Ready or Not

by Thomas, Rachel

  It was all her fault.

  Kate put a hand to the side of her face, hoping to hide her eyes from Neil.

  ‘I wanted to see you in action,’ Neil said, ‘not a two minute glance outside the cop-shop. I wanted to see my big sister…action woman. See how long it’d take you to find them. Thirty years you had to find me. Couldn’t have tried very hard, could you? The kid shouldn’t have been kept up there that long,’ he said matter-of-factly, as though reading her thoughts. ‘That was…unfortunate.’

  Kate moved her hand from her face. ‘Unfortunate?’ she repeated. Her heart raced, anger burning through her. ‘She was half starved to death!’

  Neil sighed and shook his head. ‘You’ve met those two cousins,’ he said, stretching his legs in front of him. ‘Thick as shit, the pair of them. They told me she’d be looked after.’

  Kate snorted. ‘Oh, how good of you,’ she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

  ‘She was only supposed to be there a couple of weeks at the most,’ Neil continued, ignoring her. ‘That’s why I had to get shot of Ben. They were taking too long. You were taking too long.’

  He reached into his jacket for the cigarette packet, slid one from the pack then changed his mind, replacing it. ‘My fault,’ he added. ‘I should have gone straight for Ben, but I hadn’t thought of it. Dean Williams was just too easy to persuade. And his half head of a cousin was just as simple. I only had to mention the money and they were eating from my hand. Not one fucking brain cell between them.’

  ‘What about Joseph Ryan?’

  Neil relaxed against the wall. ‘I told you,’ he said casually. ‘World’s a better place without him.’

  Kate edged slowly away from him; the touch of his hip at her side revolted her. ‘You had an affair with Claire,’ she said, flinching in preparation for a violent reaction from him. ‘He wasn’t doing anything you didn’t.’

  Neil turned sharply, closing the gap between them.

  ‘I paid for what I did,’ he said through gritted teeth. ‘I lost everything.’

  ‘And the others?’ Kate asked, holding on to her composure and what little courage she had remaining. ‘Did they deserve to pay for what they’d done?’

  Neil smiled and eased away from her, returning to lean against the wall and stretch his legs out in front of him. ‘Fucking losers,’ he said. ‘Didn’t deserve their lives, let alone their families.’

  Neil grabbed the back of Kate’s neck. She shrunk and tried to edge forward. She said nothing, but grimaced as his hand locked tighter. ‘I just wanted to get closer to you,’ he said again. ‘I spent years trying to find you, Kate. Trying to find my family. I love you, Kate.’

  Kate laughed bitterly and pulled her head away from him. He was even sicker than she had first thought. ‘Love?’ she repeated, spitting the word back at him. ‘You don’t know what it is. Did you love Sarah, Neil? Did you love your wife while you were sleeping with her sister? Do you love your kids? Is that love?’ She pointed her finger and waved her arm angrily at the wall. ‘Is this how you show them your love?’

  She expected to provoke an angry reaction; instead, Neil relaxed further against the wall, easy; even at ease.

  ‘What do you know of it, Kate?’ he asked casually. ‘Is love throwing yourself at any man who shows you a bit of attention?’

  Kate refused to bite at the provocation. She sat on her hands though it hurt her wrists to do so and wondered if she’d have been better with the handcuffs still on; at least, that way, she wouldn’t be able to even try to hit him.

  ‘Did Daddy love you, Kate?’ Neil asked, continuing his taunts. ‘Is that why he sold me and kept you?’

  ‘Shut up,’ Kate said angrily. ‘Sold, for Christ’s sake. My father didn’t sell anyone – Daniel was abducted.’

  Though everyone else had used the word, in thirty years Kate had not once referred to her brother’s disappearance in that way. She had sometimes thought her brother was dead.

  Perhaps it would be better to go on thinking that way.

  She turned to look at his icy eyes. Just the sight of them made her shiver. But he wasn’t dead, he was very much alive, and the opposite of everything she had wanted him to be.

