Pound (Hard Hit #10)

by Charity Parkerson

  “I’m not worried over that. My son will beat this, but he’s not the same.”

  He’d noticed, but Kate knew more than Von did. Von needed every detail. “How so?”

  “This isn’t to make you feel bad,” Kate said, letting Von know he was at fault. “But Justin had a good job he was proud of and is used to having a steady life. He did as he pleased before you left and he got sick. Justin has always been independent and loved exercising as well as the outdoors. Now, he’s working at a job he hates because they let him have the time off he needs. He’s missing part of a lung and needs oxygen to get by.”

  Goddamn. It was worse than he thought.

  “Even when the chemo is done, his life will never be the same.” Kate took a breath, sounding on the verge of tears. “He’s grown quiet, and I can feel him hurting, but he won’t talk about it. It’s like I’m watching him slip further away by the day. I’m glad you’re there.”

  “I won’t let him slip away,” Von promised, meaning it from the bottom of his soul.

  “For once, I hope you’re telling the truth, because people can die of a broken heart. I can’t lose my son, but he’s lost too many pieces of himself in too short of a period of time, and I don’t know if anyone can fix this.”

  The lump living in Von’s throat nearly choked him at Kate’s confession. “Don’t worry. I retired just so I could dog his heels and make him love me.”

  A light chuckle caressed Von’s ear. “Oh, he loves you. Loving you was never the problem.”

  Von hoped Kate was right. Justin wasn’t the only one who could die from a broken heart.

  Justin’s heart was at odds with his mind like never before. Logically, he knew staying indifferent to Von was the right and smart move. That knowledge didn’t stop the giddiness from rising inside him as he left work to find Von waiting. The instant Justin stepped out the door, Von slid from the truck and opened the passenger side door for him. The amount of concentration it took for Justin not to smile like an idiot was off the charts. He knew everyone inside had their faces pressed to the window. Tomorrow, he’d get peppered with questions. Justin didn’t know how to answer them. The one thing he did know was there’d be some sighing and jealous bitches at his workplace.

  As usual, Von leaned across Justin and buckled his seat belt. It never occurred to him to argue he wasn’t helpless. Justin knew that wasn’t why Von did the things he did. The man was a lion at heart. A protector. Von’s lips brushed his. The kiss was over as it quickly as it began. Their gazes met for a moment before Von closed the door. Justin dropped his chin and gave in to a quick smile while Von wasn’t there to witness it. He rearranged his features as Von slipped behind the wheel.

  “I brought your oxygen in case you need it.”

  Justin glanced over, catching sight of the black backpack. “Thank you. I sit all day, so I’m usually fine at work, but I do need to stop and get some groceries, so I might need it.”

  “I got groceries while you were working,” Von said, backing out of the parking space. He flashed a quick smile Justin’s way as he shifted into drive. “Don’t worry. I know what you like.”

  “I wasn’t worried,” Justin said. He wasn’t. As much as Von always complained and lectured when it came to Justin’s eating habits, he never tried to stop Justin from doing as he pleased.

  “How was your day?” Von asked as he turned right from the parking lot, heading for Justin’s apartment.

  Justin shrugged, even though Von wasn’t looking at him. “It was a day. I worked. How was yours?”

  “Productive. I cleaned, shopped, arranged to have my things moved from Phoenix, and talked to your mama.”

  Justin knew Von had deliberately named things in that order. He’d piqued Justin’s curiosity over where Von intended to move his things to and then spun Justin in a new direction by chatting with his mom. Justin didn’t respond as he tried gathering his thoughts and forming a reaction. His mom was Von’s biggest cheerleader, but he knew—if push came to shove—she’d tear Von to shreds. Taking a moment to think ended up saving Justin from overreacting.

  “What did you learn from Mom?”

  “Not much. Mostly, we talked about your papa’s dialysis. I gave her some suggestions to share with his doctor. Your healthcare system is such shit here. I think they care more about the money than patient care.”

