduating a year early, yet none of that mattered because of him.

  “C’mon, Celia. The whole school’s talking about it. Is it true you slept with an entire biker gang?”

  The entire gang?

  I paused and stared at my reflection. The bruise on my cheek had faded to a yellowish-green that was easily concealed with makeup. And the scarf around my neck hid the bruises left by Grey’s teeth. Other than that, I was the same as before.

  I should know.

  I spent a lot of time looking, especially after people began to talk. I didn’t dress like most of the girls my age did, and I’d always been okay with that. In the end, none of it mattered. They’d decided I was a whore because of what they’d heard.

  I cleared my throat and turned to Diana. “How long have you known me? You really think that I’d do something like that?”

  Her head dropped. “I’m sorry, Celia. I shouldn’t have asked. For the record, I think Justin started the entire thing because you turned him down for a date.”

  “Maybe.”

  It had most likely started because I lived next door to the school’s biggest gossip. She’d seen just enough to form an opinion without the uncomfortableness of actually coming over to ask me.

  “So, I’m late for seventh period. Do you wanna meet up after school? I can give you a lift home.”

  I went back to staring blankly at the mirror. “I can’t today. I’ve got to study.”

  It also had something to do with the fact that I’d been forbidden from doing anything outside of church, school, and homework.

  She squeezed my arm before heading to class and the bathroom fell silent again. I jumped in fright when the last stall popped open.

  “Thought she’d never leave,” the girl stated flatly as she lit up a cigarette. “I’m Molly.”

  I’d seen her in a couple of my classes. She usually sat in the back, wore dark turtleneck sweaters, and generally didn’t say a word to anyone.

  “I’m Celia.” I held out my hand, but Molly just stared at it before exhaling a stream of smoke. “Look, I don’t think you’re supposed to smoke in here.”

  “Well, Celia, do I look like I fuckin’ care? For that matter why the fuck do you care?”

  She had a point.

  “I’ve gotta get to class. It was nice to meet you, Molly.”

  “Fucked an entire biker gang.” She giggled. “First of all, it’s a club. And second, like you’d still be breathing after taking on all of them. People are such idiots.”

  I paused at the door and turned around. “So, you don’t believe the rumors?”

  “Nope. I do, however, think that you paid a debt to the club. There’s no way whoever picked you up shared though. I mean, look at you.”

  “How do you know so much about the club?”

  Molly climbed up onto the large windowsill. The glass had been painted at one time but was now riddled with the carvings of love-sick girls and women with vendettas.

  “My mom paid a debt to the club after her stupid ass boyfriend crossed them and skipped town.” At my dropped jaw, she added, “This was years ago… some guy named Rock. You know him?”

  I shook my head, wondering if Grey collected a lot of debts. Maybe he had a different woman in his bed every night. He probably hadn’t thought of me or the fact that my life was screwed up now because of him.

  I was a nobody.

  “Excuse me,” I fled into a stall and vomited up what little I’d eaten in the cafeteria.

  I was as bad as the people who believed the rumors about me; I just had it in my head that a certain blond biker had felt the same spark that I did.

  “You knocked up?” Molly asked around the cigarette as she held my hair back, the same way someone might ask for a refill at a restaurant.

  I shook my head. At least there was one thing that I didn’t have to worry about. He’d used protection and my period had arrived two days later. “I just—I just thought that maybe it meant something.”

  Saying the words aloud made them seem childish.

  She took another drag from the cigarette and nodded. “Only one way to find out.”

  I flushed the toilet and leaned back against the metal stall. “And how’s that?”

  “Tonight’s fight night at Leather & Lace.”

  “Fight night?”

  Molly leaned against the outside of the stall, observing me with narrowed eyes. “How is it you know so little? Fight night is where the prospects battle it out for their patches. It’s the only time they can go toe to toe with the ranking officers and live to tell about it.”

  It was another reminder of how different our worlds were. It should’ve been enough to deter me from my next question, but my heart wasn’t rational.

  “And you think my guy—well, the biker I know—you think he would be there?”

  She grinned. “Honey, everyone goes to fight night. What’s your guy’s name?”

  “Grey.”

  Her mouth opened, and the cigarette dangled from her lower lip, forgotten. “Grey? As in the goddamn President?”