  ‘I was sold,’ Neil said calmly. He rose from the floor and paced the ground in front of her. ‘I always knew that there was something different about me – that I wasn’t who those people said I was. I’m not Neil Davies, I never have been. My name was Daniel. I tried to tell them, but if I said it they’d hit me, both of them. ‘Neil!’ she’d scream at me. ‘Your name is Neil!’ There was a photo of a kid on their mantelpiece. I think his name was Neil. I was their replacement for the one that died, I think. After I while I gave up. It was easier. No one ever knew me as Daniel then. When I was left at the children’s home I knew my name was supposed to be Neil, but I couldn’t remember my second name. So they named me Davies. Daniel was gone. Dead. No one left to remember him. Only Matthew ever called me by that name. He was the only person I ever trusted with it. It became our code. A secret game we’d play, just the two of us.’

  Kate tried to make sense of the words, but they were still confused; still random pieces of an impossible puzzle. Neil stood and paced in front of her.

  ‘They had enough of me,’ he said, lost in his monologue. ‘They left me at this children’s home, full of freaks and rejects it was. You’ve got to wonder about a place when the most normal kid there was Matthew.’ He laughed bitterly. ‘You want to see what goes on in those places. The police, the authorities – they cover it all up, try to pretend it’s not there. You should know that better than anyone. But it’s there alright. And when you’re growing up in it, it stays there, right under your skin.’

  ‘I thought we’d be able to make up for lost time,’ he continued, breaking from the memories of his childhood. ‘I thought we’d be able to be a family. I was so happy when I found out about you. It was like we’d all been given a second chance – you, me, my kids. After Sarah died…anyway, a week after finding out about you, I found out what he’d done. Dad,’ he said, spitting the word venomously. ‘Sold me out for a better lifestyle, yeah? Did you start getting nice presents after I went missing, Kate? Fancy holidays, new clothes?’

  Kate closed her eyes, but his voice continued to fill the space around her. Fancy holidays, new clothes…what the fuck did he know? Kate had spent her childhood upstairs in her bedroom, avoiding the prolonged silences and the arguments that occasionally punctuated the silences; trying, as best a child could, to pretend that her life and her family were normal.

  ‘I’ve been killing the bastard ever since,’ Neil continued. ‘Do you know how many of them are out there? Men like our father? Every undeserving fucker…No going back after that, was there? Families. Overrated. Fuck each other up. Screw each other over. Family! What sort of family would I have been going back to?!’

  His jumbled, confused words made Kate’s head hurt further. She put a hand to her forehead and pressed hard, trying to fight back the thoughts that were pushing themselves to the front of her mind; memories she couldn’t allow to be resurrected now, here, in this place where she could do nothing to confront or stop them.

  ‘Look at you,’ he said, stopping in front of her and looking down, his mouth stretched into a thin, blood chilling smile. ‘After I found out about you, I spent ages wishing I was you. I was so jealous of you – jealous of the childhood you’d had, the life you had now: your job. Then I met you,’ he said. He sneered, his mouthing twisting into a grimace. ‘And now I can’t do anything but pity you.’

  Kate looked up at him. ‘Should I be jealous of you?’ she asked bitterly. ‘A murdering psychopath who can’t stand the sight of anyone else’s happiness?’

  Neil grabbed her by the front of her coat. He hauled her to her feet. Car doors slammed outside, making him stop for the briefest of moments before pulling at her again, dragging her back towards the door.

  ‘You’ve done this,’ Neil told her. ‘Just remember th
at.’

  ‘Stop,’ Kate begged, twisting her body beneath his grip and clinging to the front of his shirt. ‘Please, Daniel. Stop.’ Neil stopped at the use of his name. He kept a firm clasp on her jacket, holding her close to him.

  ‘It doesn’t have to be like this,’ she told him, as calmly as possible; though the panic in her voice was plain. There was no reasoning with him, she realised. It was far too late for that now. ‘Why didn’t you just come and tell me who you were?’ she asked. ‘None of this had to happen. Joseph, Jamie, Michael – none of it had to happen. We could have been a family.’

  For a moment Kate thought there was something else behind Neil’s cold blue eyes; something that had hit a nerve, or a heartstring; something that might make him stop. She was wrong. He had no heart to pull at.

  His eyes glazed and, if any warmth had been there, even for the briefest of seconds, it was as quickly gone again.

  ‘Nice try, Kate,’ he said. ‘But I don’t have a family.’

