Alyssa's Desire

by Krysten Raine

  The car was a real piece of shit. It ran okay most of the time but it was so rundown and so ugly that Alyssa just opted to take the subway most days. She was embarrassed to be seen in it and the subway was more convenient anyway. She kept it though, for situations like this. Her mother lived in one of the poorer neighborhoods in Brooklyn. It wasn't an area that Alyssa felt comfortable enough with to take public transportation. Too many muggings, too many stabbings, too many rapes occurred in the subway stations to even risk it. Of course if Alyssa's crappy car decided to break down in a bad area, then she was no better off anyway. Nervous and highly frustrated, Alyssa packed her car and made her way to her mom's apartment.

  When she arrived Alyssa looked up at the complex. Her mother's apartment was on the fifth floor and it had two windows facing the street. Alyssa frowned as she noticed that one of the windows was broken. Jagged glass shards could be seen and the wind was blowing the curtains. Oh my God, what happened now? Alyssa thought as she stared at the window. Fearfully she entered the building and started walking toward the stairs. The elevator in the old building never worked properly and she was downright afraid to risk taking it. The last thing she wanted was to end up stuck in a stopped elevator for days on end or worse having the damn thing drop while she was in it. The stairs weren't a much better option though, as they creaked and groaned with every step and the railing was loose and broken in several places. As an added bonus, she had to step over a drunk who was passed out on the steps between the third and fourth floors and she kept her head down as she passed a drug deal in process on the landing at the fifth floor. The two men involved in the illegal exchange stared at Alyssa as she passed but she did not make eye contact with them. Instead she just kept walking toward her mother's door.

  "Mom?" Alyssa called out as she knocked on the door. There was no answer. Alyssa tried again twice, still no response. Alyssa pressed her ear against the door. She didn't hear anything. Suddenly Alyssa felt sick to her stomach. She nervously used her spare key to unlock the door. It opened and she cautiously made her way into the apartment.

  "Mom?" Alyssa called out once again, her voice shaking with fear.

  The apartment was filthy and it stunk to no end. There were dishes piled in the sink and on the counter. They look like they hadn't been washed in weeks. House flies and fruit flies circled around the kitchen in drones. The garbage was overflowing onto the floor and there was trash scattered everywhere in the apartment. Fast food containers, pizza boxes and paper plates made up the majority of the mess and most of it was growing mold. Cockroaches darted about amongst the debris. Alyssa covered her nose and mouth with her sleeve as she passed the piles to shield out as much of the smell as she could.

  The apartment was freezing, probably due to the broken window. Alyssa doubted that her mother had any heat either. She often went without utilities because paying for drugs and booze was generally the priority over bills and food. Alyssa was actually impressed to see so much food waste. It was a horrific mess, but at least her mom was eating. Alyssa walked toward her mom's bedroom. It was a mess with dirty clothes and drug paraphernalia. Two used condoms lay on the floor in front of the bed.

  "Oh God, I so didn't need to see that," Alyssa grumbled.

  "Mmmhh..." a soft moan came from the bathroom.

  "Mom? It's me, Alyssa."

  Alyssa carefully walked toward the bathroom, stepping over the random piles of junk and garbage that lined the hallway. She jumped and gave a startled cry as a rat escaped from one of the trash piles and crossed the floor just in front of her feet. She breathed out a long exhale and then she continued to the bathroom. The door was open just a crack, and there was a pile of clothing stacked up against the outside, making it difficult to open. Alyssa could hear the soft moaning coming from inside. She held her breath and then she forced the door open. There she found her mother sitting on the floor, with her back propped up against the wall next to the sink. She had clearly been beaten. Her mouth and nose were stained with dried blood. She had a black eye and her lip was split wide open. She was dressed like a whore, in a mini skirt that was so short that Alyssa could tell that her mother was not wearing any underwear. She had on a trashy tube top and Alyssa could see track marks up and down her arms. This wasn't much of a surprise since a bag of needles and heroin were on the bathroom floor right next to her mother.

