Heart of the Wolf

by Lindsay McKenna

  “What happened?” Wolf rasped. “Honey, are you okay? Talk to me! Are you okay?”

  Sarah nodded, burying her face in his shirtfront, shaking so hard that her knees were threatening to give out from under her. “It was Summers. He came when you left, Wolf. I—I’m all right. I was so scared…so scared…”

  Getting a better hold on Sarah because she appeared faint, Wolf guided her toward the cabin and the open kitchen door. “Hang on,” he growled. “Are they gone?”

  “I—I think so.” The light hurt Sarah’s eyes as Wolf led her up on the wooden porch and into the kitchen.

  Wolf placed her against the counter. “Stay here,” he ordered tightly. “If you hear firing, drop to the floor and then get the hell out of here. Understand?”

  Sarah looked up at him. This was a side of Wolf she’d never seen before: the mercenary. His face was impassive, covered with a fine sheen of sweat, and his eyes were merciless. The ease with which he held the rifle made her tremble with fear. She gave a jerky nod of her head, and he turned away to search the rest of the house.

  Unable to move because she was afraid she’d fall, Sarah leaned against the counter until Wolf returned. Skeet had remained at her side, guarding her fiercely.

  “It’s safe,” Wolf announced as he returned to the kitchen. All his attention swung to Sarah, and he placed the rifle on the counter. The blouse she wore had been torn open, her jeans were dust-covered and she wore no shoes. His gaze moved up to her face. A long scratch had bloodied her cheek and temple. The terrible realization that he’d failed to protect Sarah from danger sheared through him. He’d left her undefended for two hours, and Summers had capitalized upon the opportunity. Anger surged through Wolf.

  “Come here,” he ordered tightly, “and sit down.” He pulled a chair out from the table.

  Sarah collapsed into the chair as Wolf moved to the sink and wet a cloth. When he returned, he moved her and the chair so that she was facing him. Kneeling down, he placed the cold cloth against her cheek and gently began to clean away the blood.

  “Tell me what happened,” he said gruffly. Sarah’s eyes looked haunted and shocky. Her pupils were dilated and black, and her flesh was cool and translucent.

  Stuttering and stammering, Sarah told him everything. When she mentioned Billy and told him he’d intended to beat her up, Wolf winced visibly. His hand tightened momentarily on her arm. Then, becoming aware of the pressure, he released some of his hold.

  “I—I had to escape, Wolf,” Sarah rattled as he continued patiently cleaning her face, neck and arms.

  “They could have killed you,” he agreed in a shaken tone.

  Miserable, Sarah held his tortured gaze. “You were right,” she whispered, “I was wrong to come back here alone. This was my fault, Wolf. I’m so sorry….” And she reached out to him, because right now she needed to be held more than ever before.

  Wolf pulled Sarah out of the chair and into his arms. He shakily pushed the hair away from her eyes and face. “It’s okay, honey. It’s my fault. All my fault. I shouldn’t have left you alone….”

  Sarah slid her hands upward to frame his bruised and swollen face. “No,” she choked out. “Don’t do this to yourself, Wolf. I was the one who tricked you, who lied to you.” She saw the haunted wildness in his gaze. Tears glittered on his short black lashes. A small cry escaped her as she threw her arms around his broad shoulders and held him as hard as she could. Sarah understood his tears; they were for the past, which had come back to haunt Wolf in this very moment. He had loved Maria, and despite her shock she knew he was vividly recalling that time in his life. To lose her as he had Maria would have been too much.

  Wolf buried his face in Sarah’s hair and felt all her woman’s strength go around him, holding him, caring for him. Tears leaked from his tightly shut eyes. His mouth moved into a tight line, fighting back a sudden and unexpected deluge of emotions that tunneled up through his chest. How many times had he ached to have Maria come to him and hold him like this. After the rape, she’d tried to sleep with Wolf, as she had before, but it was impossible. The six months following her terrible ordeal had been agonizing, the nights spent tossing sleeplessly, knowing she lived in her parent’s hut and not with him. They’d carved a scar on Wolf’s heart he’d thought would never disappear.

  The driving need to give Maria solace against the fears that stalked her day and night had nearly driven Wolf insane. He’d fall asleep for just a little while, then jerk awake, his arms wrapped around him, as if Maria had been there, as if he’d been holding her as he had before the rape.