  He banged on the door and Matthew opened it from the other side. Neil pushed her back into the room where Matthew still kept guard over Sophie, Ben and Claire. Claire had lost consciousness and sat slumped in her seat, crumpled like a forgotten rag doll. There was a banging on the main door of the warehouse. Chris’ voice rang through the metal, calling out Kate’s name. She wanted to call back to him, let him know that she was safe, but Neil pulled her hands behind her, locking the handcuffs back around her wrists and she was too scared to open her mouth; too frightened to put her niece and nephew in yet more danger.

  ‘I thought you trusted me,’ Kate said, frustrated that she’d lost him again.

  Neil looked to Matthew, who had been watching them since they had re-entered the room.

  ‘Rule number one,’ he told her, his eyes fixed on his childhood friend. ‘Never trust anyone.’

  Fifty Five

  Clayton and Chris were directed to the far end of the industrial estate by the man who had heard the gun shot whilst leaving his office for his lunch break. An armed response team was on its way. When they pulled up at the abandoned warehouse the first thing they saw was Chris’ car parked outside. Chris left Clayton’s car and ran to his own. The doors were locked. On the dashboard he saw the tape recorder that had been wired up to Kate when he had last seen her at the station that morning; next to it, her mobile phone. He put his face to the window and held his hands up to either side of it.

  There was blood on the passenger seat.

  ‘Shit!’ Chris kicked the side of the car in frustration.

  Clayton was on his mobile phone. He couldn’t prevent Chris from running up to the door of the warehouse – a door that was locked from the inside – and banging on it with his fists, shouting out for Kate.

  ‘Are you fucking crazy?’ Clayton said, running after him and grabbing him by the arm. ‘We don’t know that she’s in there. We don’t know who’s in there. If we go charging in we could make the situation worse.’

  Chris had never seen Clayton run. He wasn’t sure anyone had ever seen Clayton run, but he imagined that if the man ever had, it had generally been in the opposite direction to wherever trouble lay. Clayton had never inspired confidence as someone who would be first at hand in a moment of crisis. There was no doubting that he was a nice bloke and was efficient with a desk load of reports and a filing cabinet, but his position as Superintendent was constantly under question. Maybe he should have given him the benefit of the doubt, Chris thought.

  They had all spent far too long doubting one another.

  He groaned with frustration. Clayton pulled him away. ‘I know you’re worried about her,’ he said, his voice compassionate and understanding. ‘But if we go head first in there, we don’t know what might happen. We could make this situation a hell of a lot worse than it already is. Think about it.’

  Chris moved his hands from his face and breathed deeply. He knew Clayton was right, though it annoyed him to admit it. Chris didn’t need to see Kate to know she was here. He could feel her presence. He knew that she was on the other side of the warehouse door and he knew that she was in danger. He also knew that Neil was with her, but how he had got to her Chris hadn’t yet worked out.

  Matthew.

  The thought passed through his mind so quickly it was there and gone.

  No, Chris told himself.

  No.

  The thought was absurd.

  ‘If Davies is in there,’ Clayton said, as though reading part of Chris’ thoughts. ‘We don’t want to get him wound up.’

  ‘So what do we do?’

  ‘Nothing for the moment,’ he told him. ‘Wait. Be patient. There’s nothing we can do. We’ve got a negotiator coming. Let’s see what happens.’

  Fifty Six

  The sound of Chris’ voice instilled a new confidence in Sophie Davies. She tried to kick out her legs, though they were tied to the legs of the chair. She poked frantically with her tongue to push the crumpled material out of her mouth. She moved her cheeks, trying to find enough saliva to dampen and loosen the gag, but her mouth felt as dry as a baker’s oven and even moving her face seemed to take monumental effort. She looked at her brother who had turned around, looking to her for reassurance.

  ‘Please let them go, Daniel,’ Kate said, trying to keep her voice calm. She didn’t want to sound afraid. If they saw she was afraid, the kids would pick up on it. They needed her to be strong.

  ‘It’s me you came for. I’m here. You don’t need them.’

  Matthew moved towards Neil, smiling. ‘She believes you then?’ he said. There was an excitement in his voice, as though he hadn’t quite been expecting Kate to believe. She wondered why it was so important to Matthew that she did.