  "Alyssa? Is that you, Honey?"

  "Yeah, Mom. What the hell happened here? Did somebody hit you? Why are you dressed like that? It's November and it's freezing in here and you have no clothes on," Alyssa started and then she decided that maybe now wasn't the best time to be giving a lecture. Her mother was clearly hurt and she desperately needed help for her addiction.

  "I'm in trouble, Baby," Alyssa's mother said weakly and then she started to cry. Desperately she pawed at the toilet paper, trying to tear off a piece to blow her nose.

  Alyssa knelt down beside her mother and lovingly stroked her hair back. She helped her mom to wipe her nose, but it was a lost cause with the continual bawling. It was like a flood gate had been released. After about half an hour of uncontrollable sobbing and hysterical screaming, Alyssa finally got her mom to calm down enough to tell her what had happened. Alyssa helped her mom to get up and move to the couch. She got the cleanest washcloth that she could find and she washed away the blood, snot and tears from her mother's face. Then she got her mom a glass of water and sat down to hear the story.

  "I...I owe this guy money for the smack you know? A lot of money, five grand to be exact. I didn't mean to get in so deep. I was supposed to be selling so I could get a free bump here and there, but I only sold a little bit, and I used up the rest. Anyway he came looking for me and I only had about two hundred. I offered him sex in exchange for the rest. I really thought he was going to go for that. He fucked me all night but when he was done he told me that my old ass pussy wasn't worth no five grand. Then the bastard fucking hit me, busted my nose up and split my lip wide open. There was blood everywhere. He started going through my shit, said he was taking his product back. I told him that I used most of it. Then he fucking threw a lamp at me. I ducked but it went through the window. I tried to run but he chased me, and then he threw me down on the ground and started kicking me and shit. He said that I got until Monday to come up with the rest or he's gonna kill me. He's going to kill me, Alyssa! I don't know what to do. I only make so much waiting tables. I can't come up with five thousand dollars in two days!"

  Alyssa mother started wailing again. She collapsed on the couch, crying hysterically.

  "Holy fuck," Alyssa said. "Just...come home with me. You can stay at my place for awhile or better yet let me check you into rehab. You'll be safe and you'll get the help that you need."

  That suggestion didn't go over very well. Valerie Snyder had been an addict for a long time and she was not ready to give it up. She got up off of the couch in a huff and she turned to walk away from Alyssa. Then she stopped for a second before turning around again. She regarded her daughter coolly and she clenched her teeth together in anger.

  "No! I'm not going to no fucking rehab clinic. I'm not running either. Just...just lend me the money. I'm good for it, I promise. I just need more than two days," Valerie pleaded with both her words and her eyes. The desperation showed and Alyssa's heart sank.

  "Oh, son of a bitch! I don't have that kind of money, Mom!"

  Alyssa's mother started crying again. Not knowing what to do, Alyssa got up and started pacing back and forth between the piles of filth and disarray that were literally just everywhere. After a few long moments, Alyssa hesitantly promised to see how much money she could come up with. She told her mother that she was going to try some of those short term and payday loan places and see if she could raise enough to keep this guy at bay for a couple weeks. Alyssa's mother thanked her daughter wholeheartedly and she promised she would take extra shifts at the diner to pay her back. Alyssa sat quietly for a few moments, pondering what to say next. Then she gave her
mother an ultimatum.

  "If I get the money and you agree to go to rehab, we will call it even. But if you keep on using, you have to pay me back every cent or I'm done with you. Those are my terms. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but you really need to get some help, Mom. You can't keep going on like this!" Alyssa said her words with conviction. She didn't want to force rehabilitation on her mother, but Valerie was at the point where she was in mortal danger and that was the last straw for Alyssa.

  Alyssa managed to make it to one of the short term loan shops before they closed. She was able to get $3,000 cash immediately but her payments would be a whopping $350 a month for the next year and her payback amount would be $4200 with interest. By the time she was done at the loan place, it was getting dark. She was even more afraid to drive through this part of the city at night. The streets were already crawling with all sorts of unsavory types.