  Tears trickled down Wolf’s face, and he tightened his embrace around Sarah’s slender form. He’d failed abysmally, and he was once again overwhelmed by the grief he’d never released over Maria’s murder. As Sarah’s arms held him, a sob worked its way up and out of Wolf. His entire body shook, his focus narrowing on the pain rushing up through him.

  “It’s all right,” Sarah whispered brokenly, caressing Wolf’s shoulder. Tears touched her eyes. She’d never seen a man cry before, and it tore her apart. Sarah understood the source of Wolf’s weeping, and she had never wanted to help someone as she did him. He hadn’t left her since that day he’d found her. He’d been loyal and unswerving in his devotion to her, and to her safety. Pressing small kisses against his cheek, temple and neck, Sarah allowed herself to trust Wolf as never before. He deserved nothing less.

  A soft groan issued from Wolf as Sarah’s small kisses grazed his flesh. The moment was exquisite as the internal anguish dissolved and freed Wolf. He’d never been able to console Maria. Now, with Sarah holding him with all her strength and courage, he released the woman he’d loved and lost so long ago.

  Sarah felt the emotional storm within Wolf diminish. She felt his entire body lose its tension. All she wanted to do was console Wolf—the touch of her hand upon his thick black hair, a reassuring embrace with her arms, or the soft whisper of her voice near his ear. At least that she could do. After what she’d put him through because of her own fears and lack of trust, Sarah hoped her presence, her care, would be enough.

  Feeling gutted, Wolf slowly loosened his hold on Sarah.

  “Let’s go into the living room, to the couch,” Sarah urged softly, and led him through the cabin to the cedar couch. Sitting down close to Wolf, she felt her heart burst with compassion as he raised his hand and dried the tears on his face. His gray eyes looked wounded, and Sarah framed his face with her hands, gazing deeply into his dark eyes.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you like this,” she choked out. “It’s my fault. I put you through your past all over again, Wolf. I’m sorry…so sorry…”

  Wolf took in a deep, ragged breath as he drowned in her blue eyes, eyes that were swimming with tears. He was wildly aware of Sarah’s small hands on his face, of the care she was giving him so unselfishly. Despite a roller coaster of emotions he’d been through, Wolf understood what it cost Sarah to extend her care to him. She hadn’t wanted to trust again, to give her love to another living human being.

  Removing her hands and putting them in her lap, Wolf nodded. He brushed the tears coming down her pale cheeks. “You didn’t do it on purpose,” he rasped, then managed a lopsided smile.

  Sarah bowed her head, feeling guilty. “The only thing to come out of my stupid decision was that you got to release so much grief from the past.” She raised her head, and when she spoke again, her was voice scratchy. “You needed to cry for Maria. For yourself. I understand, Wolf.”

  And she did. He gazed at her, unable to believe that anyone could see that far into his scarred, tortured soul. “I did,” he admitted brokenly. “This whole thing tonight triggered it, Sarah. I got scared when you came running out of the woods. I saw the blood on your face.” He groaned and shut his eyes. “Everything from the past was suddenly superimposed on the present, and I was back there again. A flashback.”

  “But I’m alive, Wolf, and I’m fine.” Sarah tried to smile and failed. “At least you c
ried. That was important.” Shyly she added, “I never saw a man cry before. I—I didn’t know what to do. I felt so useless, but I knew crying was healing for you.” Sarah sniffed, closing her eyes and pressing her cheek into the palm of Wolf’s hand.

  “You did everything right,” Wolf said hoarsely, continuing to graze Sarah’s cheeks. “Everything.” He slid his hands around her shoulders. The driving need to kiss her, to reassure her, forced him forward. As his mouth met and moved against Sarah’s, he took her hungrily, starved for her taste, her texture. The grief of the past evaporated beneath Sarah’s equally hungry response, her lips moving, molding to his.

  Sarah was drowning beneath the searching heat of Wolf’s mouth, aching to find a way to tell him how very much he meant to her. His hands, roughened by outdoor work, moved upward to capture her face as he deepened the kiss. As his tongue seared her lower lip, she drew in a gasp of air. Sensation was moving through her like lightning. Following pure instinct, Sarah placed her hands on Wolf’s chest and felt the powerful beating of his heart beneath her palms. His breath was hot against her face as she responded guilelessly to his needs.