  “I wish you’d been here for me,” Justin said without thought. With a wince, he scrambled to explain. “That came out wrong. I meant that several times I thought you’d understand what the doctors offered better than I do, and I would’ve felt better prepared to make the right decisions.”

  Von nodded. “I think you said what you meant the first time, and you’re right. I should’ve been here. It’ll either anger you or relieve you that I did look over the procedures you’ve been billed for to get an idea of the treatments and prognosis.” He tossed a quick glance Justin’s way. “You made the only choices you could for the best outcome possible. This is a horrible thing, and it’s not fair. In fact, it enrages me because it couldn’t have happened to a less deserving person, but you’re also the strongest person I know. When this is over, and it will be over, no one will ever know anything happened, because I know you. You’ll find a way to be who you were before this awful thing took hold. You’re too stubborn for it to be otherwise.”

  And damned if that wasn’t the speech he’d needed to hear from the moment he’d gotten sick. Instead, everyone told him to keep his chin up or do yoga. In fact, he’d heard every condescending and placating bunch of bullshit a person could hear. Before Justin could think of a way to respond, Von found more to say.

  “Also, this isn’t who you are. This is just something happening to you. It doesn’t change what makes you so amazing—like your delicious intelligence and gorgeous smile. The way your eyes flash when a perverted thought crosses your mind.” Von reached down and adjusted his jeans as if the thought alone turned him on. Justin hadn’t felt the least bit sexy in months. In a matter of a few well-placed words, Von gave it back to him. “I could go on all day, but I need to drive and get us home safely.”

  It was getting harder not to smile. Justin concentrated on keeping his face blank for the remainder of the ride. As soon as they were home, Justin went straight for the kitchen. All his lack of eating for the past two days was catching up to him. In fact, he was hungrier than he’d been in a long time. He opened his cabinets, seeing several meals he’d loved to have.

  “What do you want for dinner?” Justin asked as he eyed the contents of the fridge.

  Von’s arms encircled his waist, drawing Justin back against his solid body. Justin’s dick immediately stirred. “I want you to do whatever you need to do while I make dinner.” His lips brushed Justin’s shoulder, nearly causing Justin to pant. “Take a shower. Put on something comfortable. Relax. I’ve got you.”

  Justin didn’t know how he was supposed to relax with Von touching him and kissing his shoulder. Still, he stepped away from the fridge, determined to do just that. “If you insist.” Before he could get away, Von held tight, capturing his attention. When their gazes met, Justin knew what would happen next. He could pull away, deny Von’s kiss. His feet wouldn’t budge.

  “I’ve always like spoiling you,” Von said before touching his lips to Justin’s. Justin’s heart slowed before racing. Von always stole his breath with every stroke of his tongue. Unfortunately, the man also stole everything else as well and he might like spoiling Justin, but only in short bursts, before he found something better to do.

  10

  They fell into an odd routine. Von didn’t leave. Justin never asked him to either. At some point, it became a habit for Von to take him everywhere and take care of everything. More and more of his things invaded Justin’s apartment each day. Justin didn’t mention it. Not that he knew what to say anyhow. Von never missed an opportunity to touch or kiss Justin unless they were in bed. Once they were under the covers, it was up to Justin to initiate anything
sexual. If Justin didn’t start things, it didn’t happen. He hadn’t decided how he felt about that. Sometimes he thought Von was playing games with him, because Justin found himself going to outrageous lengths to see if Von would break, but he never did. If Justin wanted sex, he had to start it. Justin was by no means starved for affection. Von held him, talked to him nonstop, and never left his side. Justin still couldn’t take that leap and say they were a couple because they weren’t. Von had proven one too many times he didn’t want a real relationship. He just liked playing the part until something else snagged his attention.

  Justin stared at his reflection as he dressed. Under Von’s care, he’d regained some of the weight he’d lost. Before Von moved in, if Justin didn’t feel good, he didn’t eat. Von never let that mess go on, even if it meant spoon-feeding him. He hadn’t figured out why Von stayed. Mostly, Justin didn’t let himself think about it too much.