  “He’s like important?”

  “Important? He runs the entire club. They don’t make a move without his word. You got fucked by the leader of the pack, doll.”

  “Oh.” I exhaled slowly against the pain in my chest. I’d convinced myself that the reason Grey hadn’t come for me was because his boss wouldn’t let him. In reality, he was the boss.

  I should’ve been relieved. He’d moved on and I should’ve considered doing the same. I didn’t want to though. My future had been irreparably damaged by his club’s actions. Now, my mother couldn’t look at me with anything other than disappointment and disgust.

  “Tell your parents that you’re staying with a friend and come with me.”

  How many times had my mother warned that my virginity was the only thing that would guarantee me a suitable marriage?

  I deserved to know if it had meant something.

  * * *

  “C’mon, what’s the hold up?” Molly dragged me across the gravel parking lot.

  “What was in that Dr. Pepper?” I used her arm for balance as she leaned in to study my face.

  “Amaretto. You’ve never mixed the two before?”

  I blinked and shook my head. “I’ve never had a drink before. Well…” I held up my hand with a soft giggle. “That’s not quite true. I do drink the communion wine at church. And once, I took a big drink from the chalice, but Father O’Reilly didn’t notice.”

  She nodded and smiled. “That sounds… disgusting. You gonna be alright?”

  “Yeah, I’m just a little nervous. I also feel a little buzzy, like my skin is vibrating, but in a weird way that’s helping.”

  “Well…” Molly watched several bikers come out before turning back to me. “You look hot as shit, so he’d be crazy not to make you his Ol’ Lady.”

  As requested, I’d taken my best outfits over to her house. She’d given them one look before deciding that I needed something that didn’t scream Little House on the Prairie.

  Molly let me keep Yiayia’s pearl necklace, but that was it. I ended up with an oversized white blouse that was unbuttoned beyond my comfort level and a pair of jeans.

  I frowned. “I don’t want to be an old lady.”

  “Okay, Celia. You can stay young. Let’s just get inside.”

  We passed a group of bikers and one let out a low whistle before moving in between us. “What the fuck are you two doing here?”

  I held my chin high and announced, “I’m here to speak with Grey,” before stumbling over the heels Molly had insisted I wear.

  Biker guy kept me up, but his smile was gone. “You ain’t gonna get through the front door, sweetheart.”

  “Very well…” I straightened the collar of my blouse. “I guess I’m here to fight then.”

  Molly choked on a laugh. “She’s not serious. We’re just here for a good time.”

&n
bsp; The biker relented and let us inside and I immediately realized what an incredibly bad idea it had been. There were other women, but they were practically naked and draped over the laps of men in leather vests.

  Two men near the bar were circling each other while others watched in anticipation.

  “Molly, we need to go.” When she didn’t respond, I began looking around. Apparently, she’d already taken off. Two bikers moved in front of the door, blocking my only exit.

  I turned back around with a sigh and continued searching for Molly. Instead, I found him. He was sitting at a table near the back, puffing on a cigar and looking every bit like the crime boss he was.

  “So, have you figured out what you’re going to say when you see him?” a voice asked from beside me.

  “Jesus, Molly. Give me a warning,” I hissed. “Where were you?”

  She held up two shot glasses. “Getting us drinks. I told you.”

  I managed to keep from swaying as I took the glass from her hand and downed it. “I don’t know what to say to him. Maybe coming was a bad idea.”

  “You’re right. Let me just—” She turned toward the back. “Grey! Hey, Grey!”

  The bar went silent and every head turned our way. I wanted to dive under a table as the crowd began to part. Then he was in front of us, looking even better than I remembered.

  “Celia?”

  My name was a growl on his lips, and it made my skin prickle. My tongue was heavy, but I had to say something clever, something that seemed carefree.

  “What’s a girl gotta do to get in a proper brawl around here?” Molly had told me to just say what was on my mind and to make him laugh. Judging by the look on her face, she regretted it.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” There was a line between his brows and hate in his stare. It was, in a nutshell, not the reaction I’d been hoping for.

  A woman with long blonde hair and fishnets moved against Grey’s side and looked me up and down. She ran a red fingernail down his chest before asking, “Who’s the bitch?”