  Wolf broke their kiss gradually. Sarah was in his arms, resting against him, her lips wet and pouty from his exploration of her. With a trembling hand, Wolf smoothed her mussed hair. Her eyes were the color of a foggy morning sky in North Carolina. Molten heat burned through him as the corners of her soft mouth pulled into a shy smile.

  “You’re healing,” Wolf whispered, and pressed a kiss to her brow. And I love you for your unselfishness. I know what it cost you. Wolf looked deeply into her eyes, never wanting to say those words to anyone but Sarah. “I thought they’d shot you or something,” Wolf said in a strained tone. “I care deeply for you, honey. I don’t know what I’d do if you’d been hurt.”

  His words moved Sarah to silence, and all she could do was stare up at his rugged features, which were awash with grief. “I—I care for you, too, Wolf.”

  He pressed his finger to her lips. “Shh…You don’t have to say anything, Sarah. I know what it cost you to reach out to me.”

  She captured his bruised and scarred hand and kissed it gently. “I’m not saying it because you want to hear it. I’m telling you how I feel, Wolf.”

  He nodded, absorbing her quavering admission. “Look,” he said with an effort, “we need to get cleaned up and go to bed.” Looking around, Wolf added, “I don’t think Summers will try anything more tonight. I’ll stay with you. Skeet will alert us if anyone tries to get within a mile of this place.”

  With a sigh, Sarah nodded. “Let me get a quick bath.” She looked down at her dirty clothes. “I smell like fear.”

  “You’re in good company,” Wolf mused.

  Sarah had just changed into her cotton nightgown when Wolf knocked lightly at the bedroom door.

  “Come in.”

  Wolf walked in, narrowing his gaze on Sarah. She looked small and vulnerable as he approached. He missed nothing, from her distraught features to the shadowed darkness lingering in her eyes as she put a damp towel across the back of a wooden chair. He’d just taken a hot, cleansing shower himself, but before he climbed onto the couch to sleep, he wanted to make sure Sarah was all right.

  “How are you feeling?” Wolf wanted so badly to reach out and pull her into the safety of his arms.

  Sarah stood uncertainly by her bed. “I feel like I could fall asleep on my feet.”

  Wolf nodded and crossed to the bed, pulling back the covers. “Get in,” he ordered softly.

  “Where will you be?”

  “I’ll sleep on the couch,” Wolf promised. Sarah was slurring her words with fatigue. “Come on, climb in and I’ll tuck you in.” Wolf wanted to do much more than that. He wanted to lie beside Sarah and hold her.

  Stumbling to the bed, Sarah slipped off her robe and set it aside. “Thanks,” she whispered wearily, getting into bed. She no longer questioned her heart, which was clearly ruling her fuzzy brain. She reached up and caught Wolf’s hand. “Come to bed with me? Hold me?” She saw surprise flare in his darkened eyes and feared he’d say no. “Please, Wolf. I—I don’t want to be alone tonight….”

  He squeezed her hand, shattered by her honesty. “Okay,” he rasped. “Let me make one more tour of the cabin, and then I’ll join you.”

  Nodding, Sarah moved over in the double bed and brought the sheet and blanket back. She watched as Wolf turned and left. Skeet came in and lay down on the braided oval rug, his chin resting on his crossed paws, his eyes and ears alert. When Wolf returned, he carried the rifle in his hand. He shut the bedroom door and locked it. Then he placed the rifle on his side of the bed, where he could get ahold of it in a hurry. The lights were already off, but a slice of moonlight filtered through the lacy curtains at the east window.

  Sarah’s heart pounded briefly as Wolf divested himself of his shirt. He gave her a sheepish look.

  “I’ll wear my briefs,” he said.

  Sarah nodded, her mouth going dry as he pulled off his jeans, dropping them in a heap on the floor near the bed. The moonlight accentuated his powerful build. Sarah had never felt such a keen longing.

  Wolf got into bed, bringing up the sheet and blanket. It was so easy to turn onto his side, slide one arm beneath Sarah’s shoulders and draw her against him. She nestled her head in the crook of his shoulder, her arm going around his waist. With a sigh, Wolf closed his eyes, the exhaustion torn from him. The cool cotton of Sarah’s nightgown was such a thin barrier between their bodies. Yet he controlled his need of her. Tonight he could give Sarah the protection he’d never been able to give Maria. It had nothing to do with sex. It had to do with unselfish love.