  She got back to her mom's apartment as quickly as she could and she decided to stay the night. She told her mom that she was able to get most of the money with the loan and that she had some money in her savings. Maybe she could pawn some of her jewelry to get the rest. Alyssa made good on her promise. She emptied her savings account and withdrew a few hundred from her checking.

  Despite her efforts, she was still four hundred dollars short on Monday morning. Alyssa called in sick to work, and then she went back to her place and gathered up everything she had of value. Then she headed for the pawn shop. When it was all said and done she had $5, 119.11 cash in her purse. Alyssa's mother reluctantly called her dealer and told him that she had borrowed the five grand from her daughter to pay him back. Twenty minutes later he was pounding on the door, demanding his money.

  "Valerie! You got my money, Ho?" the dealer viciously demanded as he knocked on the door.

  Alyssa's mother reluctantly opened the door just a crack and handed him the envelope with the five thousand dollars. He snatched it up and then he forced the door open the rest of the way, breaking the chain lock in the process. After pushing his way inside, Alyssa shrank in fear. He was a huge man; probably weighed a good four hundred pounds and he must have been at least six foot four. Alyssa wondered how her mother even survived the beating she took from this guy.

  "Better be all there," he said as he scrupulously looked at the cash.

  "It is," Valerie said meekly. The dealer, whose name was Trevor Barnes, looked past Valerie and he saw Alyssa standing in the corner behind her mother. He clicked his tongue as he looked her up and down. Alyssa was trembling under the weight of his gaze.

  "That your daughter, Val?" Trevor asked in a way that made Alyssa shudder.

  "Yeah," Alyssa's mother answered hesitantly. "Yeah she loaned me the money."

  Trevor sucked his lower lip for a second then he smiled. He winked at Alyssa and walked a few steps toward her. Alyssa took a few steps backward in response.

  "Now her pussy is worth five grand. Hey Sweetheart, you wanna make a deal? I'll give you your money back if by chance you wanna settle this debt another way," Trevor said tauntingly.

  "No thank you," Alyssa said with a disgusted tone.

  "Suit yourself, Bitch!" Trevor snapped angrily as he walked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. They could hear the weight of his footsteps as he marched down the hallway of the apartment complex. Relieved that he was gone, Valerie closed her eyes and sank to the floor with her back pressed hard against the door. Still shaking, Alyssa regarded her mother intently.

  "You know the deal, Mom. You have six months to either check yourself into rehab or start paying me back at the rate of $200 a month. If you chose to do neither, you will never see me again," Alyssa said sternly. Then she grabbed her bags and walked toward the door where he mother was leaning.

  "You wanna stay a little longer?" Valerie asked hopefully. Alyssa couldn't believe that her mother had the audacity to ask her for anything else right now, even if it was just a request to spend time together.

  "Mom, I already lost a day of work and now I have an extra bill and no money in savings. I can't afford to stay any longer."

  With that Alyssa stood at the door, tapping her foot impatiently and waiting for her mom to move out of her way. Valerie knew better than to argue, she just moved aside and let her daughter leave. Alyssa walked out without saying a word and then she too slammed the door behind her, leaving Valerie all alone in her pathetic state. Exhaling a disgusted sigh, Valerie lit a cigarette and sat there thinking about what she was going to do next.

  Chapter Three: The Ex-Wife

  When Alyssa returned to work the next day she was still noticeably distraught over her mother's situation. Even the coworkers that did not know Alyssa very well could tell that she was upset. Several people approached her during the day to ask her what was wrong and if she was okay. Alyssa just said that her mother was ill and she left it at that. She didn't want anyone to know the truth. She was both embarrassed and ashamed of the situation her mother was in. She was equally embarrassed that she had to go to a shady loan place and plead for money to get her mom out of trouble. Anyway saying that her mom was sick wasn't a lie exactly; addiction is a type of illness after all. Alyssa just hoped and prayed that this latest incident would be the push her mom needed to finally get some help.