  Justin’s cellphone buzzed across the bathroom counter, snagging his attention. He opened his messages. They poured in like a flood. A smile exploded across Justin’s face. He burst from the bathroom, going in search of Von. He found him in the kitchen.

  “Look what Jamie just sent me.” Justin moved in close, and Von shifted in behind him, putting his arms around Justin’s waist and staring at the phone over Justin’s shoulder.

  Jamie: I’m sorry we had to skip town without saying goodbye. Our surrogate, Bethany, went into labor early. Meet our daughter, Luna Arbor Roussel.

  Dozens of pictures followed. Luna was pink and tiny. Her eyes were wide open and green like Hawke’s.

  “Oh my God,” Justin breathed. “Jamie wasn’t lying. He’ll have to kill a fuckboi someday.”

  “She’s beautiful,” Von said over Justin’s shoulder, almost sounding sad.

  Justin glanced over. “Are you okay?”

  Von’s arms tightened on Justin’s waist. A smile stretched his lips. It looked forced and brittle. He nodded toward the phone. “Is this something you’d want for yourself? I never thought to ask what you dreamed of having most from life.”

  With a shrug, Justin closed the messages. “I guess I never really thought about it, since I don’t have their life.”

  “What do you mean you don’t have ‘their’ life?”

  Justin stepped out of Von’s hold. He kept his gaze averted as he answered. “They’re loyal to each other, putting each other above all others.” Justin shrugged again. “I don’t know. They’re happy.”

  “And you’re not. I see.”

  At Von’s dead tone, Justin’s head snapped up. He tried meeting the man’s stare, but Von wouldn’t look at him.

  “Are you ready? Your chemo is in half an hour.”

  Guilt twisted Justin’s gut. He couldn’t claim he hadn’t known he was hurting Von by not giving him all of himself. Today was the first time he’d not liked himself for it. He made several attempts to cheer up Von on the way to his appointment. It was useless. Von stared into space, lost in his thoughts. Justin worried at his bottom lip and scolded himself. Why was he doing this? At some point, had he become a child over this entire matter? Did he even know what he hoped to accomplish? He hadn’t sent Von away nor did he have any intention of doing so. Maybe Justin had thought—in the beginning—that he was protecting his heart, but the truth was—he’d done no such thing. If he eventually succeeded at driving Von away, it would crush him. There’d be no one to blame but himself. There was a very real possibility that Von would skip out him again. Justin couldn’t control what Von did, but he could control the way he treated the man. For a moment, he stared at the IV dripping meds that would make him feel like death for two days. When he’d first started these treatments, he’d done them alone—steeped in misery. Now they were so much easier, because Von was there.

  Reaching over, he stroked the top of Von’s hand until the man turned it palm up so Justin could link fingers with him. It was such a tiny thing, having someone hold his hand, but there was nothing small about it at all, really. Having someone to cling to was a huge anchor, keeping him from drifting away.

  “I never really thought about having kids,” Justin said without looking at Von, but he clung tight. He couldn’t let Von slip away. “In a way, I guess I thought that wasn’t something in the cards for me.” Justin snorted. “On the other hand, I did think I’d travel the world someday, so I guess I’ve never been smart about what options are open for me.”

  “I don’t have a dream,” Von surprised him by confessing.

  Justin chuckled. “I should suppose not. Your dreams have all come true. Not many people can say they’ve accomplished what you have.”

  Von’s grip tightened on Justin’s hand and his thumb stroked back and forth over Justin’s. “I did what my papa wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I love playing hockey, but I’ve never had anything that was for me alone.” He brought their joined hands to his lips and nibbled on Justin’s knuckles. He stared into space, seeming to think things over, before adding, “Except you, of course. I thought we’d grow old together, doing nothing special other than loving each other—being together.”

  Justin’s heart hurt. He’d done that. He’d put the past tense in Von’s speech—was slowly destroying the man’s hope.

  “That does sound nice,” Justin admitted, hoping to make things better. He’d never considered himself a cruel man before now. “I don’t guess I’ve ever pictured myself growing old either, but every dream I’ve had included you.”