  He pressed a chaste kiss to her damp hair. “Go to sleep, honey. I’ll hold you.”

  Wolf’s deep, vibrating voice drifted through Sarah, and she felt safe. All the panic died within her as Wolf grazed her arm with his hand, as if to reassure her. His lips against her hair stirred her senses, but the exhaustion and shock of the attack overwhelmed her.

  “Thank you…” She fell into a deep, spiraling sleep.

  Wolf kissed her temple. The words I love you wanted to escape. He whispered instead, “Sleep, honey. You’re safe….”

  His rough, low voice lulled Sarah to sleep almost immediately. She vaguely remembered his lips pressed to her temple, and the gentle strength of his hand on hers.

  The sun was shining brightly into the bedroom when Sarah awoke. She sat up, groggy and disoriented. Looking at the clock on the bedside table, she saw that it was nearly ten in the morning! The odor of sausage frying heightened her senses as she scrambled to get out of bed. Every muscle in her body protested, and she groaned.

  “Slow down,” she reprimanded herself, standing. Touching her cheek where she’d been slapped the night before, Sarah found it puffy. It hurt to open and shut her mouth. First she’d wash up, then she’d get dressed. Sarah could hear Wolf moving around in the kitchen, and she relaxed.

  After a hot shower to take away some of the soreness, Sarah chose a short-sleeved white blouse and pair of jeans. Although her feet were getting better, she still couldn’t put on her mining boots, and she had to settle for a pair of sandals instead. She brushed her hair, then headed for the kitchen.

  “Hi,” Sarah whispered, halting at the entrance. Wolf wore the same jeans and shirt he had the night before. When he lifted his chin and met her eyes, Sarah saw how bloodshot his were. Hadn’t he slept?

  Wolf looked up, stunned by Sarah’s natural beauty as she stood uncertainly in the doorway. He smiled tenderly, remembering last night, remembering the softness of her against him, of her shallow breath against his chest. “Come on in. I’m fixing us pancakes and sausage.” He transferred a stack from the oven to two plates on the table. Placing the links in a basket between them on the table, he asked, “How’d you sleep?”

  Self-consciously Sarah shrugged. She was hotly aware of the light burning in Wolf’s eyes. It made her feel a keening ache that centered in
her lower body, as if she were missing something and didn’t know what. Yet Wolf’s gaze made her feel whole, made her feel like a woman. “Like the dead,” she said, then grimaced as she sat down. “Scratch that. I slept like a log. ‘Dead’ sounds terrible to me right now.”

  Wolf poured them coffee and joined her. The color had returned to Sarah’s face. Her blond hair was freshly washed and dried, falling about her shoulders like a golden frame. He wanted to say so much, yet didn’t know where to begin. Or end. He loved her. It was that simple, and that complex. But Sarah appeared so tentative, so fragile, after last night’s attack that he didn’t know what to say. “I understand.”

  “You look awful.”

  “I kept watch last night,” Wolf said gruffly, handing her the maple syrup.

  “Watch?”

  “Yes. I’m treating this situation like a wartime one. One person sleeps, the other stays awake in case the enemy comes around.”

  Shivering outwardly, Sarah set the syrup down on the table. “This is like a nightmare, Wolf.”

  “It’s getting messy,” he agreed. “This morning I called Morgan and filled him in on the situation.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I wanted to put him on alert and let him know what was happening out here.” Wolf saw the color drain from Sarah’s face. “I intend to handle this, but just in case, I want someone from outside this area to know what the hell is going on.”

  Sarah felt her stomach shrink in terror. “What can he do?”

  Wolf tendered a smile to ease her fear. “Honey, they’re professional soldiers. We’ve got a sheriff who’s in cahoots with Summers. And he’s got a lot of men on his payroll if he wants to attack us. If I can’t handle this, then we’re going to need help, and the only help I can count on is from Perseus.”

  “Summers wouldn’t like that. Wolf, he’s got a lot of men.”

  “I know that,” he said patiently. “And don’t worry, I’m not going to drive into Philipsburg like a posse, shooting up the town. I’m going into town this morning to try and negotiate a settlement on this with Summers.”