  ‘They’re staying,’ Neil said, ignoring Matthew.

  Kate crossed the room and knelt in front of Claire. She looked over at Neil then Matthew and made a final plea. ‘Please,’ she said. ‘Look at her. Matthew. Please. She’s going to die.’

  Matthew looked at Neil. His face was creased with concern, although Kate suspected it was more for himself than for Claire. He would have run a mile if Neil hadn’t been there to hold him back. Matthew hadn’t expected people to die here. Yet he had known about Joseph Ryan and, presumably, the other victims. Was he really as deranged as Neil? Or was he misguided? Brainwashed?

  How much of a hold did Neil have over Matthew?

  ‘You said you weren’t going to hurt them,’ Matthew said nervously. He looked anxiously at the gun in Neil’s hand.

  ‘I never said that,’ Neil told him. ‘Come on, Matthew – you can give up the little-boy-lost act now. It’s served its purpose.’ He looked his friend up and down, his eyes filled with disdain.

  Matthew looked anxiously at Claire. It was only the slightest movement of her chest that told him she was still alive. ‘Let her go then,’ he said.

  ‘Matthew,’ Neil said bluntly, his impatience evident. ‘If we let her go, you’re going straight to prison. You realise that?’

  Matthew laughed. It was a strange, detached laugh, completely devoid of humour. It made Kate turn her head away from Claire and study the two men. Matthew stepped towards Neil.

  ‘No one’s going to prison, Danny,’ he said. ‘That’s not how it works, remember?’

  He sounded like a little boy, Kate thought. A little boy who had trusted this man his whole life: this man who was about to betray him, as he had betrayed his own family and the men who had trusted him with their secrets.

  Neil dropped his head. From her position on the floor, Kate could see the smirk grow on his face. ‘You don’t still believe that crap, do you?’ he said nastily. He looked up at him. ‘Christ, Matthew.’

  Kate moved across the floor on her knees to Sophie. The girl no longer looked at her with contempt. She was just a little girl, Kate thought again sadly; just a little girl trapped in a situation she couldn’t begin to understand the complexities of.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Kate whispered, keeping one eye on the
gun in Neil’s hand. ‘We’ll get out of here, I promise. Everything’s going to be OK.’

  Big promises, Kate, she thought. She hoped she’d be able to keep them.

  More vehicles pulled up outside the warehouse. Kate knew there was no way an armed response team could get inside the building without smashing the door down and if they resorted to that, someone was going to be killed. Matthew paced the floor agitatedly.

  ‘What now?’ he asked.

  ‘Matthew,’ Neil said angrily, ‘you’ve been in the police for five years. I’m sure you’ve worked out what happens now.’

  Matthew looked up to the gaping hole in the roof above him. It looked as though it was about to rain. He looked back down at the floor.

  ‘You lied, didn’t you?’ he said quietly. He shifted his feet anxiously. Kate, unnoticed for the moment at Sophie’s feet, struggled behind the girl’s back, her fingers furiously working at the tape that bound her niece’s legs.

  ‘Of course I lied,’ Neil said. ‘What did you think, Matthew? I was going to spend the rest of my life carrying you? I’ve done it for long enough already.’

  Kate watched the scene unfolding in front of her. Neil had kept everyone fooled, including Matthew. She might have felt sorry for him, but she couldn’t. Nobody had been better at keeping everyone fooled than Matthew himself. He could have prevented the deaths of three men, the disappearance of two children and the heartache of countless families. Kate couldn’t feel any sympathy for him, no matter how pathetic and controlled he was.

  There was a noise near the outside door followed by someone calling Neil’s name. ‘Do you know who that is?’ he asked Kate.

  Kate shook her head. She didn’t recognise the voice. ‘It’ll be a negotiator,’ she said. ‘You should go and talk to him.’

  ‘What for?’ Neil said. ‘So he can try and feed me the same crap you’ve come out with?’

  ‘What if I go?’ Matthew suggested.

  Neil looked at him and laughed snidely. ‘You?’ he said. ‘What are you going to negotiate, Matthew? A take away perhaps?’ He laughed again, the sound filled with spite, and turned to walk away into the next room.