  Von finally met his gaze. This time, the man’s smile was real. It stirred something inside Justin’s chest—something Justin thought long dead. Von’s smile slipped, but his eyes softened.

  “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. I’m not sure if I ever said that.”

  Justin honestly couldn’t remember, but Von’s words mattered to Justin’s heart. “You’ve shown it even if you haven’t said it.”

  “I guess I thought we were indestructible.”

  Justin looked away and nodded. Maybe they were. After all, they might be limping along, but they were still standing together.

  Each week, it got a little harder to resist Von. Justin couldn’t shake the idea of Von picturing them growing old together. Every day, Justin wanted it too until that dream was all he could think about. Unfortunately, he’d built a wall so tall and strong, even Justin no longer knew how to move past the pain. Von was making it easier with the way he was looking at Justin tonight. Over an hour earlier, he’d grabbed Justin a blanket, pulled Justin into his arms on the couch, and snuggled in. There was no TV or noise whatsoever to distract them. Von still hadn’t been the one to initiate sex with Justin since he’d moved in. The way Von was staring at him now had Justin wondering if things were shifting his way. Even though he’d gone to chemo today and felt terrible, Justin worried Von’s refusal to make love to him meant they weren’t getting better.

  Von toyed with Justin’s bottom lip while staring at it like a starving man. The scariest thought Justin ever experienced sneaked in. What if Von really stayed this time? What if he meant every promise? Each breath Justin took came harder than the last. He wanted to believe.

  Justin couldn’t tear his gaze away from Von’s face as the man lowered his head. Even as Von captured the lip he’d been playing with, Justin couldn’t close his eyes. Von scowled when he kissed. It was one more detail about the man he would’ve never learned if he hadn’t let Von stay. If he let the man get away, how many details would he miss out on learning in the future? He allowed his eyes to slide closed. Justin spent a moment enjoying Von’s flavor—like orange and mint. Without warning, the dam in Justin’s chest broke. Emotions poured through him until he shook from the power of them.

  Von pulled away. Concern etched his features as he stroked Justin’s jaw. “What is it?”

  “Von, I—”

  Someone knocked on the door. As one, they both glanced toward the slab of wood that separated them from the rest of the world. No one ever stopped by. Justin didn’t have any friends.
His parents lived two states away, and Jamie and Hawke had gone back home to England. With a sigh that sounded a lot like regret, Von slid out from beneath him before tucking the throw blanket around him once more.

  “You stay put. I’ll take care of it. It’s probably someone trying to sell us something or convert us.”

  Justin swallowed down a happy hum as he watched Von cross the room. He loved the way the man moved. In truth, he loved everything about Von. He just loved him. If they hadn’t been interrupted, Justin would’ve admitted as much. The door opened and Justin’s emotions dried up. His heart hardened. Luka Turner stood on the other side.

  “Luka,” Von said, sounding surprised. He stepped aside, inviting Luka inside. “What brings you… how did you know where to find me?”

  A gigantic mocha-skinned male with awesome eyes stepped through the door behind Luka. Justin’s money was on the man being Luka’s bodyguard. He looked like someone Justin would want watching his back.

  Luka motioned toward the man. “You remember my husband, Brady.”

  “Of course,” Von said, shaking the man’s hand, even though Brady looked like if he had his way, he’d snap Von in two instead.

  Von turned and waved in Justin’s direction. “This is Justin. He’s mine.”

  Justin bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling at Von’s choice of words. Luka turned a kind smile Justin’s way, making it hard for Justin to hang on to his animosity toward the man who’d not only dated Justin’s man but fired him for no reason.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Justin. Jamie has told me a lot of great things about you.”

  “Sang your praises for half an hour, actually,” Brady added, surprising Justin with how deep his voice sounded.

  Justin’s smile grew more genuine by the second. It was hard to hate anyone who was a friend of Jamie’s. “Please have a seat,” Justin said, struggling to sit up and make room.

  Von rushed to his side. “Nope. You stay put,” he ordered as he grabbed Justin’s legs and sat down. He set Justin’s legs in his lap and massaged them. Damn, it felt good. He was so sore all over.