  Later that day Jack Coleman made his way over to Alyssa's cubicle. He flashed a warm and inviting smile in her direction. She held her breath and forced a smile of her own as he approached her. He was so handsome and so tremendously powerful that Alyssa was downright intimidated by his presence. The fact that he was also gentle and kind should have eased her mind, but it only added to her nervousness. Jack Coleman was unlike any other man she had ever known. He seemed too perfect to be real. He came closer and he leaned on the cubicle wall to speak with her.

  "Are you, okay? I heard that you took the day off yesterday. I just wanted to make sure that everything was alright," he said with genuine concern in his voice.

  "I'm...I'm sorry that I missed work. My mother is very ill. I told her I couldn't miss any more days," Alyssa stammered. She was hoping that he was not angry with her for calling off of work.

  "Oh, no. You are not in trouble, not at all. You are entitled to some personal days for these kinds of situations. You can take some more time off if you need to. Several of your coworkers mentioned that you looked upset and so I was a bit concerned. I just wanted to check in on you, and make sure that you were okay."

  Jack smiled and he reached out to touch her arm in a gesture of comfort and reassurance. She delighted in his touch. It was not intended to be unprofessional in any way but it felt loving and comforting. She wanted so desperately for it to be something more. If only she could just reach out for him, to hold him and kiss those sweet lips. Oh to be wrapped up in those strong, powerful arms! Alyssa tried to banish these thoughts and just talk to him.

  "No, I think she'll be alright. I am a bit worried but I am okay to work. I want to work," she said with a nervous laugh.

  "Okay, well you let me know if you need anything at all. If you feel like you need to go home, just come and tell me. Otherwise we are happy that you are here. You are doing a great job, Alyssa."

  With this final thought Jack headed off to his office. Alyssa sank down in her chair. She was both relieved at the knowledge that she was not in trouble and flustered from talking to Jack. It was hard enough to talk to him on a normal day and even it was even harder today considering that she was an emotional train wreck. Alyssa made her way to the ladies room after Jack left. She looked at her reflection and was horrified to see that she had noticeable dark circles under her eyes and a look of great sadness on her face. It was no wonder that everyone was concerned about her. She looked horrible! Oh and Jack had talked to her, he had seen her like this! Alyssa heaved a frustrated sigh and tried to touch up her makeup the best that she could. She wasn't able to hide the bags under her eyes and she looked even more upset than she did before she tried to fix herself up.

  When Alyssa
got back from the bathroom she noticed a tall, blonde woman getting off of the elevator. The woman was positively gorgeous in a way that left Alyssa both envious and intrigued. She was clearly a woman of privilege as she was wearing high end clothing and jewelry. Alyssa thought she looked like an actress or maybe even a model. Alyssa watched the woman as she walked toward Jack's office and knocked on his door. June happened to be walking by at this very moment and Alyssa asked her if she knew who that woman was. Just as the woman disappeared into Jack's office, June said that she was Jack's ex-wife. Of course she is. Alyssa thought with sickened jealousy. She couldn't help but think that although she was very pretty herself, she could not complete with a woman like the former Mrs. Coleman. She might as well be competing with one of the Victoria Secrets models or one of Hugh Hefner's beauties. Just then the woman burst out of Jack's office. She was clearly upset and she was screaming and spouting a sailor's profanity at Jack as she walked down the hall. Jack followed close behind her, trying desperately to calm her outbursts and avoid a public display, but it was too late. He tried to take her by the arm and lead her back into his office.

  "You're a real dick!" The woman screamed as she snatched her arm free from Jack's grip.

  "Jade, please don't do this here. We can discuss this matter privately," Jack pleaded and he motioned toward his office door.

  "Why? Afraid your little employees might think less of you if they knew how bad you were trying to screw me over? If they knew that you were taking food out of your son's mouth?!"

  "Taking food out of his mouth?!" Jack screamed in an appalled and shocked tone that prompted a surprised look from nearly everyone in the office.